Worst. Internet date. EVER.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Not seeing the big deal myself...this is OLD, put on your big girl/boy pants and at least be a little honest with people and your intentions.

 

It didn't come off to me as weird/rude what she said...however it was extremely rude for him to just yes/no answer questions, he completely seemed disinterested and instead of saying he wasn't interested he just farted around because he didn't have the balls to say "sorry, this isn't going to work out...plus I'm an idiot without a coat in really cold weather, I'll just go now"

 

She's the one that essentially had to be the man or grown-up about the situation because this guy is basically acting like an infant and you're mad at her for talking to him like the man-child he is? give me a break, good riddance.

 

My only "discrepancy" with the situation is she said he was a good guy etc...that was just padding after the fact, but still you say some things wrong in the moment you can't take back...it seems like she was making the total and complete effort...next time she should put more effort into screening guys out like this...but still, if she talked to him over the phone and messages and he seemed fine and then ended up going out to have a coffee, not the greatest fault in world...that's better than the story ending "so we went back to his place, slept together...and now he hasn't called me in 2 days...should I be worried?" after a retard date like that...LS has shown me anything is possible!

 

I think you handled it well...you got to have a thick skin when doing OLD a bit IMO and albeit you shouldn't say things to intentional hurt other people...it doesn't mean you can't say anything when they're being that dumb...I mean someones got to tell them right? how you gonna learn? people need to stop being so sensitive, this was far from rude judging by his demeanor/behavior...that to me was completely inappropriate, why even go out on the date and waste someones time? and then you expect someone to not tell it like it is? ha! grow some quevos man.

[Emilia]

Communicating a little beforehand can all add to the suspense, and romance of meeting someone new, and feels much less like meeting a total stranger. This must have it now attitude, to see if there is any of this mysterious chemistry, is truly depressing. It's human beings you are dealing with. It's not a new pair of shoes that you must try on yesterday.

 

I'm not saying it was you that initiated the swift meet-up. The same applies for both sexes. You can't judge a person on a 30 minute coffee date. People have bad days, get nervous, lose coats etc. One of these days, in your haste, you will miss somebody great, all because you judged them on a 30 minute interaction.

 

I'm not saying it was this guy, because not having a coat in this weather is just bonkers.

I see what you mean but talking to internet strangers for longer has the danger of building up a fantasy in your mind that's completely different from the real person. People have the tendency to fill in the gaps themselves.

 

I think you can judge whether you are likely to get on with someone in 30 minutes during a coffee date. I think most people out in the world would never be a match for you and you can tell as soon as you meet them. You just don't mesh. Online you waste eachother's time and in real life you wouldn't give them 2 minutes because there is nothing.

 

I'm a big fan of meeting up quickly. Don't build 'online chemistry' and false expectations with false intimacy. I see those stories here all the time.

[ThatMan]

Some basic internet dating safety tips:

 

• Continue meeting in public places.
  
• Consider actually speaking to dating prospects before meeting them.
  
• Skype and Voxel are two phone apps that allow you to speak over the phone without having to disclose your phone number.
  

There must have been some reason why you've agreed to meet this man in the first place. But there's probably several ways to continue putting yourself out there without going through these experiences. One thing I'd like you to think about is the fact that he wasn't wearing a coat. Most community centers throughout the country typically offer programs to help the financially challenged get a coat. While thrift stores, goodwin, and the salvation army can also be helpful... There was no reason for that guy to show up without a coat when even the homeless can procure something to wear.

 

...My point being that he displayed some very bizarre behavior that would even make me wary of him, even in public. When people are that strange, I hope that you'll think about your safety first, and that being open and honest will come last.

[BeholdtheMan]

And from other women's responses to various OLD topics, most men are usually screened out by their pictures...

 

Nooo...and here I was thinking that women just want kind, considerate guys who treat them with respect

[PegNosePete]

As a guy I would very much prefer to be told on the spot if I had no chance of a 2nd date. It would save me from wondering, planning, asking, etc. I could concentrate my efforts elsewhere. My ego can take rejection, I've had so much practice you see

 

Seriously I wish all my (unsuccessful) first meets would say exactly what you said, it would make things a hell of a lot simpler.

