Snipercatt Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Berkley, you keep mentioning this was not, in any sense, a normal work relationship. I think we are of similar mind regarding that. It wasn't a normal working relationship and there is so much that was wrong about that. It muddied the waters, certainly. Regardless, you are using the friendship, the intimacy, your doing favors for a friend as an excuse to be treated differently than an owner/boss treats an employee. I think you may find it difficult to separate the two, but it is imperative that you do so. If you don't you won't be able to separate out your behavior, and feelings, that got you in trouble. Was he a jerk? Most certainly. It would be interesting to hear his side of the story, IF he could do so without shifting the blame of his wrong doing onto you. I'm going to take a stab at what maybe was some of what he was experiencing. You state you don't trust men, your children don't live close, you're divorced and have experienced some exceedingly difficult circumstances. From your posts it sounds like you vested, rather over-vested, in this man, his family, and his business. You chose to receive so much of life's needs, and wants, in this man, and in what he provided, like the old saying, "don't put all your eggs in one basket." The reason for that is because it is not healthy for you, or for him. Not just because if you lose that relationship you lose it all, but because it causes stress, anxiety and undue pressure on you both. In time both individuals in this pressure cooker will begin to crack and it's predictable the pressure causes the rifts to be deep, and painful. Exploring how you permitted this to happen, and your part in it, will help you to know what to do, in the future, to prevent it. For the time being, forget his part, just focus on your part. You had many opportunities along the way to make healthier choices for you that would have stalled out any momentum towards disaster, for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Berkley Posted January 28, 2014 Author Share Posted January 28, 2014 I'm going to take a stab at what maybe was some of what he was experiencing. You state you don't trust men, your children don't live close, you're divorced and have experienced some exceedingly difficult circumstances. From your posts it sounds like you vested, rather over-vested, in this man, his family, and his business. You chose to receive so much of life's needs, and wants, in this man, and in what he provided, like the old saying, "don't put all your eggs in one basket." The reason for that is because it is not healthy for you, or for him. Not just because if you lose that relationship you lose it all, but because it causes stress, anxiety and undue pressure on you both. In time both individuals in this pressure cooker will begin to crack and it's predictable the pressure causes the rifts to be deep, and painful. . I own that completely and absolutely and have discussed it in other threads. Because I was missing so much in my life, going through so much - I did invest all of my time and energy into my job...and it became way more than just a job to me. It became the thing that made me want to get up every morning. I loved that job and enjoyed it more than any job I've worked at before. I fought for it when he was frustrated and ready to give up on it. I took it personally. Because we were so comfortable with one another...I opened up my soul to him - more than I had to anyone else. He did the same. We could easily talk to each other about everything, we knew one another's deepest secrets and fears. When things got so bad for me physically and emotionally, he became my shoulder to lean on...and spending time with him became the bright spot in my otherwise lonely days. I know that I became too dependant on him. His family became the family I missed so much. His baby girl is only two months older than my grandbaby...and seeing her grow up every day helped ease the pain of not being there to see my own baby often enough. I got to be there to see them open b'day gifts instead of just mailing them as with my own kids. I truly adore his kids. It is all of these things that prevented me from walking away when he was abusive and cruel...because I couldn't face losing all of it...all of them. I needed those bright moments in my life....and now, I am devastated without them. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts