Curious.. WHY are so many men players? What causes it? Whats the benefit?

[Woggle]

As the previous poster alluded to, a diet of good sex, releases positive hormones in to a persons body that is good for the soul, and helps, both male and female to remain emotionally grounded in life.

 

 

Amongst the broken women who put up with me and my lifestyle over the years, were a handful of great nurses, two of which worked in the trauma department, where they have to deal with the most horrific scenes of trying to save the lives of accident and gun shot victims. Another was the head night nurse on the oncology floor, where she had to attend the last moments of one of her patients on average of at least once a week. A very sweet girl, kind and loving, who by her very caring nature, could not help getting attached to her patients. They all knew about each other, and there was no jealousy between them, they just wanted an occasional one night stand, of partying, dancing, and good sex. In fact, on more than once occasion they would call me and suggest I call another, as she had had a bad night. The two trauma nurses eventually married a fireman and the other the policeman, while the oncology nurse married a young doctor, became mothers and after a few years went back to their careers

 

 

Also amongst these broken women were several career women, Several were teachers, primary through high school, and a college professor. Another was the head of a title company, another the head of an insurance agency. Another was a top software engineer, with a handful of degrees in her belt, including degrees from Berkley in microbiology and chemistry, a minor in math, then realized that becoming a doctor was not her thing, and went back and got a masters in computer science. Another was a partner in a new and large coming up through the ranks, accounting firm. Her and I had a standing date, every other Wednesday night to go out to a Mexican restaurant. She also liked dancing, and on average about once a month we would hit the dance floor.

 

 

And as for the "bad boys" hitting the end of their rope, many of my friends who remained single and played the field into their 30's, when finding the one that they were looking for, did a total 180, married and became great and loving husbands and dedicated fathers. Theirs are some of the best marriages that I know of. They know where the grass is greenest and do not look over the fence.

 

They are also great husbands and fathers because the woman was worth settling down for. When a man has options he can make a better choice like that.

[RedRobin]

I don't believe they make better husbands or fathers at all. My observation, based on working around all men and being the target of their attention many times... is that it is the opposite.

 

 

There is no reason to believe that guys who will slip into a vagina as easily as a pair of house slippers can ever be trusted to exercise any kind of restraint whatsoever if given the opportunity.

 

 

It's the number one reason I won't knowingly date a guy who has had lots of casual sex. It's like dating a recovering alcoholic.

 

 

Sure, a small % reform. Not enough to make it a trend or even likely. Much more likely they will fall off the wagon the minute life hands them a teensy weensy life crisis... is my observation.

 

 

... but women marry alcoholics all the time. That's true. Having a great career doesn't indicate whether a woman is 'broken' and feels like she can't do any better... FOO and life experience is what determines THAT... for the same reason that lots of successful men are addicts of all kinds.

Edited January 29, 2014 by RedRobin

[NYWoman]

RR

 

 

It is evident from your response, that as a hamburger eater, you have never had the pleasure on dining on a well cooked steak. Your lose!

[RedRobin]

RR

 

 

It is evident from your response, that as a hamburger eater, you have never had the pleasure on dining on a well cooked steak. Your lose!

 

 

No. Just the opposite.

 

 

I prefer to be the one doing the cooking and the primary consumer.

 

 

Not a piece of meat that has been cooked and reheated several times and left under the warming lamp waiting for the 'perfect' consumer... who is then left with an inferior product... or left with a mere portion of a piece rather than the whole filet because they 'shared' too much.

 

 

You'll notice that alot of men feel the same way about women.

 

 

I'm just not hypocritical about it, unlike a lot of men.

Edited January 30, 2014 by RedRobin

[Els]

Eh, it depends on the social circles you move in.

 

The vast majority of men I know are either mostly single (whether voluntarily or involuntarily) or in LTRs/marriages. There are some 'players', but even most of those don't 'mess with women' - most of the flings come and go with no hard feelings, so the women are probably just as much into a casual R as they are.

[thefooloftheyear]

Eh, it depends on the social circles you move in.

 

The vast majority of men I know are either mostly single (whether voluntarily or involuntarily) or in LTRs/marriages. There are some 'players', but even most of those don't 'mess with women' - most of the flings come and go with no hard feelings, so the women are probably just as much into a casual R as they are.

 

 

I think you are absolutely right...

 

Real "players" are usually doing the Round Robin with the "party girl" type..So let them play that game...Heck, they are adults...

 

I think some women just immediately assume a guy is a player if she got dumped for another woman...Helps them to rationalize it better..No different for the guys..If a guy gets dumped for another guy, the woman is immediately a tramp or slut...

 

I dont say there arent people on both sides that are "predatory" when it comes to this, but ill bet its a lot rarer than what is reported.

 

TFY

[what_a_blonde]

I don't believe they make better husbands or fathers at all. My observation, based on working around all men and being the target of their attention many times... is that it is the opposite.

 

 

There is no reason to believe that guys who will slip into a vagina as easily as a pair of house slippers can ever be trusted to exercise any kind of restraint whatsoever if given the opportunity.

 

 

It's the number one reason I won't knowingly date a guy who has had lots of casual sex. It's like dating a recovering alcoholic.

 

 

Sure, a small % reform. Not enough to make it a trend or even likely. Much more likely they will fall off the wagon the minute life hands them a teensy weensy life crisis... is my observation.

 

 

... but women marry alcoholics all the time. That's true. Having a great career doesn't indicate whether a woman is 'broken' and feels like she can't do any better... FOO and life experience is what determines THAT... for the same reason that lots of successful men are addicts of all kinds.

 

Agree with this.

 

And the more time I've had to step back and see some of the signs I probably missed, I'm realizing how selfish and into himself this guy was. It's clear he's just seeking the validation and the need to feel wanted, but then the minute he gets that, he turns away to another source. Pretty sure this was a pattern with him before (there were little signs based off his previous relationship) that I hadn't really thought to notice or think too much into until after it was too late. Based on this pattern, I highly doubt he will ever be a quality husband... That is unless he changes or the definition of quality husband means self absorbed and always needing validation.

 

Nonetheless I will also address another point that was made about these men being good in bed. I'll admit... He was decent and if size is what matters he was definitely in the higher percentile. However what does that even matter?

 

Would I end up marrying a man who I wasn't sexually compatible with? Probably not, that would be hard.

 

However Id take a mediocre gentleman who just hasn't had a ton of experience and is teachable, to a guy who is cocky, has women knocking at his door to jump in bed with him, and "knows" he is good.

[what_a_blonde]

 

Most girls think they can "change" a player because they all dream of being "the exception" but they're dead wrong. Only the guy can change his mindset. You can be the most good-looking, successful, caring, loving and funny girl on earth, it doesn't mean the "player" will actually take you seriously. It's a matter of mindset. When players are "playing", they can't tell the difference between a good girl and a "bad girl" because they don't bother getting to know girls better. It's always very superficial. They see girls as a "whole" not as individual entities with different characteristics.

 

It's only when some time has elapsed that they realize that may have lost on a good person by acting like players.

 

Unfortunately. I'm the good girl who thinks she'll be the "exception". Yeah, right.

 

Many great points here. It's all in when they are ready and it's nothing a girl can do to change that. Some will be honest in communicating their intentions (no commitment wanted), some may flat out lie to get a girl in bed, and others may change their mind without telling you (as with my case... Where he flirted, was pursuing in the beg, but then later revealed he had "told me from the beg we were just friends"..... BS).

 

Whatever the case, stuff happens. Life happens. I definitely share fault in this for allowing it to go so far before I was 100% certain on where we stood. And since we had an established friendship prior to this, I felt the need to continue to stick around and "be there for him" while he was dealing with some serious stuff... Which is partially what took me so long to come to my senses about what he was really doing... And the true fact that he didn't need me at all (well, except for the obvious).

 

This hasn't been easy... 1) getting my heart involved too soon and 2) just feeling embarrassed for being so naive and being able to build myself up again has taken time.

 

But lesson learned... And I know not ALL men are like this either. There's hope.

[Revolver]

I also think its important for women to understand and comprehend that men aren't socially conditioned to value relationships and commitment the same way they are

[kaylan]

I also think its important for women to understand and comprehend that men aren't socially conditioned to value relationships and commitment the same way they are

I think a lot of women dislike the idea that the behavior of many women does condition some men to be turned off to relationships.

[RedRobin]

I also think its important for women to understand and comprehend that men aren't socially conditioned to value relationships and commitment the same way they are

 

 

Depends on what circles you run in...

 

 

In my circle, a guy who isn't in a relationship or married is looked on negatively. They will not be taken as seriously for certain jobs and promotions. He will not enjoy the same networking benefits as those who are attached.

 

 

The higher up one goes, the more this is true for men.

 

 

Just the opposite for women. Look at all of the professional women at high levels who are unmarried or divorced. To some extent.. it's considered positive for a career oriented woman to be unmarried... because husbands are viewed as a burden to a woman... where a woman is viewed as an asset to a husband.

 

 

I'd argue that it is mostly the lower socioeconomic strata is characteristically unattached. Of either gender.

[gaius]

[Woggle]

I think a lot of women dislike the idea that the behavior of many women does condition some men to be turned off to relationships.

 

Exactly. Men who are against relationships usually are so because of an experience.

[joystickd]

I also think its important for women to understand and comprehend that men aren't socially conditioned to value relationships and commitment the same way they are

I wouldn't say socially conditioned but men and women have changed over the years. We have less men that were raised by their fathers so they either identify more with women and become nice guys or rebel and grow to become players. They lack the balance learned from having a father in their life. Think about what it's like to be a boy growing up with a mother and women in your life saying "f**k men" or "men ain't sh*t". Most of the players I know have this situation. They end up looking for examples of masculinity from players because of the total lack of examples and the negativity some get from the women in their lives. It's why Black males hold the pimp in such high regard in some areas. Imagine being a boy raised by women hearing negativity about your own gender. How would you feel? What would you think if you saw a man out here getting money from women and see the guys living normal lives having a struggle with women? What about men that date different women all the time? How do you think these examples of men would affect the impressions of dating/ relationships for these boys or men?

[Woggle]

I wouldn't say socially conditioned but men and women have changed over the years. We have less men that were raised by their fathers so they either identify more with women and become nice guys or rebel and grow to become players. They lack the balance learned from having a father in their life. Think about what it's like to be a boy growing up with a mother and women in your life saying "f**k men" or "men ain't sh*t". Most of the players I know have this situation. They end up looking for examples of masculinity from players because of the total lack of examples and the negativity some get from the women in their lives. It's why Black males hold the pimp in such high regard in some areas. Imagine being a boy raised by women hearing negativity about your own gender. How would you feel? What would you think if you saw a man out here getting money from women and see the guys living normal lives having a struggle with women? What about men that date different women all the time? How do you think these examples of men would affect the impressions of dating/ relationships for these boys or men?

 

I agree. This is why it I find it funny when white feminists act like the number of fatherless families is a sign of progress.

[joystickd]

I agree. This is why it I find it funny when white feminists act like the number of fatherless families is a sign of progress.

 

Also because of that situation players are seen more as men than the average male because of young women having lack of examples of true manhood. Women want men not this crap they have out here now. These ideals some of the fringe females talk on here no woman would really date them.

[Tayken]

As I'm coming out of the haze and pretty much recovered from being played for a fool by someone who literally went through hoops to impress me and prove how much he cared about me, waited for months, then when all was said and done ended up playing games.... I'm just left wondering WHY?

 

Could this be a payback for something you did to someone else in the past.... i.e. Karma returning the favour to ya? Am guessing you are going to say NO

[what_a_blonde]

Could this be a payback for something you did to someone else in the past.... i.e. Karma returning the favour to ya? Am guessing you are going to say NO

 

Depends....

 

I mean, does karma come back just because you're flat out not interested in a person and break their heart? I had a few of those back in the day (6-7 yrs ago in college). Very persistent men would continue to ask me out, then act like it was the end of the world because I wouldn't go on a date with them... like they were victims.

 

But then there was one person in my life who I had a good friendship with when we graduated high school... Then moving into college we got much closer, I thought I wanted more... then when he started to show me what he would be like as a boyfriend (controlling, trying to change me to be more "Godly", etc.) I freaked out and pulled away... breaking his heart too. I guess that could be the karma coming back, he was/is a really great guy.. I just wasn't ready to "change" for someone so drastically. I was 18!

 

Nonetheless.. could be karma coming back... 9 years later...

[what_a_blonde]

Depends on what circles you run in...

 

 

In my circle, a guy who isn't in a relationship or married is looked on negatively. They will not be taken as seriously for certain jobs and promotions. He will not enjoy the same networking benefits as those who are attached.

 

 

The higher up one goes, the more this is true for men.

 

 

Just the opposite for women. Look at all of the professional women at high levels who are unmarried or divorced. To some extent.. it's considered positive for a career oriented woman to be unmarried... because husbands are viewed as a burden to a woman... where a woman is viewed as an asset to a husband.

 

 

I'd argue that it is mostly the lower socioeconomic strata is characteristically unattached. Of either gender.

 

Agree. Corporate world definitely seems to look more positively upon married men who have wives, children, etc.... whereas many woman (if you want to be really high up in the org), should either be single or not have a husband who dictates what she does. (i.e. to where if they wanted to transfer her internationally, or anywhere, he'd be willing to go and be stay at home dad, etc.)

[Woggle]

Act like a dickhead and get rewarded for it. And you wonder why there is so much violence going on in society. Many of these men have girlfriends and they act violent to impress them.

 

One of them tried to get violent with me on the boardwalk for no reason and his girl probably dumped him after the way I humiliated him.

[what_a_blonde]

One of them tried to get violent with me on the boardwalk for no reason and his girl probably dumped him after the way I humiliated him.

 

Teeheehee Awesome.

[RedRobin]

 

 

*shrug* Yea, that about sums it up.

 

 

Where I come from, there is no social benefit for a man to be unmarried... and definitely not a player.

[Woggle]

*shrug* Yea, that about sums it up.

 

 

Where I come from, there is no social benefit for a man to be unmarried... and definitely not a player.

 

Maybe not but if a man doesn't find a woman worth marrying coming home to a drama free house is worth whatever other costs there might not be. I made most of my money and had the most career advancement in between marriages. I am happy in my marriage now but it took a damn good woman for me to go down that road again.

[2.50 a gallon]

A great many of my post marriage partners, were career woman, most had were now divorced, had a kid or two, and were not looking to me as Mr. Wonderful, just a fun time with a night of sex thrown in.

[Tayken]

 

Nonetheless.. could be karma coming back... 9 years later...

 

 

YES....Like a long marriage where one spouse didn't work, quantum and duration of spousal support will be indefinite