7 years later

[spookie]

For what it's worth, I am sure you will hear from him again - but even when you do this behavior is not acceptable. Unless he is lying in a coma somewhere, I hope you don't make excuses for him.

 

Yes, I know I will hear from him again. It will be a few months or years but I have no doubt he will contact me again with the same story.

 

That being said, while its clear he hasn't changed, I do believe I have moved forward. I am not at all interested in dealing wih his issues, and time has shown they are not going away. I want to have a good relationship, get married, have kids. If he is not interested/ available, I will find someone who is.

 

It's just a bummer that he is not capable of expressing this in any way besides avoidance. I really didn't want to have to cut him out altogether, but he gives me no choice.

[RDawg]

Ugh.. depressing story. I was really hoping for a happy ending.

 

You're still young spookie, you'll find the right one.

[escafeld]

Well, despite the fun trip, I must admit that things are not working out like I hoped.

 

It is about 3 weeks since my trip... And the ex has been fairly quiet. A text here and there, and a few phone calls, but no effort to establish anything official. We'd talked about him coming to visit as I was leaving, but he has not made any plans to that end, either, though he keeps saying he will.

 

I am not sure if I'm being impatient, trying to rush things, or what, but I guess I am used to guys being more expressive/ aggressive than this, and I am frustrated that I don't know where we stand.

 

Should I throw in the towel, ask him for clarification, or keep waiting? I kind of feel like he needs to make the next move, but I am getting sick of waiting for it, and not sure how much time I should give him before writing him off.

 

Personally I think you should insulate yourself from your ex, not necessarily NC but don't have ANY expectations of rekindling your relationship. Enjoy his company if you want to, but be happy in yourself and whatever follows will be good things! Good luck

[escafeld]

Well, it's officially over. In exactly the same fashion as last time. What a bummer, to know things don't change.

 

My therapist recommended I seek out closure rather than continuing to give him "space" while I wonder what's going on.

 

In the pit of my stomach, I knew it would be fruitless to try to contact him. I seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to abandonment. I don't need any hard facts to know when Ill never see him again.

 

And that's how it went. I called, texted, and emailed to try to get in touch with him. He ignored me. I gave him a few days to respond. The I sent him another email, expressing my disappointment at his avoidant behavior and letting him know it's not acceptable to me. Having been down this road before, I don't expect I will get a response.

 

I'm not going to lie. It hurts and it's depressing. I love this guy and I believe despite his actions on some level he loves me too.

 

And it's frustrating to just not understand. Why does he act this way? It's not the rejection that hurts, but the disrespect. He has no excuse not to be honest with me. After all we have been through, I know I deserve an explanation. This was not some Internet date after which he's pulling a fade.

 

In the end the whys don't really matter. I'm glad I went down this road again. It sucks to feel a fool, but now I know.

 

Oops, just read this. Sorry things didn't work out with him

[spookie]

He replied to my email. He said he was sorry and agreed his behavior was totally disrespectful. His explained that he was "fighting off" his ex, but hoped we'd stay friends.

 

I did not bother to respond. I really have no interest in dealing with his issues/ drama.

[Justletgo]

Damn, that's sad to hear

Sounds like he was using you to get his ex back maybe?

 

Anyway, your doing the right thing. You were patient, communicated and gave it a shot. It just didn't work out unfortunately.