liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Would you say that a man in his mid 40s who shacks up since 2008 and gave her a promise ring is stringing her along? Also consider the fact that this man has loved another woman also for two years? How long is too long for a middle aged woman to wear a promise ring and play wife, pay bills, and cook (but apparently not iron his Sunday morning shirts for church!) while he cheats -- and really expect that he'll marry her? What if I know this man said he doesn't even want to think marriage for another 25 years, LOL? Is he saying he doesn't want to get married in general, or that he doesn't want to marry her. I think it's true: if a man wants a woman, he will let her know right away and never risk letting her get away or string her along... Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 What kind of woman waits for a man like that to leave his partner? What kind of woman waits for another man who she has not even seen in 2 years and is blatantly not as interested in her as she is in him? Seems like the woman you refer to is not the only one who refuses to hear what this man (and the other she has not seen) is telling her by his actions. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 A promise ring is BS. It's sort of sweet for high school kids. After that it's just silly. 5 years with no meaningful progress while the man cheats seems ridiculous to me. If you are the woman, get out. If this is a women you know, keep your mouth shut. She'll leave when she's ready. All you can do is make sure she knows she has a place to go. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 A promise ring is BS. It's sort of sweet for high school kids. After that it's just silly. 5 years with no meaningful progress while the man cheats seems ridiculous to me. If you are the woman, get out. If this is a women you know, keep your mouth shut. She'll leave when she's ready. All you can do is make sure she knows she has a place to go. Err.... the OP is the woman he is cheating with 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 What kind of woman waits for a man like that to leave his partner? I wouldn't know. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 I wouldn't know. Of course you don't sweetie 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 A promise ring is BS. It's sort of sweet for high school kids. After that it's just silly. I agree, I agree. It's a total facade. 5 years with no meaningful progress while the man cheats seems ridiculous to me. I would think so, too. It makes me feel the bond is not of pure love but convenience or other superficial matters. If this is a women you know, keep your mouth shut. She'll leave when she's ready. I don't know her, but I don't think she's ever leaving. It's bizarre. All you can do is make sure she knows she has a place to go. I think she's trying to get him to move out of town, to get away from his other woman. Pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 how long is too long for engagement? When consistent progress towards marriage is not observed. That could include discussions of blending families, estates, finances, prenups, wedding plans, pre-marital counseling, etc. etc. Are the two people in question tenants in common in the 'shack', meaning they both have ownership positions? That could be one sign of progress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 When consistent progress towards marriage is not observed. That could include discussions of blending families, estates, finances, prenups, wedding plans, pre-marital counseling, etc. etc. None of it. I don't even think he wants a wedding, just would go into the pastor's office. He is involved in one of her kids' lives, it seems. The boy. He's very good with kids, but has none of his own. But he's not a kid. He's like high school or whatever. I don't know. Are the two people in question tenants in common in the 'shack', meaning they both have ownership positions? Renters. She pays. I don't know whose name(s) are on the lease. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Well seeing as you cannot think of one good reason for him to stay or a reason to make him stay, he must still be with her because he WANTS to be with her. He WANTS to stay with her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh1967 Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Promise ring? For people in their 40's? Really? Talk about getting the milk for free when you don't buy the cow. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 None of it. I don't even think he wants a wedding, just would go into the pastor's office. He is involved in one of her kids' lives, it seems. The boy. He's very good with kids, but has none of his own. But he's not a kid. He's like high school or whatever. I don't know. Renters. She pays. I don't know whose name(s) are on the lease. I'd call off the engagement. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Promise ring? For people in their 40's? Really? I mean, that is a joke. Talk about getting the milk for free when you don't buy the cow. And the church said AMEN. Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 I mean, that is a joke. And the church said AMEN. I don't mean to ask an obvious question- but if you are his other woman, also not married to him, I am confused by why you agree with the milk for free comment? Because aren't you doing the same? What's the difference? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 I don't mean to ask an obvious question- but if you are his other woman, also not married to him, I am confused by why you agree with the milk for free comment? Because aren't you doing the same? Nope. I don't pay his bills. I am not buying his affection. He offers his love to me for free and without condition. And mainly: I will not shack up. Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Nope. I don't pay his bills. I am not buying his affection. He offers his love to me for free and without condition. And mainly: I will not shack up. But isn't the condition that you share him? I don't understand. Not shacking up isn't really a big deal. But participating in deception and being a secondary relationship is the actual issue. I think you should worry less about his primary relationship, and motivations, and maybe worry about your life. That's the only one out of the three of you that you have any control over 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Err.... the OP is the woman he is cheating with The initial post is like trying to decipher a .... Always odd when an OP posts in the third person...which 'her' is 'her'? Regardless. What a screwy situation. Bizarre that any mature adult would be entangled in what comes across as a junior high scenario. Only advice...end it. Otherwise, put up with the mess you have created. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 But isn't the condition that you share him? Well, I know that. I don't know what she knows. I think you should worry less about his primary relationship I don't worry, except for when he drops hints like me telling him he's on the short list of people who can call at all hours of the night, 2, 3, or 4am and he says thanks I may need to. Those are supposed to be her hours. I presume everyone has a limit of how much they can be cheated on... But anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 How long is too long for a middle aged woman to wear a promise ring and play wife, pay bills, and cook (but apparently not iron his Sunday morning shirts for church!) while he cheats -- and really expect that he'll marry her? How long is too long to wait for a cheating man who gives a middle aged woman a promise ring and allows her to play wife, pay bills, and cook, while never taking a step toward marriage? I would think her situation would serve as a cautionary tale to the OW rather than her waiting in line for her turn for this treatment. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
SarcasticAbby Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 Would you say that a man in his mid 40s who shacks up since 2008 and gave her a promise ring is stringing her along? Also consider the fact that this man has loved another woman also for two years? How long is too long for a middle aged woman to wear a promise ring and play wife, pay bills, and cook (but apparently not iron his Sunday morning shirts for church!) while he cheats -- and really expect that he'll marry her? What if I know this man said he doesn't even want to think marriage for another 25 years, LOL? Is he saying he doesn't want to get married in general, or that he doesn't want to marry her. I think it's true: if a man wants a woman, he will let her know right away and never risk letting her get away or string her along... Seriously? A promise ring? How old are we exactly? And why would any woman want to marry a man like that? Just my opinion... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fluttershy Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 One thing I'll never understand is how someone who claims to be a Christian can do something that is so blatantly unchristian. It isn't even one of those confusing posts and the Bible is FULL of examples of adultry being a sin. And it is a continual choosing to sin thing not a human mess up sometimes thing. I mean even Jesus said if a man so much as looks at a woman with lust in his heart he has commit adultry... And then we have these "christian" men and women who say they are and then bump uglies with NOT their spouses and can't divorce hecause o their beliefs????!? Hypocrisy at its finest. And before I get the "don't judge" umm yeah I can. When you claim to believe and follow one path you are asking to be judged when you follow another. If these people didn't "claim" to be christ like then they wouldn't recieve that eyebrow raise from me and others. Don't want to follow Jesus' teachin... Thats one thing. Saying yoe a christian and this???? Umm yeah, no thanks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 I would think her situation would serve as a cautionary tale to the OW Yes, he knows I love him as a friend. I don't want to be Inspector Gadget in my relationship, always wondering what he's up to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 Seriously? A promise ring? How old are we exactly? And why would any woman want to marry a man like that? My friend who knows her says that she's a star struck groupie from 25 (?) years ago. Pathetic. Link to post Share on other sites
Eivuwan Posted January 24, 2014 Share Posted January 24, 2014 My friend who knows her says that she's a star struck groupie from 25 (?) years ago. Pathetic. Why do I feel that you're putting this woman down due to your own insecurities. I don't see how you're doing any better than her. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author liloldlady Posted January 24, 2014 Author Share Posted January 24, 2014 One thing I'll never understand is how someone who claims to be a Christian can do something that is so blatantly unchristian. It's very hard on him, having been raised in the church. I myself am not dogmatic, and don't think sex before marriage is a sin. I should think I have done it before by now, LOL. But he struggles with this. And I can tell it is not easy for him. Hence his desire to marry...someone, eventually. I don't envy his conundrum at all. It isn't even one of those confusing posts and the Bible is FULL of examples of adultry being a sin. And those things are fully in his head. I guess if he'd adhered to these teachings, he would have gotten married as a teen. Link to post Share on other sites
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