getting tired of texting with ex

[tory2000]

My girlfriend and I have been together for less than a year (since May), but it's gotten pretty serious. We are in love and are very open with each other. She has continued to stay in touch via text only with her ex boyfriend (she was with him for 4 years). He knows who I am, but for months my GF did not want to even tell him that she was in a new relationship. She finally told him in November, but told him that she didn't want to tell him who it was. They text back and forth a few times a week, and although the texts are pretty short and uninteresting "Hi, how are you?" "How's work?" (I know because she tells me, plus, I have full access to her phone and she has full access to mine. She doesn't mind if I see her messages, and we often ask the other to write messages on our phones to others while we are driving, cooking, etc.). Nevertheless, I am uncomfortable with their steady communication. I told her about this, and also told her that I feel that the ex would probably be less interested in communicating if he knew that it was me she was dating. She says she doesn't want to lose him as a friend, and that she would like to be able to keep in touch with him. That sounds fine, but I don't think I like the frequency. Also, I have tried to stay friends with exes, and it has never worked out because one of us realized we wanted to be more than friends. Sooner or later we stop talking to each other. I've been patient with my current GF and her ex, and I would continue to do so if I have to, but that is not what I want, and the whole business has me pretty uncomfortable. I just want the guy to go away. I wonder if I would feel better if she told him who it was that she was seeing, or if even if she did tell him, I wonder if I'd still wish they didn't keep in touch so much.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks!

[ExpatInItaly]

She's open with you, but she's hidden you from her ex. Think about that for a moment. She wanted to pretend she wasn't in a new relationship for a while. Now she doesn't want to tell him who you are, exactly. Why? How does she explain that? In the absence of those factors, I'd say that occasional contact with an ex shouldn't be too much cause for concern. But she's not been honest with him about you, which raises some red flags.

[lolablue17]

Is he just afriend??!! lets see...

 

if he were "just a friend"' you dont hide from a friend the fact that you are in a relationship. On the contrary you will gladly tell him the next time you talk to him. you dont hide you boyfriend identity from "just a friend".

 

you certainly can invite "just a friend" to your home for a coffe whith you and your boyfriend. you will certainly introduce him to your boyfriend, and the 3 of you can drink together. if this friend has a girlfriend you can go out all 4 of you.

 

BUT she does the opposite. she hides you, she keeps you undercover. WHY?

 

why is she afraid that he will cut her off if he knows about you? why would he do that if he is just a friend?

 

there is no answer to those questions, because of one reason: he is NOT just a friend!

so, confront her with those thoughts. demand that if he is just a friend, you can see him both as a couple. no more separation! no more confidential! no more obscuring the situation.

[fixing]

Highly inappropriate of her to be constantly texting an ex boyfriend ffs. If it was me, i would tell her to cut him out completely, but thats just me.

 

If i were you i would sit her down and tell her its really starting to bother you.

 

Fact is, its not fair, and fairly inconsiderate of her tbh. Tell her to stop.

[Raena]

Why is it that she doesn't want her ex to know who you are? Who are you in relation to him? It seems pretty specific that you both would rather he not know that it is YOU she is dating.

[PegNosePete]

I feel that the ex would probably be less interested in communicating if he knew that it was me she was dating.

Does the ex already know you then? Do you work together, attend some kind of club together, or have a history together? It sure sounds like it, from this comment. Why would she lose him as a friend if he knew it was you in particular that she was dating? There is something you're not telling us here.

[almond]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/457353-gf-want-stay-friends-ex#post5487700

 

You got a lot of good advice in your last, virtually identical thread..

[crederer]

Red flags.....red flags all over this b*tch

[LoveorLie]

The fact that she wouldn't tell him that she had a boyfriend usually means she didn't want him to be put off by her being with someone new, though her then telling him but not telling him who she's with is giving him a challenge/invite to try and fight for her back. It sounds more like she just wants to keep that friendship open just in case he turns around and asks her to come back to him. I'm sorry to say but it sounds like if her ex did ask her to come back to him she would drop you and everything within seconds and run back to him. You can never truly have a friendship with an ex unless of course there are children involved and then the friendship should be focused on the children solely.

 

I'm not saying she is doing this but from past experiences with phone's nowadays its very easy to delete certain messages instantly after sending or receiving them, giving you the false pretense that she's got nothing to hide as she's showing you her phone. Also have you ever considered that maybe she's having phone calls with him where they chat a bit more intimately. I only discovered all of this with my ex when my gut feeling over took me and I installed an app to find out exactly what he was up to. I'll give him credit he was very sneaky and clever.

 

Hope this helps.