justa_guy Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Hi, I'm a first time poster, but hope to become more active on these boards. So I was hooking up with this girl for 6 months, until she asked that we be exclusive, neither of us had been hooking up with anyone else during the 6 months (as far as I know). About a week after being exclusive she asks me to join her & one of her close friends for wine tasting. When I arrive at the venue I get strange directions from her and end up at some dudes house on the vineyard and not the wine tasting venue. She hurries up to me and says not to mention her friend is married & she'll explain later. This puts me in an awkward position because I hate all form of lying and infidelity. Turns out they'd met this guy at the tasting and were flirting with him to get free wine & he'd invited both of them back to his place. She is then vague when he asks about how she knows me & just says we worked together in the past. They were playfully touching each other too. Then as we get ready to go and meet up with her friends husband for a barbeque, my girlfriend runs inside and they exchange numbers. I didn't want to blow things out of proportion so I didn't say anything and we went to her friends house, her friend also asks me on the way not to mention anything to her husband about this guy, because she doesn't want to upset him. I felt uncomfortable meeting this guy and holding back knowledge of his wife's deception, but play it cool and socialize. My girlfriend sits inside on her phone texting for about 45min till I go in, She then asks me why I'm not showing her attention, and I say because shes acting anti-social and ask whose shes been texting anyways? to which she replies "none of your ****ing business" which she did in a drunk playful way, but I felt it was inappropriate and defensive. So I just walked away. I really didn't want to react in the situation to avoid a drunken argument and went & thought about everything the following day. i wrote her an email saying I felt she totally disrespected me & wasn't acting like she was exclusive, to which she responded "don't ever talk to me like that again!" "I don't **** people around" I left it & didn't hear from her for 2 days (before she was contacting me daily) then I phoned her to confront her again, she claimed that giving out your number to guys you've just met isn't flirting, and it's not like we were that serious anyways, she said she didn't remember the "none of your ****ing business" comment and she must of been drunk. I told her we've clearly got different values & goals and its best if we part ways, she got a bit bitchy and said some hurtful things, I just let her vent then said bye. Since then shes messaged me recently as if nothing happened, asking my advice on a common hobby, I didn't respond. It's really hard because everything felt easy and natural during the 6 months, I ignored a red flag of her showing me facebook photos and I noticed that often there was a photo of her & a guy there were 2 to 5 other individual guys blocked from seeing the photo. i asked her a why she blocked guys from seeing photos and she explained that she often moved on quickly from relationships and didn't want the ex to be butt-hurt, which doesn't explain why there are up to 5 guys blocked. Why is it so hard to move on? I felt like I stood up for myself and my boundaries, but sometimes second guess my decision and maybe overacted. Whatdathink? Link to post Share on other sites
chelsea2011 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 You didn't over react at all! You acted with integrity and showed her that you have too much self esteem to tolerate that kind of shady garbage from someone. It's hard, I know, but just suck it up and stick to keeping her out of your life. If you waffle she will just use you when it suits her. Do you want to be the sap who puts up with these shenanigans or do you want to be the guy who sees her and her games for what they are and walks away with your integrity and self esteem intact? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 She's a skank. Plain and simple. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
MrMeh Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 Seems she is always seeking a thrill at every chance. Stay strong and move on. You have nothing tremendous to gain from continuing a relationship with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 You did the right thing. She's a manipulative cheating whore who does not respect men. Keep up the no contact mate. You played this exceptionally well and dignified. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 The only thing she did wrong is to agree to be exclusive when she has no intention of any such thing. Accept the fact that she's young and wants to whore it up for a while and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted January 26, 2014 Share Posted January 26, 2014 good guys like you sometimes get hurt by girls who took deception and lying and manipulation as their way of living. there is a price to remain decent and loyal to your values. your price now is your difficulty to move on because you're are a sensitive guy. I think you are a real bargain to every future quality girl you will meet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justa_guy Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the feedback, the validation of my feelings helps a lot. Drifter, she didn't agree to be exclusive, I actually suggested an open relationship (to date and see how things progressed) and she insisted on being exclusive. You're right in that I need to "Accept the fact that she's young and wants to whore it up for a while and move on." Edited January 26, 2014 by justa_guy Link to post Share on other sites
