footballman Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 me and my ex have been seeing eachother, when we meet up, she acts like we are a couple, i mentioned to her "do you see us getting back together?" and she said "lets just go with the flow". the break up was my fault, i went through a phase of being a needy boyfriend, is all lost or can i win her back? she broke up with me. she told me she still has strong feelings for me and loves me, we met today and she said everytime she see's me im better looking and that today is the best ive ever looked. i think she is afraid to commit or am i wrong? maybe shes afraid it will go back to how it was towards the end of our relationship? shes not using me or stringing me along, she said she loves me and spending time with me is great. i dont priortise her in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
iworthmore Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 seems you have a chance, just go with the flow like she said. dont ignore but dont be pushy. u know ur fault dont repeat it. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 I'm trying to understand how the break-up was your fault. Everybody goes through needy periods in a relationship. That's not a reason to break-up with someone unless they're being a complete jerk about ignoring your need for some space. You could be right about her being afraid of things going back to the way they were before, or there could be something else going on. She could be sorting out her feelings. She could have somebody else in the picture. You're sort of in a quasi-relationship with her right now so you can wait and see how it goes. It does seem like you have a pretty good chance of getting back into a full-blown relationship down the line. You will want to make sure things are progressing in that direction though, because it's not good for you to keep this up indefinitely. At some point, you'll both need to address the issues that lead to the break-up as well so it won't happen again. I'd also definitely make sure right now that she's fine with not seeing anybody else until you guys have this situation sorted out. Otherwise, it's really not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 beinig honest i was a jerk and i deserved it. il take that advice on board thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 how do i go about asking her not to see anyone else though? is that not a bit controlling? she wouldnt do it behind my back if she was seeing someone she would tell me Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 so we are both going to be out in a club tomorrow with our own group of friends, ill be with my group and she will be with hers and she said that we should kiss other people to see how it feels, even though shes unsure if she wants to kiss anyone else and she says she wont like it but says we need to try it, im confused?! as far as her friends and my friends know we are both single. Link to post Share on other sites
devilish innocent Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I actually think it's pretty disrespectful for her to lead you on to believe that you could be getting back together, then turn around and tell her friends that there's nothing between the two of you. On top of that, she wants to continue going out and kissing other people. If that's the situation, I probably wouldn't bother with her at all. You said that she loves you, but her actions contradict that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 im going to confront her after tomorrow night and say she can either kiss anyone she wants or she can kiss me. good or bad idea? i agree its very disrespectful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 basically going to say she can commit to seeing me and see can we work things out or else have nothing to do with me Link to post Share on other sites
d0cholliday Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 so we are both going to be out in a club tomorrow with our own group of friends, ill be with my group and she will be with hers and she said that we should kiss other people to see how it feels, even though shes unsure if she wants to kiss anyone else and she says she wont like it but says we need to try it, im confused?! as far as her friends and my friends know we are both single. Just be indifferent towards her, just don't care. If you can find another girl and enjoy your evening, let her see that other woman enjoys your company. She will probably try to make you jealous, but you need to keep cool, and after a while she will mark her territory, don't worry, happened to me so many times. Plus a girl who want's to kiss other guys, and suggest that, wtf.... You can't do that, she probably has something planned, and just making space for manuevering so if she kiss someone other than you she can say I told you we should try that.... Is she really a girl for you??? Just act like you don't give a ****, enjoy yourself, and let her see that. Who cares, if she loves you she won't kiss other guys. Be carefull, and no matter what be cool, don't make a scene, be an adult, and leave these childlish games to here... Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 You're confused - well so am I. Do she want to make a go of it or not? If she does, then what's with all this ? she said that we should kiss other people to see how it feels, even though shes unsure if she wants to kiss anyone else and she says she wont like it but says we need to try it, It seems to me she's at a loose end because she has no-one in her life at present. She wants to keep you in tow but keep her options open at the same time. It's called "cake-eating" - don't allow it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 what do you all think of confronting her about it? Link to post Share on other sites
d0cholliday Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Well from my experience, It didn't help. I confronted my ex with all the problems, all the stuff, showed emotions, and nothing changed.... except she realized we can't be friends.... but soon as I started to pull myself away she tried to pull me back, and now I'm in NC, doing good, so skip that part of confronting her.... First you need to figure out what you really want, do you want her, make a list of pro's and con's or something like that, than decide. Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Maybe she mentioned the kissing other people thing to see how you would react. Not necessarily because she wanted to, but to see if you wanted to, or would get upset at the fact that she brought it up. Seems like a catch 22 situation right there... as mentioned, be indifferent. Go flirt with other girls, show her that she isn't the center of your world. She will most likely try to 1-up you and get you jealous, but you have to stay cool.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 she said she wont like it but we both need to try it. bit confused by that to be honest? Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 i also said i suppose after this we will know if were going to keep acting like a couple and stuff? and she said " its going to take more than one night to determine that" Link to post Share on other sites
