It's hard enough going NC with MM, but I don't know if I can cut out his family

[MissTakes]

My MM is fairly young, doesn't have kids - it's just him, his wife, and their pets. We never talked about his marriage - he knew I would walk if he ever tried to blame something for our A besides the two of us. About the same time I met my MM, though, I was also introduced to his brother. The brother is one of the kindest and most honest people I've ever met, practically an advertisement for the perfect husband, father, brother, and friend. I absolutely adore him, his wife, and their kids.

 

The brother doesn't know anything about me and MM - he thinks we're just good friends with a rare but common interest. The thing about him not knowing, though, is that he sometimes instigates situations that make maintaining NC difficult, if not impossible. NC has been sort of up and down for me as it is - me and the MM talked on New Year's (and I ended that conversation by telling MM that I wanted to start the year on the right foot, and telling him off and to get out of my life was the right way to do it - woohoo!), we ran into each other recently, we had a conversation about how we should treat each other and communicate in the future, etc. Right now, I'd say our NC is more of a "he knows I don't want to hear anything from him at all, and that if he crosses any lines he will never hear from me again - but if he needs something, he can text me, and I will probably answer."

 

Well, the brother has big ideas for me. The last time I saw him, we got to talking about a business opportunity that he's been involved with for a long time, and how he thinks it would be a really good fit for me, as well. I didn't think I really had the experience to pull it off, and said as much. His reply? "Oh, you'd be great! Next time you're in town, you'll have to come hang out with me and [MM] and we'll show you the ropes. Get you set up on your own!"

 

Just thinking about this is killing me. I've been trying so hard not to burn any bridges throughout the A and post-A period, and the brother's friendship has become very important to me. Yes, talking with him always reminds me of MM, and maybe that's not healthy. But whether or not I had ever even met the MM, his brother is someone I would have wanted to become friends with. Has anyone else become close with friends or family of their AP? How did you handle it when/if you established NC?

[hippetyhop]

It is a hard situation.

 

I know my xMM as he is my brother-in-law's best friend. My xMM recently told me that he needs me as a friend more than anything just for right now (I have NO idea what is going on--he said everything will fall into place, "what will be will be", and it isn't the end; I don't believe him).

 

It is very, very tough for me to be around my sister and b-i-l as I don't know if they are going to drop anything about him, or them (xmm and bs). Unfortunately, until I feel comfortable and begin to be over him a bit, I distance myself. It is not fair to me to do that, and they know something is up, but have no idea. I can't necessarily tell them "I had an A with so and so and right now, we are on a break." My sis and her husband never had ANY idea that we were even talking. I never name dropped him in conversation.

 

It might be best for you to distance yourself for the time being. As for the business idea, just let him know that it isn't in your cards right now. He doesn't need a direct reason as it was just talks and you didn't commit to anything.