Keenly Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 sitting here day dreaming while I'm supposed to be working and I have had a realization. I have never had any one of my relationships ever say the words " I'm sorry " . Ever. The reason I find this odd is because I have a total of almost 6 years of serious relationship under my belt, with different women. Statistically speaking, there had to be MULTIPLE situations in which I was not the one at fault for whatever it was that may have happened. At least 1. And I never got an apology for anything . Do you know why ? Because I cared more about not being on their bad sides than I did about my own self respect and my own self worth. Not anymore . I am definitely not going to apologize for fights I didn't start anymore. I won't take the blame for things I never did or said just to stop the fighting. It makes you weak, easy, and vulnerable. I strongly recommend that if you guys ever find yourselves in situations in which an apology is about to leave your lips for an incident you are not responsible for, that you stop immediately. You deserve better. You'd eserve respect, and most importantly, you deserve the remorse that the other person knows they were in the wrong, and they would like forgiveness. It takes a grown individual to admit that you are wrong. So make sure you are with some one who is grown up enough to know when they are. / rambling 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DorkBreakfast Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Good for you. If you didn't do anything wrong, don't apologize. Simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
GoreSP Posted January 28, 2014 Share Posted January 28, 2014 Personally, I'm not a big fan of apologies. You get to an age where you should be able to think about what you're going to do before you hurt someone. I always feel like someone apologizing is only trying to make themselves feel better about what they did - cause you know - they apologized. damage done. An apology won't change things. Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I have an ex who never apologized. Not once. He was so delusional he actually believed he was never at fault. Never. One time he blamed me for losing his car keys after he got mad and threw them at me. According to him, this was my fault and I was supposed to feel bad about it. WTF. Not taking responsibility for one's action is a huge red flag. Stay away from people like this. They are mentally unstable. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Men are always apologizing to me. That's probably not good either :/ Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I have an ex who never apologized. Not once. He was so delusional he actually believed he was never at fault. Never. One time he blamed me for losing his car keys after he got mad and threw them at me. According to him, this was my fault and I was supposed to feel bad about it. WTF. Not taking responsibility for one's action is a huge red flag. Stay away from people like this. They are mentally unstable. LOL That reminds me of my ex blaming me for staying in bed all morning when he wanted to have gotten up early and "done stuff". He was very fond of being productive, but was, by nature, a lazy ass bum. That time I'd stayed over and he had said he intended on being up early and "doing stuff". I told him to go for it. I, on the other hand, had no intention of getting up before lunch time. Morning came and he didn't get up. In fact he got up at the same time I did and didn't "do stuff". That afternoon we got into a fight and he proceeded to blame me for staying in bed. I laughed in his face. This was very near the end of our relationship. I too am guilty of over apologising to make things right. Honestly, with this ex, I was constantly apologising for being me and not whatever he imagined I should be. It destroyed me. Never again! Link to post Share on other sites
jba10582 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 (edited) hmmm...this is something that Ive thought about however in the realm of right and wrong/ good and evil, black and white...grAy ect..., not gonna (philosphize?) here...or make up too many words. So...even the most compatible of people will have something that is not compatible right? And you don't have to agree on everything to have a friend, or a enjoy the company of a co-worker, or someone you love from your family, or hell, even you dog that looks up at you head turned sideways and doesn't know why you tell him to shake hands, before getting the treat... maybe just having peaceful mindset with a little bit of compassion and understanding to basically treat the other person as a person, (rather than an obstacle to be overcome) can go a long way with most people. I think apologizing in itself is not a bad thing depending on where it comes from in your heart and don't do it to reward another person's bad behavior or get treated like a doormat (that's coming from the wrong place)... you know what I mean....because, even if you did what you feel right in your eyes and be yourself, you can still hurt someone else's feelings based on their past conditioning and experiences, so I think having a little wisdom to relate with the person you are dealing with can go a long ways. Like you said, sometimes being grown up and having a little humility is not so bad and even having some tact to it. Edited January 29, 2014 by jba10582 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Keenly, next time instead of apologizing try counter attack 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 It is probably a good idea to figure out what similarities these women had and why you were attracted to them. AND how you can change that. I have apologized when I was wrong multiple times in the past, and so have my partner(s). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Confuddled1983 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I do this a lot in relationships. I'm forever saying sorry even when something wasn't my fault. I think mainly it's to save from a big argument, my ex NEVER apologised - it was always my fault regardless. Even his cheating (several times) was my fault. Definitely a red flag I need to look for if/when I start a new relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
