Is This Punishment????

[PaulJ]

Hello Everyone!

 

This is my 1st time posting. I hope Everyone is doing o.k.

 

This is a Long story, but I'll try and make it as short as

 

possible. Im a 30 yr old male...Never been married...no

 

kids...educated...good looking...generally a great life.

 

I just had the JOLT of my life. I have dated a lot

 

of people in my life...broken a few hearts...had my heart

 

broken a few times...nothing out of the ordinary. Last

 

September, I met a girl named "Jenni"...Age 26...never married...no kids. Jenni got out of a 6 year relationship about 8 months ago.We were immediatley

 

attracted to each other and I thought (after a couple of

 

months) that this could possibly be the girl that I would

 

marry...Even though I've never given marriage much thought.

 

We were perfect for each other. We spent a tremendous amount

 

of time together (not too much..I know what some of you are

 

thinking) getting to know each other. I have not been truly

 

"In Love" in a long time. But It seemed that I was falling

 

Hard for this girl. Jenni, to my surprise, told me that

 

she loved me on Christmas Eve. I could not believe that

 

she told me that(It was a good thing). Anyway, she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend and pretty much staked

 

her claim. I was very happy. About 2 weeks ago... We

 

had a misunderstanding ( a small argument) that, to my

 

horror, ended the relationship. She told me that she

 

didnt think that it was going to work out. She cried and

 

told me that she did love me, but was apprehensive about

 

getting into another relationship....Im Like..."Why didnt

 

you tell me that before you decided that you wanted to

 

be committed to me. Anyway...I am hurting, SO BAD!!!

 

I miss her SO MUCH! I know that we didnt date for very long, but that doesnt change the way I feel about her.

 

Am I just getting mine(what goes around comes around)

 

or is this punishment...or WHAT? I am so devastated.

 

My heart hurts!!! I just wanted to get some feedback

 

from you guys. Any, would be great. Thanks

 

Paul

[Tony T]

No, you're not getting anything back...not a karma thing. It sounds very much like she did not have nearly enough time to heal from her six year relationship before she met you. You were apparently a rebound situation.

 

When a lady starts making big deals out of little deals, enough to break up with you certainly, you simply must back off.

 

Cease to contact her in any way. When she has gotten her stuff together you will hear from her. There's even a good chance this was a time of the month thing that she could regret in a few days. Who the hell knows?

 

Anyway, don't shut your life down. You did nothing wrong. Take a bit of time to get your balance and move on with your life.

 

As a practical matter, you should never get real serious with someone who has recently gotten out of a relationship. The longer their relationship was, usually the longer it takes them to heal. There are millions of people who get divorced and are in terrible pain who were not even married as long as this lady was with her ex.

 

I know this hurts but learning hurts like hell sometimes. If you do get a call from her, do some real serious talking before you get back into anything...and take things very very slowly.

[CJ]

Hello Everyone! This is my 1st time posting. I hope Everyone is doing o.k. This is a Long story, but I'll try and make it as short as possible. Im a 30 yr old male...Never been married...no kids...educated...good looking...generally a great life. I just had the JOLT of my life. I have dated a lot of people in my life...broken a few hearts...had my heart broken a few times...nothing out of the ordinary. Last September, I met a girl named "Jenni"...Age 26...never married...no kids. Jenni got out of a 6 year relationship about 8 months ago.We were immediatley attracted to each other and I thought (after a couple of months) that this could possibly be the girl that I would marry...Even though I've never given marriage much thought. We were perfect for each other. We spent a tremendous amount of time together (not too much..I know what some of you are thinking) getting to know each other. I have not been truly "In Love" in a long time. But It seemed that I was falling Hard for this girl. Jenni, to my surprise, told me that she loved me on Christmas Eve. I could not believe that she told me that(It was a good thing). Anyway, she said that she wanted to be my girlfriend and pretty much staked her claim. I was very happy. About 2 weeks ago... We had a misunderstanding ( a small argument) that, to my horror, ended the relationship. She told me that she didnt think that it was going to work out. She cried and told me that she did love me, but was apprehensive about getting into another relationship....Im Like..."Why didnt you tell me that before you decided that you wanted to be committed to me. Anyway...I am hurting, SO BAD!!! I miss her SO MUCH! I know that we didnt date for very long, but that doesnt change the way I feel about her. Am I just getting mine(what goes around comes around) or is this punishment...or WHAT? I am so devastated. My heart hurts!!! I just wanted to get some feedback from you guys. Any, would be great. Thanks

 

Paul

Hi Paul,

 

No I don't think this is punishment or anything of the sort. I have been in the same position as you, and it seemed to take forever to get my life back together. I'm betting that she did love you, probably just the same amount as you loved her, but she might have been scared when the time came closer to really settling down. She might have not been totally ready, even though she may have thought she was. It isn't that you are being punished, sometimes people just need a little more time than they think after breaking up from a lasting realtionship like she did. I'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you. Give it some time. After a while, maybe she'll be ready to start over again. This is all my opinion, but it sounds like you guys had a really good thing going. Just give it some time and see what happens. I hope that you hang in there and things qork out for you no matter what they may involve.

[Juds]

It seems to me that your lady is putting up her barriers, probably to protect herself from getting hurt again. I agree that she probably hasn't healed from her previous relationship properly, and that you need to just give her space.

 

Her apparent over-reaction to a small argument is probably her way of preventing getting hurt again. At the very first sign of trouble, she is out of there. Give her some time, maybe she needs a little longer.

 

It doesn't sound to me like she meant to hurt you. When she said that she wanted a committed relationship, I'll bet that she really thought she was capable of it, but perhaps it became a little too difficult for her.

 

By the way, Tony's point about time of the month could well be an accurate one. Personally, in the few days surrounding my menstrual cycle, I get very disillusioned with life in general, and feel like changing everything, from my clothes, my hair etc. to the country I live in!! Nothing makes me happy. As soon as the hormones settle down again, all is smooth sailing again!! Probably worth bearing in mind.