Just curious Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Okay, obviously I know what Friends with Benefits basically means, but I've never understood how things end up getting to that point. Is there anyone out there who has a FWB and wouldn't mind telling me how that relationship got there? Were you good friends but decided to kick it up a notch? Had a fling and wanted to hang onto it without becoming too attached? Or how else? Just curious. (Sorry for the anon post btw. Computer's being weird.) Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 FWB.. IMO the ONLY way a FWB situation happens is if you allow it. Could just be me.. but I think it's always a good idea to get the 411 on where you're at with someone BEFORE you start getting busy with them.. Personally I can't offer anyone a benefits package when they don't "work for me" but that's just me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 When someone puts out and the other person doesn't want to date them? Or the other way around? All friends have BENEFITS really.... Link to post Share on other sites
gypsycat Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 We were good friends for a couple of months....we had both made it clear that we weren't looking for relationships with each other or anyone else....some flirting, more like joking around frankly but enough to know we were open to it although never discussed. We went out one night, got drunk, ended up in bed it set a precedent. We are however first and foremost friends, the benefits kicks in occasionally, we don't always sleep together. Frankly, from what I know now, we were just both kidding each other, by which I mean we're both pretending we're not involved with each other when frankly we are. Just recently my FWB told me he loved me and now I'm dealing with do I get involved, lose the friendship etc...it gets complicated and isn't for the faint of heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms_Sweetness Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 I have a FWB. It happened about 3 yrs ago, we would hang out alot, watch movies together, playful filrting, he was/is the best guy friend that I have. Eventually we ended up having sex, it didn't change anything though. Till this day we are still great friends even though we are in different states. Link to post Share on other sites
Girlie Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 For me, it was because I wanted to be with him and was willing to put up with whatever I could get and was hoping it would turn into something more. It didn't. I ended up getting hurt and should have seen it coming from a mile away. But when you really want something sometimes you let yourself get into a state of denial about the way things really are. At the very least, I learned from it and will never let it happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
RoxStar Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 I got involved in my situation about 2 years ago. We had met about 3 and a half years ago and kissed the weekend we met. We would run into each other in our circles of friends on ocassion and we would make out and stuff but that was once every three or four months that first year and a half. We were friends but not super close tight friends. Then New Years Eve 2002 we went home together and slept together. We talked about it and decided that we were going to be FWB pretty much. We didnt use the term Friends With Benefits but this started as a no strings thing and if we went home together and hooked up great and if not... that was cool too. Well as with many sexual relationships feelings developed for both us. When the feelings started to evolve we both tried to end things and we both tried to say we didnt want to do this anymore but we were just very drawn to each other time and time again... and not only in a sexual manner. So here we are and we are still doing this two years later. I love him and he loves me and we arent boyfriend and girlfriend but we are lovers. We arent out hooking up with other people we are usually together all weekend long and we just really have a lot of fun together for the most part. We have pretty good communication and its been an interesting situation with us. I think one of the key pieces is communication and making sure we are on the same sheet of music. We are not typical relationship wise nor are either of us typical people. We in most ways act like boyfriend and girlfriend but neither of us wants to put a title on this or change this or end this thing with us. What we have works for us right now. We have a lot of chemistry and passion and again not only on a sexual level but we are very drawn to each other. It was a long road that got us here and there were many bumps along the way. I would say that for the first year we maintained the whole no strings thing but then last year I had some personal family tragedies and he was there for me. Our relationship slowly escalated and there was resistance from him from time to time when he realized he was feeling too close to me and to dependant but that was based in his trust issues and fear of getting hurt again. Both of us have been badly hurt in previous relationships and that is part of why we both went into this thing thinking no strings attached... but like I said... its very hard to maintain that. We both ended up having feelings for each other and we had a talk a few weeks ago about our situation and what we are and we both determined that we are not FWB anymore but more then that. That this relationship means a lot to each of us and neither of us wants to lose what we have. So not sure that this helps. Not sure that you can see any paralells since everyones situation is different. Only you know what works for you and what makes you happy. Many situations start because the girl wants to be with the boy and she tries to say she wont get attached. What guy is going to turn down a sexual relationship where he doesnt have do to anything or put any effort into it. So just be careful and be honest with yourself and you wont get hurt hopefully. You have to stay realistic and know your own limits and boundaries. If you know deep down you want more then FWB you need to be upfront about that. I think that at some point in the very beginning I probably wanted more then just FWB and now I do have more then FWB. I dont want anything more then what I have right now though. I am content with what we are now that we have talked something out. Link to post Share on other sites
SavesTheDay Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Originally posted by Merin FWB.. IMO the ONLY way a FWB situation happens is if you allow it. Could just be me.. but I think it's always a good idea to get the 411 on where you're at with someone BEFORE you start getting busy with them.. Personally I can't offer anyone a benefits package when they don't "work for me" but that's just me.. She's correct. Though when you're drunk and horny; it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
DoggyDog Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 FWB....I never even knew that term til I came on here last July. But I guess that's what I've had with two male friends throughout the 20+ years. One of them I just kinda ended a couple weeks ago. Don't know why, but I guess I didn't want to see him. The other and I are ??????....can't call us friends, lovers if that's what it could be....We get together whenever he decides to call me. Could be once in a week or every few weeks, it doesn't matter as I have no emotional tie with him. But we do have sex, watch porn, go on his motorcycle sometimes and then to a park and snort a little (he got me into that too). Only when I see him. I kinda like it...but all the while I was with my LDR (MM) and they knew about him. Now that my MM and I are no longer together and he knows, I think I'm starting to get pissy with this guy. Like at Christmas . Didn't hear from him (no present) and yes I do expect something. Call me a "bitch" but that's me. So when he called me the week after, I was snippy on the phone and said something. "He said, he has something for me----" So, I saw him....and he will be giving me money which is what I want. Now this is the killer---that was last week and he didn't call me this past weekend....so we'll see what happens this weekend. Only see him on a weekend (one day thru next)...but, this is how we are. There was a period of 3yrs when we didn't see each other at all. No big deal. Then when I saw him in a bar Superbowl, we hooked up periodically after that. I don't think he has feelings like love for me or I for him...though sometimes, I wonder about him for caring about me in another way. One time he gave me $100 as I said for what? He said because he doesn't want to see a friend in need (I was on disability for foot injury) That gesture really surprised me....and he does bring me wine. So I think I have a FWB deal with him and don't know if it will ever end. After all, almost 25 yrs with him and the other one...Gosh, I must be nuts. L DD Link to post Share on other sites
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