Advice need from other black women in Canada

[Topaze]

Originally posted by Fun2BMe

I am not a black woman and do not live in Canada BUT I think your best way would be to use on online dating service.

 

That is where I met all of those loser guys and the ones on the Christian sites were BY FAR the worst!!

 

Don't bother with the salsa clubs in this city either or Montreal...the Black women stand around for HOURS while the men chase blonde and Asian women wearing skimpy outfits. I am going to check out some Asian clubs and report back on the results.

 

I also don't think it's an issue of place. There are plenty of folks of all sorts who are having trouble finding people. It's useless to blame place, I think. Large cities are diverse and it's up to you to get yourself to the places where folks like yourself congregate.

 

I strongly disagree with this. If this is the case, how do you account for the fact that 30% of the Black women in the UK are married to White men while in Canada if we make 1% we're lucky.

[Robyn]

I think some folks should just speak on THEIR behalf rather than for black womEn as a whole.

 

I happen to live on Canada, and believe me if your smart, educated, and responsible AND you go out to actually meet people, then you won’t have any problems finding a decent man. But, if your closed minded, and you don’t go out much then you will definitely run into all kinds problems in your dating pool.

 

…You could as far as Jerusalem!

 

My black/biracial female friends have absolutely no problem finding men in general…particularly white men. Most of the white men I encounter and go out with find black women drop dead gorgeous! …but some are just afraid to approach them thinking they may get turned down.

 

Try being more open minded and go out more often. Try not to always hang-out in the same environment or got to the same places all the time.

 

If there is something I’ve experienced and know for a fact, it’s that men particularly white men, find black women ‘exotic’ ,‘beautiful’ and ‘intelligent. This is something I hear a lot and experienced for myself and from others especially here in Toronto, Canada.

 

Also, You may want to visit other forums or interracial message-boards where there much more black women to help out and give to good advice, there aren’t many here.

[Topaze]

Well Robyn, first of all, no one is speaking for all Black women. One can only speak about what they know and observe.

 

I used to live in Toronto and I now live near Toronto and go into Toronto almost every day. I am outgoing, energetic and active...definitely not the sit at home type. While I always see a lot of Black men with White women and a few with Asian women, I rarely see a Black woman and a white man togehter. I have been raised in and I live in an almost exclusively White community and I have never heard White men saying that they have a preference for Black women or that they find Black women hot and attractive. Quite the opposite. I have been to numerous functions where Black women are sitting on the sidelines and no one will ask them to dance yet alone ask them out on a date.

 

Now when I was in Paris it was quite common to see Black women with White men. Quite frankly, your description doesn't fit the city in which I have been living for the past 20 years. In fact, it doesn't even sound like the same planet yet alone the same city.

 

I would be interested in knowing about these interracial sites with all these White men wanting to date Black women. The sites that turn up at the top of the Google SERPs aren't very active. I have been on a couple of interracial sites and most White men were interested in Asian women. The few that did contact me were interested in sex. PERIOD.

 

Also, I would be VERY curious to know where exactly you go in Toronto and see all these Black women dating White men and all these White men who are eager to date Black women. What areas, clubs, malls, gyms, restaurants, etc. ? I hope that you will come back on here and share that information as it could be of benefit to blackangie and the scores of Black women I see throughout this city without partners.

 

I wil say one thing though, it does no one any good to misrepresent things and somehow make people feel that it is THEIR fault when they are excluded on the basis of race. Read the thread I have started about men who are willing to date Black women. There was another LONG thread about that topic a while ago. Most of the men who came into these threads said POINT BLANK that they don't find Black women attractive and they would not date a Black woman. How does THIS translate to the Black women doing something wrong? Please break it down for me because I am not seeing it.

[Topaze]

Thought I would post the 2 threads in which the men have OVERWHELMINGLY said they don't find Black women attractive:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t58672/

 

There was another one that was about 9 pages long....can't find it as the moment but I will post if when I do.

 

 

Much as it may hurt, we all need a reality check so that we can stop beating up on ourselves and thinking that this has anything to do with us as individuals. Bottom line is if you are a single Black woman and you can move...MOVE!! Canada is not the best place for us when it comes to finding partners. The UK is MUCH better and certain parts of the US are also excellent.

[Robyn]

Re: I used to live in Toronto and I now live near Toronto and go into Toronto almost every day. I am outgoing, energetic and active...definitely not the sit at home type. While I always see a lot of Black men with White women and a few with Asian women, I rarely see a Black woman and a white man togehter.

 

This is mainly because traditionally, black women were taught not to date IR because of the issues weighing back from slavery. Black women were taught that she will be misused and unappreciated if she were to venture outside her racial grounds. Again from slavery, white men raping and impregnating black women. Unfortunately, some still carryout these foolish beliefs that ‘others’ will misuse and disrespect them, particularly white men.

 

Re: I have been raised in and I live in an almost exclusively White community and I have never heard White men saying that they have a preference for Black women or that they find Black women hot and attractive. Quite the opposite. I have been to numerous functions where Black women are sitting on the sidelines and no one will ask them to dance yet alone ask them out on a date.

 

You seem so adamant that about trying to prove that other men do not find black women attractive, and it’s very questionable if jealousy plays any part.

 

Obviously you’re surrounding and environment helps to polarize certain preferences and opinions. The white men I associate with and befriend will definitely tell a different story. MANY will say that black women are Gorgeous but it’s THEIR own insecurities that prevent them from crossing that line.

 

And please do keep in mind; the majority of black men are with black women. Sure some may date IR or even prefer to date IR. We live in a multicultural world, it’s only natural for people to want to explore, or/and develop a preference. Like wise for black women, white men are leaders of almost everything, they have the jobs, money and power…’status’ in other words, which many women find very attractive in a man, and it’s also the reason why women who do consider dating outside their racial grounds for them hands down! There is also an notion that black women only date black men. That contributes as well.

 

Re: I would be interested in knowing about these interracial sites with all these White men wanting to date Black women. The sites that turn up at the top of the Google SERPs aren't very active. I have been on a couple of interracial sites and most White men were interested in Asian women. The few that did contact me were interested in sex. PERIOD

 

 

Honey, As wacky as it may sound, Yes there ARE sites where there are BOTH black women and white men wanting to date. And I VERRY much doubt that you are even a black woman. You sound more like a black MAN or a WHITE woman trying to hide that fact that white men can and DO find interest in black women.

 

..Believe me I know how insecure resentful some bm/ww can get when ‘their’ MEN and ‘their’ WOMEN decide to cross that color line, especially with a WHITE man. I’ve seen AND experienced it way to many times.

 

And IF I did believe you’re above statement and that your really even a black woman, how do you know that the “few that did contact me were interested in sex”..?

 

If anything you should be more concerned about the black men you encounter more then any other race, because knowing the statistical figures for fatherless households, BLACK men hold a very shameful seat!

 

..And single white women raising fatherLESS bi-racial children are soon to follow. But I guess the numbers just haven’t fallen in the statistical bracket YET. In due time.

 

Re: Also, I would be VERY curious to know where exactly you go in Toronto and see all these Black women dating White men and all these White men who are eager to date Black women.

 

Huh?…please go back a highlight where I said I ‘see all these Black women dating White men’.

 

You seem to be getting very defensive about white men dating black women. I wonder why *wink * wink* .

 

Black women are starting to expand their pool of options as time goes by, especially knowing the numbers of educated black women outnumber their fellow half. And sadly folks like YOU be won’t be making it any easier. But I guess they’ll just have to tolerate the unpleasant gestures black/white women faced when they first started to mingle.

 

Re I wil say one thing though, it does no one any good to misrepresent things and somehow make people feel that it is THEIR fault when they are excluded on the basis of race. Read the thread I have started about men who are willing to date Black women.

 

Why should I let a SMALL group of anonymous opinions, MANY whom are not even members represent Men as a whole? ... Especially knowing that white women roam theses boards and sign on under numerous usernames and try to shed a negative light for black women, whom many spend Thousand of dollars to try and mimic black women..

 

I think not. Jealously is the key to failure.

 

Or you could simply be an angry black man.

 

Everyone has a preference. And when black women continue to open up more, it will only be MORE visible that their loneliness was caused by THEIR closed mind mindset.

 

The only place black women need to MOVE is to higher standards. Example… the poor choices some make in men. I can’t fathom why some would choose the route they do. But for every lost sheep, TWO more are found!

 

YOU are they very reason why I suggested she get advice from another black/IR board where there are REAL black women with REAL advice.

 

I don’t need to go back and forth with, you’re simply a WASTE in my opinion.

 

 

*add "SOME" where needed*

[Topaze]

And you are rude.

 

I have often found that when people can't back up what they are claiming with facts, they resort to insults. You have not provided one shred of evidence to back up your claims...not one web site, not one club, nothing.

 

If, as you say, White men in Toronto are eagerly dating Black women and you are seeing this ALL the time, you should be able to identify where you are seeing this so that your claims can be verified.

 

I didn't bother to read your entire response. As soon as it turned insulting...I stopped reading. You will now be placed on ignore and I will no longer see or respond to any of your posts.

[moimeme]

People tend to want to blame all of society/racism/'nice guys finish last' when they have trouble dating. Anything rather than looking at what may be wrong with themselves. This whole discussion, IMHO, is just one more of those instances.

[CurvyGurl]

I agree that the OP should gather some opinions among other boards, perhaps where people aren't carrying chips the size of Mt Vesuvius on their shoulders and projecting glaring personality flaws onto other people and making up every excuse in the book to not look inward and see what others see.

 

Not referring to anyone in particular, of course.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by Topaze

And you are rude.

 

I have often found that when people can't back up what they are claiming with facts, they resort to insults.

 

or ignorance...meaning lack of knowledge, like yourself.

 

You have not provided one shred of evidence to back up your claims...not one web site, not one club, nothing.

so these are things that are now infallible? wow.

 

 

 

I didn't bother to read your entire response. As soon as it turned insulting...I stopped reading. You will now be placed on ignore and I will no longer see or respond to any of your posts.

 

why are you bothering to even be here anymore? you are putting everyone on ignore and being annoying. try spouting your fallacies elsewhere.

 

we don't need your oppression.

 

i am so beyond finished with you. if you are really a black woman, i can see why no one wants to date you, and it may be nothing to do with your looks, but your personality definitely sucks.

i hope they close this thread like they did with the other one, just to shut you up.

[Topaze]

Moimeme and Curvygirl, it is always a lot easier to blame the victim than to truly confront and try to change the injustices in society. A LOT of articles have been written about these issues...try reading them and educating yourselves. As of now, you are BOTH also on ignore.

[Robyn]

LOL!!!

 

No doubt.

 

But hey GirlDown, some people just don’t have anything to do.

 

I guess it's always better to hide behind a computer screen complaining, than be out robbing banks

 

 

 

..I think

[Robyn]

Re: People tend to want to blame all of society/racism/'nice guys finish last' when they have trouble dating. Anything rather than looking at what may be wrong with themselves. This whole discussion, IMHO, is just one more of those instances

 

 

 

Exactly.

 

But I presume it’s always better to blame ‘others’ rather than ‘self’

 

...Pay more attention to the 3 fingers pointing back at you!

 

If you’re always attracting the wrong type of people, maybe the problem is actually you and your sense of preferences and choices.

[moimeme]

to blame the victim

 

Oh ye gods.

[Topaze]

Yep it's a lot easier to blame the victim than to look at and try to modify aspects of society that are destructive.

[jellybean]

Originally posted by Topaze

it's a lot easier to blame the victim

 

Victim?...victim??!??

