Which is worse- Bad debt or infidelity-you decide

[portableversion]

I saw some intersting posts about which is worse bad debt or infidelity. Recently someone posted they would glady take $400,000. They had incurred $200,000 and said they would double it!

So I hope this could be a bit of an online vote. Which is worse for you a bad, rash, unwanted debt debt or the fact you cheated or your so cheated?

If you do think debt is better, have you suffered debt because of the spouse and how much was it. If you think the infidelity is better you should share why you think so.

Here is the scenario I have in mind:

#1 Your so comes home and confesses to a sexual affair.

#2 Your so comes home and confesses they blew $10,000 on the credit card at the casino.

So folks this is it Which would you prefer to have happen and how much debt is better. I have started the bidding at $10,000 take it to the limits if you wish.

I cast the first vote and say that with my current credit experiences I would take the $10,000. Probably could go higher.

[VirginiaBob]

I wouldn't trade infidelity for a debt of a trillion dollars. Bankruptcy is nowhere near as bad as divorce.

[Moose]

This isn't a fair comparisant for me. I don't care about money. So I'd have to say the debt if I had a choice.......

[Owl]

Gotta agree with Moose. I've been a LOT richer than I am now...and I've been a LOT poorer. Money never made me happy...sometimes it may have been more the cause of my sorrow than anything else.

 

If I had $10k worth of debt, I'd still survive. I'd still be happy.

 

The unhappiest most desperate moment in my life was the day my wife told me she was going to leave me for another man.

 

What do you think my choice is??

[Merin]

Emotional Bankruptcy IMO would suck a hella lot more than Financial Bankruptcy...

[Mr Spock]

I'd rather have my left hand amputated than my right one.

[hotgurl]

I'd take debt. You can always earn money back. But once that innocence and trust is broken in a relationship you can never get it back. Kinda like virginty.

 

Although if I was the one cheating I probably take infidelty because obviously I don't give a sh** about my partner.

[michelangelo]

I'm the one wo wrote that original comment about choosing massive financial debt over a cheating wife.

 

So you know my vote.

 

It's only money.

[Mr Spock]

Originally posted by michelangelo

I'm the one wo wrote that original comment about choosing massive financial debt over a cheating wife.

 

 

Now that's a suprise........

[michelangelo]

See, I've gotten all the money back. Can't get the faithful wife back.

[TrueGRIT]

under the highway before I'd go through this hell again.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I'm in the minority here, but the way I see it - our marriage is infiinitely stronger than infidelity and should it happen, it would be something that can be fixed - we talk about it openly and honestly with each other. There isn't anything that we don't feel comfortable talking about with the other. We are both emotionally strong people, and would be able to work through something like that. Should that come up, we are already prepared.

 

Bad debt though - that sucks. Having to scrape by, angry at each other over financial difficulty, having to scrimp by for things for our kid, living paycheck to miserable paycheck giving all of our money plus all that interest to a credit card company, no way to get out of this small duplex and get a real house together - just endless debt. Debt takes REAL steps backward - tangible bills in my hand, phone calls from bill collectors, monthly reminders of a moment of high-dollar stupidity. Debt is a horrible trap. I've been there. In fact we are working our way out of the last of it.

 

Infidelity would take our relationship into backward steps only if we allowed it to.

 

I can't speak for anyone else though - that's just how we are.

[portableversion]

MIke your right, I saw your post about experiencing both the infidelity and a huge financial set back.

I also encountered the idea floating around and had been discussing it with my wife, your post inspired me to start the thread.

Lucretia your position is similar to my wife's. She figure's that at least the infidelity can be resolved on your own terms. With debt you have to deal with other parties on their terms. Their way or the highway. I do see her point and yours about cramped living quarters, and other physical discomforts. And see the dicomforts can lead to emotional problems itself. The preference for debt I agree does seem a bit unpractical.

I posit that even though irrational I would take the debt myself. That's kinda what I'm guaging here. How strong can the emotions be for people who have suffered both? How much rationality can be tossed aside for more irrational feelings? My wife and I discussed our sides of the argument to each other when I told her about my readings here on loveshack. So I just wanted to see what other people thought.

I'm happy for you that you seem to never have experienced this. Thats good Lucretia that your position is pure speculation and I pray for you that you'll never be able to make a true comparison.

I have studied therapy a bit at the university and professor did say one day that emotional or mental pain can definitely be much more debilitating that actual physical pain or disability. Perhaps could follow up in the journals.

And definitely with Mike's post(Michaelangelo) I see a person who risked much physical discomfort and say it was not as bad. That's a tremendous testimony; $200,000 is serious cash.

So Mike, if you don't mind me asking, how much of your life was rearranged by the financial stuff, did you have to move into a trailor and eat beans and rice?

I also appreciated the post saying they would prefer to live in a box under the interstate! Gave me a good laugh hahaha! Just give it all up.It makes no difference anymore!

 

I gotta leave now I'm still laughing.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by portableversion

I'm happy for you that you seem to never have experienced this. Thats good Lucretia that your position is pure speculation and I pray for you that you'll never be able to make a true comparison.

 

I have experienced it. Its not pure speculation. And I've made the comparison. It happened before we were married. Everyone has a choice when it comes to things like this. You either let it destroy you, or you accept what happened and use the lessons you learned from it to make yourself a stronger person and a stronger couple. I chose the harder path: refusing to play the victim and making the situation work for me (and us). We are a stronger couple as a result.

 

Debt on the other hand... there's only so much personal strength and conviction you can use against collection agencies. Only cold hard cash squeezed out of uncomfortable compromise works in that case.

[VirginiaBob]

The funny thing is that if you choose infidelity, there is a very good chance that debt will follow anyways. If the infidelity is not repairable, divorce is not a very financially good situation and neither is staying together through infidelity but paying counselors $100/hour to help you through it. And lots of guys who cheat end up buying lots of gifts for thier wives out of guilt, so debt could come from that too.

[emopunk]

Lost the fiance' and about $30,000. It sucked. Thing is... looking back now... I'd rather have the money back. Too happy with my current fiance', and the ex is a pretty big factor in why I'm with my current (and absolutely FINAL) fiance'.

 

Now though, I've learned quite a bit about money and am in an infinitely better situation financially. But I would give up everything I have and go back in the hole if it meant I wouldn't have to face losing my current fiance'. ... and she knows that.