flightplan Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Seriously?! Who wears the pants in this relationship? Whatever happened to being the man in the relationship? I wouldn't put up with this kind of crap for one second. I'm all for equality, etc blah, blah, blah, but this kind of behavior is unacceptable. You sound like you're walking to the beat of her drum. Be a freaking man and tell her your terms. If she doesn't like it, then walk. No need to be a jerk about it, but firm and confident. And to be honest... if you guys are in your 20s, then it's got a limited shelf life to begin with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 but were not in a relationship so i cant act all controlling. i will lay my cards on the table. Link to post Share on other sites
xUnknown Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Then tell her she can do whatever she wants and to piss off. Tell her to stop contacting you so you can move on. She'll find a rebound, that'll end, then run back to you. She doesn't seem like she can take a breakup alone - the fact that she wants to kiss other people to see if she loves you is BS. Keep walking my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 so we both kissed other people. i asked her how did it feel and she said it didnt really i like it. i said the same. we still have been acting like a couple, talking about the future etc. i am a bit frustrated and i caused an arguemnet because i find it frustrating that we act like we are together but we are actually not together. i dont want to force anything though as i know it will push her away. do i wait for her to make the move towards making it offical? i feel all we need to do is actually put a label on it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0cholliday Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 so we both kissed other people. i asked her how did it feel and she said it didnt really i like it. i said the same. we still have been acting like a couple, talking about the future etc. i am a bit frustrated and i caused an arguemnet because i find it frustrating that we act like we are together but we are actually not together. i dont want to force anything though as i know it will push her away. do i wait for her to make the move towards making it offical? i feel all we need to do is actually put a label on it. You, my friend, are preparing yourself to lose her completly... Don't get me wrong, but what are you doing??? I think everyone on this forum will say to you something like that. You need to dissapear as fast as you can, no turning back, go NC, just vanish at least 2-3 weeks, cause I doubt you can do more. It needed me 2 months to start doing right things, I was like you pretty much, gained nothing good, only more pain and hurt. But I got better, I managed to pull myself out, now I got the control, enjoying my life, so If I can you can too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 the thing is the more time i spend with her the more i feel her warming up to me, so why would i stop now when i feel its getting closer to reconciliation? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 You sir, are in the friend zone. You are a warm body to give her support and attention until she discovers someone else or just decides that she doesn't need your support anymore. You aren't getting closer to reconciliation -- by being there at her beck and call, you are actually moving yourself further away. She can't miss something that doesn't go away. There's no reason for her to take you back in the way you want to be back because she knows that you don't have the balls or the self-respect to move forward without her. She got on you for being needy, so your solution is to try to keep hanging out with her? That's just ass backwards bro. If she doesn't want you to be needy, you have to show that you don't need her. The best way to do that is to STOP HANGING OUT WITH HER AND GO NO CONTACT! You literally are taking the worst possible approach short of stalking. You've become the hover guy, the orbiter guy. The second she finds something else that interests her, or gets annoyed by you hovering, or doesn't get an ego boost from your contact, she's going to throw you to the side. Because you are showing little to no value. Don't lay your cards out -- fold this hand and play at another table for a while. Make her come to the table you're at. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0cholliday Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 the thing is the more time i spend with her the more i feel her warming up to me, so why would i stop now when i feel its getting closer to reconciliation? I had exatcly the same thing in my mind.... Maybe if I hang around with her, flirt, be kind and everything she will see what is she is missing.... Well NO... You are just telling her she can have her way with you, however she wants, if she wants to kiss she can, if she wants to have sex she can, if she wants to emotionally unload, guess what, she can, cause there by her side is you... I've been there man, took me 2 months to figure it out, tomorrow is my 14th day of NC, and believe me, that is the only thing that helps... Remember NC isn't for getting her back, it's for you, so you can heal... But the good thing while you are in a healing process, she will start to miss you, one way or another, when you are heal, and when you can be cool headed around her, then you can start contact with her and see where it takes you. Don't tell her nothing just dissapear... You'll see in a 2-3 weeks you will come here and post she contacted me, asking bla bla bla.... Maybe it will happen sooner, but when she contacts you, first come here and update us before you answer her. She is giving you breadcrumbs and that's all. Your breakup mind is telling you how she is good, how you need to be around her etc, that doesn't work. You need to be a man, and men don't get pushed around by women... Plus if you really want her back, do you really want to be in a RS where other partner knows she can manipulate you, and do what she wants with you??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author footballman Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 we ended up talking and we talked through what needed to be changed if we get back together, made great progress in my opinion. just don't know what to do next? Link to post Share on other sites
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