Worst. Internet date. EVER.

[deathandtaxes]

He was good looking, duh.

 

 

 

QFT

 

 

And from other women's responses to various OLD topics, most men are usually screened out by their pictures...

[MrTurk]

Last night I went out on an Internet date with someone at a Starbucks. I could tell it was a bad sign when when we were communicating via text and I asked him for a location where we should meet he said "I don't care, you pick." When someone literally says "I don't care" they won't about a lot of other things as well.

 

 

I met him there, I was waiting inside and he comes in shivering because it was 8 degrees out and he had no coat on. I said "Why don't you have any clothes on?" he said he couldn't afford to get a new coat. I had on long underwear under my clothes but wasn't about to point that out to him. After we got our coffees, we sat down and I tried to have a conversation with him. I was in pain, truly. I just got yes/no answers out of him. I tried to offer more information about me without sounding like I was boasting about myself, hoping he would latch onto something and we would go off on a tangent about something. No luck. I asked where he went to high school, he said he went to (Name) and said "Yeah, I was a dummy, I could barely get through so they put me in this vocational program." I asked what he did, he said he built scaffolding, before I said anything else he said defensively "I like it."

 

 

I did something that I had never done before, I told him I had someplace else I had to be that night (after a grand total of being together for 30 minutes, a new record on my part for shortest amount of time spent). I said, just so we were on the same page "I doubt we will be seeing or speaking to each other after tonight." He said "Yeah." I said "You're a good guy and all, but I don't think we are really right for one another." He said "No, not by a long shot." I said "Thank you for the evening though." I gave him my hand to shake it, he wouldn't take it. I think he was offended or something. I got up and said "Good night" and walked out.

 

 

I guess I can pat myself on the back for good communications but otherwise he seemed a little defensive. Just got a bad feeling from him.

 

 

How do guys like the OP met even get to this stage of meeting a woman in person? If he is that bad in person, there is no way he could have been so much better over email, text, or the phone. It boggles my mind that men like this can get women to meet them in the first place. Are women meeting these men just because they are attractive, and then they realize what utter morons the guys are? I write "paragraphs" to women…and always have interesting attentive conversations with them. And I can't even get a reply 99% of the time. Can someone please tell me what these guys are doing to make women think it's worth going to meet them in person????

[MrCastle]

How do guys like the OP met even get to this stage of meeting a woman in person? If he is that bad in person, there is no way he could have been so much better over email, text, or the phone. It boggles my mind that men like this can get women to meet them in the first place. Are women meeting these men just because they are attractive, and then they realize what utter morons the guys are? I write "paragraphs" to women…and always have interesting attentive conversations with them. And I can't even get a reply 99% of the time. Can someone please tell me what these guys are doing to make women think it's worth going to meet them in person????

 

You nailed part of it. Looks. I mean, let's be honest, OLD is very superficial.

 

But then after the looks stage, the person decides which person they want to see. Maybe one good looking guy's profile had some red flags in it, and another good looking guy's profile was decent. Not totally interesting, but no big time warning signs either. A "meh" profile, if you will.

 

The woman meets the man with the meh profile to see if he saved his personality for in-person, and then either he did, or he didn't.

[pickflicker]

Party foul, OP. You should have just said 'thanks for meeting, but I have to go' when you didn't want to stay any longer.

 

 

And how did you two ever go out in the first place?

 

As others have said, his photo must have been gorgeous. These guys show themselves in their communication with you, they don't suddenly turn into trolls on a face-to-face date.

[StanMusial]

As others have said, his photo must have been gorgeous. These guys show themselves in their communication with you, they don't suddenly turn into trolls on a face-to-face date.

 

Looks like this prince turned into a frog.

 

Wamp, wamp.

[Mrlonelyone]

Probably best not to tell someone in person "I doubt I will ever want to see you or speak to you again" (basically what you said.) Seems to be unnecessarily hurtful and have a good chance of causing a scene, or worse.

 

You sounded ill-matched to the point that it should have been easy to avoid wasting your time with a meeting. Maybe work a bit harder on weeding them out online next time?

