"Return Customers" to online dating sites

[irc333]

Hi Import,

 

I appreciate your feedback. Taking a break could be feasible answer. Frustration may leak its way into my life...so who knows.

 

But trying to find "peace" within myself is something I"m trying to acheive, so taking a break from online dating may do it.

 

I find that non-online venues are less frustrating, because its more natural.

 

I did wnat to ask you this though, what does this say about women that are highly BITTER (and audibly so) IN their profiles.

 

SO many I have seen say, "YEah, I'm back on here again to take another shot at it, not sure why as most of the men here are losers , perverts, etc".

 

See, a lot of women seem to have an axe to grind or at least saying what I'm THINKING.

 

I even use it as an opener to sympathize with their plight in an initial email. LOL.

 

But would you say the same thing to them, Import?

 

It's like like it gets more frustrating for me as I see the "frustrated" women not wanting to get to know me, even if would like to wedge my way into a coffee date to PROVE I'm not like "those other guys".

 

But STILL they wont' give me a shot....THAT has been pretty much the tipping point for me.

 

ALSO, another frustrating aspect of online dating is those that seem to have a lot in common with me or I think is a GOOD match, wont' date me.

 

 

OH, I WANT To start a NEW post on this, but you know how someone is always stating, "You're just picking the WRONG people"?

 

I don't think I pick the WRONG people, I feel I'm picking the right people, but the feeling just isn't mutual.

 

IRC33,

 

I believe those women are using OLD for the same exact reason you are, they are online the same amount you are, they hide their profile and reshow it just like you do, they might even recreate profiles and close old ones like you do too.

 

They is no difference to the reason they are on there vs why you are on there, they are also in charge of their own lives, you have no way of knowing what it's like to be in these women's heads, you only guess it is to why they don't reply to you and assume you own reasons behind their motivation.

 

In reality it is probably true that many of those women are as happy with their lives as a person can be but they are missing the one person to connect with and make their lives totally complete, they have their reasons for not replying to you, why is it that you cannot accept that a person is allowed to make a decision in their own lives in OLD and not feel like they have to contact you or even be judged by you ?

 

It doesn't matter why they didn't reply to you, all that matters is that there is no connection.

 

Judging why and insinuating they have low self esteem or have set their bar so high it isn't achievable or they should be desperate and date anybody that comes along no matter how they fit into their lives just isn't your right, you don't know them or know why they are using OLD or even why they didn't reply to you.

 

They also don't know you and why you are using OLD, if I may ask why are you using OLD ?

 

It took me years to find the right woman using OLD, along the way I had many relationships that didn't pan out for whatever reason but I can tell you that the one thing I never did was second guess a woman's motivation online, all that mattered if she rejected me was there was no connection and next...

 

If your town is so small that you can not find anybody that you haven't contacted then maybe it is time for you to put OLD down for 6 months, close your account and become happy in your life again.. then go back out and restart the dating process again...

[MissBee]

Miss Bee. If someone, in a small town, is on OLD year after year after year. Either they have horrible taste in partners and can't learn....or they can't ever be satisfied. Hence they want perfect men.

 

The key thing is small town...it is very likely that the sample of people on a dating site from your small town are not people you're interested in. That doesn't mean you want someone perfect...it may really mean that your world is too small and you should go elsewhere.

 

But point is the OP has to be also on there year after year too, or else he'd not know who else was on it each year. So since he is also there yearly, how come it's not that he's looking for perfection??

 

OP knows nothing of the dating history of these women and what happens in these women's lives which results in them "coming back" so it is quite an illogical leap to assume it means they want perfection. As I said, relationships end! This is life. You could meet someone online, date for 3 weeks or 3 months and then break up...that is not because you're looking for perfection, it's because most people date a lot before ever finding something long term. Likewise outside of online dating, you meet people you might go out for a few dates or have a relationship for some months or years and it ends and you're back on the market.

[lollipopspot]

It's like like it gets more frustrating for me as I see the "frustrated" women not wanting to get to know me, even if would like to wedge my way into a coffee date to PROVE I'm not like "those other guys".

 

But STILL they wont' give me a shot....THAT has been pretty much the tipping point for me.

 

ALSO, another frustrating aspect of online dating is those that seem to have a lot in common with me or I think is a GOOD match, wont' date me.

 

irc, have you had someone/s earnestly critique your profile? I think you may need to reinvent your presentation a bit. It is possible that they way in which you are presenting yourself is off-putting or even a little scary (seriously) to women in OLD. I mean things like, in your picture is your gaze too intense? A lot of guys really don't realize that most women are constantly on alert for guys who seem "off" and may be dangerous in some way.

 

I haven't read many of your posts on this site, but from a few, you seem to have an intense and critical energy about women and dating. I know you're frustrated, but work on that! In my opinion, the more you can honestly present as an easy-going, good-natured guy who has plenty of interests and his **** together, the more desirable/less threatening you will seem.

