Dating has lowered my confidence and self esteem

[Mimsicles]

I think this whole dating process has really lowered my confidence, not that I was confident in the way I looked anyway. All i seem to get is a first date, they take one look at what I look like, and then I never hear off them again.

 

My low self-esteem affects all parts of my life, I don't go to job interviews because I believe I am not good enough. I always put myself down, mainly my looks, and it's starting to bug me.

 

Does anybody have any tips that can get me out of this situation. I've decided that dating people isn't a way of boosting my confidence but infact lowers it dramatically.

 

Anybody else suffered with their confidence/self-esteem and overcome it?

 

Thanks

[RightThere]

Suffered from it like crazy (and still do).

 

What don't you like about the way you look specifically?

 

I've found that it has way more to do with your self confidence as opposed to how you actually look. There are tons of "ugly" guys out there who still manage to attract women. And it's because they have a great personality.

 

Start with some small things. Get a different hair cut. Get a new outfit. But focus more on improving yourself mentally. Talk with confidence. If you manage to get on a date (you're already way ahead of me) make sure to have some interesting conversation. Be interested in what they are talking about.

[theothersully]

+1 for Millhouse's Dad. It is all confidence. That is what is killing your dating, not the other way around.

[JDPT]

You will be amazed at how the most "handsome" men and "gorgeous" women suffer from low self esteem. When I feel a bit down I usually buy a nice and crispy button shirt a pair of slacks, dress shoes and I proceed to dress to impress, yes men do it too and yes women do notice and gawk just like us men. Chin up buddy, you are your own hero.

[TouchedByViolet]

Well work and relationship are different IME.

 

Looks are not that important for landing a job... unless you are trying to work at a bar or something. Most professional jobs consider resume and ability to perform job as a priority over looks.

 

As far as relationships go, since you are landing first dates you can't be that unattractive.

 

Can you improve your image?

[d0nnivain]

There are self help books but some of it involves changing your self talk. Instead of saying "I'm not good enough" you need to think about all the reasons you are good enough. Make a list if you have to.

 

 

How you dress & carry yourself factor in too. Take care with your appearance. Be your best self & the confidence will come through.

 

 

Fake it till you make it is a helpful mantra. It's kind of like bluffing in poker.

[SadNLonley]

OMG. Is this thread for me!!! My self esteem and confidence are so low. Always have been. I feel as though I am not really worthy of love. Like no one will ever fight for me. I am always cutting myself down on my looks, my weight, etc.

 

Odd thing is that people tell me that I'm very attractive and have a lot of sex appeal. They also say I seem very confident.

 

Funny thing about that is the confidence is only an act. When it comes to my job, yes I am confident. I know what Im doing and am comfortable with my surroundings. When it comes to confidence in myself... NO WAY. I cant accept compliments very well because I think they just say things. I have tried the online dating thing for a very short time and they just made me feel worse about myself because it seemed the few men I reached out to looked at my profile and never responded. Makes me feel really really ugly. Granted, I dont know why they didn't like my profile, maybe it wasnt looks, but to me thats the first thing you see and if you're not attracted you really wont go any further.

 

Not really looking forward to trying to find dates when Im ready for it.

 

I have to say though... My xbf really was making me believe in all the compliments he gave me. I started feeling good about myself and believing everything he would tell me. Now that we are no longer together, It definitely brought me back to the way I have always been.

 

I am going to post a thread asking how people boost their self esteem. Books / audio tapes/ meditations/ yoga? who know, but Im ready to try to feel better about myself.

 

I hope you find it too. At least with jobs. Go in and fake confidence if need be. Your resume will get you in the door. You can take it from there!!!