Dealing with someone who doesn't like you?

[iouaname]

Just wanted to get some advice or thoughts on this...

 

I have a group of friends that I see pretty regularly. The group is large and people come and go, but a few of us have known each other for a few years. There's one person within the group that I seem to be in constant conflict with. He doesn't like me and will sometimes refer to me as an 'attention-seeker' and things like that (obviously, I don't think I am). Now, I know that the kid has a slight case of aspergers, some depression and a rather lonely existence so I think there's some bitterness that comes into play, but he's often passive-aggressive and just plain unfriendly with me.

 

Earlier tonight, we had it out. I made a joke that he interpreted as bitchy (I was trying to be playful with him) and so in return he made comments that were essentially throwing my emotional state over my recent breakup in my face. I lashed out at him. He has said a lot of hurtful things about me over the past year but I never addressed him, but tonight I was furious and just sort of lashed out.

 

He isn't the type of person you can "hash things out" with, and people have told me that he just plain doesn't like me as a person. How do I proceed in this? I guess I'm planning on just ignoring him and trying to not let it affect me, but I wish there was a more satisfying solution.

[Haydn]

Well you know when people dont like you, its usually the opposite. Maybe he is masking something more akin to liking you?

 

 

Just wanted to get some advice or thoughts on this...

 

I have a group of friends that I see pretty regularly. The group is large and people come and go, but a few of us have known each other for a few years. There's one person within the group that I seem to be in constant conflict with. He doesn't like me and will sometimes refer to me as an 'attention-seeker' and things like that (obviously, I don't think I am). Now, I know that the kid has a slight case of aspergers, some depression and a rather lonely existence so I think there's some bitterness that comes into play, but he's often passive-aggressive and just plain unfriendly with me.

 

Earlier tonight, we had it out. I made a joke that he interpreted as bitchy (I was trying to be playful with him) and so in return he made comments that were essentially throwing my emotional state over my recent breakup in my face. I lashed out at him. He has said a lot of hurtful things about me over the past year but I never addressed him, but tonight I was furious and just sort of lashed out.

 

He isn't the type of person you can "hash things out" with, and people have told me that he just plain doesn't like me as a person. How do I proceed in this? I guess I'm planning on just ignoring him and trying to not let it affect me, but I wish there was a more satisfying solution.

[iouaname]

I don't think that's the case, as flattering as it would be! I think he genuinely doesn't like me. Others have said that he just plain doesn't like me as a person, even though I don't think I've ever done anything to him.

 

The only thing I can think of is that he and my ex were friends before me and my ex started dating, and naturally when we started dating I took preference. I was never unkind to him, but he just didn't like me. I think that maybe there was some jealousy involved, however, my ex and this kid had a falling out over something a few months ago, so I'm not sure why he would still actively dislike me?

[TaraMaiden]

Were you with other people, or on your own with him........?

[d0nnivain]

A true Asperger's person has difficulty making connections to begin with. You are here judging a person with a form or Autism against a scale for people that do not suffer mental illness. Does that really sound fair?

 

 

If the group is large enough, ignore him. Taking him on & challenging his conclusions, gives them credence. When he says stuff, shrug it off & walk away. If anybody asks, mention that he was friends with your EX & you think his behavior is just him picking sides.

 

 

The more you protest, the more it looks like the things he says are correct.

[Trnamakesnse]

I ignore people who don't like me unless I specifically need something. I generally act politely even with those I really dislike.

[iouaname]

A true Asperger's person has difficulty making connections to begin with. You are here judging a person with a form or Autism against a scale for people that do not suffer mental illness. Does that really sound fair?

 

 

If the group is large enough, ignore him. Taking him on & challenging his conclusions, gives them credence. When he says stuff, shrug it off & walk away. If anybody asks, mention that he was friends with your EX & you think his behavior is just him picking sides.

 

 

The more you protest, the more it looks like the things he says are correct.

 

I think that this post is really unfair, actually. I understand that he has aspergers which is why I have never said anything the many other times that he's thrown insults at me, but I don't think having aspergers gives him the right to constantly belittle me. He knows what he is doing and he know what he is saying - and he means for the things he says to be hurtful.

