Keenly Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I refuse to give up on it! Even though I loathe and can't stand it. The reason I refuse to surrender and give in is because I hear the success stories. It DOES work... sometimes. I'd like to eventually win a sometimes. Now, I am who I am and I know who I am. I know that I am a charming, charismatic, funny, respectful, and desirable partner. However, I can NOT seem to use these qualities on the internet, as much as I try. They just don't seem to work? I have a handful of young women at work who like me. 3 that I know of ( wouldn't be surprised if it was more, because apparently this forum has taught me that I'm blind and can't tell when a girl is attracted to me ) but I'm not doing the whole work thing again. Learned my lesson from that once. I don't know why, but for whatever reason I seem to be horrible at communicating online. I'm convinced that either my personality or my communication style is fundamentally incompatible with first time online interactions. Unless there is something I'm missing ? Am I not doing it right ? Or is it strictly a " you're hot , I'll respond " kind of deal ? Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 well you shouldn't be communicating too much online anyway. you should just be doing enough to get a number and set up a date asap. better to talk over the phone than emails. when you see a profile you like just send a: "hey, I saw you like Chinese food, me too - maybe one day we can go together" - pick one thing from the profile, mention it in one sentence and that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 well you shouldn't be communicating too much online anyway. you should just be doing enough to get a number and set up a date asap. better to talk over the phone than emails. Allow me to clarify, you need to actually make it past the first three messages to get to that point. I understand how to play ball. I know how the dynamic works. Its just not happening for me on my experience. 90% of the responses ( if I get one ) to my initial messages. " haha " " thank you " " yeah, me too " " I'm right there with you " " yeah I like that too " " that's awesome " " you're funny " " I don't get it " " yeah " I do my part. It seems I'm the only one playing ball. Either that, or like my theory suggests, the OLD atmosphere is incompatible with my personality . Its not a BAD thing, and I'm not whining about it, rather investigating if the theory is plausible. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I have a handful of young women at work who like me. 3 that I know of ( wouldn't be surprised if it was more, because apparently this forum has taught me that I'm blind and can't tell when a girl is attracted to me ) No you are not blind. Many women prefer to use subtly rather than overt methods which men tend to do. Sometimes that subtlety hovers around non-existence. A simple smile and a hello from a woman can easily be dismissed as her being friendly, nothing more, but to the woman, it can be her way of displaying her interest and infatuation. Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 well, I don't think there is a personality that is/is not suited to OLD, in fact it helps many people who have problems IRL, so it's actually advantageous to many men/women. if you have the mindset already that your personality isn't suited for it then you're going in looking for reasons to support your own theory and it will be self-fulfilling Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 It's about looks. 95%. I get witty, charming, and/or funny messages all day long. If I'm not liking what I see looking back at me? Next. I won't even respond. Some girl's do respond, but if they're not interested they'll send the non-committal but I guess what they perceive is the obligatory response: "haha" "thanks" etc etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I think it's about looks. To be honest, I would never have responded to my ex if I had seen him online. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 If it IS about looks, and I know for a fact I'm not ugly by any stretch of the imagination, then I wonder what I'm up against Link to post Share on other sites
InnocentMan Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 (edited) Do yourself a favour, and quit hoping to find someone on OLD. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but the odds are way stacked against you, or anyone. It will damage your confidence so much, that you will start to doubt you can even get someone in real life. Imagine starting 20 conversations in real life, and not getting past the hello, haha stage. It would shatter anyone. People judge you on very superficial qualities on old, and it's difficult to even get past 2 or 3 messages. Due to the massive choice, everyone has the attention span of a gnat. So unless you are super attractive/impressive in the first moments, you have almost zero chance. Even gross chicks that you wouldn't touch with a scabby stick in real life, have a greater choice on OLD, than your average dude. The best way to get women, especially to punch above your weight, is familiarity. This is why you are finding a level of success at your workplace. They see past the basics that make you what you are, and notice all the finer/important details that are impossible to convey on the internets. There is little chance to develop any of this familiarity on dating sites. It's either be very attractive, or very funny, or gtf. If you've done the whole work thing, and don't want to return, the next best thing is activities, where there are regular meetings with females. I'm not saying you can't use OLD, but see it for what it is. A means to piss away a few hours, and get an ego boost. As a way for a man to meet a potential partner, it is awful, and totally counter-productive. (Cue the 2/3 dudes that say they met their woman on OLD and she is amazing etc, etc , etc.) Edited January 25, 2014 by InnocentMan 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 In response to InnocentMan : Do yourself a favour, and quit hoping to find someone on OLD. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but the odds are way stacked against you, or anyone. It will damage your confidence so much, that you will start to doubt you can even get someone in real life. I completely understand how this all works. Its how it was with my first experiences with OLD. I, However, am no novice to this game. My confidence is bright and clear, and most certainly not on the line as it was a year and a half ago. The entire reason I am doing it is BECAUSE the odds are stacked against me. I've always loved a challenge, and this is actually something I am doing more for fun than with the intention of meeting some one. Go in without expectations and you will never be disappointed. Imagine starting 20 conversations in real life, and not getting past the hello, haha stage. It would shatter anyone. People judge you on very superficial qualities on old, and it's difficult to even get past 2 or 3 messages. Due to the massive choice, everyone has the attention span of a gnat. So unless you are super attractive/impressive in the first moments, you have almost zero chance. Even gross chicks that you wouldn't touch with a scabby stick in real life, have a greater choice on OLD, than your average dude. See above response. I know the rules of this game. IRL is a lot easier for me to succeed in, which is funny to say because I'm the kind of guy that keeps to myself. I don't hit on random strangers. I only initiate the chase If I have already established I like a girl. This is more for fun. The best way to get women, especially to punch above your weight, is familiarity. This is why you are finding a level of success at your workplace. They see past the basics that make you what you are, and notice