JadeStar Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Hi everyone I got a question, hope someone can help me out. What does this sound like to others? Last night I was in the shower and was just having a general convo with my husband and said I thought I had a bladder infection. He said, "Well if you do, I didn't give it too you." Well I was shocked because that came out of no where. I then said. " I didn't say you did and people can have bladder infections for lots of reasons". I noticed he was acting kind of strange and defensive when asked anything. So later on that evening I said, "do you have anything you need to tell me?" He said "No and you can check my underwear to prove it." OMG! I was shocked! That came out of no where. I sat down on the bed and said, "I didn't say anything about your underwear, I just asked if you needed to tell me anything." He said, "Oh well, I just assumed you were referring to something like that." I was blown away. I went to bed thinking what just happened here? What does this sound like to others? Any advice is appreciated thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Barby Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Sounds like he could be feeling guilty because maybe he's cheated or thought about cheating, unless of course you've questioned him several times before about cheating or been insecure about it. It is very strange that it came out of nowhere like that! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Well, my red flag just went up. He obviously seems like he's done or doing something. Just let this one go...But watch him, his reactions and pay attention to calls, if he is being secretive, stuff like that. Accusing him of anything right now he is just going to deny. Some thoughts in his head, action or not, has made him feel guilty or angry...Not quite sure which it is, but just don't push it right now. I do hope he is not cheating...But either way now he planted that seed in your head. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
Soon2bsngl Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Sounds like a guilty conscience to me! He's getting awfully defensive. I'd keep an eye on things. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I'm sorry to say it, but it sounds like he's been up to something. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I'd ask him why he was so defensive when you said you had a bladder infection and I'd make no assumptions until I did. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Thanks for the replys. I have asked him why would he say things like that to me. He said he didn't trust me. I haven't ever given him a reason not too and he knows this. So I then said "what is it I have ever done to make you not trust me?" He just sat there then spoke up and said, "You haven't ever given me a reason not to trust you, its me. I'm insecure within my self." I said, "Do you not trust your own self?" He said "No, that he didn't." When I asked why he didn't seem to have an answer. In the past he was on porn alot and drinks alot of alcohol. I know when he used to say things to me or make false accusations etc, that it stemed from what he was doing and he felt guilty for it. Plus the counselor also said that was why and where his comments were coming from. He has not ever stopped the porn or alcohol but did stop making those kinds of comments for awhile, but last night they started back up again. So at first I figured well maybe his insecurity is starting back up because he is feeling bad or guilty for the porn/alcohol, but now I just can't help but think if theres more to it than that. He has never told me to check his undwear for proof until last night, that was really odd to me, sigh, I don't know. Thanks again for the replys. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Hey Jadestar, I definitely would keep my eyes and ears open something isn't right .. He must be feeling bad about the porn and drinking.. maybe he hasn't cheated literaly maybe he has some feelings for someone and its eating him up inside.. Men conscious starts to bother them and they get defensive and want to give accussations when they have done something wrong or betrayed sugnificant others.. i hope he isn't!! Has he changed his apperance ? Does he wear things he wouldn't before? good luck hope things work out!! Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 He may just be feeling guilty about the porn and drinking...Cuz it seems he isn't happy with himself. It is easier to lash out and blame others than take the blame himself. He COULD be cheating, deflecting the guilt and not trusting you when really he is doing something wrong and covering up for it. Maybe ask him to do some therapy. I hope he would be open to that idea because if he isn't happy with himself, he has not enough to give into you or the marriage. He sounds depressed and the self esteem issue is there as well. Just tell him how much he means to you, how much you love him and (IF HE ISN"T CHEATING) you guys will get through this rough patch, just take baby steps...BUT if he is messing around he better come clean. Lying about it now is just plain stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Hi lilmoma, thanks for the reply. He hasn't really changed his appearance however, about 2 months ago he decided he wanted to lose weight. Hes 6'3 and was 247 which because he is tall he holds his weight good I think. Anyway, he really got into walking alot to help him lose some weight. He used to walk on our street but now he walks at the track at the park. He works like 10 12 hour days sometimes and he will go walking after work, not all the time but maybe 2 or 3 times a week. When he made those comments to me last night, he had just got in from work and from walking at the track. He got off work around 4:30 pm and came home at almost 7pm. I would think thats a long time to walk. It wasn't long after he came in he started up with those comments. Thanks for the reply. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Hey Jadestar, Sounds like to me he was somewhere he wasn't suppose to be .. otherwise he wouldn't have started with the accusations!! I would start following him.. he is up to something find out .. hire an detective to folow him then you will know if you don't think you can do it!! Good luck i feel that you will need it!! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 whichway, thanks for your reply. We have been to counseling. He went for me though and not himself and thats why he wont be able to change until he decides he wants/needs help and goes for himself. I can't change him, but I can change my self and the way I handle things, which is what I have been doing for awhile now and actaully thought things were getting some better. Then he comes in last night making those comments. I have been here for him in so many ways but I'm really starting to get wore down and tired. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
einahpets Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 hopefully it is nothing. i agree with the others, maybe counseling will help him come clean or get thru whatever his current issue is. he sounds really sketchy. it sounds like something is up. no one mentioned this, but my first concern is for your health. he got really defensive about the whole bladder infection thing. you should really go to a doctor and make sure that is what it is and not anything worse. if in fact he did cheat and passed something to you, i guess you would have your proof. maybe you could mention that you guys don't talk as much and offer to go on some of those walks with him, so you can spend some more time together. judging by his reaction, maybe you will be able to tell how innocent his walks really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Pull his cell phone records. Half the draw of an OW is in the "listening" that they do. MM has an understanding ear to whine into. Cheaters talk. Alot. Check his computer too. If you need help with the reconaissance, post again. There are unfortunately lots of people here with experience in this sort of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I would also get tested. That was my first reaction to it, anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by JadeStar Hi everyone I got a question, hope someone can help me out. What does this sound like to others? Last night I was in the shower and was just having a general convo with my husband and said I thought I had a bladder infection. He said, "Well if you do, I didn't give it too you." Well I was shocked because that came out of no where. I then said. " I didn't say you did and people can have bladder infections for lots of reasons". I noticed he was acting kind of strange and defensive when asked anything. So later on that evening I said, "do you have anything you need to tell me?" He said "No and you can check my underwear to prove it." OMG! I was shocked! That came out of no where. I sat down on the bed and said, "I didn't say anything about your underwear, I just asked if you needed to tell me anything." He said, "Oh well, I just assumed you were referring to something like that." I was blown away. I went to bed thinking what just happened here? What does this sound like to others? Any advice is appreciated thanks. Maybe he was just being genuinely dunb. Some guys don't know anything about that kind of stuff, ya know? Keep your ears open, but I, personally, wouldn't jump to major conlusions just yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Spira Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 And. By the way. I *would* check his underwear. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 16, 2005 Share Posted January 16, 2005 Thanks to all that replied. I have been having pc problems so its taken me awhile to respond. We have talked and he says he drinks etc because he is unhappy in his life. Says its him as an individual and has nothing to do with me or the kids. However because of this it has now become me and the kids problem. He is willing to go to counseling even as an inpatient for alcohol treatment. I understand that alcohol is usually the symptom of a deeper issue, so once he is in thearpy not only will he be helped with alcohol but they will work with him on what it is that has caused him to get to this point. Thanks so much to those that replied. Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 18, 2005 Share Posted January 18, 2005 hey jadestar i am so glad he is willing to admit he needs to get help.. hope he sticks with it!! good luck you are going to need it.. it is going to be a long and winding road ahead!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliasDescent2 Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 This does sound weird... i had my bf make the same comment to me about his underwear- that its not as if he was cheating on me or something so he rewears his underwear, but he was drunk and then i gave him a look and he said "that made no sense, did it?" and i got suspicious... i was always accusing him of it so i think thats where he got his.. I dont know if you were ever accusing him before, but that bladder infection comment was pretty weird out of the blue :/ Then again, some men are just misinformed and dont know what they are saying sometimes. Meg Link to post Share on other sites
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