I want my friend back...

[Kaleigh]

For about two years I was best friends with this guy...but I also had feelings for him. I thought he liked me too. I told him how I felt, but he said he wanted to be "just friends." That made our friendship weird for a while, but we over came that problem...and a lot of others. After I told him how I felt, he lead me on for a long time. He eventually starting dating a girl who was a lot like me. This really bothered me, and I hated his new girlfriend. I couldn't tell him that though! When he started dating this girl, our friendship was basically put on hold. We didn't hang out as much anymore, and that really hurt. They broke up over the summer, and things were "back to normal" with us. He was leading me on, and I was falling in love. Then, I went away to college. I would go home every weekend just to see him. If I didn't stop by his work by a certain time, he would call me upset saying that he thought I would have stopped by (even though I was going to see him two hours later). My phone bill was at least $80 a month, cause we would talk an hour or more every night. Then one night he told me that he was going back out with his ex. This didn't make me happy, but I lied and told him I was glad. I was happy that he was happy, but I still hated this girl. My dad was rushed to the hospital one night...I went home as soon as I could. When I called my so-called best friend, he was totally unsupportive of me. That weekend, our church youth group went on a retreat. My friend totally got on my nerves and we got into a huge fight. I had a lot of things that I had been wanted to say for a long time but never did. I didn't say anything that night either...I just kept silent. That was the end of our friendship. I came home one night during finals (around Christmas time) and there was a message on my machine from this guy. We hadn't talked in almost a month, and now here was a message. He acted as if nothing had ever happend. When I went home for Christmas break, I thought maybe we would work things out. But I was wrong. On New Year's Eve, I apologized to him for the things that I had said. I thought he would apologize too, but once again I was wrong. All he said as he hugged me was, "I know. We'll talk later." After I went back to school, things got worse between us again. We didn't talk for 2 months. I started feeling terrible about the way I had treated his gf, so I apologized to her. She forgave me and told me that my "friend" wanted to talk to me. I drove a half an hour to his work for him to sit there and make small talk. When I left he said, "So is everything cool between us now?" I told him that I still wanted to talk about everything that had happend. We talk occasionally when I'm home for the weekend, but it's nothing like it used to be. I know that it won't for a long time, if ever. Am I wrong to think that he owes me an apology too? I apologized three times for the same thing. What makes matters worse is that I can't get close to anyone else because I still have feelings for him. I'm getting over him, but there are days that I want to just pick up the phone and call him. I know that I can't though. I am scared of getting my heart broken again. He was my first love and he didn't love me back. He lead me on...I'm scared of the same thing happening again. I know that nothing will happen between us romantically, but I do want our friendship back. However, him not apologizing is holding me back. Should I tell him how I feel next time we talk, or should I just face the fact that he's not going to apologize and work on restoring our friendship?

[Veronica]

I completely understand what you are going through. my best friend has been the same guy for ten years. we are 21, and about a week ago, we sort of hooked up. Now he doesnt really have much to say to me, he just kind of acts like nothing happened, yet everything is different. We have nothing to say anymore, and I am extremely depressed. so now I have decided to just to not call for a while and let him straighten things out, but I am dying inside. My advice to you, is understand that even if he doesnt have the same feelings for you, you are still worthy of his respect. That is why I have decided to stop calling my friend. Until he can respect me still, I will none of it. Good Luck and I truly hope you find happiness soon.