Shepp Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I know I personally avoided pictures of me doing anything, as I'd read on this forum many times that it puts off a pretentious vibe like "oh hey look at the cool stuff I do I'm gonna show off all the fun stuff I want you to think I do" - which to me is just silly, idk why people would think badly of someone posting a photo of themselves doing something they enjoy, but I decided to avoid the hassle and just put a clear face shot up and that was all. Lol Haha oh really? Well apparently i'm all for "showing off the fun stuff I want people I know I do" then I guess like I rate hobbies as very important and i'd rather people show me what they like than say it, cause people tend to say stuff like that just as cliché. It's a funny one, different strokes for different folks I guess. I strongly dislike selfie's too. I see tons of men's profiles where all or most of their pics are selfies. I always think "wow, you don't have even ONE friend/family member who could take a picture for you?!" Heck, even grab a stranger & ask them to snap a shot of you if you go somewhere good for a photo. Yeah I totally get that, I mean I know that's not the case - I know that next to everyone takes selfies and the like but I guess cause I don't I always have that "where's all the photos your friends/family have taken?". Plus the fact that a lot of selfies I see on facebook look NOTHING like the people look as I know them, in day to day life, cause they're posing and obviously taking multiple photos 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 IME Online dating is 75% + about your picture and 25% about your profile text. If the picture is attractive they visit your profile. There, for women it becomes about a few things. No deal breakers. Height at least taller than them, especially six foot. Income, the higher the better. The reason most men have a problem online dating is that many women OLD and have. 100 "deal breakers" Will not take a man less than 3" taller than them in 3" heels. So if she's 5'6" no man under six feet will do. High income of over say $50,000. The problems is most men have one of the 100 deal breakers, only about 15% of men are six feet tall or more, and the median income is less than 50,000 USD. The result is that about 4% of men are even acceptable enough to write to for most women. In real life a woman just sees that a man is taller than her 6" or not. She sees that he has money enough to care for himself. She then has to take time to learn if he has the deal breakers and maybe discover a mostly decent man in the process. I don't think the dealbreakers can apply online too much because the profiles can be filled with lies anyway. It's been the case far more often than not that a guy has been much shorter than he said, not in a great job/income like he posted, and he lowered his age so that he could attract younger women. It's way to easy to just check the box you want to be instead of the one you are, which is why I judge by the written content and pictures and not the standard questions. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 IME Online dating is 75% + about your picture and 25% about your profile text. If the picture is attractive they visit your profile. There, for women it becomes about a few things. No deal breakers. Height at least taller than them, especially six foot. Income, the higher the better. The reason most men have a problem online dating is that many women OLD and have. 100 "deal breakers" Will not take a man less than 3" taller than them in 3" heels. So if she's 5'6" no man under six feet will do. High income of over say $50,000. The problems is most men have one of the 100 deal breakers, only about 15% of men are six feet tall or more, and the median income is less than 50,000 USD. The result is that about 4% of men are even acceptable enough to write to for most women. In real life a woman just sees that a man is taller than her 6" or not. She sees that he has money enough to care for himself. She then has to take time to learn if he has the deal breakers and maybe discover a mostly decent man in the process. This definitely has not been the case for me. I'm below average height, average income (although below average for my location and age), and only average in the looks department. I get dates through OLD no problem. I would say a couple keys for me are that I know what I'm looking for (i.e. a long term relationship) and message women I feel would be a good match. In other words, even if a woman is drop dead gorgeous, I won't message her if I don't think we're compatible. I think a lot of guys just message women that they think are attractive physically without caring about compatibility. A lot of guys are also pretty ambiguous when it comes to dating - sure they'd like a relationship, but they're down with casual sex as well...I think like anything in life, the more directed you are the more successful you'll be. If you want to "keep your options open" you're bound to be less successful. Another key for me is my sense of humour - most of the women that respond to me have a similar sense of humour and my messages have made them laugh. It's amazing how many women really appreciate a guy with a sense of humour regardless of looks, income, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I didn't think it was totally, but it is. I got 46 messages yesterday mostly from white hot buff guys,Hispanic hot guys,Italian hot guys,Macedonian hot guys etc - a few great ones including one who was hot that's fine but was talking to me about black gravity or something. Anyway I thought why do I never attract the artsy/bookish and other types of guys I like.I came to the conclusion that it's was above all the fact that I'm not Caucasian. I'm 80 percent Germanic and 20 percent black,I don't look remotely black even a bit, I look Italian/Hispanic/Latin etc and I wear lipstick so I've got the Latin lover look.but I'm internally mostly Germanic,very artsy and creative etc. I conducted an experiment last night I created a profile with a fully Caucasian girl of equal looks,listed her exact interests and personality as the same as mine,she got not as many messages ,but every guy that emailed her was " my perfect guy" in terms of how they looked ,interests,bookish,everything,especially the first three,I was so sad,none of these buff hot guys messaged her. I looked at the