Advice need from other black women in Canada

[angiepeters]

How do you meet quality men when you are an educated and beautiful black women in Canada? Please I would just love to hear from black woman who live in Canada and their experiences.

 

It is very hard for me and I've given up the fact that I will ever meet a nice, gentle and a sweet unmarried man that I am in love with and who wants to have a family with me.

 

Eveyone says that I am the sweetest, kindest and prettiest woman they met but...?

[Groovy]

Angie, I am sorry to say I am white. But see no one has taken a stab at this yet....

 

I come from a multi-racial family since birth. Unfortunately people can be prejudice. You can be beautiful, smart, successful and yet your black so not marraige material. People may assume negative things out of stereotype. You also see a lot more black men dating white women than vice versa. There's like an unspoken rule that black girls stay with black guys. Unless of course the man is intelligent enough to look past stereotypes and open the playing field. Fact is though, there's just a lot of stupid people out there. But finding a nice guy is hard enough.

 

This is only a possibility. I don't want to open a can of worms here about prejudisms. I'm white and am labeled due to epilepsy despite great strides in my life.

 

Keep in mind it may also be that because you are attractive, educated and succesful makes it harder to find a mate. I have my own house, a good job and have some graduate level education. Most people don't make it past high school and singles don't have as much asset. Generally, the more you have going for you the higher standards are in who you date. And if you are someone who can look past assets, appearance more than likely men are still intimated. My sister whose a doctor and my friend who owns 3 houses, they never date. But my brother who has nothing going for him and can't hold down a job, he has no problem.

 

Meeting nice guys here can't be that much different. Try classes, sport clubs and large churches with single's networking groups like outreaches. I know I can't answer this as well as some people more in your shoes. But hope I can help a little.

[Mustard Bomb]

angiepeters,

 

Well, I can't speak for anyone else, but if I were a guy I would be a little turned off by someone who described herself with superlatives, even if she claimed they were from other people.

[Groovy]

She's here for advice, not a date from forum members like yourself. I say describe what you think you are and let us know your story. So she has self esteem, it's not a bad thing. So she should feel she's average, stupid or ugly? If she were at social event and described herself as "I'm so beautiful" that would be different.

[Mustard Bomb]

I simply spoke for myself, and my own tastes, based on the limited information she provided. Superlatives are rarely a sign of healthy or stable self-esteem, imo. Nor is diminishment expected. Why not just repeat "I'm attractive and kind?" All I am saying is that if that exaggerated version was on a personal ad, it could be a turn off. It's advice that the original poster is free to dismiss.

[moimeme]

Chill, there, Mustard. She only said she was beautiful. She then quoted what others have said to her. She's not the one who was moaning and whining because her bf didn't think her the most beautiful human on the planet - that's another poster.

 

Groovy, there's a *lot* less prejudice here in Canada. Astonishingly much so. I'm afraid I'm not black either, angie, but I agree with Groovy that the 'educated and successful' will be your problem much more than anything else. Have you tried associations for the sort of professional you are? Conferences?

 

Then there's my usual advice; join clubs, do volunteer work, go to local fairs, festivals, cultural events, take courses, maybe join a political party. Find activities that you enjoy - perhaps events like art gallery openings - where you will be more likely to find people with similar interests. And of course there's always the Internet!

[Groovy]

Make the internet the last choice! It was a no-go with me! Wow, weirdos! I like playing sports and that's been the best for dating, until I suffered an 8 month injury to my knee still recovering! Dance studios with latin, swing, country dance classes are good. I agree do something that will likely have men in it and be something, no matter what, you enjoy.

[Proto]

Originally posted by Mustard Bomb

I simply spoke for myself, and my own tastes, based on the limited information she provided. Superlatives are rarely a sign of healthy or stable self-esteem, imo. Nor is diminishment expected. Why not just repeat "I'm attractive and kind?" All I am saying is that if that exaggerated version was on a personal ad, it could be a turn off. It's advice that the original poster is free to dismiss.

 

LOL! If anything your post only shows to me that you are afraid of and can't handle women who are strong, independent, and confident in themselves.

[angiepeters]

It was direct and made me even cry but at least you told me what my single friends and I always suspected. I am not marriage material....wow, hard to take but what can I do other than think of suicide when I think about the empty life ahead of me....

 

Sometimes I just wish I could die from cancer of other disease just to end with this loneliness...

 

Lord knows that I prayed for such a long time to finally find someone that I love without success.....

 

The irony is that he is the one who created me like this! I never asked to be born! Even less to be black!

 

But because of a sadistic god who loves to see me lonely and miserable you're telling me that any hopes for a future with someone I love will be next to impossible???

 

So I guess the only option I have left is to end it once and for all! I refuse to be miserable and lonely for the rest of my life!

 

This will surely have to end. No other choice. I'm not just going to stand by and see eveyone getting married while I'm the lonely and miserable one. That won't happen.

 

Thank you for your honesty.

[jellybean]

Don't give up angie,

 

I want to ask you something - what city do you live in?

[alphamale]

Originally posted by angiepeters

Sometimes I just wish I could die from cancer of other disease just to end with this loneliness...

 

But because of a sadistic god who loves to see me lonely and miserable you're telling me that any hopes for a future with someone I love will be next to impossible???

 

So I guess the only option I have left is to end it once and for all! I refuse to be miserable and lonely for the rest of my life!

 

This will surely have to end. No other choice. I'm not just going to stand by and see eveyone getting married while I'm the lonely and miserable one. That won't happen.

 

Thank you for your honesty.

 

every thought of moving to Detroit/Windsor? There are many eligible black men in this area. Oh yeah...forget about the suicide thing. And cancer is not a picnic to deal with either.

[angiepeters]

for reading me and for the advice. Jellybean, I live in Montreal Canada, where I was born and grew up.

 

I think I might just take the advice that you gave me alphamale and just move back to Ontario where I had the chance to meet more open-minded and educated people , while I was working there for 2 years.

 

I should have never relocated to Montreal where people live in cultural ghettos and prefer to remain single for eternity instead of marrying outside their race. It's hapeping with lots of greeks and italians that I know too.

 

Thanks for the input. You just gave me a little hope. ;-)

[jellybean]

Yes, that is why I asked in which city you're in - because I wanted to talk to you about LOCATION.

 

alphamale's suggestion is very good, and I'm glad to hear you are open to the idea of moving.

 

See? now you've got some exciting possibilities to explore...things are looking up, eh?

 

P.S. - Oh, and I'm not black angie, but I think I have a pretty good idea of how you must be feeling...so I hope you don't mind my input

[angiepeters]

I feel much better this afternoon after reading all your posts and advice.

 

Plus the reality hit me that the majority of the population here in Quebec (more than 93%) have less than a secondary 5. Probably also explains why they are the poorest province in North America too. While in Ontario, and where I met the nicest and kindest people, more than 85% of the adults have a university degree.

 

I'm sorry to have whined like a baby. It's just that I've been working in my field of work as an engineer and have been surrounded by only engineers and very educated people since I graduated from university 8 years ago. It's only recently when I decided to take a break from engineering (to cut back on the long hours) that reality hit me! lol People in the real world can be mean and have tons of prejudices !

 

I'm sorry if I sound just like a crying baby but I've always heard about discrimination but never lived it before even though I am 32.

 

I guess this is one of the many advantages of being surrounded by people who have the same background and have travelled around the world like I do. Most of us do treat each other with respect and don't have racial prejudices .

 

I probably will go back to engineering ASAP! lol

 

Have a great evening all and thanks for all the helpful input! ;-)

[alphamale]

Originally posted by angiepeters

I probably will go back to engineering ASAP! lol

 

Hey, come on over to Windsor/Detroiit. We have TONS of jobs for engineers. DCX, Ford, GM, Nissan, Toyota, not to mention the thousands of Tier 1 and 2 suppliers. Woo hoo, it's engineer-city here.

[Groovy]

I went from Boston MASS, one of the most educated places to Florida...one of the least. I have realized I am going to have to accept some things, like a man who may not have a college degree but is sucessful or a man who has a college degree but is not as ambitious as I'd like. Maybe a man with money and education who is not active. You never want to settle but I have realized I am hard on myself and hard on other people. I need to decide what's important and not expect a person to act like a clone.

 

Anyone who passes up dating because skin color is obviously not very smart and you are just filtering out the dumb a$$es so not worth your time.

 

Please do not feel like you need to have children, a boyfriend, a marraige, etc. Honestly so much of the world has treated it like a status they exist unhappily in anyway. That is why there are so many single moms and divorces. People don't hook up for love anymore. I got involved in a bad relationship just to have one and when I got out of it I promised myself I never would do that again. I will stay single forever before that happens! Be happy with yourself.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Groovy

I need to decide what's important and not expect a person to act like a clone.

 

Please do not feel like you need to have children, a boyfriend, a marraige, etc. Honestly so much of the world has treated it like a status they exist unhappily in anyway.

 

Be happy with yourself.

 

 

GROOVY, baby, we need to hook up.

[Groovy]

That would be groovy, baby. You come over here though. It's too cold in Detroit right now. Bring over some Jack Daniels.....

[blkbeauty]

RE: How do you meet quality men when you are an educated and beautiful black women in Canada?

 

Hmmm... That’s a question we ALL as ladies ask….where?

 

Anywhere. At the grocery store, shopping mall, church, etc etc. I don’t think there is just one answer. Losers lurk everywhere! I met my wonderful handsome boyfriend at a skiing resort (my best friend also dating a cute Portuguese guy she meet there as well), he’s wonderful and I could honestly say that he is my first true love. I’m black and he’s Italian. Don’t give up, sure it’s hard finding a good man of any race but believe me they’re out there, maybe you should changing your surroundings or be a little more open minded…you never know, sometimes we don’t always get what we set out for in life

 

.... BUT it turns out be BETTER then we ever imagined in the long run!

[SweetEbony]

re: How do you meet quality men when you are an educated and beautiful black women in Canada?

 

 

 

Hmmm... That’s a question we ALL as ladies ask….where?

 

Anywhere. At the grocery store, shopping mall, church, etc etc. I don’t think there is just one answer. Losers lurk everywhere...so do the good ones! I met my wonderful handsome boyfriend at a skiing resort (my best friend also dating a cute Portuguese guy she meet there as well), he’s wonderful and I could honestly say he is my first true love. I’m black and he’s Italian. Don’t give up, sure it’s hard finding a good man of any race but believe me they’re out there, maybe you should change your surroundings or be a little more open minded…you never know, sometimes we don’t always get what we set out for in life...

 

but it turns out be BETTER then we ever imagined in the long run!

[SweetEbony]

Re: How do you meet quality men when you are an educated and beautiful black women in Canada?

 

Hmmm... That’s a question we ALL as ladies ask….where?

 

Anywhere. At the grocery store, shopping mall, church, etc etc. I don’t think there is just one answer. Losers lurk everywhere! I met my wonderful handsome boyfriend at a skiing resort (my best friend also dating a cute Portuguese guy she meet there as well), he’s wonderful and I could honestly say that he is my first true love. I’m black and he’s Italian. Don’t give up, sure it’s hard finding a good man of any race but believe me they’re out there, maybe you should changing your surroundings or be a little more open minded…you never know, sometimes we don’t always get what we set out for in life

 

.... BUT it turns out be BETTER then we ever imagined in the long run!

 

 

 

I don’t know why my original post didn’t come but, I agree with blk beauty…you can find them anywhere, if you see a cute guy you like just try to smile and let him know you’re interested.

[Topaze]

Wow Angie. I wish I had seen your thread before I started mine.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t58672/

 

The short answer to your question is that if you are in a position to move do so. In the UK, 30% of the Black women are married to White men. Most White men in Canada just aren't open to considering the possibility of dating a Black woman. I have dated some White men but, while they have looked fine on the surface, once you get to know them you realize that they have a HOST of problems that would make no White women want them...eg. recovering alcholics, ex spouse abusers, guys who pressure you fore sex while pretending to be religious, even one guy who claimed he was a manager at a company and it later turned out he had been laid off 8 months earlier and was living in a half way house. Then there are the ones stuggling with bi-polar disorder, depression or both. It's a nightmare for Black women in Canada.

 

Forget church, the White men in the church are even LESS open to interracial dating than the men outside the church. If it's a mixed community the Black men are more likely to date anyone but a Black woman.

 

One other trap I have found is th "just friends" trap. It's happened to me a few times now. A guy will ask you out and start seeing you. He'll take you out over and over again and somewhere along the line you'll discover that you thought you were dating and he saw it as just a friendship and in fact does not find Black women attractive. It is a humiliating experience. I really don't want to go there again. I was adviced when I am asked out to clarify "Is this a date or are would we just be going as friends?" If they say "friends" it's like "wrong answer, no thank you".

 

One suggestion I would make. I have had some measure of success with Asian men. A lot of Asian men in this area who are Canadian born and raised complain that White women will have nothing to do with them and a lot of Asian women raised here want a White guy. Asian women are considered hot property right now so it's tough. The Asian men I have gone out with have been gentlemen, good communicators, and well established in their careers with strong family values.

 

I would suggest going to a Chinese or Japanese church that has English services and also attending the singles fellowship if you are a Christian. If not into church, take some classes. Learn Mandarin or Japanese. Go on a tour to Asia sponsored by an Asian organization. Also, try attending some of the conferences and seminars by the many Chinese Business Associations. Go to banquets, concerts and dances held by Asian organizations. It's worth a try and you'll meet MANY wonderful Asian men who, given a chance, may choose to date you.

[Topaze]

I agree...Montreal is horrible...Ontario isn't much better. I would look at moving somewhere in the US or to the UK.

 

Chin up. I have struggled with loneliness and dicsouragement too. I also cannot bear to face the rest of my life alone. I was married once and it didn't work out. I had nothing in common with my husband even though we were both Black.

 

Remember, this is not God's doing, it's people's.

 

Originally posted by angiepeters

for reading me and for the advice. Jellybean, I live in Montreal Canada, where I was born and grew up.

 

I think I might just take the advice that you gave me alphamale and just move back to Ontario where I had the chance to meet more open-minded and educated people , while I was working there for 2 years.

 

I should have never relocated to Montreal where people live in cultural ghettos and prefer to remain single for eternity instead of marrying outside their race. It's hapeping with lots of greeks and italians that I know too.

 

Thanks for the input. You just gave me a little hope. ;-)

[moimeme]

Have you tried salsa classes? Or actually any sort of ballroom dance? Salsa tends to attract more folks of all colors but dance in general is very social as are the people who participate. Music clubs and festivals are other places where folks of many sorts congregate.

 

I also don't think it's an issue of place. There are plenty of folks of all sorts who are having trouble finding people. It's useless to blame place, I think. Large cities are diverse and it's up to you to get yourself to the places where folks like yourself congregate. And by 'like yourself' I mean in terms of tastes, interests, etc.

[Fun2BMe]

I am not a black woman and do not live in Canada BUT I think your best way would be to use on online dating service.