Curious.. WHY are so many men players? What causes it? Whats the benefit?

[2.50 a gallon]

tn

 

 

Sorry for the mix up. It was not directed at you. It was a quote from one of RR's posts from a couple of days back

[joystickd]

I talk sh*t about players and liars. Just like everyone should.

 

 

Not sure about other women. No women I know dates players.

 

 

As for me, I've already claimed my mistake in marrying my now ex-H. He had his share of casual sex before I met him... years later he cheated on me. So, I won't be making that mistake again... knowingly dating someone who has a history of casual sex, that is.

 

... and since you haven't been paying attention... I was engaged to a man I loved very much who I met after my divorce. He died suddenly a month after we were engaged...

 

 

...So it's not really all my fault I'm single.

 

 

Partly my fault for picking the crappy husband I did when I had the chance to find better... Partly bad luck.

 

 

It's not exactly like women over 30 something get the pick of the litter or anything. Mostly we're forced to sift through guys like my ex-H (cheaters)... or recovering alcoholics, addicts... and oh yes, players. VERY rare (at least around here) to find one who hasn't either screwed up his own life or some woman's... or actively trying to screw up women's lives so he can feel better about himself.

 

 

I'll tell you that no one was more surprised than me when I faced this dating pool. I'd been raised around very good men... and worked with a lot of great men. Still do. But there is a massive disconnect between THAT world, and the world that is occupied by a sizeable portion of available men around here.

 

So you are right. I'd rather be single than settle for that.

 

 

All that said, I think I've greatly overestimated my ability to continue living here and thrive emotionally... It has definitely taken it's toll. If it is even half as effed up around here as I describe it... then I need to just do whatever it takes to escape and find a healthier group of people.

 

If one actually looked at your post history most of it is about men and "bad behavior". You never have checked women on their behavior

[Charlie Harper]

RR

 

You assume too much. I knew what he was when I met him and offered to be one of his party girls. I had been sexually active for about 4 years, and no one had been able to make me scream. When walking by his apartment at night on numerous I had heard more than one woman screaming in orgasmic delight and I wanted to find out for myself.

 

My Ex was awesome in bed, so much so he could and should have taught a class for the rest of the men in the world. On our first encounter he had me squirting within 5 minutes, something I had never done before. He never failed to give me multiple, O's. On our wedding night I quit counting after around 25.

 

Once I got to know him, he was really a nice guy, intelligent, had interesting hobbies, and above all knew how to talk with women. Another reason why so many came knocking on his door.

 

It was me who asked him to marry me. Once he committed to me, he gave up his partying days, and became a devoted husband and hopeful father to be.

 

It was me who bragged to my friends how awesome he was in bed. It was me who broke our vows and got caught cheating. It was me who left his front door wide open, when I moved in with the OM. So I never blamed them for wanting to find out what they had been missing in their lives.

 

Thirty years, and at least a dozen partners later, including a second husband, no body has been able to get me to squirt and very few have been able to last beyond one orgasm.

 

Holy Smokes ! the story of my life on the reverse side...

 

Sorry for the long post but here it goes:

 

Basically I was a sweet teenager 30 years ago so I had all these romantic visions of love and relationships, but reality stepped in and I was heart broken at 19 and heart destroyed by another at 22, I was mad, I was angry and bitter.

 

Part one of the recipe.

 

I am the kind of man that can really listen to a woman and have conversations with them at a very deep level (I have been mistakenly taken for Gay countless times), I meet them and engage them almost everyday of my life, naturally after years of that, I got very good at it

 

Part two of the recipe.

 

After I was heartbroken I became not only a player but a guy who wanted revenge. (hence my alias on LS LOL)

You would be surprised how easy is to pick up woman, find out what they want, find their insecurities and play them. because MEN and WOMEN have issues.

 

In my case I wanted validation, revenge, and the pOWER that came with being able to get the most beautiful, the "difficult" ones, the primma donnas, you name it.

 

I went 4 years with this, it was awesome, and the most incredible thing is that after a while you stop selling yourself, OTHER PEOPLE SELL YOU, you get a reputation of being a great lover, a charming guy, fun to be with, good with advice and great at connections and or generous. BUT a womanizer.

 

How did this ame to an end?

 

Therapy, and lots of it...

 

In the end I found out I was surrounded by people but alone. AND LONELY.

 

I found a woman married I behaved for 19 year 7 months, till I had an A.

 

why I did it, long story short, I was lonely, taken for granted, cheated, and worst of all, controlled like a freaking robot.

 

The A was not a planned thing, it took 2 years of friendship to develop and she made the move, I did not.

 

never got caught, went to fix my marriage but my eyes were wide open and the changes I wanted did not even register on my wife.

 

Now I am separated.

 

I am dating (no kidding) like 20 women on a regular basis, from 29 to 51, my attempt is finding exactly what I want and moving on. I haven slept with anyone in months, so I date but I don't get in bed and I am very clear about that, because I know once you start having intimacy, some things are expected by women, and I don't want to be in the situation like 25 years ago...

 

In my view women like the chasing, like the validation, like to feel wanted and that makes them vulnerable for guys who know how to play those traits. For example we are days away from Valentines day, and you can see in the media how they brainwash women and MEN on how to "compliment" their princess... so it only adds to the Player/played scenario.

 

To the O.P. Id say that if you like men to do tons of stuff for you in order to get sex, validation, recognition, affection or simple company, most probably they will have sex and then move on to someone who doesn't demand that much for what they need (and sometimes is not sex).

 

Cheers

[Woggle]

Of course not, but you don't see people here glorifying that, making excuses for that kind of behavior... and people saying she should be emulated because she got what she wanted from you... or that you had it coming because you trusted her.

 

 

Just the opposite from what people are saying here about players.

 

My ex was idolized by her friends until she really went off the deep end and my mother's friends thought she was a perfect example of a strong and independent woman so yes some people do cheer women like that on.

 

I also never said that being a player is right or that women deserve it for trusting women but when being the good man you always say men should be constantly backfires on men I understand how some would get sick of it.

 

Why don't you start encouraging women to appreciate these good men more instead of throwing themselves at players. Every player I have known has a number of women they can call up and they will be there as fast as possible. Many good guys I know struggle to find the love of one good woman.

 

I am not saying that being a player is right but when good men are not appreciated this is what happens.

[RedRobin]

I completely disagree that you can equate the two.

 

At least if a guy gets into a casual relationship with a girl it has a chance to become something more. In addition, most guys who do this will not sleep with multiple girls simultaneously as you keep suggesting.

 

What this girl did was truly devastating to a 25 year old virgin guy's ego.

 

 

I'd argue that getting dumped by a guy after sleeping with him when she thought it was more... and the guy said it meant more beforehand (but didn't mean it)... would also be devastating...

 

 

It's also pretty devastating to see their behavior do a complete 180 immediately afterwards... I guess the assumption is that they don't care if they get dumped and are trolling other waters.

 

 

So yes, I absolutely think the two can be equated.

 

 

Still don't see how yours or any other man's pain justifies lying to get sex.

[Woggle]

I'd argue that getting dumped by a guy after sleeping with him when she thought it was more... and the guy said it meant more beforehand (but didn't mean it)... would also be devastating...

 

 

It's also pretty devastating to see their behavior do a complete 180 immediately afterwards... I guess the assumption is that they don't care if they get dumped and are trolling other waters.

 

 

So yes, I absolutely think the two can be equated.

 

 

Still don't see how yours or any other man's pain justifies lying to get sex.

 

I never once lied to get sex. In fact after my divorce when I just didn't give a funk and I was brutally honest with how I felt when socializing away from work I had more chances to get laid.

[RedRobin]

If one actually looked at your post history most of it is about men and "bad behavior". You never have checked women on their behavior

 

 

Baloney.

 

 

There is more than one woman I've thrashed for using and hurting a man.