 

Instead of seeing the problem lying with all of these women who aren't showing an interest in you, it may be most productive to look at yourself and how you can present yourself better and be a better partner to attract and keep these women

[irc333]

Been through all that the (reinvention of my profile thing), without much success, though I had gotten the MOST dates from online dating last year (appx 5) which is saying somthing I suppose. lol

 

You can only improve a profile so much, it's really up to the person on the other end whether or not they actually reply.

 

I get a kick out of job advice given to job seekers on how you can "improve your resume", but I have to laugh when it's really WHO you know that gets you a job.

 

Its simply the fact that a lot of single women have unrealistic expectations when seeking a mate and online dating has made them more selective.

 

Online dating has even made the most average looking of women wanting a successful adonis.

 

 

irc, have you had someone/s earnestly critique your profile? I think you may need to reinvent your presentation a bit. It is possible that they way in which you are presenting yourself is off-putting or even a little scary (seriously) to women in OLD. I mean things like, in your picture is your gaze too intense? A lot of guys really don't realize that most women are constantly on alert for guys who seem "off" and may be dangerous in some way.

 

I haven't read many of your posts on this site, but from a few, you seem to have an intense and critical energy about women and dating. I know you're frustrated, but work on that! In my opinion, the more you can honestly present as an easy-going, good-natured guy who has plenty of interests and his **** together, the more desirable/less threatening you will seem.

 

Instead of seeing the problem lying with all of these women who aren't showing an interest in you, it may be most productive to look at yourself and how you can present yourself better and be a better partner to attract and keep these women

[irc333]

it may be most productive to look at yourself and how you can present yourself better and be a better partner to attract and keep these women

 

I tend to dismiss this statement a lot. That somehow attracting women is up to ME.

 

I wash, wear cologne, and hold in my farts on date, open doors/pull out chairslol...but you get what I'm saying.

 

But I'm sure if I made a list of things that I've done to attract (not necessarily keep) women, you'd always find SOMETHING to criticize, and I had had attempted to take some of that advice and "report" back here....theny you'dsay' Well, you didn't do it the right way, here try that method you just did and do something else with it"

 

AND...wash....rinse, repeat.

 

There IS not real technique to attract women...why? BEcaues all women are different. What advice is given to attract women may work on some women, but not others.

 

 

Funny thing, someone gave me advice to change out the kind of shirt I had in my dating profile picture to something a bit more classy. Apparently, the shrit I had looked like Charlie Sheen's shirts in "Two and a Half Men", I've gotten compliments on that shirt from quite a few women, but the one that gave me advice figured that's "great", it might be impressive to women in person, but it could be "off putting" to women seeing it online.

 

That made NO sense whatsoever, I changed the shirt upon her advice, but....still nothing, it was just a bullsh*t answer. Funny thing the "Charlie Sheen'like" shirt was advice given to me by a woman to wear and she liked it, I used IT in my profile to see if I could garner attention....so it was like a domino effect. lol

 

I've taken teh advice of others, but at this point, I'm just going to "go with the flow" and let someone accept me for me.

 

I actually attracted a couple of them at one time, one I went out with recently that was actually was a bit pursuing me , but beleive it or not, it was a Meetup event which allowed face-to-face interaction that attracted her to me.

 

Online dating does not provide that.

 

Chances are and it's SIMPLE as this, just an example.. I am bald...if women dont like a bald guy, they really don't take ANYTHING ELSE in the profile into consideration. I actually had a woman tell me I looked older than she usually dates.

Edited January 27, 2014 by irc333

[almond]

I tend to dismiss this statement a lot. That somehow attracting women is up to ME.

 

I wash, wear cologne, and hold in my farts on date, open doors/pull out chairslol...but you get what I'm saying.

 

I genuinely do not intend to be rude or offend here, but your posts radiate negativity, resentment and bitterness. You appear to over-analyze relatively trivial interaction with women, and seem to be very frustrated and disillusioned. Many (most?) of your posts are peppered with generalised statements and criticisms towards women (unrealistic expectations, rude etc. etc.) You also seem to be very defensive at times, and are often on the offense perhaps in an attempt to combat this. It appears to take up much of your mental energy and time, and not in a positive way.

 

I'll spare you any more of the armchair psych analysis, but those are just my observations. Your writing across this forum sends off a vibe that will work strongly against you in the dating world - if the same vibe comes across in your online dating messages, and/or in real life, then I can see why you are experiencing issues. I also feel that if you don't address this, then you will continue to experience issues.

 

If you look into the possibility that this sort of thing might have been a factor in your previous failed dating attempts, you can work on it and improve your overall happiness and chances of finding a fulfilling relationship.

 

Again, I apologise if this has offended - just calling it how I see it and trying to help.