MissTakes Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Someone please talk me down, because I know I'm being an idiot, but I generally respond well to reason. I just can't reason with myself. If you've read my recent posts, you know I recently saw my xMM, and that we did a whole "trial-run and being friends" thing, followed by the beginnings of NC. Well, I just had a weak moment (ugh, I know. I know. I couldn't even stop myself), and texted him. Bright side: I didn't call, which is what I had wanted to do. And it was a totally platonic text (other than the fact that I texted him at all)... Anyway, in the midst of knowing that I'm screwing majorly, I'm thinking it's maybe because I just started dating this new guy who is so amazing it's scary, and frankly, I scare easily. Maybe that's why an MM was was attractive to me in the first place: something about him screamed "don't worry! I won't get attached!" The new guy is going out of his way to be amazing. Last night I was on Cloud 9 raving about him. Then my roommate asked me if I had slept with him yet and I totally clammed up. Today, every text from him is making me more nervous than the effusively overjoyed I was yesterday. And it's not like anything changed in the last 24 hours! Huh - funny - writing this all out is making me actually think through what has me so freaked, and I'm pretty sure that's what it comes down to: sex. I don't have a great history with it, if I'm honest, though I love sex. I'm a VERY sexual person. But I've only had sex with 4 people: one who raped me, and one being the xMM. So this whole getting back on the horse thing? I'm kind of freaking out. Please help! I don't know how to talk myself down from this one, because telling myself how much I will regret screwing this up over the xMM isn't doing the trick so far. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Based on your post...it doesn't seem like this is related to the XMM at all. You just highlighted some very important underlying issues: your fear of attachment/being attracted to unavailable men because they're safe (not uncommon) and past sexual assault that makes you freak out about sex. I don't think MM is really relevant here. I think you should acknowledge that having a new relationship where you may have to be vulnerable and open and also have sex is scary for you and for w/e problematic reason, xMM seems "safe" because he's a dead end. It's fine to admit it. If you like this new guy there is no rush in taking things slow and waiting until you fully trust him and can admit to him your fears and anxieties about sex. I would focus on developing that relationship instead of texting xMM. He's simply a distraction from some issues you need to address for yourself and texting him or being involved with him doesn't actually sort those issues out, it just distracts you from them temporarily. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted January 23, 2014 Share Posted January 23, 2014 Miss Bee is right. You simply have a fear if intimacy.... Probably based on the sexual assault and possibly other things that happened earlier in your life. You are now self sabatoging, which is common for someone with sexual trauma. You don't connect to the guys who are available... And if you start you quickly try to exit. Google search these things, you will start to understand it. And if you listen to reason and proven research, it should help. Also I would suggest IC. It will help!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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