jesienna31 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Hi, I posted my question before but still trully confused... i have this deep urge to send my xMM an email and appologize or at least explain my reasons for meeting up with this girl... WHat do you think? This is shortcut of my story again... I am sorry but it hurts and I feel bad what I have done... please help... I was dating a married men for over a year but after many attempts I finally decided to quit it. We knew it will never progress towards anything serious, we were more friends with benefits that anything else but I did develop feeling for him and it was much harder for me, especially that he had less and less time on his hands to see me. We always had mutual respect and I always respected the fact that he will not ever leave his wife. And I would never had intention to stir any drama or create problem. Going back to my question... he went for holidays with his wife. I did see him in the office shortly before he left to wish him a nice time. The fact that he went away gave me the space and time to breath and heal... In the meantime one of his friend's wife got in touch with me, she didn't know we were seeing each other. She is also a very good friend of his wife... (they both were suspicious at some point about me and him). I got to know her though him and I was invited once to her place since she had a baby. They all thought I am just work colleague but I think they had suspicious at some point... Anyway she asked how I was and I felt it was all OK so I invited her for a coffee.Maybe just to be percived as there is nothing to hide...Anyway, I suggested a coffee together in town without thinking about it twice. We chatted for like 3 hours, nothing about my married ex... We were with our kids so she wanted to take some pictures. Then I saw she posted them on Facebook... A bit too much for me... I trully didn't expect that to happen. Now I am sure my xMM and his wife saw that I was hanging out with her.. well it was all a bit strange since I did not plan or expect things to go this way. I was trying to maintain NC and now worried I simply jeopardised my efforts... Now I am worried he is angry at me? Shall I appologise that I saw her or was it all OK to go for a coffee? I don't want to keep foot in his life and I don't want him to think I am trying to... Did I made a mistake and shall I now reconsile? Please advise...How do I help this situation? Shall I send him an email and just tell him that I met her but it had nothing to do with him at all and I am sorry if I overcrossed the boundry? Link to post Share on other sites
Appreciate Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 No, don't initiate contact. That will only reinsert you back into his life or even give the impression that through your "apology" you are still interested in maintaining contact. NC means NC. If he reaches out to you, then fine, you should explain yourself. Yes, he's probably nervous about the fact you met up with the woman for coffee. The woman may have an ulterior motive. The wife may be monitoring his communications or the friend may be attempting to escalate further contact with you in order to learn more. Perhaps again over drinks? People get loose lipped. The two of you have already done enough damage, just leave him be. The only thing you should ever consider writing is a letter of apology to his wife for sleeping with her husband. Don't respect OM for not leaving his wife. There was little chance he ever would have. He had less and less time for you because you started developing feelings, and you were no longer his side piece but a potential threat to his marriage, family and lifestyle. Learn and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 Thanks for this answer... I think deep down I want things to be good between us simply because I probably I am so weak at the moment that I would like to slip back... Just forget about moving on from this situation, live in denial and once again enjoy the good times that we had... This is what my heart wants... But I know I can't. Do you think we could still be friends or stay on good terms after all that? Link to post Share on other sites
Snipercatt Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I probably I am so weak at the moment that I would like to slip back... I think that is probably true. Because of that, I don't think it is in your best interest to contact him. Can you be friends? Maybe, in the distant future, but not right now. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Do not send him an email. Do not contact him, his friends, his family, etc. I am not saying this to hurt you, but it will make you look desperate. Hugs. Just move on from the place you are at right now. That is the best course of action. While you are giving him all of this headspace, wanting to explain things to him, he is giving you nothing. You are wasting your time. Why not take this time to respect and love yourself? Again, if you contact him trying to explain yourself, you will look desperate. He will not respect you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesienna31 Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 Do not send him an email. Do not contact him, his friends, his family, etc. I am not saying this to hurt you, but it will make you look desperate. Hugs. Just move on from the place you are at right now. That is the best course of action. While you are giving him all of this headspace, wanting to explain things to him, he is giving you nothing. You are wasting your time. Why not take this time to respect and love yourself? Again, if you contact him trying to explain yourself, you will look desperate. He will not respect you. Thank you... Xx I will listen to your advice... Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Do you think we could still be friends or stay on good terms after all that? Hopefully if you work on moving on from this man, there will be a time that you will see he isn't your friend. Do your friends disrespect you? Do they hide you from their families? Can you call them at home, on vacation, any time if you need them? He is not your friend. Link to post Share on other sites
awkward Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Thank you... Xx I will listen to your advice... I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug. Know that you are not alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 One thing I do a lot is stop and think, 'how would this look if we weren't having an affair?" I would encourage you to live your life not wondering what he thinks. But, no...don't send an explanation email AND if you genuinely enjoy this woman's company, continue the friendship. But, NEVER, NEVER tell her about the affair. No matter how close you think you are or what secrets she may tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
SugarHibiscus Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 I wouldn't contact him about it. Just be careful not to tell the new friend anything about the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Appreciate Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Distance yourself from this person. She's in the first or second orbit of their marriage. If you become friends with her, you may spill your guts over time. That puts her in a position of mixed loyalties, and most likely it would get back to the BS. I'm in favor of the BS finding out so I don't know why I am giving you this advice other than I don't think this is a proper way for a BS to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyRock Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 I wonder if this mutual friend could be on a fact finding mission. I know its something I would do. Might be helping her friend by feeling you out. Link to post Share on other sites
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