 

 

You just don't see it here as often because the women who tend to come here don't brag about using men. It's mostly the men who brag. It's the men who are patted on the back and put up as role models for doing so. If you don't like it, then you can start getting on other men for using women.

 

 

... and I'm pretty wholesale against casual sex in general. If that's what you mean by 'behavior'.

 

 

... and about me telling other women to avoid players... there is another recent thread where I do just that.

 

 

I'm always the one telling them DO NOT go to their house, don't ask him to yours... blah blah... until they get to know him. Of course, you guys who want easy sex take offense to that too. Because, hate to tell you... the only way to really avoid a player is to not have sex with them... use your social circle to vet them, and make them prove they are interested in the woman for more than just sex... which in my case, involves obliging them to get an STD test in advance. *shrug*

 

 

You don't like that advice. Sorry. It's pretty universally true and applicable to everyone.

[RedRobin]

Holy Smokes ! the story of my life on the reverse side...

 

Sorry for the long post but here it goes:

 

Basically I was a sweet teenager 30 years ago so I had all these romantic visions of love and relationships, but reality stepped in and I was heart broken at 19 and heart destroyed by another at 22, I was mad, I was angry and bitter.

 

Part one of the recipe.

 

I am the kind of man that can really listen to a woman and have conversations with them at a very deep level (I have been mistakenly taken for Gay countless times), I meet them and engage them almost everyday of my life, naturally after years of that, I got very good at it

 

Part two of the recipe.

 

After I was heartbroken I became not only a player but a guy who wanted revenge. (hence my alias on LS LOL)

You would be surprised how easy is to pick up woman, find out what they want, find their insecurities and play them. because MEN and WOMEN have issues.

 

In my case I wanted validation, revenge, and the pOWER that came with being able to get the most beautiful, the "difficult" ones, the primma donnas, you name it.

 

I went 4 years with this, it was awesome, and the most incredible thing is that after a while you stop selling yourself, OTHER PEOPLE SELL YOU, you get a reputation of being a great lover, a charming guy, fun to be with, good with advice and great at connections and or generous. BUT a womanizer.

 

How did this ame to an end?

 

Therapy, and lots of it...

 

In the end I found out I was surrounded by people but alone. AND LONELY.

 

I found a woman married I behaved for 19 year 7 months, till I had an A.

 

why I did it, long story short, I was lonely, taken for granted, cheated, and worst of all, controlled like a freaking robot.

 

The A was not a planned thing, it took 2 years of friendship to develop and she made the move, I did not.

 

never got caught, went to fix my marriage but my eyes were wide open and the changes I wanted did not even register on my wife.

 

Now I am separated.

 

I am dating (no kidding) like 20 women on a regular basis, from 29 to 51, my attempt is finding exactly what I want and moving on. I haven slept with anyone in months, so I date but I don't get in bed and I am very clear about that, because I know once you start having intimacy, some things are expected by women, and I don't want to be in the situation like 25 years ago...

 

In my view women like the chasing, like the validation, like to feel wanted and that makes them vulnerable for guys who know how to play those traits. For example we are days away from Valentines day, and you can see in the media how they brainwash women and MEN on how to "compliment" their princess... so it only adds to the Player/played scenario.

 

To the O.P. Id say that if you like men to do tons of stuff for you in order to get sex, validation, recognition, affection or simple company, most probably they will have sex and then move on to someone who doesn't demand that much for what they need (and sometimes is not sex).

 

Cheers

 

 

Actually, what you just described is the behavior of a sociopath.

 

 

... of which I'd argue a few players probably are.... certainly the hard core ones. According to recent statistics, about 4% of the US population are sociopaths... Not a lot... but still a lot when you figure that 10% of the population is gay... and yes, statistically more sociopaths and psychopaths are men. I've read that the ratio is roughly 20 to 1. 20 male psychopaths to every one female.

 

 

This is another reason I avoid OLD. Too easy for the truly sick to find new targets.

 

 

Another is to remember that a true sociopath or psychopath has little or no empathy. Real empathy is something very difficult to fake... plus there are other tells that give away what they are really thinking. This video, for one...

 

 

Pamela Meyer: How to spot a liar | Video on TED.com

 

 

So, OP... keep your standards... and run, not walk, away from anyone who displays the characteristics above.

 

 

Oh, here is something fun I just read... The Last Psychiatrist: Psychopaths Are Charming?

 

 

Yea, I'd definitely say lots of players either are psychopaths or on the path to being one.

Edited February 11, 2014 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

I hope you don't also think what I did makes me a sociopath or psychopath.

 

Because while I find the suggestion that I am more likely to have STDs because i used OLD slightly insulting but mostly amusing, the insinuation that I am one of the above is actually quite seriously insulting.

 

 

One of the primary characteristics of a sociopath or a psychopath are those who have no empathy and have no problems hurting people in order to get what they want.

 

 

Lying about your intentions in order to get dates and sex might put you on that path... Stay on that path long enough... lying to get what you want, no matter who it hurts..., and make a habit out of it, then you run the risk of falling into that 4%.

 

 

Nobody suggested that those doing OLD are more likely to have STD's. But I'm certainly not about to take anyone's word for it.

[RedRobin]

We've been over this in the slut shaming thread. There is no proven correlation.

 

Also, someone who gambles will not necessarily gamble your money away. Those people are able to realize 'this isn't my money' just like the person who has casual sex is able to respect a commitment.

 

Can't say the same for gambling addictions and nymphomania but gambling is not an indicator nor is having casual.

 

But hey! If you want to be defensive, prude, and judgemental be my guest!

Let me know how that works out for you.

 

 

I think it is reasonable to assume that people need to demonstrate their character in order to prove they have it. If you can't prove it... then you don't have it.

 

 

If they are prone to compulsive or impulsive behavior of any kind, then yes, they are more prone to cheating. It's one reason among many why those who do security clearances pay special attention to those who engage in risky, compulsive behavior. They are a poor risk in situations where they need to resist temptation.

 

 

but that's ok... I realize we live in the 'everyone gets a trophy' and everyone gets an A... just for trying instead of doing. (pats on the head)

[Woggle]

I think it is reasonable to assume that people need to demonstrate their character in order to prove they have it. If you can't prove it... then you don't have it.

 

 

If they are prone to compulsive or impulsive behavior of any kind, then yes, they are more prone to cheating. It's one reason among many why those who do security clearances pay special attention to those who engage in risky, compulsive behavior. They are a poor risk in situations where they need to resist temptation.

 

 

but that's ok... I realize we live in the 'everyone gets a trophy' and everyone gets an A... just for trying instead of doing. (pats on the head)

 

She said there is a difference between gambling and gambling addiction. There is a difference between going to Atlantic City or Vegas and playing a few games vs blowing all your money in a casino.

[GoreSP]

I think it is reasonable to assume that people need to demonstrate their character in order to prove they have it. If you can't prove it... then you don't have it.

 

 

If they are prone to compulsive or impulsive behavior of any kind, then yes, they are more prone to cheating. It's one reason among many why those who do security clearances pay special attention to those who engage in risky, compulsive behavior. They are a poor risk in situations where they need to resist temptation.

 

 

but that's ok... I realize we live in the 'everyone gets a trophy' and everyone gets an A... just for trying instead of doing. (pats on the head)

 

Casual sex isn't necessarily impulsive.

 

If a person plans to go out and get lucky, I don't see how it is impulsive. Casual sex can also mean booty calls and FWB - which I don't see is as more dangerous than sex in an actual relationship.

It's sex without the commitment to the rest.

 

And you need to rethink your definition of compulsive.

 

There are people who are addicted to sex, and yeah I'm sure these nymphomaniacs cheat. It's an addiction.

However, an adult who consensually has sex with another adult once in a while is not an indicator of an addiction.

[joystickd]

Baloney.

 

 

There is more than one woman I've thrashed for using and hurting a man.

 

 

You just don't see it here as often because the women who tend to come here don't brag about using men. It's mostly the men who brag. It's the men who are patted on the back and put up as role models for doing so. If you don't like it, then you can start getting on other men for using women.

 

 

... and I'm pretty wholesale against casual sex in general. If that's what you mean by 'behavior'.

 

 

... and about me telling other women to avoid players... there is another recent thread where I do just that.

 

 

I'm always the one telling them DO NOT go to their house, don't ask him to yours... blah blah... until they get to know him. Of course, you guys who want easy sex take offense to that too. Because, hate to tell you... the only way to really avoid a player is to not have sex with them... use your social circle to vet them, and make them prove they are interested in the woman for more than just sex... which in my case, involves obliging them to get an STD test in advance. *shrug*

 

 

You don't like that advice. Sorry. It's pretty universally true and applicable to everyone.

Its not about the advice. It's you spreading your bitterness

[what_a_blonde]

I still think its interesting how many people seem to mention they've gone out on a mission of revenge, validation, etc., just because they'd been heartbroken by someone else.

 

Maybe I'm too much of a softy.. I don't know.... but never have I thought of going out and screwing over the next nice guy I meet just because one "nice" guy turned out to be completely opposite, and actually in it just to screw me over and for his own benefit. I also tend to always try and look on the positive side of things I guess... and know that not EVERYONE is bad.

 

I'm not saying everything in my world is rainbows and unicorns either. However I also don't continue to mope around with this negative midset that all men are the same, thinking every guy is going to be like him.

 

Yes, I'll be smarter and more aware in the next "relationship" I enter... but it's not on my agenda to get revenge on anyone else just cause one douchebag screwed me over and took advantage of my trust.

 

I get that everyone's situation is different. However a heartbreak is heartbreak. It freakin' sucks. But why go out on a mission to cause more damage to other's who weren't even involved in your situation???

 

I just can't fathom how that can make someone feel better about themselves.

 

Nonetheless.... that's not reality... and I'm pretty sure what he was doing is exactly that... he was probably more crushed from his previous relationship than he let on to and decided to take advantage of the friendship. Therefore the cycle continues... fortunately it stops with me... however I do know he is currently doing the OLD thing, and he goes out EVERY weekend... so I am pretty sure there are going to be many other women hurt by him... therefore the possibility of this "revenge" cycle starting all over again.

 

Crazy.

Edited February 12, 2014 by what_a_blonde

[Woggle]

I still think its interesting how many people seem to mention they've gone out on a mission of revenge, validation, etc., just because they'd been heartbroken by someone else.

 

Maybe I'm too much of a softy.. I don't know.... but never have I thought of going out and screwing over the next nice guy I meet just because one "nice" guy turned out to be completely opposite, and actually in it just to screw me over and for his own benefit. I also tend to always try and look on the positive side of things I guess... and know that not EVERYONE is bad.

 

I'm not saying everything in my world is rainbows and unicorns either. However I also don't continue to mope around with this negative midset that all men are the same, thinking every guy is going to be like him.

 

Yes, I'll be smarter and more aware in the next "relationship" I enter... but it's not on my agenda to get revenge on anyone else just cause one douchebag screwed me over and took advantage of my trust.

 

I get that everyone's situation is different. However a heartbreak is heartbreak. It freakin' sucks. But why go out on a mission to cause more damage to other's who weren't even involved in your situation???

 

I just can't fathom how that can make someone feel better about themselves.

 

Nonetheless.... that's not reality... and I'm pretty sure what he was doing is exactly that... he was probably more crushed from his previous relationship than he let on to and decided to take advantage of the friendship. Therefore the cycle continues... fortunately it stops with me... however I do know he is currently doing the OLD thing, and he goes out EVERY weekend... so I am pretty sure there are going to be many other women hurt by him... therefore the possibility of this "revenge" cycle starting all over again.

 

Crazy.

 

I never tried to get revenge on a nice girl. It is 100% wrong and inexcusable to hurt an innocent person because they happen to be the same gender as the person who hurt you. I would never condone that.

 

I just thought I found somebody as anti-love as I am and we could have an honest casual set up with no feelings involved. It didn't quite go as planned.

[what_a_blonde]

Actually, what you just described is the behavior of a sociopath.

 

 

... of which I'd argue a few players probably are.... certainly the hard core ones. According to recent statistics, about 4% of the US population are sociopaths... Not a lot... but still a lot when you figure that 10% of the population is gay... and yes, statistically more sociopaths and psychopaths are men. I've read that the ratio is roughly 20 to 1. 20 male psychopaths to every one female.

 

 

This is another reason I avoid OLD. Too easy for the truly sick to find new targets.

 

 

Another is to remember that a true sociopath or psychopath has little or no empathy. Real empathy is something very difficult to fake... plus there are other tells that give away what they are really thinking. This video, for one...

 

 

Pamela Meyer: How to spot a liar | Video on TED.com

 

 

So, OP... keep your standards... and run, not walk, away from anyone who displays the characteristics above.

 

 

Oh, here is something fun I just read... The Last Psychiatrist: Psychopaths Are Charming?

 

 

Yea, I'd definitely say lots of players either are psychopaths or on the path to being one.

 

You make some really interesting points here. And good video on how to spot a liar... really good.. not just in reference to dating either.

 

As far as the sociopath goes, I'd never considered that. I have observed some serious narcissistic traits in him though. I could tell that he was definitely feeding on the fact that I like to take care of people and provide care... however there was no reciprocity. (and yes, thats my fault that I was wanting to feel needed by him... two way street... but thats a whole other topic...)

 

At first, he would reciprocate and act like he cared about me and my life (which is where we were good friends for so long before all this went down)... but it seemed after a while when we took it to the next level, he stopped with any sort of care for me and my life.

 

Like I think you mention in another post, his feelings and emotions were pretty much nonexistent. Even things I would try to discuss that should be normal for most people, he would kind of freak out about. Not with anger, but just COMPLETELY avoid certain topics... even putting on the show of heavy breathing and anxiety like it was upsetting him that I was trying to bring things up and get to the bottom of it. I.E. "Where does this stand? I'm kind of confused"... "Is this an open relationship?" etc. (For goodness sake, I wanted to know if the expectation was that it was ok for us to both be sleeping around.. then that would have let me know it truly was FWB to him.. but he couldn't even answer that...)

 

Fortunately, things had already started going downhill by then and that was the point that I was pretty much done. Also, while I was pretty naive throughout this whole thing, I DID know that him avoiding those questions gave me every answer I needed.

 

Anyway... I do see a lot of similar traits in men that do this kind of stuff.

 

And I'm sure there are plenty of women out there like this too. But the overwhelming majority of narcissists seem to be men because many women feed their need to feel power, in control, etc, and women by nature are caretakers/givers... which is what pulls them in.

[what_a_blonde]

I never tried to get revenge on a nice girl. It is 100% wrong and inexcusable to hurt an innocent person because they happen to be the same gender as the person who hurt you. I would never condone that.

 

I just thought I found somebody as anti-love as I am and we could have an honest casual set up with no feelings involved. It didn't quite go as planned.

 

 

Ya, does that stink. Sorry but I don't recall the post where you mention this situation... also there's too many pages to go back and look through.

 

Remind me... when you met her, didn't you say you were completely up front with her about wanting to be completely casual and she was ok with it? Then her feelings changed later on and she was hurt?

 

Or did you just assume she was anti-love and wanted something casual?

[Woggle]

Ya, does that stink. Sorry but I don't recall the post where you mention this situation... also there's too many pages to go back and look through.

 

Remind me... when you met her, didn't you say you were completely up front with her about wanting to be completely casual and she was ok with it? Then her feelings changed later on and she was hurt?

 

Or did you just assume she was anti-love and wanted something casual?

 

We were honest with each other and she let her feelings on love be known.

[what_a_blonde]

We were honest with each other and she let her feelings on love be known.

 

Ah ok, so she then later developed feelings. Not your fault at all, and she did it to herself. Bummer. But that happens.

[Woggle]

Ah ok, so she then later developed feelings. Not your fault at all, and she did it to herself. Bummer. But that happens.

