brunetterenee Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Hi guys. I have a problem that is really embarrassing. I am extremely jealous! It started out of the blue around six months ago. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years. I was never jealous in a relationship before. I want to let you know that my ex cheated on me and it broke my heart, I trusted him completely and I was the least jealous person in the world. My boyfriend is very popular and social, and I am the opposite. I do have friends, but not as many as he has, and I am insecure and more quiet than he is. We are really a case of opposites attracting. He started playing in a new band around 6 months ago. There is a girl in the band as well. Let's just call her Jessica. Two other guys are in the band with them, and one of them is Jessica's boyfriend, and they've been together for years. Out of the blue, I became extremely jealous to the point where I would cry at him and accuse him of being unfaithful on me every time he came home from band practice. He keeps reassuring me he is faithful to only me and loves only me, and deep down I know it's true, but I have this reaction to Jessica anyway. I have met her once, and she lectured me on my education, which didn't exactly please me. Every time he is out late practicing with his band, the minute he steps inside my flat, I often start accusing him of being unfaithful. It's getting to the point that a voice in my head screams 'stooop!', but I am getting panic attacks from this. I have wondered, maybe it's because I hate when she gets to spend time with him and the band and I don't? We argue about it almost every night. I make sarcastic remarks about how wonderful Jessica is. It ends with me crying and us sleeping with our backs turned against each other. I have told him never to mention her name, that he can't borrow her phone to call me, that I don't want to see her, she's ugly... The only true thing I've said about her is that she thinks she's smarter than other people. Please help me. It is driving me INSANE and ruining my relationship. I have no idea what to do about it! Edited January 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Cakess Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 You sound like an awful person! Get it together! Get it together or he WILL leave you. There is no way a partner should have to deal with that abuse. If you want to stay with him, keep your mouth shut. You don't have to look at the girl or even regard her, but STOP saying things. All things. Don't say anything to him about his band, or her unless he does. And when you do feel like you want to say something mean about that girl, kiss your boyfriend instead. It'll take the anger out of your head! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 To cheat with Jessica he must do it NEVER while in rehearsal because there's other people there as well, right? To cheat with Jessica he must also cheat on his friend from the band, right? your unreasonable jealousy makes you a horrible person, not worthy to be with. you destroy your relationship with your own hands. So, if you actually push him a way, that means in your heart you want it to end, right? think of it as it already ended so you shouldnt care if he is pounding Jssica every rehearsal. you should be relax and calm - your relationship with your boyfriend is nearly over. that's what you want, isnt it? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 If upon meeting Jessica she lectured you, I can understand why she's not your favorite person. It's OK if you don't like her. However none of us seem to understand why you think your BF is cheating on you with her. She had a BF who is in the band. Remind yourself of that. Do the other guys in the band have GFs? Perhaps you can all get together & do some sort of group date so you can observe your BF's interactions with Jessica in the presence of enough buffers that you aren't dealing with her directly. Try to think with your head not your emotions. Remind yourself that your BF is a loyal guy & not your EX. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Keep it up and your going to out on your butt. If you don't trust him then leave or grow up and learn to control your insecurities because he's going to get tired of it and someday tell you to hit the road. Lots of people have been cheated on, me included but your going to extremes with you insecurity. A person can only take being accused so many times before they reach a breaking point and I'm sure that he has his so before he gets to that point, you better cool it and seek some help with some IC. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Nibbles Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Are you using birth control pills? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Get help. This has reached the point where you need a professional therapist to help guide you back to a place of sanity. You ex's cheating did a lot more damage than anyone could think possible. So now you feel worthless, and pitiful. See someone, and soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Lixxy Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 You need to understand that this is your problem, and that your boyfriend doesn't deserve to be treated like this. You are abusing him, and you're abusing yourself if you're not focused on doing something productive about solving your issues. You probably already feel worthless enough to be reacting in this way, so I do not condone people reaffirming that to you. You need to seek help for your jealousy issues asap if you want to save your relationship, and most importantly save yourself from this hellhole. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brunetterenee Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 Thank you for your answers, will take all into consideration and change my behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
BlametheIrish Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Is Jessica prettier than you, more successful? Is that where the jealousy stems from? Link to post Share on other sites
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