Myz_Heavenly Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 This is it in a nutshell: my husband did a friend a favor and taped him having sex with another girl. My husband asked me afterwards would I mind. I was so shocked, I said whatever. How should I feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Unless your husband is in the porn industry he has no business taping anyone other than the two of you having sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Uh.. Wow.. well your husband certainly takes his role of good friend to the next level.. yay for him? I'm sorry.. obviously this is bothering you a lot.. I don't think there is a certain or "right way" you should've felt or responded.. you're entitled to feel however you do and respond how you saw/see fit.. Let him know what's okay and not okay for you.. and let him know the next time he feels the need to be the freakin welcome wagon and good buddy that you want to know whats up BEFORE the good uh.. deed.. is done. Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Why the hell did he ask you afterwards? Since he already did it, thats not asking- thats telling. That isn't okay with me. But I'm not married to him. Doesn't sound like its okay with you either? Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Don't think it's a mistake that he didnt tell you until after the fact. I know he didnt "forget". More like he knew you would object and was going to do it anyway--so he waited till after the fact and told you since you cant do anything about it now anyway. I wonder how he would feel if it were you taping someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Ask him how'd he feel if his best friend taped the two of you. Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Moose Ask him how'd he feel if his best friend taped the two of you. great minds do think alike moose~! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by rtobiejr great minds do think alike moose~! They do......you're a little quiker than I though.....hehe Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Although, to play devil's advocate, if it is acceptable for him to view porn in your relationship, you really can't complain about his watching/taping, since it would be about the equivalent of watching a porn flick...no participation, just watching. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myz_Heavenly Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 I wonder how he would feel if it were you taping someone else? We JUST had a discussion not two days ago about how one should consider how the other would feel if the roles were switched, in any situation. I just can't believe it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Although, to play devil's advocate, if it is acceptable for him to view porn in your relationship, you really can't complain about his watching/taping, since it would be about the equivalent of watching a porn flick...no participation, just watching. I dunno about that, there is no sin greater than the next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myz_Heavenly Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by rtobiejr Although, to play devil's advocate, if it is acceptable for him to view porn in your relationship, you really can't complain about his watching/taping, since it would be about the equivalent of watching a porn flick...no participation, just watching. But these are people that we see in real life...We know them personally. I feel like there's a difference. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myz_Heavenly Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Moose I dunno about that, there is no sin greater than the next. Was that 4 me or rtobiejr? Never mind. Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Myz_Heavenly But these are people that we see in real life...We know them personally. I feel like there's a difference. So you only have a problem with him watching people have sex if you guys know them? Does this just disturb because you think things will be awkward now with this other couple, or do you believe something's morally wrong with what he did? I know we've established that he was wrong not to consult you prior to such activity, but I'm just trying to get a feel for what you are really upset about here. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Myz_Heavenly This is it in a nutshell: my husband did a friend a favor and taped him having sex with another girl. My husband asked me afterwards would I mind. I was so shocked, I said whatever. How should I feel? *Rightly* upset. I wonder how your husband would feel if you taped a friend of you having sex with her boyfriend. I am very sensitive to such subjects because I was in a situation that is sligthly similar, so something like this would be a deal breaker to me. Please let your husband know in no uncertain terms that such a thing should never happen again. Originally posted by rtobiejr Although, to play devil's advocate, if it is acceptable for him to view porn in your relationship, you really can't complain about his watching/taping, since it would be about the equivalent of watching a porn flick...no participation, just watching. *cough*bullsh*t*cough* It's not the equivalent of watching a porn flick. It's *real*people and he might bump into the girl his friend had sex with any day. Also, when you are filming someone you *are* -very matter-of-factly partecipating. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 But these are people that we see in real life...We know them personally. I feel like there's a difference. Do you and your husband know personally the girl his friend was screwing while your h was taping? If so, IMO it would be legitimate of you to ask your husband never to meet her again in person. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Myz_Heavenly This is it in a nutshell: my husband did a friend a favor and taped him having sex with another girl. My husband asked me afterwards would I mind. I was so shocked, I said whatever. How should I feel? Feel however you feel. If my husband did something like that he would be out the door. I can accept small lies, but this is not a small lie -- its a very private and intimate act for most people, and to participate in any way with another couple and without ones spouse is a huge selfish deception in my book. It IS different from watching porn--he might not have been participating in a sexual way, but he wasparticipating. Hasn't this other couple heard of a tripod and camera remote? Hell, they could have set up several cameras at different angles! I might consider loaning my camera to someone to record their sex act - but to have a videographer present, and that videographer be my husband -- UH UH. BTW: My husband was a videographer for years and an editor/producer. The company where he worked would sometimes get "personal porn" movies for small sex companies and strippers. Hubby and I had to discuss it and I had to know what he was doing before I was comfortable with him editing these 'movies'. Before we were married or even met he was dabbling in photography and one job he had was to photograph a 'stable' for a pimp. I saw the photos he took and we did talk about it. It was before we met and I had a similar 'photo shoot' in college where some girlfriends and I asked for volunteers so we could take their pictures and submit them to Playgirl for a photo contest. This was before we met and in my case it did not involve any sex or physical contact. His payment for his photo shoot was that he could have the whore-of-his-choice for a night. We talked about THAT too! Don't second guess your own emotions, just try to understand them and talk with your husband about boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
rtobiejr Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Adunaphel * *cough*bullsh*t*cough* It's not the equivalent of watching a porn flick. It's *real*people and he might bump into the girl his friend had sex with any day. Also, when you are filming someone you *are* -very matter-of-factly partecipating. People in porn flicks are real too, you know. So if I know a porn star, it's wrong of me to watch a flick with him or her in it? He wasn't participating in sexual activity, Adunaphel. He was taping-- which only amounts to watching. He didn't sleep with anyone. Funny how these 'rules' about what is acceptable and what isn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by rtobiejr People in porn flicks are real too, you know. So if I know a porn star, it's wrong of me to watch a flick with him or her in it? I don't know about your girlfriend, but if my bf had a friend who works as a porn star I'd expect him to be very, very careful *NOT* to watch a flick or pic with her in it, let alone masturbate to them. Not even if she asked him as a favour to watch one. He wasn't participating in sexual activity, Adunaphel. He was taping-- which only amounts to watching. He didn't sleep with anyone. So it would be perfectly fine for you if your girlfriend took her clothes off, sat on the bed with her legs spread open and masturbated while a male friend of hers was taping her and you were not there? Funny how these 'rules' about what is acceptable and what isn't work. I have to agree, it's quite funny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myz_Heavenly Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Adunaphel *Rightly* upset. I wonder how your husband would feel if you taped a friend of you having sex with her boyfriend. I am very sensitive to such subjects because I was in a situation that is sligthly similar, so something like this would be a deal breaker to me. Please let your husband know in no uncertain terms that such a thing should never happen again. So, you broke up with someone about something like this? No discussion? I mean, we are married, and he should know better...but how should I approach him with how I really feel, since I think he assumes it's okay? Link to post Share on other sites
Anais Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Myz_Heavenly This is it in a nutshell: my husband did a friend a favor and taped him having sex with another girl. My husband asked me afterwards would I mind. I was so shocked, I said whatever. How should I feel? Why he asked you afterwards only? Would you mind like what? To have the friend now tape you both? Whatever? Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Myz_Heavenly So, you broke up with someone about something like this? My situation was only *slightly* similar. My bf didn't tape/watch anyone have sex, I had issues with him going to 'parties' where his female friends would occasionally take off their clothes, even if there was no touching involved - not even the slightest physical contact. No discussion? Plenty of discussion. Months of useless discussion, after which we broke up, to get together again a few months later. Now any situation of 'just watching' real people(freinds, acquaintances) would be a deal breaker. I mean, we are married, and he should know better...but how should I approach him with how I really feel, since I think he assumes it's okay? Absolutely voice your feelings, let him know that you were shocked (and/or hurt, disappointed, whatever went through your mind). Tell him that while it might have been okay for him, it was not okay for *you*! I suggest that before talking to your husband you think carefully about how you would feel if this happened again, and how it would affect your relationship. Find out exactly how comfortable you are at the idea of your H meeting this girl in person again(I got the idea that he knows her). If such a thing happening again would cause problems in your marriage, or anyway affect your relationship, he has to be aware of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Myz_Heavenly Posted January 13, 2005 Author Share Posted January 13, 2005 Originally posted by Anais Why he asked you afterwards only? Would you mind like what? To have the friend now tape you both? Whatever? He asked me after he taped them whether I minded that he taped them, b/c he "didn't want me to be mad with him and not talk to him for a month"-which I've never done. The guy was supposed to be asking another friend to do it, but couldn't locate him in time, b/c I guess it was a spur of the moment thing. This guy is "out there", but he told my husband not to tell me b/c I'd get mad. So, why'd he ask him in the first place? Also, he does know both the girl and the guy, and said it was weird. Yet, he still did it. I didn't exactly say whatever; it was more like, he asked me, I said, "well, I don't agree with it b/c I feel like you would be upset if I did it, but I can't stop you from doing what you wanted to do. You've already done it, so whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 13, 2005 Share Posted January 13, 2005 What, like they never heard of a tripod? Something odd is going on here. If he was there to film personally that to me means CLOSE UPS. Ask to see the tape. It's only fair. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Originally posted by Mr Spock Ask to see the tape. It's only fair. Mr Spock is *so* right. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts