stu1234 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 (edited) We were together from 18 to 21 with a hiccup or two along the way but when I went away for uni we broke up. A week later she's been on holiday and met a man abroad who she is still with to this day. We had no contact from Sept to Dec when we began messaging until my phone broke before Xmas. A month away and when I turn my phone on I get texts off her so I ring, she has a new place I go to see her and stay over. (I love her but I know I shouldn't have gone) Anyway we are getting on amazingly look into eachothera eyes she says when she is with me there is nowhere shed rather be but the man in another country is making her feel very bad about herself. Like we were kissing a day or two ago and she broke down in tears. She feels bad about it and she had already booked a holiday for March to go to see him. I don't know if she will be able to live with having done it anyway. I don't know what to do. I want her but I don't know how much I can offer with uni. I don't know what my play is but I'm in the city till the end of the week and want to spend time with her but don't know if I should. Edited January 22, 2014 by stu1234 Link to post Share on other sites
emi Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 So you are saying you guys broken up because of the distance? If the distance was the problem, why would she get into a relationship with a man who is abroad? I think basically, she doesnt mind doing a LDR, its just she didnt want to be with you. And now her relationship with that man gone sour and you are happen to be available, so she just jump at it. I know you love her but better be caution, follow your gut. Dont be a backup plan Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 when I went away for uni we broke up. A week later she's been on holiday and met a man abroad who she is still with to this day. ... I go to see her and stay over. (I love her but I know I shouldn't have gone) You are stringing her along. Leave her alone. 1) You broke up and it doesn't look like you want to get back together with her. 2) You are undermining her current relationship for nothing. we were kissing a day or two ago and she broke down in tears. She feels bad about it and she had already booked a holiday for March to go to see him. 3) You are using her and she knows that. She's leaning towards stability instead of passion (the other man vs you), but she's clearly confused by your behavior. I don't know if she will be able to live with having done it anyway. She will. It's not about her guilt now. It's about you harming her. Because - let's be honest - if you really wanted her and were convinced about getting back together with her, you would have told her. I don't exclude that she slept with you to have you back. But it didn't work and you're just breaking her heart. I don't know how much I can offer with uni. Your words just make me think that you broke up for a reason and were OK with it. You just took a chance with getting in her pants. I don't know what my play is but I'm in the city till the end of the week and want to spend time with her but don't know if I should. Sure, you want your cake and eat it too. You can't use her just for when you're in town. Be blunt and tell her: I can have sex with you and spend time with you when I'm here, but when I leave, no strings attached, we're just as broken up as we were before. I don't feel like committing to you. You won't probably be welcome in her home next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stu1234 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 I see how you have dissected what I have said but I don't think your really aware of the scenario from it. We have been broken up for 5 months now and in that time I've never been with anyone else. I thought about her for a long time and I really care about her. I love her. I wasn't in it for the sex and I'm still not now. I'm not the sex maniac u think I am. I feel to a degree like a home wrecker but at the same time she's only met the guy once and they aren't compatable in the same way I feel me and her are and I have no doubts she would say likewise. She has been through a lot in the last year and I have always been there for her and I hope to be in the future. Having considered my options throughout the day I'm going to tell her that I'm developing more feelings for her every time I see her and I don't think it's going to helping so I'm not going to be able to spend time with her. Then it's up to her really. Link to post Share on other sites
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