Els Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Oh c'mon Elswyth, wouldn't you rather have your man respect you for who you are rather than some porn film? I know you are worth way more than that. I certainly am, skydive, and I also know that his occasional porn use is no reflection on my worth. Just as how both of us know that me watching porn or using vibrators or drooling at Benedict Cumberbatch or whatever is no reflection on his worth. It's a two-way understanding. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 In that case, it's sad. It's sad that someone can't figure out their own issues and thinks that placing restrictions on their partner is somehow going to fix the problem. That is completely unfair. It seems bizarre to me that watching naked women is the same as phukking them. It's not at all. Though some women view it as a form of emotional cheating. It's not really possible to give a logical answer to this question. How common is porn addiction anyway? I'd say it's not that common at all. The first thing to address is the difference between an addiction and a habit. What Is Addiction? What Causes Addiction? What is the difference between a habit and an addiction? Addiction - there is a psychological/physical component; the person is unable to control the aspects of the addiction without help because of the mental or physical conditions involved.Habit - it is done by choice. The person with the habit can choose to stop, and will subsequently stop successfully if they want to. The psychological/physical component is not an issue as it is with an addiction. Put simply - with a habit you are in control of your choices, with an addiction you are not in control of your choices. Addiction to substances or activities can sometimes lead to serious problems at home, work, school and socially. Addiction, often referred to as dependency often leads to tolerance - the addicted person needs larger and more regular amounts of whatever they are addicted to in order to receive the same effect. Often, the initial reward is no longer felt, and the addiction continues because withdrawal is so unpleasant. ----------------------------------- I would say that for most men, looking at and masturbating to porn is a habit, not an addiction. Giving up porn would not lead to withdrawals. Also important is how much time is spent looking at porn and if doing so affects another aspect of life. Using myself as an example, I've been looking at porn since I was 13 and on average use it twice a day. I never spend more than 30 minutes looking for porn. Giving up porn is something I could do without help and would not cause me to go through withdrawals. IMO, I think it's an issue that porn use has become synonymous with masturbation. For men, having an orgasm can be a physical need and porn just facilitates that. I would say that for the average guy, if he could have sex with his partner whenever he was horny, his porn use would drop dramatically or possibly completely stop. So it's not porn he's addicted to, it's the orgasm. Link to post Share on other sites
JessieJ08 Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I feel if your partner man or woman feels insecure about something you shouldn't do it if you respect your relationship with this person. I wouldn't think letting go of watching porn to jack off or masturbate that big of a deal to not let go of it for who your with out of respect. Its just like men who don't want their girlfriends going to bars every weekend... Rather people like it or not if you want a real committed relationship you should let go of single activities this includes a list of stuff, porn, partying, dressing provocative for women. If you call it rules or putting limits on someone I cant imagine what it would be like being in a relationship with you. Its called compromising which is what people should do if they want more of a commitment with who they are with, if your S/O thinks porn is cheating you need to respect this or leave them alone to find someone who does respect their wishes. It is wrong for any female insecure or not to be with someone who doesn't respect her enough to let go of something as petty as porn. The people who argue this view is wrong Seriously what makes porn any different then things your expected to do in a relationship. How about what you don't want in a partner? I mean put a pass on porn then why be in relationship where we all can just do what we want with no regards to how who we are with feels about it. Makes perfect sense Lol Link to post Share on other sites
JDPT Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I personally don't think is cheating. If my next gf admitted to me that she watches porn I would simply ask her to show me what she usually does with herself while watching. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrystalCastles Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 And have you managed to process that thoroughly inaccurate and downright wrong programming, positively? I certainly hope I have! I have no worry over my next man watching porn. He can watch as much as he likes unless it begins to affect our sex life negatively. I myself enjoy masturbating, so I really don't care what anyone tells me about lust and how I'm going to go to hell. I have a relationship with God, but it is more friendly and open, I feel. I don't follow the stifling and rigid ways the church teaches because I don't believe such teachings are correct. I have my own ideas as to what is ok and what is not. I am capable of making intelligent decisions about my own body without anyone's preaching. I do sometimes resent my mother for having been so oppressive about this during my childhood, but I feel like I'm breaking away from that. Of course, there is the other side of the argument that you presented, in which a partner is so focused on porn that he/she neglects their spouse. Judging by the responses here, it seems porn addiction (or habit, according to somedude), is a lot more common than I thought! It's strange, that some people would rather watch porn than phukk their partner. I'd choose sex over masturbating any day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrystalCastles Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 As common as you know it is. Quit trying to make excuses for yourself. Huh? What excuses? My OP didn't discuss anything about me personally, so I have no idea what you're talking about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Of course, there is the other side of the argument that you presented, in which a partner is so focused on porn that he/she neglects their spouse. Judging by the responses here, it seems porn addiction (or habit, according to somedude), is a lot more common than I thought! It's strange, that some people would rather watch porn than phukk their partner. I'd choose sex over masturbating any day. That's the one area I purposely left out of my post. If a man chooses to look at porn over having sex with his partner, that is a huge problem and a sign of addiction. The same thing also applies when a man masturbates so much to porn that he is no longer able to achieve an erection with his partner. Back when I was with my ex, I masturbated to porn roughly three times a week. I also had sex with her 1-3 times a day every day that she visited me. My sex drive was way above hers and more often than not she was the one who wanted to take a break before we could do it again since my refractory period is so short. But getting back to porn, never did I look at it or masturbate when she was with me or when she would be coming over. All of the days sexual energy were for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 . Of course, there is the other side of the argument that you presented, in which a partner is so focused on porn that he/she neglects their spouse. Judging by the responses here, it seems porn addiction (or habit, according to somedude), is a lot more common than I thought! It's strange, that some people would rather watch porn than phukk their partner. I'd choose sex over masturbating any day. Yes, it really is strange. As are most addictions; I think people who don't suffer from them probably don't understand how they can possibly be addictive. The very smell of cigarette smoke makes me want to puke, yet people are addicted to them. I enjoy porn but it gets old very quickly, especially in a relationship, yet there really are people ignoring a real partner and real relationship to indulge in it. While the physiological mechanisms of addiction make sense, I think a huge part of addiction is also psychological escapism. People who are addicted are usually not in a good place in life, and use addictions to cope with that. With porn over sex, that is two-pronged, as maybe their R isn't going well and the sex isn't good, or maybe they just don't feel any motivation to please their partner anymore (as sex isn't just about one person but two, whereas porn is easy and quick personal gratification). Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) This isn't the first time I see someone posting about how porn is cheating. I don't get it. Someone please explain. How is porn cheating? It's not. Only people that are extremely insecure would see it as such. I'm surprised Keenly hasn't responded yet, this seems right up his alley. At the end of the day, unless you're willing to have sex with the guy whenever he wants it, you can't really get angry for him watching porn (i.e masturbating). If he masturbates without porn he's going to be using his imagination. His imagination is likely to include women he knows IRL and not you. Which would you prefer? This is real life. Edited February 1, 2014 by crederer 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrystalCastles Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 Which would you prefer? This is real life. Not sure if this is a general question or one that is toward me, but frankly I don't give two short ships about what any man watches, be it boyfriend or not. If my next boyfriend loves porn, more power to him. If he prefers to think of some IRL woman while he masturbates, I really don't care. I know I have a great body and I'm perfectly secure with myself. I think it's silly for a person to impose their own ideas/morals onto other people, including their SO. If they have problems with insecurities, that's on them. That's something they need to address. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tinderbox8888 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 Each person has their definition of cheating. Some people view watching porn as lusting after others. That all your sexual energy should be going toward satisfying your partner. The only way I say porn is bad is if you are addicted. If you spend so much time watching and collecting it's bound to ruin any relationship you have. It's too much time focusing on your needs and not satisfying your partner. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 If someone sees an image on a screen and feels threatened by that then it's that person who has the problem. If some guy gets bothered by me talking about the penis of Bradley Cooper then same thing. It isn't necessarily about the image though. It's about the time and energy put into it. If you were spending your free time in front of your computer Googling Bradley Cooper's penis, while your SO was in the bedroom feeling alone, that could be defined as cheating. It's all in how it is used and whether the person watching porn is doing so to fill a need that should be filled within their relationship. Completely different if a wife only wants sex once a week and the husband supplements with porn in between sex with his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 While in few cases porn may be the cause of a shattered relationship, and even more so it may be a symptom of a bad relationship. But in most cases, porn absolutely doesn't matter. And while porn may present a serious threat to a relationship, it is still not cheating. Going fishing everyday may also pose a threat to a relationship, but it is also not cheating. Spending all your free time watching football may be a threat to your relationship, still, no cheating. And so on. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 While in few cases porn may be the cause of a shattered relationship, and even more so it may be a symptom of a bad relationship. But in most cases, porn absolutely doesn't matter. And while porn may present a serious threat to a relationship, it is still not cheating. Going fishing everyday may also pose a threat to a relationship, but it is also not cheating. Spending all your free time watching football may be a threat to your relationship, still, no cheating. And so on. I don't know - I like Dr. Phil's definition of cheating: - You are turning outside the relationship to fill a need that should be filled inside the relationship - You wouldn't do it if your partner was standing next to you So fishing and football wouldn't qualify, but porn *could* qualify in certain situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Elias33 Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 (edited) I don't know - I like Dr. Phil's definition of cheating: - You are turning outside the relationship to fill a need that should be filled inside the relationship - You wouldn't do it if your partner was standing next to you So fishing and football wouldn't qualify, but porn *could* qualify in certain situations. Yes, but the only reason you don't do this with your partner is next to you is because your partner is next to you! And also with that reasoning, it means that the fault is with the woman who can't seem to full the need so the husband goes to porn. As he said, the needs need to be met within the relationship. Which put the woman at the service of a man's sexual need in such a way that could be considered draconian. That is only true if porn is a symptom of a bad relationship, not the cause. Edited February 3, 2014 by Elias33 Link to post Share on other sites
Danger Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Yes, but the only reason you don't do this with your partner is next to you is because your partner is next to you! And also with that reasoning, it means that the fault is with the woman who can't seem to full the need so the husband goes to porn. As he said, the needs need to be met within the relationship. Which put the woman at the service of a man's sexual need in such a way that could be considered draconian. That is only true if porn is a symptom of a bad relationship, not the cause. I don't think think porn is cheating....but if my girlfriend were to deny me sex then I would just get it somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayken Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 @OP.... Perhaps clarification is needed on your part here...... There is all sort of porn (none of it healthy / good), and some are just damn right despicable e.g child porn Link to post Share on other sites
justa_guy Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 (edited) I don't think it's necessary to bring in clarification, I'm sure no one here is thinking bestiality, or illegal porn, that's an entirely different conversation/issue. This clearly comes down to communication between partners. I had an ex who used to initiate watching porn together, she never felt insecure and we both enjoyed it. I had another girlfriend who wasn't keen on me watching porn so she used to make naughty vids for me when we were apart, she also used to wear lingerie and appeal to my visual needs. I never watched porn in this relationship, because I was visually stimulated. Just in case anyone comes down on me for being "draconian" I used to write her erotic stories when we were apart and play out her fantasies too. Edited February 11, 2014 by justa_guy Link to post Share on other sites
894hjk Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I used to tell my boyfriend to go downstairs with the laptop and do that sometimes! I didn't mind. Rather that than he be out after real life woman. The only time it becomes a problem is when they r watching do much of it they become desensitised and can't perform. Then I wouldn't be happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lixxy Posted February 11, 2014 Share Posted February 11, 2014 I don't know - I like Dr. Phil's definition of cheating: - You are turning outside the relationship to fill a need that should be filled inside the relationship - You wouldn't do it if your partner was standing next to you So fishing and football wouldn't qualify, but porn *could* qualify in certain situations. Defining what needs a relationship "should" fill needs to be outlined in this instance though. Who feels that their partner must sexually fulfill them every time they are aroused? If you wake up at 3am feeling frisky, is it always right to go ahead, wake your partner up, and tell them you want sex? Sure sometimes this might be wonderful, but I'm just trying to explain how two people's sex drives do not always exactly correlate. That's normal though. I enjoy solo masturbation, as does my partner. I find it hard to imagine that every couple completely shuns the idea of masturbating once they have a partner. I just can't imagine that. Link to post Share on other sites
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