 

Topaze - I've been reading all your posts/threads, and honestly trying to see things from your POV.

 

But classifying yourself as a victim is really going over the top.

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know, I know...I'm now on your 'ignore list'.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by Robyn

LOL!!!

 

No doubt.

 

But hey GirlDown, some people just don’t have anything to do.

 

I guess it's always better to hide behind a computer screen complaining, than be out robbing banks

 

 

 

..I think

 

very true, robyn, very true...

 

but watch what you say about robbing banks, that might be branded "racist."

[Topaze]

Originally posted by jellybean

Victim?...victim??!??

 

Topaze - I've been reading all your posts/threads, and honestly trying to see things from your POV.

 

But classifying yourself as a victim is really going over the top.

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know, I know...I'm now on your 'ignore list'.

 

No you're not. Only people who attack and insult are placed on that list. YOu have given an opinion.

 

If you think being rejected and told that people don't want you because of yoru skin colour doesn't feel like being victimized...try it sometime. It ain't fun.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by Topaze

If you think being rejected and told that people don't want you because of yoru skin colour doesn't feel like being victimized...try it sometime. It ain't fun.

 

 

Right, because skin color is the only reason people get rejected. Oh, and it only happens to one color too.

 

Of course, I already know I made the ignore list so I guess this is pointless. Pretty soon Topaze will see nothing but her own posts on this site.

[blue17]

There is also an notion that black women only date black men. That contributes as well.

 

That's what I see on TV all the time. Black girl....99% of the time she's with a black guy not a white guy.

[GirlDown]

Originally posted by tanbark813

 

 

 

Right, because skin color is the only reason people get rejected. Oh, and it only happens to one color too.

 

Of course, I already know I made the ignore list so I guess this is pointless. Pretty soon Topaze will see nothing but her own posts on this site.

 

 

hahahaha, now she'll have to see yours.

 

la la la, topaze just read tanbark's post, la la la.

 

 

sorry i know this is immature and pointless, but all these posts have been pointless so i thought it would fit in.

 

 

just so you know, topaze, people aren't discriminating against you because of your colour. it's your personality, attitude, and overall self-righteousness.

 

also, you may want to note that it is not illegal to be racist. if people don't want to date you as a result of reasons OTHER THAN PERSONAL PREFERENCES, oh well. you can't make them date you by proving that "you're a human, too." they don't care, and they don't agree.

 

you don't have to like someone, you're just not allowed to make them miserable.

 

i learned that in school. sorry, no website.

 

it's also not fair that some employers are FORCED to hire a quota of certain groups just to make other people happy. it sucks that one white and one black apply for the same job, have same education, same everything, and the black will be hired because the employer has to look good.

 

i'm sorry, but if you don't want to be fired based on race, you shouldn't be hired based on race either.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by GirlDown

hahahaha, now she'll have to see yours.

 

la la la, topaze just read tanbark's post, la la la.

 

 

Thanks.

[Free At Last]

The black women I have dated in Montreal have mostly all exclusively dated white guys. When I've asked why they had never dated black guys, I was told that the women didn't approve of black fashion, language, and other cultural identifiers. I think that in subtle ways we're still taught that black culture is inferior, which in my opinion is the opposite of the truth.

 

I once dated a black girl who introduced me to her family member who seemed quite successful. He had a beautiful car, a good job, very good social skills, and handsome... a lot of things that women seem to like. After he left, she asked me 'Why can't he be normal? We were raised in the same place but look how he turned out'. Thinking back, it seems like what she meant was that because he unapologetically embraced black culture, she automatically saw him as inferior.

 

I listen to a lot of music from the carribbean, and I hear over and over again the highest possible praises specifically for black women. Perhaps by getting involved in carribbean culture your own vision of what is acceptable and not might change enough to allow a new kind of man into your life?

 

And if not, well... I live in montreal too, and pretty much every single one of my female friends compains of the same thing. Apparently there are no eligible men in Montreal of any ethnicity.