Iaminnocentgul Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Hi, There is a guy at my office. He is a happily married man with 2 kids. We never talked with anyone until recently past 10 weeks we started talking. We had nice time together; talking; kissing; and even getting intimate. He use to tell me sometimes beautiful or sexy or hot. He even said once he would like to take me out for a date were he would proud to have me with him. Recently, we decided to sleep together. Before sleeping I told him about my past, how my ex-husband treated me like an animal on bed and how i left him in 7 days. After sleeping together he told he has another girlfriend whom he sleeps with past 2 years but after seeing me he has stopped seeing her. Also after that evening he wrote a mail to me saying " To this end I've bought you a present but you must release me after " To this end I've bought you a present but you must release me after ". What does it mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Criticality Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Got no idea. Sounds weird. He doesn't want you as a girlfriend I guess? Likes your company but doesn't want to get permanently attached. He does sound like he has a pretty full schedule, so don't take it personally! How did you "decide to sleep together" btw? Did you have a long discussion, weighing the pros and cons? That's an odd, rational way of putting it! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 Yes actually we decided about pros and cons Seriously! I mean I am attracted to him. No doubt! He likes me too.. But always there's this one thing in my mind. He is married and I shouldn't fall in love. After one or two instances I don't want to be a sentimental, emotional, nagging girl running behind a guy to hold him back, only because she liked it. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 you need to run. run fast and run far! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful_day Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Sweetie, it means that he is treating you like a hooker. He is making an agreement with you that you will have sex, he will pay you with a gift, and then you will conveniently leave him alone. Your husband treated you like an animal, and this man is treating you like a prostitute. Tell him no. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 " To this end I've bought you a present but you must release me after ". WHAT does this mean?? I would be so pissed off if someone id just slept with said this to me. He wanted someone to have sex with. Period. He's married but also has a girlfriend for 2 years? Hes not even sweet talking you. The wife AND girlfriend scenario should be enough for you to run. But add in the present for sex then release me thing should be a definate sign to get away from him. And stay away from him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted October 20, 2013 Author Share Posted October 20, 2013 you need to run. run fast and run far! I agree! But we sit in same cubicle and have work-relations which are to work as team. I can't run far. I definitely need a trick to escape... Link to post Share on other sites
beautiful_day Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 Repeat after me ... "No thank you. I'm not that kind of woman". What's the alternative? Ask him what the gift is to find out your market value? Diamonds? $20 Wal-Mart gift card? Suggest he searches Craigslist because you are not for hire. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 I agree! But we sit in same cubicle and have work-relations which are to work as team. I can't run far. I definitely need a trick to escape... Then a simple back the F away from me should suffice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 Hi there, So the scene is at my workplace. There is a Manager at my office. After Xmas, one day, I was standing in break out area with my back towards world when he started a formal conversation of how are you and all. Before that I never had a talk nor even noticed him. Suddenly out of nowhere he started the conversation. I formally replied and we continued our work after 2-3 minutes of talks. After an hour or so I got a mail from him saying he would like to introduce himself to me. I replied normally. He said that I look good, I smile good and asked for a drink and I said NO as I had other plans. He continued chatting with me on office chat. I got comfortable with him and enjoyed talking with him. I also told to him how office guys keep on hitting on me, how I like to talk, how i like to dress and all. One day before leaving he asked me for a lift. I ignored and left from office. He followed me till outside. I was standing at bus stop waiting for bus when I saw him pass in front of me. But after sometime he took a U-turn and came back to offer me a lift. I been friendly, said yes and in a kiddish manner said, that I also need a lift. During the short journey he appreciated me, for which I said many people say that to me. I also told to him that people find me attractive because I talk a lot and that I will stop talking so that people stop hitting on me. He said he will not appreciate for which I said, I don't mind his compliments. But after that journey now he never talks over office chat. Once I had pinged him for which he gave short reply. Yesterday he din't even reply. I am getting that anxiety to know what he is thinking and why he is not talking. Any one here who can help me to think why he is not talking to me now. I am not must affected but I do think what wrong I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Appreciate Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 You have no relationship with this man, so I'm curious why you are posting in this forum. Is he married? Even if he is, there's nothing between the two of you at the moment, but maybe some of the posters will warn you off from getting involved with a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted January 22, 2014 Author Share Posted January 22, 2014 You have no relationship with this man, so I'm curious why you are posting in this forum. Is he married? Even if he is, there's nothing between the two of you at the moment, but maybe some of the posters will warn you off from getting involved with a married man. Yes he is married with two daughters. Forgot to mention that. I actually don't have any relation with him, but as I mentioned anxiety to know what must have happened suddenly... Anyways, talks or no talks, I will be away from this MM. But to tell you honestly, I use to fancy him few months ago when he did not even talked to me or see me. So I gave a damn and started ignoring him. Now he started talks, so i felt good but I am head strong no sentiments. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 Well, I can say without reservation that this is headed to you becoming his OW. Why would you possibly share that info with him? If you are wanting to become a heartbroken OW just like the thousands you see posting here... keep up what you are doing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Appreciate Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 He is going to tell you sweet things and take you out on nice dates, you will fall for him, and he will have sex with you. He'll never leave his wife, and you will leave your job feeling ashamed and violated. It will make you less trusting of men, you'll date a "nice guy" as a rebound relationship, then either dump him because he's served his purpose or because you want to "trade up" to a more masculine man who starts to notice you again and make you feel wanted, special, important. Or.. You could make sure to never be alone with this guy and find someone single, closer in age, whom you have things in common with and respects you, and who won't try to slow play you or use you for his own devices. There's no future with a married man, only a loss of time and ... innocence. Just kidding. So if you know what to do, then why are you here? Kind of peculiar.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Appreciate Posted January 22, 2014 Share Posted January 22, 2014 PS - Are you from a foreign country or culture? Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 It sounds like he was feeling you out for an affair. He took it that you were not interested and now has moved on. Most likely looking for an easier target. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Could be that your over blown ego scared him off. MM that cheat tend to like their women with lower self esteem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Sounds like he sensed you were interested and tried to feel it out & get to know you better & you turned him off by responding with how many men hit on you, compliment you, like the way you dress, etc. Married man or not, I'm sure a lot of guys would either feel intimidated or just turned off by your ego. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 PS - Are you from a foreign country or culture? No I am not... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Well, I can say without reservation that this is headed to you becoming his OW. Why would you possibly share that info with him? If you are wanting to become a heartbroken OW just like the thousands you see posting here... keep up what you are doing. What should I conclude with 'OW'..? Pain...? Link to post Share on other sites
Anne Boleyn Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 The best I can understand (and it's really hard to understand you) is that he's testing the water to see what you'll let him get away with, both because he's married and because he's a boss and could be risking his job... And he'll keep pushing his limits until he gets what he wants, then probably move on. If you engage him and end up having an affair, you'll be a fling, it won't be anything serious. He'll either go back to his wife or you'll just be a string of affairs he has had that you don't know about, he'll use you, then move on to the next coworker. It'll be probably the most unglamorous type of affair there is, if it's the glamor of the affair and his unavailability that adds to his appeal. He's not worth the time, hassle, or the attention. Ask around, I suspect you'll find you're not unique in his attentions or actions towards you. It's not like this is a case of friends first, then something more. Randomly one day he noticed you and how he's chasing you... If I were to place bets, his previous distraction resolved (which is why he didn't notice you), and now he's moved on to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 The best I can understand (and it's really hard to understand you) is that he's testing the water to see what you'll let him get away with, both because he's married and because he's a boss and could be risking his job... And he'll keep pushing his limits until he gets what he wants, then probably move on. If you engage him and end up having an affair, you'll be a fling, it won't be anything serious. He'll either go back to his wife or you'll just be a string of affairs he has had that you don't know about, he'll use you, then move on to the next coworker. It'll be probably the most unglamorous type of affair there is, if it's the glamor of the affair and his unavailability that adds to his appeal. He's not worth the time, hassle, or the attention. Ask around, I suspect you'll find you're not unique in his attentions or actions towards you. It's not like this is a case of friends first, then something more. Randomly one day he noticed you and how he's chasing you... If I were to place bets, his previous distraction resolved (which is why he didn't notice you), and now he's moved on to you. Thanks a lot. I loved the way you have put things.... Kudos!!! I am definitely not going to stick to him now.... Though honestly I was attracted to him at some time. With time I am sure I will cut-off..... Link to post Share on other sites
Anne Boleyn Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Thanks a lot. I loved the way you have put things.... Kudos!!! I am definitely not going to stick to him now.... Though honestly I was attracted to him at some time. With time I am sure I will cut-off..... The attraction won't go away easily, it'll have to be an active choice on your part. But that's OK, if you really push and cut off contact, it'll take care of itself. It'll really take care of itself if, the next time he comes sniffing around, you ask him if it's worth risking his marriage, his job, or quite possibly both... Because you're not about to risk your income for a fling. And I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so blunt, but if you look around at some of the other guys and girls here, it's the ones that start as friends, who knew something, then something built itself off that... Those are the affairs with legs, the ones that sometime lead to divorce and remarriage. But this doesn't have this backstory. One day you were invisible, the next day you weren't. If you were invisible to him before, you can be just as invisible after the affair. He's fickle and this isn't a case of true love with obstacles... It's a man dipping his pen in company ink because it's the easiest place to get it. This has nothing but "big old mess with no future" written all over it... And it won't be him that's brokenhearted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Iaminnocentgul Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 The attraction won't go away easily, it'll have to be an active choice on your part. But that's OK, if you really push and cut off contact, it'll take care of itself. It'll really take care of itself if, the next time he comes sniffing around, you ask him if it's worth risking his marriage, his job, or quite possibly both... Because you're not about to risk your income for a fling. And I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so blunt, but if you look around at some of the other guys and girls here, it's the ones that start as friends, who knew something, then something built itself off that... Those are the affairs with legs, the ones that sometime lead to divorce and remarriage. But this doesn't have this backstory. One day you were invisible, the next day you weren't. If you were invisible to him before, you can be just as invisible after the affair. He's fickle and this isn't a case of true love with obstacles... It's a man dipping his pen in company ink because it's the easiest place to get it. This has nothing but "big old mess with no future" written all over it... And it won't be him that's brokenhearted. OMG! Are you a psychiatrist or something Anne.. I love you for all you have said. I think I needed the answer what you said.... Thanks a ton..! You were never blunt and were perfect in what you said... I don't mind been permanently invisible in eyes of MM's... Under pretext of friendship if that's what they think, I am better out.. Link to post Share on other sites
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