lost_in_chgo Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 OK, No doubt this letter wont be worth your time to read, as most of the other emails weren't. So, I've given you a year. I can't wait anymore. I just can't bear the loneliness anymore. I'm on the verge of doing something stupid all the time. I have nothing in my life and no one to talk to. Just my memories. I've attempted to reach out over the last few weeks to reestablish a friendship that you said you wanted. You're talking, but you're still making a point of compartmentalizing me into work only mode. You probably think you are being so sly about it, but it's just another form of cruelty. On occasion you email me after work hours, but I feel as if you still want me to be your tech support bitch or your bitch-about-work anonymous internet friend. Please do not email me with this the-boss-is-a-bitch crap. I really don't give a damn. That is why I left there. If you hate your job, move on. I make every effort to be supportive, because I really do care about you. But you've done nothing but be totally selfish and self centered since your divorce. You didn't used to be like that, so I chalk it up to emotional trauma related to the divorce. When that settles down and you think you can communicate like an adult, contact me. All in all it seems like you've learned alot from the boss and I just don't want to be treated like that. It used to be that you said you treated people the way you want to be treated. I wonder what happened to that girl I fell in love with. My door is always open, but I'd prefer if you didn't open it until you can do so without treating me like ****. I've made every effort to position my life so that I can accomodate you if you change your mind without compromising my own needs and future. So I moved to a bigger house closer to you. There is enuf room for you and all the kids here and it is convenient to your work. I think you'd like it here. There's lots of light, lots of windows, the woods and wildlife. If you can't ever do that, then I understand. I hope you will reconsider it at some point when your mind settles a little. I don't know if you really believe what you said about me that I would be a bad father. I hope you were just saying that to distance me, but I can't get it out of my mind and now I think that maybe it would be a bad idea for me to have kids if I would be bad at it. I didn't used to think that. I've wanted kids all my life. But S and J seem to agree to the extent that they think I dated you without ever considering the kids. All I ever considered was the kids and not pushing into their lives too early. But I guess that you thought I was avoiding them. Or maybe that was just distancing me too? So I guess my writing this letter about love and/or relationships means you'll never talk to me again, but maybe that's easier than having you treat me worse than everyone else you talk to or work with just because I am the one who cares the most. Someday you'll look back and think about this and how maybe you could've handled it better. I hope I am around to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
crbelljn Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Why didn't you send her the letter? It's very good! Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Some letters are just for writing, and not sending. Link to post Share on other sites
crbelljn Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I guess you have a point. However, I rather say it all just for peace of mind. lost_in_chgo seems to be very tired of the way he has been treaded. I hope that when his ex looks back and think about it one day he has found someone else who loves him truly instead of beeing around to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
jcs0521 Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 I have written a closure letter to my ex. Please tell me if it is worth sending. I want to leave things on a respectful and dignified note. Comments would be appreciated. J, Hello, I hope you are well. As I am feeling ready to move on I wanted to send a quick e-mail to gain closure, I don’t expect a response. For whatever its worth I want to say sorry for my own actions that led to our break-up and I’m sorry that I sent letters to you at a time when it was very difficult for both of us. It is a shame you felt you couldn’t properly talk to me about the things that made you unhappy before splitting up was the only option for you, but I understand that those kinds of talks are never easy. I appreciate that you didn’t want to hurt me intentionally. I want to thank you for the good times we shared; I wish you well and hope we both have a happy future ahead of us. I also hope, should we ever bump into each other, that we can be friendly. Best Wishes, J Link to post Share on other sites
Mustard Bomb Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 lost_in_chgo, this idea is fantastic. Another forum I am on did a thread on letters to celebrities and politicians, but this is even better. The part about fatherhood in your letter was heartbreaking. Link to post Share on other sites
crbelljn Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 jcs0521 Your apology letter is a great idea. It’s not easy coming up with the right words to express your feelings but I think you did a good job in putting your feelings into words. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost_in_chgo Posted January 14, 2005 Author Share Posted January 14, 2005 I think that apology letter is a waste of your time. It's a declaration and will give you no closure. If she is ready to react to you, it is unlikely to do anything but make her think there is no chance there. If she isn't ready, she will dismiss it. Either way nothing is accomplished. I assume you already covered apologies in earlier letters, so she knows what you have to say. A simple "what's up with you" letter would probably be more effective. Otherwise it comes across as bitter "i'm done with you" or hopeful "please take me back". But that's only if you send it. You wrote it. You posted it here. Don't send it. Link to post Share on other sites
crbelljn Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 lost_in_chgo, Are unsent letters and spoken words a men thing? Why not to say what you want for fear to disclosure? Honesty gives us internal peace. Silence is not always a good strategy. Link to post Share on other sites
crbelljn Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 I meant "unsent letters and unspoken words" Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost_in_chgo Posted January 14, 2005 Author Share Posted January 14, 2005 At this point sending her that letter would only upset her and drive her further away. So it remains unsent. Link to post Share on other sites
