Ugh so I just looked through his phone for the first time...

[lovehurts5]

So I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and we moved in together 3 weeks ago. I just snooped through his phone for the first time ever and am not happy with what I found. He texted some girl who I've never heard of before and he asked why she didn't come to his restaurant (the one I'm not allowed at). Then she said she has a cold and he said you prob got it from me. And asked her out for drinks. Should I be worried? I don't know how to bring it up.....

[PegNosePete]

You're not allowed at his restaurant? What's that all about?

 

Sorry to say he's quite obviously cheating. Tell him you know he's cheating and that he should tell you everything, right now. Don't tell him how you found out, just say that you know everything already so he might as well admit it. He will lie lie lie of course, they always do. But if you insist that you know the truth and know he's lying, then maybe you'll get the real story. Just don't tell him that you snooped else he'll turn it around onto you. Keep the focus on HIS activities.

[veggirl]

Umm re-read the TONS of threads you have started about this guy. YES you should be worried. There is not doubt at all that he's likely been cheating on you for your entire relationship. Why did you move in with him? He treats you like s.hit....

[mammasita]

Umm re-read the TONS of threads you have started about this guy. YES you should be worried. There is not doubt at all that he's likely been cheating on you for your entire relationship. Why did you move in with him? He treats you like s.hit....

I had to go back and look.

 

OP, you obviously have personal issues and like being treated like $hit. I highly doubt you will EVER leave this guy since you just moved in with him despite red flag, after red flag after red flag.

 

Yes he's cheating, yes he's a douche.

[MidwestUSA]

What prompted you to look thru his phone?

 

Of course he's cheating on you. He's shown over and over that he doesn't respect you. He triggers your anxiety and insecurity constantly, but you still moved in with him? Tell me your name isn't on a lease and you can move out again without too much hassle.

 

Now me, I would keep quiet about having snooped, and find out when they're going to meet again. Then show up. Maybe buy them a round of drinks. If you let him know you've looked at his phone, he'll call you crazy then start deleting things and covering his tracks. Tread carefully and quietly.

[Zahara]

I went back and read your threads. Yes, you should have been worried a long, long time ago.

 

I'm not sure why you moved in with him -- maybe you thought that by moving in with him you would be able to change the dynamics of your relationship? I think he likes having you on the side, a guaranteed crutch while he toys with other women.

 

Your boyfriend is clearly cheating.

 

He's broken your confidence in yourself and that is why you can't see things for what they are.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, for Pete's sake.

 

Are you really asking this? Why? You already know the answers. It's sad because you enable this behaviour by not sticking it to him and getting rid of him. You did a very silly thing by moving in with him. What on earth made you think that would be a wise choice?

[Purepony]

I just looked up your threads and I didn't even bother reading them just by reading the titles is enough to tell me your painting yourself into a corner

[crederer]

why oh why would anyone put up with this? You do realize there are a lot of decent single guys, right? This guy isn't the pinnacle of men. Please tell me you know this.

[regine_phalange]

Don't bring it up. Leave like a lady, with the last drops of self respect you have left. Pack a suitcase, leave a "goodbye" note, and never answer to any calls, texts, emails from him.

[nescafe1982]

Don't bring it up. Leave like a lady, with the last drops of self respect you have left. Pack a suitcase, leave a "goodbye" note, and never answer to any calls, texts, emails from him.

 

I like the approach best. The most important thing is 1) distance, and 2) immediate no-contact. No reason at all to expose yourself to the drama of an argument over his cheating... it won't do you any good, he'll never cop to it, and it doesn't change the fact that this relationship is toxic and you need out.

 

Leave. Just leave.