 

I typically don't respond, but there's only so much someone can take.

[d0nnivain]

Fair enough. Asperger's certainly doesn't make him unintelligent but it does have an effect on the person's ability to read & understand social cues.

 

 

I'd still just ignore him in public. If you really can't take it any more, pull him aside & privately give him a piece of your mind.

[TaraMaiden]

Fair enough. Asperger's certainly doesn't make him unintelligent but it does have an effect on the person's ability to read & understand social cues.

 

 

I'd still just ignore him in public. If you really can't take it any more, pull him aside & privately give him a piece of your mind.

 

If it's only 'a slight case' then it's only a 'slight effect'.

 

My step MiL is Bi-Polar.

And she plays on this right up to the hilt.

[iouaname]

Sorry Tara, I didn't mean to skip your question. It was in front of a few friends.

 

I think the situation is settled for now, at least. I saw the same group of people today and the two of us got along fine within the group. I'm just going to ignore it should it happen again, because as much as his comments bother me, it bothers me more when I let it get to me.

[whichwayisup]

Just make peace with it. He doesn't have to like you, but he can respect you in a group situation/setting and just be courteous. He doesn't have to hang out with you, doesn't have sit by you but he should not be acting like an a-hole to you.

 

Next time he is a jerk, just say to him, "Look I couldn't care less that you don't like me, but when we are all together as a group I expect you to treat me better. I won't put up with your rudeness." Make it clear to him that you are not a pushover and he can't walk all over you.

 

Does he bash you behind your back to others? If so, ask your friends to tell him to stop, that they don't want to hear it. Maybe if others get vocal, he'll back off and keep his feelings to himself.

 

Don't try to figure out why he doesn't like you. He has that right, like it or not.

[bubbaganoosh]

I have a nephew like that. A royal pain in the ass. Thinks he can make belittling remarks masked in very big words and what drives everyone crazy is that he just doesn't know when to stop.

 

When you say enough he might for a half hour then bring it back up again and it's like a dog chasing his tail.

 

I don't know the difference between asperger's and autism but he has one of them and everyone just avoids him because it's a no win situation. If you have to be around him, say as little as possible and move on and save yourself any more hassle.

[SpiralOut]

I know how annoying it is when someone acts hostile towards you. You don't want to say anything because you feel sorry for them, so they take advantage of that and act like a dick. He kicked you below the belt to get a reaction, and he got what he wanted. I agree with Whichwayisup's advice. Ignoring him is good for the most part, but certain things need to be addressed the same way an adult may explain to a little kid why they can't act that way.

[iouaname]

I agree, I'm just going to ignore it and not allow it to get to me. I am not the only one in the group that he does this to, so I think I'm just going to let his actions speak for himself and carry on without letting it bother me.

[TaraMaiden]

Sorry Tara, I didn't mean to skip your question. It was in front of a few friends.

 

I think the situation is settled for now, at least. I saw the same group of people today and the two of us got along fine within the group. I'm just going to ignore it should it happen again, because as much as his comments bother me, it bothers me more when I let it get to me.

 

We're in a very difficult situation right now with two fellow house-mates who have sadly, caused some problems for both me and my H.

The law was involved, and we have been advised to keep out of each others' way, which, living in shared accommodation, is far from easy.

 

In the move "A Beautiful Mind" Russell Crowe's character has friends who speak to him, and included among them is a little girl. he finally realises they are figments of his imagination, when he notes that in all the years they have been with him, the little girl hasn't aged....

 

That's how I now view these people. As thought processes I have to ignore.

 

Or to steal a line from "The Sixth Sense"....

 

I find doing this is the only way to tackle the problem. And much as I hate to admit it, it really works.

[preraph]

People often don't like some other person because it reminds them of some trait in themselves they aren't crazy about or maybe you remind them of someone, or maybe he'd love to be a drama queen attention whore but feels he can't because he's a man or has asberger's. Who the F knows. Anyway, don't feel bad for lashing back at him and ignoring him when you must be around him. He sounds like a self-righteous DH (and that ain't dear husband).