crbelljn Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Here is mine… …And yet, another day, and another night, and still, sick I am. Sick with the sickness which is greater than any human can bear. Passion, love, obsession, depression, pain, silence, death, and again silence…Survival, hope, love, silence again, but more love. Days are endless, nights are inexhaustible; I don’t sleep, I don’t eat, but only I live to pass the day until the moment I could look into your eyes and see their color of honey. The kind of honey that is rich in sweetness and pleasantness but can only be drunk a few times because it is poison. And this sickness has become my enemy, as I desire your poison as an addict desires his/her drug; which makes him/her feel in havens for a while, but later destroys until wiping him/her out without compassion. I have suffered from unfaithfulness and betrayal; I have suffered from misunderstanding and solitude. I had suffered under the dry icy winds of this gray city, and I had suffered from despairs of unemployment without hope upon the streets of this mid-state city. But under none of these did I suffer as I now suffer under your coldness and retraction. Now I know never will I grasp you wholly! This now I know… but if you please would allow me be a friend; let me call to talk for a while if I don’t have strength to hold myself back and need someone to talk; or perhaps just a call, once more... Forgive me ******* for I am sick and my sickness I know I have to cure on my own, but sick I am and still don’t know how to get you out. After 5 years, I keep on trying… Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Dude, Quit being such a wanker...Imagine what she would think if she saw you posting this...Burn this letter and everything having to do with it...notes, pictures, etc...You'll be better off the sooner you let go...It's not worth it all...Yeah, she was your blah, blah, (insert lame excuse for holding on), blah...let her figure her sh*t out and if its real, then it will be real...Peace Link to post Share on other sites
jcs0521 Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 I'm actually a girl writing to my ex bf of almost 3 years, he dumped me over the phone without much explanation, and has since ignored me. I've sent letters but had no response. I need closure, what should I do? lost in chicago, your no contact post helped me, I'd like some real advice. I want to move on but leave things on a good note. I feel silly for sending him letters now, but I really loved this guy...........still do in lots of ways. I want to move on, but I also want to leave things on a friendly note, so he will not think I'm nuts for sending the letters......and hopefully look back and regret things a l'il bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost_in_chgo Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 jcs0521, Unfortunately closure can be hard to find. It could take a few forms that I can think of offhand. - him sitting down and having an honest heart to heart with you and you both understanding the reasons and accepting them. But that's very unlikely isn't it? - you declaring your hatred for him. You don't need to talk to him for that. - him making it clear to you that he doesn't want you - ever. But he did that already. (he might change his thinking, but you aren't going to change it for him. All you can do is leave the door open). - you finding someone else and not caring anymore. More likely. I hate to say it, but the move on advice is probably the best. Everything else you do is self defeating. And pining for him will only make you feel worse and will not change anything. Sending another letter is unlikely to sway him at all. You'll be lucky if he even reads it. That's why I say it is a waste of time. If you've already communicated this stuff, he will just resent you for saying it again. What I do now is say to myself "what will happen when she reads this letter" and then I go thru the various scenarios like I did above. The end result is always the same. When she is ready to talk, she will call me. Until then any attempt by me to appeal to her will just tick her off. Look at my case, my ex is now reportedly living with a guy that she hopes to marry. I leave the door open, but how can you wait for someone who has moved on? The chances are slim. I talk to her, but I do not tell her how I feel or ask her back. I haven't for a year now. She knows. I can tell. When she talks to me she puts limits on what she will say and what she will respond to. She doesn't tell me anything personal. She is also only responding to me at certain times. So i think she is hiding the communication from the new guy. I think all of this says that there are still some sort of feelings there, but she is burying them. But it took over six months for us to get to this point. I'm a patient man, but I can't take the chance that she will turn around on this. I've known all along that she would probably have to pass from the casual dating phase into a more serious phase and suffer thru a lost relationship before she would even consider looking back. I made the mistake of letting myself become her rebound guy. The entire thim is one big "if", so I can't wait for her. But that doesn't mean I've lost my love for her. But I never got any consistent explanation or closure. Focus your efforts elsewhere the return on investment is better. Don't waste good efforts on a relationship gone bad. If he gets his act together you will hear from him, and then you can do whatever you want to do. If he doesn't, well then the next guy might be even better. Just keep your wits about you when you go into the next relationship and don't rush into something bad. After all, the best thing for girls like you, is to find a guy like me hehehe, I crack myself up ... I really do.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mustard Bomb Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Dear Ex-Mr. Mustard Bomb, We both suck beyond words. I need my CDs back. You know where to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost_in_chgo Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Hey I bought those CDs at a garage sale in Newark on vacation last week. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustard Bomb Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 Dammit. One of them was signed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost_in_chgo Posted January 15, 2005 Author Share Posted January 15, 2005 Yeah, I sold that one off, I never listen to Lawrence Welk anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustard Bomb Posted January 15, 2005 Share Posted January 15, 2005 <sputtering with indignation> Link to post Share on other sites
jcs0521 Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 Hey Lost, Thanks for your thoughts, I know you are right. I should move on and just get on with it. But I'd like his respect if nothing else. It's horrible because I'm just over 4 months on, starting to feel better, even been on a couple of dates but felt nothing for the guys. I went out last weekend to a club and saw my ex's best friends girlfriend in there, this was the first time since the break up that I felt I wanted to go out and shake my ass, my evening was ruined as soon as I saw her. Felt self conscious all night, and immediately it brought it all back to me. Thank God he wasn't there, I dunno what I would have done. I know I can't change his mind for him, it's just hard to deal with unanswered questions and still stupidly love the guy who dumped me with absolutely no respect or compassion and no proper explanation. Let's hope everything turns out alright for all of us, whatever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lost_in_chgo Posted January 16, 2005 Author Share Posted January 16, 2005 I know I can't change his mind for him, it's just hard to deal with unanswered questions and still stupidly love the guy who dumped me with absolutely no respect or compassion and no proper explanation. I know about those feelings, but think about all of this a different way. If he had no respect for you he wouldn't be avoiding you, he'd just dismiss you to your face. He's got some level of guilt or fear that makes him afraid of facing you. Pushing just makes him move further away. Plus guys don't like to be forced into anything anyway. I wish I had a quick answer for you, but I don't think a letter to him is it. Link to post Share on other sites
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