Author justa_guy Posted January 26, 2014 Author Share Posted January 26, 2014 (edited) Sorry i can see how that was confusing, I presumed by saying "agreed to" implies I initiated the agreement, Just wanted to highlight that she was the initiator. But yea your right JThompkins she did agree to be exclusive. Sorry for the confusion on my part. Thanks for the advice I've already gone NC Edited January 26, 2014 by justa_guy Link to post Share on other sites
HEY2147 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 I am going to be blunt right now but shes a skanky skank Dont talk to her again unless you wanna quick bang. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 She hurries up to me and says not to mention her friend is married & she'll explain later. This puts me in an awkward position because I hate all form of lying and infidelity. Turns out they'd met this guy at the tasting and were flirting with him to get free wine & he'd invited both of them back to his place. She is then vague when he asks about how she knows me & just says we worked together in the past. They were playfully touching each other too. Then as we get ready to go and meet up with her friends husband for a barbeque, my girlfriend runs inside and they exchange numbers. I didn't want to blow things out of proportion so I didn't say anything and we went to her friends house, her friend also asks me on the way not to mention anything to her husband about this guy, because she doesn't want to upset him. I felt uncomfortable meeting this guy and holding back knowledge of his wife's deception, but play it cool and socialize. My girlfriend sits inside on her phone texting for about 45min till I go in, She then asks me why I'm not showing her attention, and I say because shes acting anti-social and ask whose shes been texting anyways? to which she replies "none of your ****ing business" which she did in a drunk playful way, but I felt it was inappropriate and defensive. So I just walked away. She is dishonest, she uses people and asked you to be their accomplice in deceiving her friends husband who she was clearly cheating on. Her married friend would probably cover for her when she cheats on you. These are not good girlfriend attributes, she's a train wreck waiting to happen. Save yourself a lot of heartache and keep to the no contact, she only wants you until she gets you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Hell, if I were you, I would contact the girls husband and tell him what went down. Your girlfriend showed no loyalties to you, why should you honor her request of not saying anything to this guy. I mean, the husband has a right to know what happened. I would want to know what's going on in my marriage. They could probably explain it away, but it will put him on guard; keep a watchful eye out. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
tom670 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Hell, if I were you, I would contact the girls husband and tell him what went down. Your girlfriend showed no loyalties to you, why should you honor her request of not saying anything to this guy. I mean, the husband has a right to know what happened. I would want to know what's going on in my marriage. They could probably explain it away, but it will put him on guard; keep a watchful eye out. Totally agree with this. What he does after you tell him is his choice. It's the right thing to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Hell, if I were you, I would contact the girls husband and tell him what went down. Your girlfriend showed no loyalties to you, why should you honor her request of not saying anything to this guy. I mean, the husband has a right to know what happened. I would want to know what's going on in my marriage. They could probably explain it away, but it will put him on guard; keep a watchful eye out. You see, This is exactly how i feel to. You know, its kinda been bothering me lately for myself. You see, i befriended two female friends whom are mutual friends to my cheating ex... We used to have bbq's at mine the four off us, or have movie nights together. Long story short, i caught ex out cheating, ended it, but struck back up the friendship again with these two girls for the last year and a half. (They actually re added me, and started to hang out) Well, One of them friends let it slip that my ex had slept with someone else at theirs whilst i was midway into my relationship. I mean, that was crushing to me? Why not tell me when that incident occured? And not 6 months after it ended. Instead they said nothing to me until i caught her out myself with someone else 5 months later.... It hurts, and i have since unfriended them too because they were playing both sides of the fence with me and my ex (Telling me they dont like her now) I moved in with them only to have the one friend tell me to hide and be quite while my ex was in the house.... It ended in a drunken fight with ex and her new man, so that whole friendship is over now. Please, tell me what you make of these so called 'friends'? I feel dejected and possibly a little sad that they have unfriended me now. Surely i need to remind myself that those actions i stated above would mean they were not 'real' friends anyways? Thats what im trying to tell myself anyway. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justa_guy Posted January 27, 2014 Author Share Posted January 27, 2014 Hi guys, fixing I read your threads & that's a tough messy situation, best thing is to keep up the NC and move forward, you're doing well! It's been on my mind a lot to warn this other guy, to be honest I'd have to go on my ex's facebook (which I've been avoiding like the plague) to get a hold of this guy and through her photos to find him or his wife as I can't recall his name. I've even considered trying to go to a place where I may bump into him to avoid facebook. I'm torn because it feels like I'm acting vindictive and the whole scenario could seem immature on my side and I don't want to give the ex a chance to contact me again. Then again, I would want to know the truth if it was me in the marriage. I wish I'd just called them on it as it happened, instead I tried not to act all jealous and insecure, I guess there's a fine line between insecurity, jealousy and not letting your boundaries get pushed down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Hi guys, fixing I read your threads & that's a tough messy situation, best thing is to keep up the NC and move forward, you're doing well! It's been on my mind a lot to warn this other guy, to be honest I'd have to go on my ex's facebook (which I've been avoiding like the plague) to get a hold of this guy and through her photos to find him or his wife as I can't recall his name. I've even considered trying to go to a place where I may bump into him to avoid facebook. I'm torn because it feels like I'm acting vindictive and the whole scenario could seem immature on my side and I don't want to give the ex a chance to contact me again. Then again, I would want to know the truth if it was me in the marriage. I wish I'd just called them on it as it happened, instead I tried not to act all jealous and insecure, I guess there's a fine line between insecurity, jealousy and not letting your boundaries get pushed down. Just facebook the guy and ignore any phone calls about it. Most likely the guy is going to believe his wife and not you. However that doesn't mean you should not msg him. You would want to know if you were in his place right? Your ex had no respect for you. Women who don't respect you are not worth dating! If she can't respect you then she can't love you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fixing Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Just facebook the guy and ignore any phone calls about it. Most likely the guy is going to believe his wife and not you. However that doesn't mean you should not msg him. You would want to know if you were in his place right? Your ex had no respect for you. Women who don't respect you are not worth dating! If she can't respect you then she can't love you. Im so glad im not the only one who feels this way. Wish my two supposed close friends had told me about my ex cheating on me at their house. Instead they tell me 7 months after i ended it for another cheating incident. Deffo OP, tell the guy via facebook message. Link to post Share on other sites
mikecr50 Posted January 27, 2014 Share Posted January 27, 2014 Ruuuuuuun! Thank whatever deity you believe in you dodged a big bullet! Nothing but future misery with her, disrespect you like that? NEXT! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Hi guys, fixing I read your threads & that's a tough messy situation, best thing is to keep up the NC and move forward, you're doing well! It's been on my mind a lot to warn this other guy, to be honest I'd have to go on my ex's facebook (which I've been avoiding like the plague) to get a hold of this guy and through her photos to find him or his wife as I can't recall his name. I've even considered trying to go to a place where I may bump into him to avoid facebook. I'm torn because it feels like I'm acting vindictive and the whole scenario could seem immature on my side and I don't want to give the ex a chance to contact me again. Then again, I would want to know the truth if it was me in the marriage. I wish I'd just called them on it as it happened, instead I tried not to act all jealous and insecure, I guess there's a fine line between insecurity, jealousy and not letting your boundaries get pushed down. I think you should stop obsessing over the other guy and keep moving forward. You don't need this drama and it's not helping you feel better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 yeeesh. She's not dating material man. Keep her for a side piece if you want but don't get your feelings involved. If you cant seperate the two then move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justa_guy Posted February 11, 2014 Author Share Posted February 11, 2014 Hi everyone, thanks for the help and support, NC really is the only way to move forward. (just an update about the husband, he was my ex's friend before his wife & he is aware about her behavior, fortunately I was able to keep up the NC and not get involved) Another quick question, Ive realized I have to meet up with my ex in the next month or two, Ive got some equipment from a previous job that she will have to collect. The small company has relocated and shes the only one available. How do I go about this. I don't really want to see her, and she stays with her parents (they really liked me & will probably ask why I disappeared If I drop it off there.) I stay with my brother and sister in law & my sis-in-law is not above "scratching that b*tches eyes out" Should I suck it up and let her drive by and hand it over to her? with just a nod of indifference. I'm not thinking about her much and have a date tomorrow, but I'm still not sure what seeing her again may trigger. I imagine she'll feign indifference or be b*tchy. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 Sending her stuff in a package or leaving it at her door would probably be the best solution to avoid her. And don't feel bad about her parents, they simply have no clue at all what their daughter is on about. I'm just glad to finally hear from a guy who doesn't hold on to his girlfriend fantasy even though they've shown red flags all over, doesn't happen too often in this forum, you know. *big high five 2 Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted February 13, 2014 Share Posted February 13, 2014 (edited) Hi, I'm a first time poster, but hope to become more active on these boards. So I was hooking up with this girl for 6 months, until she asked that we be exclusive, neither of us had been hooking up with anyone else during the 6 months (as far as I know). About a week after being exclusive she asks me to join her & one of her close friends for wine tasting. When I arrive at the venue I get strange directions from her and end up at some dudes house on the vineyard and not the wine tasting venue. She hurries up to me and says not to mention her friend is married & she'll explain later. This puts me in an awkward position because I hate all form of lying and infidelity. Turns out they'd met this guy at the tasting and were flirting with him to get free wine & he'd invited both of them back to his place. She is then vague when he asks about how she knows me & just says we worked together in the past. They were playfully touching each other too. Then as we get ready to go and meet up with her friends husband for a barbeque, my girlfriend runs inside and they exchange numbers. I didn't want to blow things out of proportion so I didn't say anything and we went to her friends house, her friend also asks me on the way not to mention anything to her husband about this guy, because she doesn't want to upset him. I felt uncomfortable meeting this guy and holding back knowledge of his wife's deception, but play it cool and socialize. My girlfriend sits inside on her phone texting for about 45min till I go in, She then asks me why I'm not showing her attention, and I say because shes acting anti-social and ask whose shes been texting anyways? to which she replies "none of your ****ing business" which she did in a drunk playful way, but I felt it was inappropriate and defensive. So I just walked away. I really didn't want to react in the situation to avoid a drunken argument and went & thought about everything the following day. i wrote her an email saying I felt she totally disrespected me & wasn't acting like she was exclusive, to which she responded "don't ever talk to me like that again!" "I don't **** people around" I left it & didn't hear from her for 2 days (before she was contacting me daily) then I phoned her to confront her again, she claimed that giving out your number to guys you've just met isn't flirting, and it's not like we were that serious anyways, she said she didn't remember the "none of your ****ing business" comment and she must of been drunk. I told her we've clearly got different values & goals and its best if we part ways, she got a bit bitchy and said some hurtful things, I just let her vent then said bye. Since then shes messaged me recently as if nothing happened, asking my advice on a common hobby, I didn't respond. It's really hard because everything felt easy and natural during the 6 months, I ignored a red flag of her showing me facebook photos and I noticed that often there was a photo of her & a guy there were 2 to 5 other individual guys blocked from seeing the photo. i asked her a why she blocked guys from seeing photos and she explained that she often moved on quickly from relationships and didn't want the ex to be butt-hurt, which doesn't explain why there are up to 5 guys blocked. Why is it so hard to move on? I felt like I stood up for myself and my boundaries, but sometimes second guess my decision and maybe overacted. Whatdathink? No contact: Delete her phone number, facebook, anything that reminds you of her. I know it may be hard, but she doesn't sound like a good girl at all. Ignore her from your life and move on and be happier. Also tell the husband if you want even if he won't believe you, he will eventually find out his wife is cheating. Edited February 13, 2014 by peruano99 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justa_guy Posted February 15, 2014 Author Share Posted February 15, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the responses, I'm going to wait for her to reach out, then decide what to do. Also I'm confused, you say she told you she wanted to be exclusive, but then says "we aren't that serious" when you get mad she gives her number out. Jesus, what kind of person is this? It still amazes me how people can treat each other this way. Yeah the crazy thing which I didn't mention is that when she asked to be exclusive I asked her if this meant I couldn't text girls that may be interested or get girls numbers who were interested(making sure we have clear established boundaries), she was very clear about me not doing this and setting the boundaries. She's basically an attention whore with loads of beta orbitors and double standards. I'm just glad to finally hear from a guy who doesn't hold on to his girlfriend fantasy even though they've shown red flags all over, doesn't happen too often in this forum, you know. *big high five Thanks No limit, without this forum I probably wouldn't have handled the situation well (Ive read the forum before, prior to posting) and it's the stories and advice shared by people on these forums that helped me stay composed and act accordingly. *big high five back And the husband is aware of his wife's behavior (I found out via the grapevine) it seems like he gets upset about it then lets it slide, so it's nothing new, my ex even described her as "a bit of a slut" nice... birds of a feather... Edited February 15, 2014 by justa_guy Link to post Share on other sites
peruano99 Posted February 15, 2014 Share Posted February 15, 2014 Oh so her husband likes her wife doing that? Huh. Link to post Share on other sites
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