[InnocentMan]

I see what you mean but talking to internet strangers for longer has the danger of building up a fantasy in your mind that's completely different from the real person. People have the tendency to fill in the gaps themselves.

 

I think you can judge whether you are likely to get on with someone in 30 minutes during a coffee date. I think most people out in the world would never be a match for you and you can tell as soon as you meet them. You just don't mesh. Online you waste eachother's time and in real life you wouldn't give them 2 minutes because there is nothing.

 

I'm a big fan of meeting up quickly. Don't build 'online chemistry' and false expectations with false intimacy. I see those stories here all the time.

 

I wasn't implying that it's a good idea to chat for a year, and name all your future children before you even meet. I just think a few weeks spent actually getting to know someone, can prevent a lot of situations like this.

 

If you think you can tell if you click from a 30 minute coffee date, how is that much different from a 30 minute chat on skype? (pheromones aside) The internets is a great way to avoid unnecessary human interactions. If a woman wants to meet me within 2/3 days of our first interaction online, I immediately put her in the crackpot category.

Edited January 23, 2014 by InnocentMan

[Emilia]

I wasn't implying that's it's a good idea to chat for a year, and name all your future children before you even meet. I just think a few weeks spent actually getting to know someone, can save a lot of wasted situations like this.

A 'few weeks' in my opinion is enough to build false expectations. You can't get to know a person without meeting them face to face. I think it's best to meet as soon as possible because they are complete strangers. This is how it would work in real life too if you met someone through friends.

If you think you can tell if you click from a 30 minute coffee date, how is that much different from a 30 minute chat on skype? (pheromones aside) The internets is a great way to avoid unnecessary human interactions. If a woman wants to meet me within 2/3 days of our first interaction online, I immediately put her in the crackpot category.

You can't put the pheromones to the side. They are essential. It's not just that though, I think seeing how that person handles every day life, whether they are polite to the coffee shop staff, whether they know how to interact socially, their skills, behaviour, etc cannot be gauged without meeting them in person and essentially in public. I know sometimes people chat on skype because they are long distance but really I think it's poor substitute.

 

See the fact that you are using the phrase 'unnecessary human interactions' would make me feel I'm incompatible with you because it makes you sound too closed off to human contact. It's kind of what many of us want to avoid with internet strangers: meeting someone who isn't comfortable socially. You can see it as crackpot I suppose, it's your right but many of us want to avoid the socially awkward.

[InnocentMan]

A 'few weeks' in my opinion is enough to build false expectations. You can't get to know a person without meeting them face to face. I think it's best to meet as soon as possible because they are complete strangers. This is how it would work in real life too if you met someone through friends.

 

You can't put the pheromones to the side. They are essential. It's not just that though, I think seeing how that person handles every day life, whether they are polite to the coffee shop staff, whether they know how to interact socially, their skills, behaviour, etc cannot be gauged without meeting them in person and essentially in public. I know sometimes people chat on skype because they are long distance but really I think it's poor substitute.

 

See the fact that you are using the phrase 'unnecessary human interactions' would make me feel I'm incompatible with you because it makes you sound too closed off to human contact. It's kind of what many of us want to avoid with internet strangers: meeting someone who isn't comfortable socially. You can see it as crackpot I suppose, it's your right but many of us want to avoid the socially awkward.

 

lol

 

I'm perfectly comfortable in any social situation, and have no problem with human contact. The problem I have, is meeting someone for coffee for a potentially mind-numbing 30 minutes of my life, especially when it could have been avoided.

 

I don't do OLD, because I find the whole process unnatural, and probably the worst way you could ever meet a partner. Attitudes like this do nothing to convince me otherwise.

[Andy_K]

lol

 

I'm perfectly comfortable in any social situation, and have no problem with human contact. The problem I have, is meeting someone for coffee for a potentially mind-numbing 30 minutes of my life, especially when it could have been avoided.