 

Yeah but I still think it was because I was the one guy who didn't fall in love with her. It seemed like a case want what you can't have syndrome. I felt bad for her until one day we crossed paths and she tried to cheat on a guy with me. I said no but it's hard to feel bad for a cheater.

[what_a_blonde]

Yeah but I still think it was because I was the one guy who didn't fall in love with her. It seemed like a case want what you can't have syndrome. I felt bad for her until one day we crossed paths and she tried to cheat on a guy with me. I said no but it's hard to feel bad for a cheater.

 

Eek. Agree. Well at least she had your sympathy for a little while lol.

 

Yep, I'll have to agree that there are many women like that. Always used to being the heartbreaker, never the heartbroken. So she was probably taken back when you REALLY didn't fall for her like you said in the beginning. I can see how that can be a blow to someone who is used to making every male fall for her. That's also a deep-rooted issue within her that probably goes back long before you...

 

Which goes back to the point that is made on here many times... some women will choose to sleep with a man even when he's said he doesn't want a relationship- all because they are truly hoping to change his mind with sex. Doesn't work.

[RedRobin]

She said there is a difference between gambling and gambling addiction. There is a difference between going to Atlantic City or Vegas and playing a few games vs blowing all your money in a casino.

 

 

ok... let's keep the analogy going...

 

 

If one is concerned about being involved with someone who may potentially develop a gambling addiction, then it is best to avoid those who enjoy gambling on a regular basis. Especially if they do it routinely and need to lie in order to do it.

 

 

... which in the case of men, I believe they do. I don't believe most men could get casual sex on their terms unless they lie about their intentions. So, in other words... casual sex guy = liar/manipulator = poor boundary management = someone who can't be trusted in a relationship.

 

 

I don't date women, so I don't know how a woman having casual sex translates to long term behavior or cheating. Since most women don't need to lie to get sex, perhaps there isn't as much of a correlation for women... unless it is aggregious.

 

 

In other words... a guy who has lots of casual sex is more likely to be a liar... which definitely correlates with cheating... while women who have casual sex, perhaps not so much... unless she also has low self esteem and exhibits poor boundary management.

[Woggle]

ok... let's keep the analogy going...

 

 

If one is concerned about being involved with someone who may potentially develop a gambling addiction, then it is best to avoid those who enjoy gambling on a regular basis. Especially if they do it routinely and need to lie in order to do it.

 

 

... which in the case of men, I believe they do. I don't believe most men could get casual sex on their terms unless they lie about their intentions. So, in other words... casual sex guy = liar/manipulator = poor boundary management = someone who can't be trusted in a relationship.

 

 

I don't date women, so I don't know how a woman having casual sex translates to long term behavior or cheating. Since most women don't need to lie to get sex, perhaps there isn't as much of a correlation for women... unless it is aggregious.

 

 

In other words... a guy who has lots of casual sex is more likely to be a liar... which definitely correlates with cheating... while women who have casual sex, perhaps not so much... unless she also has low self esteem and exhibits poor boundary management.

 

I don't know why men lie when they don't have to. A man can be 100% honest about casual sex and can still get it.

[Woggle]

Eek. Agree. Well at least she had your sympathy for a little while lol.

 

Yep, I'll have to agree that there are many women like that. Always used to being the heartbreaker, never the heartbroken. So she was probably taken back when you REALLY didn't fall for her like you said in the beginning. I can see how that can be a blow to someone who is used to making every male fall for her. That's also a deep-rooted issue within her that probably goes back long before you...

 

Which goes back to the point that is made on here many times... some women will choose to sleep with a man even when he's said he doesn't want a relationship- all because they are truly hoping to change his mind with sex. Doesn't work.

 

The funny thing is she used to complain about clingy men letting their emotions get involved but it seems that is what stroked her ego. At the time I didn't understand want what you can't have syndrome so I took her word when she said no strings attached.

[NYWoman]

Always has to be right, always has to have the last word.

 

 

Small wonder you were cheated on