 

Actually I think that most people will react the way that guy did. They won't be happy to hear it, but they'd rather hear that than be misled.

 

I 've known men and women who will pretend to be enjoying themselves. I mean really physically enjoying themselves. Then they do a 180 latter.

[BikerAccnt]

That sounds pretty dismal. I'll say though, took some balls to say what you did to his face. Who knows what kind of a person he could have been.

 

I'm gonna have to watch out for you, make sure I don't match with you on OLD since I'm in your neck of the woods. I can take rejection but...whew lol

 

Good luck ...try Arabica next time, maybe it will go better.

Edited January 23, 2014 by BikerAccnt

[Eau Claire]

The guy had no coat...seemingly only half there.

 

As a woman I would never mention anything about not wanting to see him again. I'd politely say thank you when we parted and that would be my last contact. No idea how this guy might react.

 

This has nothing to do with being frank or when to let the other person know you are not a match...there are arguments on both sides....but about a woman putting her safety first.

[Mrlonelyone]

The guy had no coat...seemingly only half there.

 

As a woman I would never mention anything about not wanting to see him again. I'd politely say thank you when we parted and that would be my last contact. No idea how this guy might react.

 

This has nothing to do with being frank or when to let the other person know you are not a match...there are arguments on both sides....but about a woman putting her safety first.

 

Safety first....? That's why you meet in a coffee shop around dozens of people in a well lit public place.

 

Further most men are nowhere near so invested that they would act out about rejection when they are just meeting a woman. The man you've been married to is more likely to hurt you in the end than some guy you internet date.

[Aquanut]

Good point. If I were a woman I would consider doing the not a match thing electronically from the safety of my home and not tell this stranger in person.

 

I stopped weeding out personalities before meeting. I didn't want to waste a lot of time getting to know someone before a first meeting when often you could decide soneone wasn't for you within 5-10 minutes of meeting. As soon as I was confident I wasn't dealing with an axe murderer I would schedule a meet and greet at a safe time and public location. I learned this the hard way. I talked to someone a long time and created this fantasy of her in my mind but when we finally met there was ZERO physical attraction. It takes a lot of time and energy to get to know someone so I decided from now on to answer the attraction question before making the investment. It worked a lot better.

[Eau Claire]

Safety first....? That's why you meet in a coffee shop around dozens of people in a well lit public place.

 

Further most men are nowhere near so invested that they would act out about rejection when they are just meeting a woman. The man you've been married to is more likely to hurt you in the end than some guy you internet date.

 

It's not about 'most' men. It is about one man. A complete stranger who has already shown some questionable behaviour.

 

Men who are considerate go out of their way to make a woman feel comfortable on their first meet. We women respect this in a man and it goes a long way in creating initial chemistry. We want to be protected and made to feel secure....no different than women have for thousands of years.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Seems a little harsh and classless, to be honest. What's wrong with parting ways and saying 'it was good to meet you, take care!' and then IF he contacts you, saying 'I had a great time but I'm not sure there's much chemistry between us. Good to meet you, and good luck!'

 

Sounds like you were so annoyed that he didn't put enough effort in/seem to like you, you had to get a jab in before he left because you knew he wouldn't get back in touch again. I am sorry if I'm way off the mark but that's certainly how it appears.

[Els]

If the date only lasted thirty minutes with a very stunted conversation, it should have been very obvious to the guy that you were not going to meet him again. Unless the guy was really clueless on reading how well a date was going it probably was unnecessary to tell him that you were not going to meet again.

 

This. Some things are better left unsaid IMO.

 

Even if he was clueless and asked you out again later on, you could have said, "No thanks" then. It seems pretty pointless and over-dramatic to say what you did during the date itself.

[andi23009u782]

It’s a horrible date ever. Someone can’t communicate at all, it’s a disaster , and totally waste time.

I think he should notice that it’s not a good chat at all. But you were polite, but he didnt shake hand to end this up and say goodbye. It’s a little bit immature

[truth_seeker]

Sounds like you were so annoyed that he didn't put enough effort in/seem to like you, you had to get a jab in before he left because you knew he wouldn't get back in touch again. I am sorry if I'm way off the mark but that's certainly how it appears.

 

I agree with you. She was upset with his lackluster attitude and showed her vindictive side. It's women like this who end up single for long stretches or in and out of many relationships. I just hope the OP isn't one of those: "I can't meet any good men" types.

[SYLLPalmer]

The guy clearly wasn't interested in her so it should have been no surprise when she said, essentially, there's no future.

 

It sounded like the guy was a douche bag with massive baggage. Rich, poor, stupid, brilliant? It makes no difference if you have no manners.

 

The OP is young. I think she did excellent. Girls mature more quickly than boys. We don't reach full maturity until the age of 28. The best possible out come for him is that her words penetrated and woke his slumbering ass up. It has to sting. Pain is a wonderful and powerful motivator for us all.

[lollipopspot]

I just hope the OP isn't one of those: "I can't meet any good men" types.

 

Why? Do you feel like she just passed up a good guy but was too picky?

[SYLLPalmer]

I agree with you. She was upset with his lackluster attitude and showed her vindictive side. It's women like this who end up single for long stretches or in and out of many relationships. I just hope the OP isn't one of those: "I can't meet any good men" types.

 

I think it is women like this that can and do mold men out of hunks of spoiled meat. Mama made them that way and we have to undo it. The flip side to your human representation is the dude who can't change. He sits waiting for Hustler whilst he whines about cute, stuck-up girls with unmeetable high standards.

[InnocentMan]

Good point. If I were a woman I would consider doing the not a match thing electronically from the safety of my home and not tell this stranger in person.

 

I stopped weeding out personalities before meeting. I didn't want to waste a lot of time getting to know someone before a first meeting when often you could decide soneone wasn't for you within 5-10 minutes of meeting. As soon as I was confident I wasn't dealing with an axe murderer I would schedule a meet and greet at a safe time and public location. I learned this the hard way. I talked to someone a long time and created this fantasy of her in my mind but when we finally met there was ZERO physical attraction. It takes a lot of time and energy to get to know someone so I decided from now on to answer the attraction question before making the investment. It worked a lot better.

 

Yea, because axe murders are never charming, handsome, passable humans. You can totally tell after a few e-mails, if someone is going to chop you up or not.

 

It's scary how quickly women are meeting men these days, all under the guise of 'not wasting time'. The irony is, because they haven't taken a month or so to get to know someone, it inevitably ends up a waste of time, and usually awkward.

 

Everyone is in such a rush these days. Most of these pointless coffee dates are easily avoided. You didn't even know this dudes occupation, or whether or not he even owned a coat. What did you know? His name, and the fact he didn't look hideous?

 

Communicating a little beforehand can all add to the suspense, and romance of meeting someone new, and feels much less like meeting a total stranger. This must have it now attitude, to see if there is any of this mysterious chemistry, is truly depressing. It's human beings you are dealing with. It's not a new pair of shoes that you must try on yesterday.

 

I'm not saying it was you that initiated the swift meet-up. The same applies for both sexes. You can't judge a person on a 30 minute coffee date. People have bad days, get nervous, lose coats etc. One of these days, in your haste, you will miss somebody great, all because you judged them on a 30 minute interaction.

 

I'm not saying it was this guy, because not having a coat in this weather is just bonkers.

[truth_seeker]

Why? Do you feel like she just passed up a good guy but was too picky?

 

No. I think it was unnecessary of her to tell him she would not be speaking to him again. It makes her look petty and vindictive. All she had to do was put on a good face, say "it was nice meeting you" and leave. No need to take shots. Women who take shots usually are the types who find themselves single and miserable.

[ChessPieceFace]

No. I think it was unnecessary of her to tell him she would not be speaking to him again. It makes her look petty and vindictive. All she had to do was put on a good face, say "it was nice meeting you" and leave. No need to take shots. Women who take shots usually are the types who find themselves single and miserable.

 

I sort of agree, except I don't think the OP saw herself as "taking a shot at him." If she did then she would have understood his response to it. I think it's more of a lack of social understanding. There's a difference between her intention and the result.

[mortensorchid]

Wow, such passionate responses to this tale! Ha ha ha ... But seriously though, to answer a few questions:

 

 

Was he attractive? Meh.

 

 

What attracted me to him online? The fact that he took the time out to return my messages and suggested that we meet. Most of the time all you do is talk back and forth about things.

 

 

Face to face was a different matter than text on your phone or email on a website. Talking to him was like pulling teeth, all I got was yes/no answers. I tried to get him to talk about something but it didn't work.

 

 

The future? The reason I said what I did at the end of it was because I did not know how intelligent he was (that sounds harsh). He MIGHT think that there was no awkwardness or there was some kind of chemistry. Best to nip it in the bud before he got hopeful. It's happened before, and it was bad.

[MissBee]

Last night I went out on an Internet date with someone at a Starbucks. I could tell it was a bad sign when when we were communicating via text and I asked him for a location where we should meet he said "I don't care, you pick." When someone literally says "I don't care" they won't about a lot of other things as well.

 

 

I met him there, I was waiting inside and he comes in shivering because it was 8 degrees out and he had no coat on. I said "Why don't you have any clothes on?" he said he couldn't afford to get a new coat. I had on long underwear under my clothes but wasn't about to point that out to him. After we got our coffees, we sat down and I tried to have a conversation with him. I was in pain, truly. I just got yes/no answers out of him. I tried to offer more information about me without sounding like I was boasting about myself, hoping he would latch onto something and we would go off on a tangent about something. No luck. I asked where he went to high school, he said he went to (Name) and said "Yeah, I was a dummy, I could barely get through so they put me in this vocational program." I asked what he did, he said he built scaffolding, before I said anything else he said defensively "I like it."

 

 

I did something that I had never done before, I told him I had someplace else I had to be that night (after a grand total of being together for 30 minutes, a new record on my part for shortest amount of time spent). I said, just so we were on the same page "I doubt we will be seeing or speaking to each other after tonight." He said "Yeah." I said "You're a good guy and all, but I don't think we are really right for one another." He said "No, not by a long shot." I said "Thank you for the evening though." I gave him my hand to shake it, he wouldn't take it. I think he was offended or something. I got up and said "Good night" and walked out.

 

 

I guess I can pat myself on the back for good communications but otherwise he seemed a little defensive. Just got a bad feeling from him.

 

Sounds horrible.

 

I wouldn't have said this part though:

 

I said, just so we were on the same page "I doubt we will be seeing or speaking to each other after tonight." He said "Yeah." I said "You're a good guy and all, but I don't think we are really right for one another."

 

 

I would have just told him I had to go and "Take care of yourself!" That would've gotten the message across and if it didn't and he reached out later that's when I'd say I don't think we're quite a match. I also wouldn't have shaken his hand, lol, that's awkward. We didn't just have a business meeting. A simple "Alright, I have to leave now. Take care" would have sufficed. The other stuff just made it more awkward and seemed a bit patronizing IMO.

Edited January 23, 2014 by MissBee

[almond]

The future? The reason I said what I did at the end of it was because I did not know how intelligent he was (that sounds harsh). He MIGHT think that there was no awkwardness or there was some kind of chemistry. Best to nip it in the bud before he got hopeful. It's happened before, and it was bad.

 

Not a bad idea in any sense, but perhaps a bit of sugar coating wouldn't have been such a terrible thing. You can still get your point across without being abrasive, eg: "Okay I must head off now, but take care and good luck in the future."

[Lady2163]

I'm going to ask this again...are you really too busy to send a "no thanks" text or email later? Why did you feel the need to do it at that very moment?

 

How would you feel if someone did that to you?

 

I'd be mortified if someone said that to me in public and I had to respond. God, it would be even worse if I thought the date had been going well and he leaves me with that.

 

The other thing is: if it was as bad for him, he probably wouldn't have bothered to contact you later, so you never would have had to say anything.