all the finer/important details that are impossible to convey on the internets. There is little chance to develop any of this familiarity on dating sites. It's either be very attractive, or very funny, or gtf. Indeed. I am quite confident at work and it shows. If you've done the whole work thing, and don't want to return, the next best thing is activities, where there are regular meetings with females. I'm not saying you can't use OLD, but see it for what it is. A means to piss away a few hours, and get an ego boost. As a way for a man to meet a potential partner, it is awful, and totally counter-productive. I'm a little indifferent when it comes to desire to find a partner. If she pops into my life, you bet your ass I'll chase her, but I'm not looking per se. Also, I don't go to places with the intention of meeting girls. This includes meetups etc. Because that is not who I am. I go only places I want to go, and only do activities that I am interested. I life my life for me, as any person should. (Cue the 2/3 dudes that say they met their woman on OLD and she is amazing etc, etc , etc.) It seems more women claim to have success than men (statistically impossible lol ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 For me it's not about looks at all,Most of the guys that msge me are so attractive but I often only reply to the guy I find interesting,I have never rejected so many hot guys in my life,sometimes the guy I think might be sad/lonely I'll talk to him with no intention of dating.I don't if it's good to do. I never ever respond to someone I like with those brief boring messages youre getting,either too many bimbos or not interested. If I like someone I will be charming as anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 For me it's not about looks at all,Most of the guys that msge me are so attractive but I often only reply to the guy I find interesting,I have never rejected so many hot guys in my life,sometimes the guy I think might be sad/lonely I'll talk to him with no intention of dating.I don't if it's good to do. I never ever respond to someone I like with those brief boring messages youre getting,either too many bimbos or not interested. If I like someone I will be charming as anything. Now why would you do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Because they look sad and I don't want them to feel lonely,and probably they get no love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 Because they look sad and I don't want them to feel lonely,and probably they get no love. But that's pity. Pity would make some one more sad. Link to post Share on other sites
InnocentMan Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I won't quote your reply, man, but fair enough. Seems like you can see it for what it is. Just for the record, I wasn't suggesting you join a cooking class just to meet woman. It's just a more natural, and successful way to meet them. I kinda agree with you. The more effort you make to find someone, the harder to seems to be. Best just to live your life and take what comes your way. It's painful to read the difficulty that men on this forum seem to have in meeting woman. When I was in my twenties, I went to a bar, got loaded, and woke up with a monster/reasonable looker (sometimes). I think the dating scene is slightly easier over here though. I've only ever met one woman from the internets, and it was from a game we both played. Neither of us were there to specifically meet someone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Yea I'm starting yo think I just make things worse cause then I can't always reply and then they write all the time and it makes them more sad. But if I keep up the replies then they'll have a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I don't pity them,a good person has empathy for other creatures doesn't want to see them lonely,sad etc. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Maybe your body just isn't that into dating at the moment and it's purposely making you gravitate toward the unavailable. You attract attention here so I don't know why it would be all that different on OLD. Some women must want you there as well. I can't argue that dating at work can be a bad idea but when you're passing on the girls who are hot for you there, passing on the girls who are hot for you here, and apparently gravitating toward the unavailable on OLD I don't know what else it could be. Generally guys who are into it will end up falling into situations that aren't that smart, like sex with co-workers if they're available. They don't have any choice in the matter, their body makes them. Hence Kaylan's masturbate and think about it thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 That is because OLD is filled with crazy people. I did it for a few months then asked myself where the hell these people come from and I deleted my profile. In order to succeed with crazy people I think you have to be crazy yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 90% of the responses ( if I get one ) to my initial messages. " haha " " thank you " " yeah, me too " " I'm right there with you " " yeah I like that too " " that's awesome " " you're funny " " I don't get it " " yeah " So funny because I can so relate. It was really irritating at the time too.. when I took OLD seriously. There was also the Lols and whatevas in reply to a paragraph of text from me. Invest the same effort back. Experiment and be short in message and a little provocative (not dirty, just a bit smart arsey) Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 Why would you reply to someone who is investing almost zero ,a lol here and there in you. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 You had a video on youtube playing guitar. Put up another one of you playing guitar, chatting in a different environment or a compilation of various activities and locales. You will certainly stand out more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted January 25, 2014 Author Share Posted January 25, 2014 You had a video on youtube playing guitar. Put up another one of you playing guitar, chatting in a different environment or a compilation of various activities and locales. You will certainly stand out more. Damn that was a long time ago. How can I best explain this.... I like playing the guitar. I enjoy it very much. But... I don't want to be "that guy" If you know what I mean. I'm not trying to show off or anything. (the right timing with this can come in quite handy) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrCastle Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 It's looks and a few other superficial things like income/occupation, etc. It is what it is. Not to mention the amount of messages women get, your message very well could get buried, never to be read. It's hard for the average man to get something going online -- certainly much harder there than in real life. I don't even blame women for it either. Think about it, if you were getting 50-60 messages a week from different women, wouldn't you hold out for a girl that has Mila Kunis' face and Kim Kardashian's body? Put yourself in their shoes -- hundreds of men are throwing themselves at them. Good looking guys with incompatible personalities, unattractive guys with great personalities -- you can't blame them for wanting to hold out for that man that has the best of both worlds. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 I think it's a really good idea,I would definitely like that in a profile,people look so different on video.would give me a better sense of the person. You had a video on youtube playing guitar. Put up another one of you playing guitar, chatting in a different environment or a compilation of various activities and locales. You will certainly stand out more. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts