goldfish Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 [color=red][/color][color=blue][/color] Just over a year ago I went round to a mates house for a girls night in with my closest friends. As we tend to do at girlie sleepovers, we got playing a few games and ended on truth or dare. Mostly i opted for truth, they were more interesting because i was the only one of the group in a serious relationship. But once i opted for dare and was dared to kiss my best friend (a full on kiss not just a peck on the cheek!) I did it and afterwards didnt think much of it, im not attracted 2 my mate at all (or girls at all for that matter) but decided not to tell my boyfriend as he doesnt like my best mate much. He's often told me i'd be dumped if i ever cheated on him, even though we love each other very much, but as this was just a dare and with a girl, i didnt consider it cheating at all. But a few weeks ago a mate that was there let slip that i did it, and he directly confronted me about it.... he sounded pretty angry so i denied it. i thought id only hurt him otherwise. but since then he has been suspicious about me going to sleepovers. and last night i told him. i dont know how, but we got onto the topic of -would it be cheating if i kissed a girl and he asked me yet again if i had kissed anyone else whilst we had been going out, and i said yes he was upset.very upset. and i apologised a million times but he's been off with me ever since. i still dont consider it cheating as it meant less than nothing to me-it was a dare! but he continues to ask why i would consider even doing it whilst in a relationship. i feel so guilty and yet still feel strongly about my views, though i hate myself for lying to him. was this cheating and is there any way i can regain his trust???? Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I think guys vary a lot on this topic since it was a girl-girl kiss, but personally I would consider it cheating. The thing is, by trying to keep it from him and denying the first time he asked, it looks like you're trying to cover up something more shady than it really was. Granted, he would have been pissed if you confessed right off the bat, but I'm sure he's even more pissed now because of you trying to hide it from him. I say, don't get defensive about it. Just tell him you know you shouldn't have kissed her and you know you should have told him from the start. I think that's about the best you can do right now. I think anyone in a relationship wants to feel secure in knowing that we can count on our SO to come to us with anything. Right now your bf doesn't know if he can count on you to do that so you need to show him somehow that you can. I've been in your bf's shoes before and it really, really sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I agree with Tanbark, but will add that it doesn't matter whether or not it meant anything to you or not or that it was a dare- if it's cheating, then it's cheating. I think the much bigger issue is that you didn't tell him and then you lied about it when he asked you. Whether or not he considers it cheating- you definitely lied and he has reason to be upset about that. You will need to build his trust back up...good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 it sounds a bit ridiculous to me. I would never consider this as cheating. The only thing I can think of that he is upset might be insecurity that next time you can do it with a guy. But I dont understand how can he consider a girl as his competition. Anyway, lying was a stupid idea. Cheating is not the issue here, but lying is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldfish Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Yeah, i totally realise im in the wrong now, it was a stupid thing to do and even more stupid to lie about it. I just really want us to get back to how things were, we had such a great relationship. I dont have a clue about how to build up his trust apart from just not doing anything stupid again, but it doesnt seem to be working!! he's still off with me, still angry and upset, will he ever get over it and is there anything i can do that will help him? i hate myself so much for hurting him Link to post Share on other sites
hooghie Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 you need to give him some time and space to deal with it. You also need to explain why you lied in the first place and why it isn't going to happen again- you realize you were wrong, you are sorry, etc. Maybe you can do some thoughtful things for him to show him you care and you are sorry. oh, and stay away from truth or dare parties when your man isn't around- this is usually not a good idea when you are in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 I guess you should talk to him. You should call him and tell him you want to see him. You should explain to him that you are very sorry for what you did, especially sorry for lying to him and explain what made you hide it from him for so long. If he honestly sees you regret and want to regain the trust, he should deal with it and give u a chance. It is not such a big issue for dumping u! Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldfish Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 thanx,i'll get thinking. but the thing is, theres a similar party planned for next friday and he made me promise not to cancel it. I told him i was willing to cos i know after what i told him he'd feel insecure about it but he wouldnt let me! he's just such a nice guy!! and thats why i feel so bad. how can i let him know this party isnt gonna end up the same way, and how do i make him feel relaxed about it? Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Hang on. When did you talk to your boyfriend about this second party? So if he is ok with going to another party, obviously he is not upset anymore. Anyway if you want to go to this party can you somehow make him come as well? It would be nice of you and it would make him think you wanna show him you have no other intentions If I was in your shoes I probably would cancel the party. But then the fact is that you promised him not to cancel it (personally I dont understand why does he INSIST on you going there) but if you cancel the party despite your promises to him, he could label you as a liar again - this could be a trick! This could be his trick, you know, maybe deep inside he wants you to cancel the party and wants to know how you will react. Or - he wants to know that you can stick up to your word therefore he wants you to go if you PROMISED IT. Anyway I still dont understand how come he is so excited about you going there if this is something what made him feel upset in the past... Link to post Share on other sites
Author goldfish Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 We talked about the second party last night. he is insisting on me going because he doesnt want to disrupt my social life! he says it wouldnt be fair on me or my friends if i cancelled. i already thought of inviting him along, which i did last night. but since its another girls night it, he said he wouldnt feel comfortable, and he doesnt really get along with my friends very well anyway, but he's still polite when we're around them etc i feel i cant cancel now ive promised, theres no way im gonna lie or betray his trust again. its just im confused that he's still being off with me, and behaving awkwardly around me like he's still upset but then he's insisting i still go to the party and being a really nice guy in his actions!! Link to post Share on other sites
very-confused-girl Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by goldfish its just im confused that he's still being off with me, and behaving awkwardly around me like he's still upset but then he's insisting i still go to the party and being a really nice guy in his actions!! Yes, it makes me confused as well. Maybe it is really his kind of "rejection thing" what girls sometimes do that deep inside he does not want you to go but he does not want to sound controlling either. I mean do you need to go to this party? What would happen if you didnt? Link to post Share on other sites
7on Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Invite him along? Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 maybe he made you promise not to cancel your party because he has a party to go to where all the boys kiss each other... just kidding. anyway, i think he should chill out. i mean yeah, technically, anything you keep from someone else like this would be considered cheating, but this is not a big deal. i certainly would be upset if i found out my boyfriend was kissing boys at a party, but this happens a lot less than girls kissing, and it's just not that ridiculous to hear of it anymore. girls kissing each other has become fairly accpeptable,and most (though not all) don't find it accepting. if he thinks this is a double standard, bring this up when he wants a bachelor party. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerC Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 If you're asking yourself if it was cheating or not, it probably was. Link to post Share on other sites
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