zep52 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Hi Everyone Well here i am again, girlfriend split up with me back in October, See this post www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=51841 Then just before Xmas she contacts me and hey presto were back together, see this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=54540 so here i am two weeks into split No: 2 how do i feel ? Well im hurt, feel used, feel stupid, and every now and then angry but the biggest feeling is of frustration, she has not spoke to me in any way since the row not even to say it is now over, yeah i know all about this No Contact game we play whilst engaged in the dance but been there done that, We are both in our forties, there are young children involved, she must be aware of how this is affecting all involved ?????? The first time this happened i was shocked, but chalked it down to bad luck, yep it really hurt but when SHE contacted me and we got back together i let myself (as did she temporarily) believe we were truly meant to be, 100% She has my heart, and i do believe she loves me, but how much of this can i stand before it drags me under, its affecting my work, cant sleep, all the things u guys reading this are familiar with, i know that i must let go, but i cant let go !!! I have every faith that at some point in the future, i will hear from her, but i also know that as soon as i do i will be smitten again and will happily dance into the flames ready to burn , three months of this emotional roller coaster and no nearer sanity than at the beginning, why cant she commit, why does she need me in her life if only to let me get close to her kids, and her family, and so the dance goes on Every nite i read posts on this site and the pain people feel and inflict in the name of love chokes me up, u would think it so simple but when there are hearts involved it can and does so often get so messy and hurtfull so if anyone can give me advice other than what i know already, i thank you now, but in all truth i think that this love thing is seldom about answers, its about feelings, and going with your heart, thats what im going to do, and where ever it leads, i will i fear be dancing there... Link to post Share on other sites
Lunar_Moth Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Yah existence is a cruel thing...We work,build up lives,fall in love,try to find happiness and in the end it all gets ripped away from you. Link to post Share on other sites
angelstar Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Hi Dave, you sound very committed? whats your number LOL!!!! On a serious note you are so committed to this chick and she has kids too!!! My god what is she thinking! If it makes you feel anybetter other than all the other love stuff. I would have to say your an absolute rare diamond. And that girl of yours doesnt know what shes losing. A real gem! Some advice maybe! Write her a letter and explain everything to here. She can then read it over and over and over until she figures out what she wants to do. They're might be some underlying reasons why she's pushing you away. There obviously is... Perhaps she fears that if she totally commits to you, you might dump her and then the kids and her are left abandoned again! ABANDONED! thats what shes afraid off. I presume you guys are sexually attracted to each other right. This is important! I think once you know thats all good then i think shes just scared of the big A. Have a good weekend. Go out with your mates and enjoy yourself. Don't give yourself too much of a hard time. Then on sunday, write her a long letter and ask her to reply in writing. Its so much easier for people to say what they really feel in a letter. NO interruptions, no arguments. The person at the other end of it, all they can do is read it! Good luck angelstar Link to post Share on other sites
Author zep52 Posted January 14, 2005 Author Share Posted January 14, 2005 Yep you have hit the nail squarely on the head there sweetheart, its the big A she is scared of alright, we are both sexually attracted to each other totally, it is purely the abandonment issue The letter is a good idea but i cant seem to put my thoughts coherently to paper, last nite whilst writing the post the phone rang and when i answered it no one there ? a thing she does and has done before, how can i make her believe i would never hurt her or the kids, ??? Well other than tell her i cant, so it must come from within herself, thank you for your kind reply, has made me feel happier about the situation i once again find myself in, i will go out tonite, but i doubt i will enjoy myself she will be in the near vicinity and games are sure to be played, Thank You Link to post Share on other sites
Author zep52 Posted January 18, 2005 Author Share Posted January 18, 2005 Well this morning i was just getting ready to leave for work when the phone rings, strange i think who's calling at this hour, pick up and guess who, she says HELLO ITS ME, so i say hello, just phoning to ask if you could return my overnight bag (pause) i simply say yep Then she says and my mothers bowl, yet again i answer with a simple yep, i could tell from the pauses she was waiting for me to try and engage her in some sort of at length conversation (like i normally do) but i said nothing, she then said OK well thank you very much, at which point i hung up, Now the thing is that this is quite typical of our phone conversations, except that this time the roles where reversed, she is normally the abrupt one, and i am usually the one trying to buy time, I do feel slightly bad for having treated her like that but i figured it was time that she knew i wasn't a punch-bag for when she felt bad about whatever, anyway returned said items to her sister and now all ties are broke, i have no reason left to contact her, and more importantly she has no reason left to contact me, we are adrift, I now know however that if in the future she does make contact she will have no excuses other than she misses me, and maybe even wants me in her life, i long for that to happen, and maybe one day it will, but if it doesn't at least i know that it was never meant to be, I shall and do miss her and her kids terribly, and her extended family who for a short while i felt a part of but am so tired of the highs, followed so often recently by unbearable lows, i fear i have lost the love of my life, but dancing alone is no pleasure, i need a partner who will support me, and in return let me support and love her when times are bad, Not feeling very light on my feet at the moment, but in time i shall dance again, and who knows next time the music may never end, we will see... Link to post Share on other sites
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