OpheliaSong Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 sitting here day dreaming while I'm supposed to be working and I have had a realization. I have never had any one of my relationships ever say the words " I'm sorry " . Ever. The reason I find this odd is because I have a total of almost 6 years of serious relationship under my belt, with different women. Statistically speaking, there had to be MULTIPLE situations in which I was not the one at fault for whatever it was that may have happened. At least 1. And I never got an apology for anything . Do you know why ? Because I cared more about not being on their bad sides than I did about my own self respect and my own self worth. Not anymore . I am definitely not going to apologize for fights I didn't start anymore. I won't take the blame for things I never did or said just to stop the fighting. It makes you weak, easy, and vulnerable. I strongly recommend that if you guys ever find yourselves in situations in which an apology is about to leave your lips for an incident you are not responsible for, that you stop immediately. You deserve better. You'd eserve respect, and most importantly, you deserve the remorse that the other person knows they were in the wrong, and they would like forgiveness. It takes a grown individual to admit that you are wrong. So make sure you are with some one who is grown up enough to know when they are. / rambling It just seems like some people take people for granted who are awesome to them. You did all the maintenance of the relationship so they felt they didn't have to. It is good you have this insight now, keenly. Loving your new photo. You are so handsome.... Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 At least 1. And I never got an apology for anything . Do you know why ? Because I cared more about not being on their bad sides than I did about my own self respect and my own self worth. Not anymore . I am definitely not going to apologize for fights I didn't start anymore. I won't take the blame for things I never did or said just to stop the fighting. It makes you weak, easy, and vulnerable. There are times when I don't start the fight but I contribute to it. I apologise for that. That's about being the bigger person and admitting to being responsible for my share of the conflict. It takes two to fight. I strongly recommend that if you guys ever find yourselves in situations in which an apology is about to leave your lips for an incident you are not responsible for, that you stop immediately. You deserve better. You'd eserve respect, and most importantly, you deserve the remorse that the other person knows they were in the wrong, and they would like forgiveness. It takes a grown individual to admit that you are wrong. So make sure you are with some one who is grown up enough to know when they are. / rambling Both parties should take responsible for conflict and if necessary, apologise. Not all arguments require an apology at all, often finding a resolve sorts that out. You can't have an argument on your own though, the other person contributes to it. You either started it, missed cues to prevent it or fuelled it. Conflict isn't a bad thing in my opinion, it's good to have issues out in the open. Usually apology is only needed when one person is hurt - which if it's argued respectfully, often isn't the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Unless you're doing something on the level of having sex with her best friend, or mother, women do not like hearing I'm sorry. And even then it's debatable. The guys who just blame it on her tend to have more success. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 It just seems like some people take people for granted who are awesome to them. You did all the maintenance of the relationship so they felt they didn't have to. It is good you have this insight now, keenly. Loving your new photo. You are so handsome.... You missed a turn. OKCupid is on the left Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 I can relate. I have been in arguments before where I've ended up apologizing because my partner would get upset and sad and claim I was scaring her. The truth is I never yelled at her and did anything outrageous. Then in retrospect I think to myself "why the hell was I the one apologizing at the end of that fight? She was 100% in the wrong and I had every right to say what I said". I think sometimes she used her emotions to play me. All you can do is learn from your mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 My ex was constantly saying "sorry" as a knee jerk reaction to the silliest things. It annoyed me. A habit he picked up when married to a psycho wife whom he had to keep calm and placate or she'd make his life hell. Link to post Share on other sites
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