Curious.. WHY are so many men players? What causes it? Whats the benefit?

[what_a_blonde]

I do mind. I would like for a guy to operate the same way of I do regarding sex and intimacy. I can't get pass the part of having sex with randoms just like that. I do care about the past.

 

Hence, the reason I'm single and waiting. I don't want a high-count man. I don't want someone that is already pushing for sex only after a week of knowing each other. The man I'm looking for is the rare breed. I know they do exist but they are harder to find.

 

I'm with you there. I'm not old fashioned by any means, but I just don't know when it became acceptable and "normal" to be so pushy about sex in such a short amount of time of knowing someone. (not saying with this situation I'm talking about, just a general observation)

[Eau Claire]

A small percent if men are players and an even smaller percent of women are played by them.

 

Most women have mature social skills and can pick these guys out. Loser guys and loose gals tend to hang around each other. They reinforce each other's warped view if what is mainstream society.

[Lady2163]

Actually, what I've found is that players do often try to go after "nice girls"

 

One time I was played and I was grousing to a male buddy. "why did he go after me? There's a dozen different skanks he could have had instead of playing with my emotions"

 

My buddy said, "skanks don't offer any challenge...where's the fun in that?"

 

I do think a lot of players thrill to the hunt. Say anything, do anything. Make them meow and leave them in the dust.

 

Karma happens.

[what_a_blonde]

Actually, what I've found is that players do often try to go after "nice girls"

 

One time I was played and I was grousing to a male buddy. "why did he go after me? There's a dozen different skanks he could have had instead of playing with my emotions"

 

My buddy said, "skanks don't offer any challenge...where's the fun in that?"

 

I do think a lot of players thrill to the hunt. Say anything, do anything. Make them meow and leave them in the dust.

 

Karma happens.

 

Interesting perspective... and seems so true. For those that love the thrill of the hunt, its not there with true "skanks" because they know they can get it immediately. However like you say, why play with emotions? If its one thing they're after... I wish they'd be less selfish and just not mess with the "nice girls".

 

Agree on karma, thanks for the reminder.

[Lady2163]

My "player" is now 68 years old and can't get anyone to look twice at him and has health problems. 15 years ago I couldn't get him to return a call, now I dread seeing his number on the caller ID, because I know I'll be on the phone for hours. (we are buddies now, but long distance and I make zero comments about going to see him).

 

So, like I said, karma.

[Secret Advisor]

Players are men with a healthy sexual appetite. They want sex, but not necessarily a relationship. Most women will only have sex if there is the promise or expectation of a relationship. So the player gives the girl what she wants to get what he wants.

[soccerrprp]

So the player gives the girl what she wants to get what he wants.

 

 

Uh, NOT. The player DOESN'T give the girl what she wants, a lasting, LT relationship, only the illusion of it for the short term and once he gets what he wanted, he walks.

 

There's nothing endearing or noble about players. You make it sound like they're okay...

[Grumpybutfun]

I think players make it hard on the rest of the males who aren't just after sex. As a young man, the one thing I always believed in was honesty. I wasn't out for a relationship, and I only wanted to casually date because I was still trying to find myself. Women knew this from the moment they approached me.

I had sex really young so of course it was something I desired, but I never lied or manipulated to get it. I always told the truth, was upfront and would go out with a girl even if she felt sex wasn't possible due to her own value system at the time. I enjoyed women's company and if sparks flew and we had sex, better yet. I was always straight with them that sex wouldn't change my feelings about a LTR or them. Most initiated sex with me. Most guys aren't players and are upfront with women but they think they can change our minds and change us and that is naive.

Players are uncouth and crass IMO and have a lot to answer for with all the people they hurt, not just girls but the guys who miss out on good girls who cease to trust due to these jokers.

This guy really doesn't seem like a player but like someone who enjoyed the chase and then decided you weren't compatible once you got to know each other. Have you asked him his motivation and thoughts on why he broke up?

G

[soccerrprp]

Players are men with a healthy sexual appetite. They want sex, but not necessarily a relationship. Most women will only have sex if there is the promise or expectation of a relationship. So the player gives the girl what she wants to get what he wants.

 

dang it. wanted to also add...

 

Players "play", toy and manipulate. Lie, deceive and objectify, degrade, devalue...that's what women (or men) want?

[Secret Advisor]

dang it. wanted to also add...

 

Players "play", toy and manipulate. Lie, deceive and objectify, degrade, devalue...that's what women (or men) want?

 

The girl hears what she wants to hear.

[nomadic_butterfly]

 

I agree that some women walk themselves right into it and don't use any caution... and in a way ask for it. However this was a case where I was very cautious, we were "friends" for almost 2 years prior... then I was blindsided. So strange...

 

Players are usually broken people who fear intimacy. So by sowing their oats all over and/or emotionally cheating, they don't have to give their all to you. One foot in, one foot out.

 

Some people get hurt once (or a few times) really bad and then transform into a complete douche to shield themselves from hurt again.

 

Some people are afraid of love; it is too much to handle. You have to give too much of "self" and that in turn jeopardizes their independence and then God forbid they have to be somewhat vulnerable.

 

Some people don't like the responsibility that come with commitment.

 

Some peoples papas were a rolling stone like my exe's dad who is a manwhore, buys prostitutes, changes gfs like underwear, and discouraged my ex from marriage as he's been divorced 3 times.

 

Some people have trust issues. A lot of time within themselves as they cannot trust their judgment of character so they assume everyone cheats including their partner.

 

I find that a lot these men also have fear of abandonment issues like two guys I dated. They were always assuming the worst and looking for "back up women" so they never have to face the music head on. They both were left by their moms to be cared for by others. Unfortunately one of them was molested and I felt bad for him and remained friends despite the games because I wanted to help him become a better man. He warned me from the beginning; he said he'd teach me about art/business if I'd teach him how to love. He said he doesn't "let women in." I'm probably a little too nice for my own good though. In a nutshell tons of reasons.

[ascendotum]

Uh, NOT. The player DOESN'T give the girl what she wants, a lasting, LT relationship, only the illusion of it for the short term and once he gets what he wanted, he walks.

 

There's nothing endearing or noble about players. You make it sound like they're okay...

 

It depends on the woman. Lots of women are up for NSA action these days, and its not just the skanks. A big % of women will sleep with a hot looker (more likely a player) in between boyfriends as part of the YOLO spirit. Its incorrect to assume players only go for insecure or trashy women and also incorrect to assume that's what they end up for a wife. Most of the ones I knew got great girls. The not so smart ones or the booze & drug party dude types did tend to end up with an insecure/ immature/skanky type.

 

As long as the player is not a douche bag/cocky sleazebag, many younger women will have respect for him. I seen it at many of the companies I have worked for and in some of my social circles. They have more respect than the long term single guys, without a doubt. The media & music also celebrate the playa life as well. I have to say hanging out with a few players, is that lots of women play them selves too. Too swept up in the good looks & charm & bull****, they hardly need any coaxing to get them to jump in a cab back to the woman's place. (of course if they are strictly out for a ONS then no one got played). Likewise if the woman is hoping to snag the guy, he never made any promises to get that first night/date sex.

 

I guess it depends on what player means to some. Play the field or play the woman. Not so long ago read a little article in the sports magazine from a journal assigned to a local footy club, where a few of the players made a bet with one of their team mates that he could not sleep with a 100 women in a 100 days. Turns out he did it quite comfortably (maybe it was embarrassingly quick but they didn't say how many days). He picked up the women on FB & a date site. Sure he's a good looking footballer but he's no big time celebrity, and given the time constraints he wasn't schmoozing them. A lot of women are up for nothing serious at various times in their life, and more & more guys want to get in on the action, so it snowballs through the ranks. The wannabees less blessed with beauty will need to resort to lies more so to get an outcome without dropping their standards too low. This is where women get misled.

 

 

OP - I would not call your guy a player based on just that incident. I can't say what went through his mind for the change in heart, but as someone else said you need to look at his history with women really before jumping to that label imo.

[Ninjainpajamas]

This guy isn't a "player" just because he didn't want a relationship with you...these men are the average joe you're talking about, they're just guys that aren't that into you, aren't necessarily looking for a commitment/relationship and doing whatever to avoid that while still getting what they want, which includes lying, manipulating you or coming off as the perfect guy with no intentions to settle into that relationship to get what he wants...those guys don't necessarily have any kind of particular "special" skills, you do most of the work for him, you see him as that "potential" then you develop feelings while honing in and on his great "qualities" and all of a sudden he's the next greatest thing on the planet, nothing extraordinary about him....and any guy can tell a woman what she wants to hear to get what he wants...women make that pretty clear and obvious, you'd have to be a pretty big idiot not to know what to say or do.

 

As far as why however men want to just "do that"...it's the most obvious answer ever, your vagina, your time, your heart (enough of it, they don't the whole thing)....in essence, the conquest of you.

 

Some say it's human nature for men to do this and this is just essentially survival of the fittest, others say it's just "some men" who are jerks, soulless hurtful creatures who wish nothing but to inflict nonsensical pain among their victims...but regardless I think one thing is true about people in general, they do what they do because of themselves...it is not a reflection of you (it doesn't mean you enable or make yourself available to these types of men if there's a pattern) but you're taking something "personal" that is his decision for himself...the collateral damage was you being hurt, but he "needed" to lie to you what he "wanted" and sacrificed your emotions to get it.

 

If he had known you would have fawked anyway if he wasn't interested in a relationship, then...like a lot of men, he would have not lied to you in the first place (most) because then there was nothing at risk...but you also have to realize that men like a challenge and can even like putting in that work...easy whores (for example) are just too easy to even care about generally speaking and to men screw anyone, so they want the "respectable" kind...higher valued "targets"...anyone can sleep with the easy girl, so it's an ego thing for men too, unless they're completely enamored and amazed by you and you're like the hottest and most wonderful thing they've ever seen or been with...then they might not care, at least at first.

Edited January 22, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

[charlietheginger]

You made him jump through hoops and latter's playing your games...

 

he simply didn't follow you game and be tricked into falling in love...

he got sex and left...

 

often times its the girls playing the rules games and the guy

just does not play into it

[Woggle]

Most players I have known were hurt by a woman they love somewhere down the line. Men take betrayal by a woman they love very hard and often they become cold hearted towards women after it.

[ltjg45]

Typically, the younger (and overall more beautiful) women typically desires the traits "players" gives out effortlessly.

 

Therefore, the men learned fast that either they have to be a "player" or accept the fact that while you can get female friends, actually getting sex with them will be difficult.

 

I chose the latter option as I am not capable of changing to being a "player" and the reason why I am a virgin (which, I have noted, is another strike against me in the game of attraction) but most men went for the former option.

 

Also, from what I have seen, it is working pretty well for them. Just recently, an attractive 20-year old woman just got knocked up by her 25-year old boyfriend despite she has 1 child and he already has 2.

 

This happens enough to tell me that this method does bring benefits to those capable of doing it.

[Revolver]

It's not about being a player, it's about having the option to be one

 

Most men simply don't have that choice so they go the relationship route

[ltjg45]

It's not about being a player, it's about having the option to be one

 

Most men simply don't have that choice so they go the relationship route

 

I could pull off the "player" route but I simply find it to be way too much energy and effort to even bother. Not to mention I don't view women as just an object for me to get my sexual release off of so becoming a person that does just that does not do me any good.

 

I can masturbate quite well on my own if I need to be relieved sexually.

 

Besides, I always wanted a long term relationship since I was a teenager and nothing more. So that is all I am looking for. If I can't see that in a woman the first time I see her, I will simply leave her alone.

[emi]

So may i ask, what a best way to deal with a player when hes dumped your ass?

[ltjg45]

So may i ask, what a best way to deal with a player when hes dumped your ass?

 

Well, don't give him any more attention. If there is one thing players love other than sex, that is attention.

 

Simply put, just use NC and move on with your life.

[emi]

what if he think i am too hurt to make any sort of reaction?

I do really like some info from male's perspective to deal with this kind of situation for future use as im completely inexperienced in dating

[mea_M]

I think in most cases it boils down to simple insecurity. A bottomless pit of an ego that must be constantly fed by the attention/desire of multiple women.

 

I think this is spot on. I totally agree! The bottomless pit of ego as a driving force.

[joystickd]

I think you can do it without lying and being shady though. I don't find anything wrong with a guy having a high count if the record is clean.

 

If he had to lie and lead a girl on to do it, his record is voided. Anyone can lie and be a disgusting human being to get laid.

 

When you can get laid by being yourself and being honest to yourself and the women, that's when you're a boss

The thing is that players to be seen as evil that now it's hard for most normal people to wrap their head around the idea that players can be honest. How can one a great player of any game if they cheat or be deceptive?

 

Why are so many men players? Ultimately it's because women choose to deal with players and ignore men that are not players. Women like men that are seen as attractive by other women. Women on some level create players. A man has sex with a women and she tells her friends how good it is now her friends what to sleep with that man. Take friends out and change that to coworkers and you have the same scenario. In my recent years I have been considered a player. I have had women wanting to fight other women on the job over me. I have done sexual acts on the job. This is all because I messed with one woman and she talked about it. This then started a chain reaction of other women noticing me. How many single men you know will turn down an attractive woman offering to perform a sexual act? You women want to reduce players then stop leading interactions with your pussy. Just like on the same token men complain about golddiggers they need to stop leading with their wallet.

[ltjg45]

what if he think i am too hurt to make any sort of reaction?

I do really like some info from male's perspective to deal with this kind of situation for future use as im completely inexperienced in dating

 

Let him think that way if he wants. Outside of him harming you unnecessarily, it doesn't matter.

 

Just wipe him out of your mind and move on.

[joystickd]

I think this is spot on. I totally agree! The bottomless pit of ego as a driving force.

Not really. In order to be a player you have to have a big ego to begin with.

What man you know with low self esteem is a player?