allocating respinsibility

[rumbleseat]

These are some questions for general discussion.

 

Questions:

 

 

 

On a personal level, why is it so important to an om/ow that their ex AP be blamed as much as they are by the bs for the affair ?

Why does it matter? How would they like to see the responsibility allocated? Do they think ws should be punished by the bs for the affair? Why? How will this help the om/ow heal and move on?

 

If you are a bs, how did you allocate responsibility? Why/ Do you feel you had all the information you needed to make that decision?

 

As a member of society, who do you think is to "blame" for an affair? Who do you think is responsible for the hurt it caused to all those involved, be they bs, om/ow, ws, any children in the family, extended family, etc.?

[PegNosePete]

There is plenty of responsibility to go around. No need to "allocate" it like it is a limited resource.

 

Everyone is 100% responsible for their own actions and the consequences of those actions.

[MissBee]

When I was the OW I didn't care if I was blamed or not.

 

It wasn't really an issue frankly, so I am speaking from that perspective. There was no dday and we didn't run in the same circles so that further increased the distance in terms of social repercussions, but had I been blamed, it wouldn't have mattered. I would have felt it didn't make sense but I would sort of understand why.

 

I do think women in general get cast in a worse light, as in general when it comes on to sex and sexuality especially, women's own are a lot more policed than men's and we're held to a higher standard while men are portrayed as one step above horny wolves who can't contain themselves and recklessness on their part is "natural" thus they aren't shamed/reprimanded as women are for not keeping it in their pants ---which is bull! So that I do think is true.

 

However, in terms of your personal A situation, unless the BS is on a rampage to make the OW's life hell, if she simply blames her too then I'm not sure why it matters/bothers an OW that much. The BS won't like you as the OW. Period and point blank. Even if she doesn't blame you, she won't be fond of you esp if you went in knowing the score. So why worry about that? It's part and parcel of the whole A business. If you're adult enough to be in an affair then be adult enough to realize how you might be perceived and treated. As I've always said, when you embark on an A, the idea of what is fair and right and how you should be treated and so on becomes quite dicey. You got mixed up in dirty business and you might get rolled around in some mud....that's how it goes.

Edited January 28, 2014 by MissBee

[AlwaysGrowing]

I am with PNP,

 

Each of us is 100% responsible for our own actions. No mathematical formula is necessary.

 

Personally, I do not understand why an AP feels any need to ensure the WS gets "punished". Especially since the AP, usually has zero real consequences from a BS, besides knowing that there is someone out there that doesn't think too highly of them.