 

I don't do OLD, because I find the whole process unnatural, and probably the worst way you could ever meet a partner. Attitudes like this do nothing to convince me otherwise.

 

What, so you'd rather spend hours getting to know them online than 30 minutes in real life? Call me crazy but I think that meeting early saves time, not wastes it.

[Zeroes]

I think around 7-10 days is a decent time to chat online/phone/text before deciding to meet in a public place. It's enough time to gauge interest and sort of get to know each other, and it gives you both something to talk about when you do actually meet, rather than just starting a date on a blank canvas which to me is just awkward. On the other hand, it doesn't waste time and if the reality isn't what you're expecting, it isn't too much of a let down. You just say your goodbye's and move on.

 

This is what I used to do when I did Online Dating anyway, I never did that whole multi-dating thing, meeting a man every 3 days, I preferred to focus on one at a time, it didn't do me any harm, as after only a few dates, I met my ex which lasted a long time, so it can't be that bad of a "strategy"?

 

OP, the only thing I think you did wrong was tell him you weren't interested in meeting him again on the date, I think it's better to just be courteous, and then do it by text later, but I do know what you mean about having dates with men who are crappy conversationalists, talking to them is like pulling teeth, they come across as not interested.

[InnocentMan]

What, so you'd rather spend hours getting to know them online than 30 minutes in real life? Call me crazy but I think that meeting early saves time, not wastes it.

 

I'd rather meet any potential partner the normal way, in real life. That's the way I've met 99.9% of all my partners. I'm just passing comment on the thread, I have no real interest either way.

 

If I did lose all my self-esteem and decide to do OLD, I certainly wouldn't be meeting randoms after a few days of exchanging e-mails. It would have to be something pretty unique to get me to meet anyone from the internets.

 

I know it works for some people, and good luck to them. Who am I to judge....

[soccerrprp]

I'd rather meet any potential partner the normal way, in real life.

 

Once you meet, IT IS IN REAL LIFE. The process and method getting there was different, that's all.

 

I know it works for some people, and good luck to them. Who am I to judge....

 

It works for a lot of people. It's another way to meet and it has less to do with self-esteem than some may think.

 

The one thing that turns me off about this date, that makes it exceptional, is the way the OP rejected the guy. Everything else, based on her account, seemed like a routine uninterested or non-confident guy who doesn't have his act together. BUT, the OP's superfluous response and "pissed-offness" was too much, imho.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Yeah...I don't get the whole meeting people right away either...the advantage of doing OLD is you get to know someone a little bit better before actually being thrown into a direct interaction with someone whom...you may not even find yourself that interested or compatible in dating after getting to know them a bit.

 

I'm not saying physical attraction/allure/chemistry isn't important....it's just more important for me to make sure I'm meeting someone of actual interest and potential first on other levels, there's definitely virtues I can detect by talking to someone...it's a waste of time for me to meet someone otherwise and just go in blindly swinging unless I guess I'm bored and don't give a damn...which I'm never that bored or hardly giving a damn.

 

I've never had difficulty determining compatibility personally and that's what I really attribute my personal "success" to in meeting people whom I am never really shocked by, I have a good idea of the person I'm meeting, things they might not have shared over a cup of coffee in a public place...however If i met people on a whim and didn't have any ability to gauge what I'm looking for then I'm sure I'd have wasted plenty more time meeting people I had no interest in, having my share of stories like these as well...plus for me, that's an effort to meet, it's not just a casual/normal thing like picking up some Chinese take-out.

 

And even if it didn't work out, even if the attraction wasn't there...at least I'd respect that person and be able to part amicably, it wasn't a waste of time having gotten to know them even if it didn't end up all that I was looking for...so life doesn't always turn out your way, boohoo.

 

People talk about "wasting time" and the funny thing is more often than not the people who say that seem to do exactly that in the end. Some things you just can't rush, you got to use more of that head on your shoulders and know what you want and looking for and stick to that, instead of throwing dust in the wind...finding the right person is definitely one of those things, you can't control that...assuming that's what you're even looking for.

[Emilia]

I'd rather meet any potential partner the normal way, in real life. That's the way I've met 99.9% of all my partners.

Oh I agree. OLD isn't for me, it's a numbers game and essentially that's not how I prefer to conduct my dating life. I meet enough men in real life thank god, the only time I had to resort to OLD was when I had to be careful with money and I wasn't out and about all that much. Meeting through interests/social circles is a million times better. Here I do agree about taking your time.

 

It beats me though how people can compare getting to know someone in real life slowly to online slowly. The internet is really no substitute for normal human interaction. It's really bizarre that anyone would think that. In my opinion anyway.

[InnocentMan]

Once you meet, IT IS IN REAL LIFE. The process and method getting there was different, that's all.

 

 

 

It works for a lot of people. It's another way to meet and it has less to do with self-esteem than some may think.

 

The one thing that turns me off about this date, that makes it exceptional, is the way the OP rejected the guy. Everything else, based on her account, seemed like a routine uninterested or non-confident guy who doesn't have his act together. BUT, the OP's superfluous response and "pissed-offness" was too much, imho.

 

Yea i know. OLD is full of busy professionals, with their **** together, who just don't have time to find a date. Those types may account for about 0.0001 of the entire OLD population. We both know that the majority of OLD users are the basket cases of society. It's hardly shocking when you meet one after a couple of days interaction, and the dude doesn't even own a coat, in the midst of winter.

 

In 50 years, no-one will interact socially with the aim of finding a partner. We will all probably let our smart phones decide who is our best match, and have it arrange appropriate coffee dates. It's all rather sad.

[soccerrprp]

Yeah...I don't get the whole meeting people right away either...the advantage of doing OLD is you get to know someone a little bit better before actually being thrown into a direct interaction with someone whom...you may not even find yourself that interested or compatible in dating after getting to know them a bit.

 

I'm not saying physical attraction/allure/chemistry isn't important....it's just more important for me to make sure I'm meeting someone of actual interest and potential first on other levels, there's definitely virtues I can detect by talking to someone...it's a waste of time for me to meet someone otherwise and just go in blindly swinging unless I guess I'm bored and don't give a damn...which I'm never that bored or hardly giving a damn.

 

I've never had difficulty determining compatibility personally and that's what I really attribute my personal "success" to in meeting people whom I am never really shocked by, I have a good idea of the person I'm meeting, things they might not have shared over a cup of coffee in a public place...however If i met people on a whim and didn't have any ability to gauge what I'm looking for then I'm sure I'd have wasted plenty more time meeting people I had no interest in, having my share of stories like these as well...plus for me, that's an effort to meet, it's not just a casual/normal thing like picking up some Chinese take-out.

 

And even if it didn't work out, even if the attraction wasn't there...at least I'd respect that person and be able to part amicably, it wasn't a waste of time having gotten to know them even if it didn't end up all that I was looking for...so life doesn't always turn out your way, boohoo.

 

People talk about "wasting time" and the funny thing is more often than not the people who say that seem to do exactly that in the end. Some things you just can't rush, you got to use more of that head on your shoulders and know what you want and looking for and stick to that, instead of throwing dust in the wind...finding the right person is definitely one of those things, you can't control that...assuming that's what you're even looking for.

 

How long should she have communicated before meeting? People in so-called real-life dating waste no time at all before dating. In fact, people in real-life take even less time to get to know someone before meeting.

 

Online dating gives one the luxury to chat/email/communicate before deciding to meet. It may be BS, but BS occurs in RLD too. After hearing from people who don't date online and still have most of the SAME problems as people who OLD, real life dating seems OVER-rated at the expense of OLD.

 

I've said this before, but I've met some outstanding, quality, lovely women OLD. I'm involved with one now and very much in love. I just don't see RLD dating being so much better.

[Emilia]

I've said this before, but I've met some outstanding, quality, lovely women OLD. I'm involved with one now and very much in love. I just don't see RLD dating being so much better.

I would certainly concede the point that no 1 is the emotional health and quality of the person who is looking to date and no 2 is the method of meeting. Certainly agree with you on that.

[PegNosePete]

I've met quite a few women off OLD and every single one has been normal, nice, and genuine. Sure we don't always get on romantically but I have never had these "nightmare" dates that people go on about.

 

I normally send between 3 and 7 messages on the OLD site, then ask for a phone number, give a short (5-10 minute) phone call to ask her to meet up at the weekend or even an evening in the week, then maybe exchange 5-10 text messages before then. My formula seems to work pretty well for me. I get a response rate to my messages of around 10% which for a guy on OLD is pretty high. I would say that around 70-80% of those who reply to my initial message lead to a real life meeting, which comparing to others stats seems very high. But then I am quite picky about who I write to, I make sure I think we're a good match and share interests, and I don't message women who don't put any effort into their profile or just write stupid and/or crazy stuff.

[soccerrprp]

Yea i know. OLD is full of busy professionals, with their **** together, who just don't have time to find a date. Those types may account for about 0.0001 of the entire OLD population. We both know that the majority of OLD users are the basket cases of society. It's hardly shocking when you meet one after a couple of days interaction, and the dude doesn't even own a coat, in the midst of winter.

 

In 50 years, no-one will interact socially with the aim of finding a partner. We will all probably let our smart phones decide who is our best match, and have it arrange appropriate coffee dates. It's all rather sad.

 

I must concede to much of what you said in your first paragraph. The second one got me thinking that, if true, we, as a society, are simply recycling to old traditions, but using technology instead. I was thinking about arranged marriages. It still happens, of course. But, the use of smart phones to determine our matches sort of reminds me of techie version of arranging marriages or partnerships....

[BikerAccnt]

I'd rather meet any potential partner the normal way, in real life. That's the way I've met 99.9% of all my partners. I'm just passing comment on the thread, I have no real interest either way.

 

If I did lose all my self-esteem and decide to do OLD, I certainly wouldn't be meeting randoms after a few days of exchanging e-mails. It would have to be something pretty unique to get me to meet anyone from the internets.

 

I know it works for some people, and good luck to them. Who am I to judge....

 

Sounds quite a bit like you are judging..

[Ninjainpajamas]

How long should she have communicated before meeting? People in so-called real-life dating waste no time at all before dating. In fact, people in real-life take even less time to get to know someone before meeting.

 

Online dating gives one the luxury to chat/email/communicate before deciding to meet. It may be BS, but BS occurs in RLD too. After hearing from people who don't date online and still have most of the SAME problems as people who OLD, real life dating seems OVER-rated at the expense of OLD.

 

I've said this before, but I've met some outstanding, quality, lovely women OLD. I'm involved with one now and very much in love. I just don't see RLD dating being so much better.

 

I think that depends on the people communicating, there's no hardline timeline but expecting RLD and OLD to work exactly the same is nonsensical and that's where I see a lot of OLD haters get worked up about...because it doesn't work the same yet people insist on approaching it in the same exact manner and when it doesn't they get all pissed off, not wanting to budge from that mentality, which is in reality...what they are more comfortable with.

 

If you meet in real life, that's by chance...it's different, when it's a stranger you haven't even met this person yet...it's not a friend of a friend, it's not a referral, it's best you get to knows this person, this stranger and what they're about generally speaking.

 

The advantage of doing OLD is meeting "potential" interest and not needing to meet each and every person like they're lottery tickets, you get to know them a little bit conveniently and without pressure (whatever is comfortable for you, build a rapport, establish some communication/common interest) then things feel right go with it...but if you're just like shooting out messages, you're just blindly doing things and even if you do succeed...you've got no real method to it.

 

I think people merely shy away from OLD because they're scared of it, they don't know what to do with it...in real life they're in their comfort zone, they know at least what has worked (which is essentially for the most part them doing nothing in many cases - how convenient) for them in the past and know how to process it...they don't have to adapt, so they just push it away, especially if they didn't get the desired results in the first place, which OLD is not for the weak hearted because not everyone is buying but just shopping...but yes, people...actual real people in planet earth on in both...amazing I know.

 

This rubs me such the wrong way.. I hate girls like this. They just want a texting buddy - yeah well I want a WOMAN in my life. If I wanted another freaking app on my phone I would have gone and downloaded one...

 

These girls you ask them to hang out and they fall off the face of the planet. What are you doing clogging up OLD websites? There are real people hoping to meet real people for an actual relationship on there, btw. I wanted to text/sext when I was 15 but I like to think I'm ready for an adult relationship.

 

ps. rant

 

If you want instant gratification then go get it, bars right down the street, so is the supermarket, and the club, and everything else.

 

Don't order something online when you need it today, don't wait for the shipping then complain about it...get off your butt and go down to the store and get it YOUR WAY...otherwise don't blame OLD for your lack of success.

 

Contrary to popular belief...OLD is not a last ditch desperate effort you go to expecting things to magically work in your favor...it's just another way to meet people, that's it and like everything else on the planet..it's got a different set or rules to the way it works, it's not going to change just because you whine about it.

 

If you want OLD to work like a move kiosk where it just prints out a ticket and you're good to go then don't do OLD, if you're not willing to get to know someone or fear rejection then get over it and try again a different way...you might succeed, if you don't figure it out...you might not.

 

Take responsibility and accountability for yourself instead of blaming some external problem for your woes in the dating world in general...it doesn't help.

 

If you're in the boat of...I want a "real" woman/man, then go get it...no one is stopping you.

 

 

I've met quite a few women off OLD and every single one has been normal, nice, and genuine. Sure we don't always get on romantically but I have never had these "nightmare" dates that people go on about.

 

Well for one you're in the UK, "dating" works a bit different in the states...especially in larger metropolitan areas.

 

If you live in a city like Los Angeles, there are plenty of crazy people about...chances are high you'd run into a situation, I've talked to a lot of women about their OLD experiences out here.

 

But even still for me personally, not had any bad experiences and my "successful" message return rate is very high compared to anything I've seen anyone post here.

Edited January 23, 2014 by Ninjainpajamas

[PegNosePete]

Well for one you're in the UK, "dating" works a bit different in the states...especially in larger metropolitan areas.

 

If you live in a city like Los Angeles, there are plenty of crazy people about...chances are high you'd run into a situation, I've talked to a lot of women about their OLD experiences out here.

No I don't think that's the reason. I've got friends who have met all sorts of weird nutters on OLD. In fact my housemate has met so many weirdos, he jokes about being a psycho magnet.

[Ninjainpajamas]

No I don't think that's the reason. I've got friends who have met all sorts of weird nutters on OLD. In fact my housemate has met so many weirdos, he jokes about being a psycho magnet.

 

So what you're saying is your housemate is having all the hot sex O.o

[acrosstheuniverse]

Depends on how busy I am and he is really, I'm happy to exchange a handful of messages (maybe 5-10) then when he suggests meeting I'll swap numbers and talk to him on the phone so that we can arrange something. I always want to hear someone's voice before we actually meet. I really prefer casual coffee daytime dates for a first meet so that we can figure out if we want to invest the effort into spending an entire evening together, as a dinner date (Especially on a weekend when you could be seeing friends) can be quite cringeworthy if you realise within five minutes you're not suited.

 

I've done online dating twice and never actually met any 'nutters' at all. Just a handful of really cool, normal, sane, interesting and funny guys. I met my ex online and now we're broken up I'm back on meeting new people. I find that you can get a vibe quite quickly from messages/their profile whether they're full of red flags or not, and if so I don't take it to the meeting up stage.

[truth_seeker]

No I don't think that's the reason. I've got friends who have met all sorts of weird nutters on OLD. In fact my housemate has met so many weirdos, he jokes about being a psycho magnet.

 

I got the psycho magnet label, too. Not fun at all.