guys that messaged her ,and I thought nope none of them would go a search for "other ethnicity" and would never find me,they definitely seemed as if they'd only search Caucasian. That 20 percent black ancestry totally threw me out of Europe,and the Latin look away from most guys I'm attracted to,I don't really get it. So getting tonnes of messages everyday,it's great,lots of options but not much that you actually want,but definately better than nothing. IME Online dating is 75% + about your picture and 25% about your profile text. If the picture is attractive they visit your profile. There, for women it becomes about a few things. No deal breakers. Height at least taller than them, especially six foot. Income, the higher the better. The reason most men have a problem online dating is that many women OLD and have. 100 "deal breakers" Will not take a man less than 3" taller than them in 3" heels. So if she's 5'6" no man under six feet will do. High income of over say $50,000. The problems is most men have one of the 100 deal breakers, only about 15% of men are six feet tall or more, and the median income is less than 50,000 USD. The result is that about 4% of men are even acceptable enough to write to for most women. In real life a woman just sees that a man is taller than her 6" or not. She sees that he has money enough to care for himself. She then has to take time to learn if he has the deal breakers and maybe discover a mostly decent man in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
MixedUpChick Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Anyway I thought why do I never attract the artsy/bookish and other types of guys I like.I came to the conclusion that it's was above all the fact that I'm not Caucasian. I conducted an experiment last night I created a profile with a fully Caucasian girl of equal looks,listed her exact interests and personality as the same as mine, she got not as many messages, but every guy that emailed her was "my perfect guy" in terms of how they looked, interests, bookish, everything, especially the first three... Soooo.... now you can start messaging all those "perfect for you" guys from your regular profile!! You're bound to get some who will respond to you, maybe they don't think they stand a chance with someone like you, it's definitely worth sending off some messages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 (edited) ------------------------- Edited January 27, 2014 by Thegreatestthing Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Over the last 5 days I have spent a considerable amount of time on OK Cupid. I've sent 154 different messages to 154 different women based on the information I was provided I've gotten about a page of responses. None of which actually go anywhere. Holding out hope for ONE out that 154 because she is the one I would really like to meet the most out of all of them, and she seems friendly enough. But after all that time.. all that work... all that effort, absolutely nothing to show for it. Why the hell are women on a dating site if they have no interest in actually meeting new people. Might have to be single and celibate (not by choice, 458 days now) for another year X_x Link to post Share on other sites
Salvatore85 Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Keenly I know how you feel. I'm a pretty attractive guy however I'm 5'6" which until I started OLD after being in a 5+year relationship had no clue how much of an issue that is. IRL I tend to have females attracted to me quite a bit but now that most of my friends are married or in the process of marriage and my weekends are not as exciting as they used to be I figured OLD would be a good place to try. Needless to say it's been a complete disaster. I'll send messages and nearly every female I message looks at my profile and then rarely if ever messages back. Now I won't blame them because there have been instances where a female messages me first and I just don't like what I see whether it be pic or profile. Dating is a daunting task but I won't let it beat me down. I look at OLD like an last resort, that maybe I'll meet someone who peaks my interest and we vibe but the truth is meeting IRL is so much easier. Shocking really, I always thought it would be the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Keenly Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) Keenly I know how you feel. I'm a pretty attractive guy however I'm 5'6" which until I started OLD after being in a 5+year relationship had no clue how much of an issue that is. IRL I tend to have females attracted to me quite a bit but now that most of my friends are married or in the process of marriage and my weekends are not as exciting as they used to be I figured OLD would be a good place to try. Needless to say it's been a complete disaster. I'll send messages and nearly every female I message looks at my profile and then rarely if ever messages back. Now I won't blame them because there have been instances where a female messages me first and I just don't like what I see whether it be pic or profile. Dating is a daunting task but I won't let it beat me down. I look at OLD like an last resort, that maybe I'll meet someone who peaks my interest and we vibe but the truth is meeting IRL is so much easier. Shocking really, I always thought it would be the other way around. I've long ago accepted and understood that OLD will never land me an actual relationship. Very, VERY rarely do they even want to meet up. The reason I am doing it is because I kind of thought to myself "Okay, so it doesn't work. But these sites exist, and for a reason. It SOMETIMES happens. So lets try and make a SOMETIME happen" Good god though. Why are these women on a DATING site if they have no interest in dating, responding, holding a conversation, filling out a profile, reading a profile, initiating contact. One thing I was thinking about is that my page never gets any actual "Views AKA Visits" . I got less than 10 in a years time (unsolicited profile visits) This makes me understand that these women are doing absolutely nothing. Lazy as HELL when it comes to this game. They make a profile, BARELY fill it out, put up a few pictures, and sit around. They are not really looking for anyone or anything because if they were, they would actively seek out men's profiles. But they don't, because the "Views AKA Visits" counter always stays at 0, which is statistically impossible if effort was extended on the part of these fiiiiiiine ladies. What does it all mean? Don't waste your time. It's honestly more fun and less exhausting to sit in a room completely alone than it is to have a website dangle a fish above your head while you type out "ARF ARF ARF" and clap your hands together. But I'm also an idiot and considering signing up for a paid one again, since I never go out anywhere and have a stagnant pool of associates. The dominant side of my brain (Logical) is telling me that the past is the best predictor of the future, and its a futile endeavor. But the strongest side of my brain, the romance and passion side, is pulling me to do irrational things in order to get what I want. Edited February 1, 2014 by Keenly Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I've long ago accepted and understood that OLD will never land me an actual relationship. Very, VERY rarely do they even want to meet up. The reason I am doing it is because I kind of thought to myself "Okay, so it doesn't work. But these sites exist, and for a reason. It SOMETIMES happens. So lets try and make a SOMETIME happen" Good god though. Why are these women on a DATING site if they have no interest in dating, responding, holding a conversation, filling out a profile, reading a profile, initiating contact. One thing I was thinking about is that my page never gets any actual "Views AKA Visits" . I got less than 10 in a years time (unsolicited profile visits) This makes me understand that these women are doing absolutely nothing. Lazy as HELL when it comes to this game. They make a profile, BARELY fill it out, put up a few pictures, and sit around. They are not really looking for anyone or anything because if they were, they would actively seek out men's profiles. But they don't, because the "Views AKA Visits" counter always stays at 0, which is statistically impossible if effort was extended on the part of these fiiiiiiine ladies. What does it all mean? Don't waste your time. It's honestly more fun and less exhausting to sit in a room completely alone than it is to have a website dangle a fish above your head while you type out "ARF ARF ARF" and clap your hands together. But I'm also an idiot and considering signing up for a paid one again, since I never go out anywhere and have a stagnant pool of associates. The dominant side of my brain (Logical) is telling me that the past is the best predictor of the future, and its a futile endeavor. But the strongest side of my brain, the romance and passion side, is pulling me to do irrational things in order to get what I want. It does and can happen. My 3 year relationship just ended, unfortunately. But we met on match. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Targetlock Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 i hear all these success stories and do keep on trying but i keep thinking what am i doing wrong? am i unappealing? is it something wrong in my messages i think i must have messaged more than 100 women last year and didn't have any dates, had a couple of almost but they just disappeared after a while and stopped talking to me. but then again i think OLD should not be your only option, rather one of many options available to you. if it isn't working, try something else! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 I've mailed some guys who seem great, only to be the only one who asks questions - then a conversation starts - next day though it's like the conversation never happened as he drops the subject and mails to ask 'how was your day?'. This gets tedious as you have to get another conversation going - and then the next day - groundhog day... I think that is a guy who is emailing several women at once and doesn't want to drop any of them until he finds one he likes more. I usually respond in like manner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 Personally i'd be looking for the girl who was hot and doing different exciting things in her photos. Peple say they like 'sports' 'the outdoors' and the like but you know what they say - picture or it didn't happen! I've advised some men, with no photos in their profiles, to go to a local tourist spot or park and ask a stranger to take their photo. They can even lie and say they are merely visiting. Most people don't ask. That's what I do when I need an outdoor shot. Indoors -- I put the camera on the ironing board on a stack of books, set the timer for 10 seconds as I sit on my couch. Then I take several photos and pick the best one. Then crop with Microsoft Photo Editor. If a technophobe like me, with an old computer and old digital camera, can figure this out, there is no excuse for others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
juliarosa Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Its really very inspiring information. Link to post Share on other sites
Thegreatestthing Posted February 20, 2014 Share Posted February 20, 2014 I have not answered a single message for three weeks I don't know why,kind of strange really,it is too easy for women so we put in no efforts, but actually I'm just not so interested in love at all ATM,and there is no option yo just take it down for a bit ,I do think many women have thrm for self esteem,attention feeding these sorts of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 I have not answered a single message for three weeks I don't know why,kind of strange really,it is too easy for women so we put in no efforts, but actually I'm just not so interested in love at all ATM,and there is no option yo just take it down for a bit ,I do think many women have thrm for self esteem,attention feeding these sorts of things. BOLD 1: That is true, but then you end up picking the wrong guy that uses you on so many levels, an then dumps you for the next one just as easy BOLD 2: You can say that again. I think these women get bored from not "getting some" or nothing else exciting going on in their lives, and they just jump online and create a profile with caked up face picture of them / provocative one in lingerie knowing to well that it will get them some attention.....as soon as the messages start coming in, that is their note to self that THEY ARE SOMETHING SPECIAL A lot of those messages are just from lime-minded bored truck drivers/lay abouts/drunks/ and others of that ilk Link to post Share on other sites
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