He wont take me back

[BC1980]

Its so weird. He breaks up with me but still calls me but the rest of the people here with stories none of them get a call from their ex.

 

It is so bittersweet.

 

He says I have to show him and he is skeptical. He says I have to show him cause he does not want to get hurt again.

 

I went through the same thing with my ex. He loved having me in his life after the breakup. . . . on his terms. It was great for him to have someone to talk everyday. I finally wised up and cut him out. Sweetie, he still wanted to travel with me, go out to lunch, come over to his house. It's not uncommon at all, but it's not helping you. It's helping him.

[bubbaganoosh]

How can I show him I care?

 

Start by learning how to control what comes out of your mouth because it only gets you in trouble.

 

Sounds like you have a anger problem and to be honest, you said that you got mad and pushed him.

 

Got news for you. It doesn't matter if he's 4 foot tall or ten feet tall, you have NO RIGHT putting your hands on him in anger.

 

Just because your a woman doesn't give you the green light to put your hands on him in anger. No doubt he lost respect for you for your behavior. Reason why I brought that up about putting your hands on him in anger is there are guys out there that wont put up with it and they will retaliate and you could find yourself on the wrong side of a mans temper. I hope to God that never happens to you and I mean that so please think before you do something like that again for your own safety.

[clairedunham]

Start by learning how to control what comes out of your mouth because it only gets you in trouble.

 

Sounds like you have a anger problem and to be honest, you said that you got mad and pushed him.

 

Got news for you. It doesn't matter if he's 4 foot tall or ten feet tall, you have NO RIGHT putting your hands on him in anger.

 

Just because your a woman doesn't give you the green light to put your hands on him in anger. No doubt he lost respect for you for your behavior. Reason why I brought that up about putting your hands on him in anger is there are guys out there that wont put up with it and they will retaliate and you could find yourself on the wrong side of a mans temper. I hope to God that never happens to you and I mean that so please think before you do something like that again for your own safety.

 

You are right. I lost control and I have to learn to control my emotions.

 

The other day I was speaking to him on the phone. He got a new job full time and told me we had to hang out and get a drink when he gets money.

 

I really don't know what to make of this. I just said "Really? Ok"

 

Sometimes this just makes me thinks he wants to get laid but if I ask he'll probably say that he would never do that to me.

[TaraMaiden]

Why are you persistently ignoring the fact that you two are SUPPOSEDLY broken up?!

You HAVE to cut ALL CONTACT!!

 

Quit talking to him, responding, answering, and replying to him!

You guys are no longer an item!

He dumped you, so stop pandering to him, and stop engaging with him!!

 

What do you just not get about this??!!?

[clairedunham]

Its over. He told me he got it all wrong if I thought he wanted to get back that he was just trying to give me support

 

My eyes are red and swollen. It is unbearable to lose someone you truly love.

[sooshi]

I'm sorry you're going through this, Claire. It's over but it's a good thing. From what I've read, it sounds like you have a lot you can work on (jealousy issues, etc.). Love is not jealous. You need to be alone right now. And he doesn't sound like a keeper at all anyway, as much as you might not believe that right now. In time, you will see that.

[BC1980]

Its over. He told me he got it all wrong if I thought he wanted to get back that he was just trying to give me support

 

My eyes are red and swollen. It is unbearable to lose someone you truly love.

 

This is why you need to stay NC. You are torturing yourself.

[TaraMaiden]

Its over.

Good.

Have you now accepted how futile all this crap has been?

 

He told me he got it all wrong if I thought he wanted to get back that he was just trying to give me support

Oh BS.

He was just doing it to make himself feel better, nort you.

"See what a warm-hearted, generous bloke i am, being so kind and considerate, being so freindly and helpful. Aren't I wonderful?"

 

And all the while, you've been lapping it up like some desperate puppy, eager-to-please, and he's been thinking that if you're that friendly and open, then it can;t be too much for you to take, can it? Easy!

 

My eyes are red and swollen. It is unbearable to lose someone you truly love.

It gets easier once you see, understand and finally accept that sadly, it was largely one-sided.

He didn't feel the same about you.

Much as it may hurt to realise this, it's true, and the sooner you take it in and live with it, the better your healing will be.

 

Please, don't for goodness' sake post about any attempts on his/your part, at maintaining contact, texting one last time, should I wish him a happy birthday/Easter/Christmas or anything of that kind, now, will you?

Cut off all and any possibility of contact, either from him to you, or from you to him.

Close this off for good, right away.

[clairedunham]

Good.

Have you now accepted how futile all this crap has been?

 

 

Oh BS.

He was just doing it to make himself feel better, nort you.

"See what a warm-hearted, generous bloke i am, being so kind and considerate, being so freindly and helpful. Aren't I wonderful?"

 

And all the while, you've been lapping it up like some desperate puppy, eager-to-please, and he's been thinking that if you're that friendly and open, then it can;t be too much for you to take, can it? Easy!

 

 

It gets easier once you see, understand and finally accept that sadly, it was largely one-sided.

He didn't feel the same about you.

Much as it may hurt to realise this, it's true, and the sooner you take it in and live with it, the better your healing will be.

 

Please, don't for goodness' sake post about any attempts on his/your part, at maintaining contact, texting one last time, should I wish him a happy birthday/Easter/Christmas or anything of that kind, now, will you?

Cut off all and any possibility of contact, either from him to you, or from you to him.

Close this off for good, right away.

 

I will. :):):)

[Simon Phoenix]

I hope the merry-go-round stops right now and you actually do the sensible thing for once. Enough is enough.

[clairedunham]

I had an anxiety attack last night. My arms went numb and my chest tightened I thought I was having a heart attack. Right at the moment I thought it couldn't be because they say heart attack feels like an elephant sitting on your chest. They took me to the emergency room and did test and everything was fine. All this for a ****in' jerk.

 

You know what he told me the other day? That I had things confused. That some relationships dont work out and oh well **** happens. Just like that.

[clairedunham]

I blocked him via phone company. So he cant send me texts nor voicemails. Keeping it strong

[KaliLove]

Good girl..stick to it!

[clairedunham]

I don;t want to be whatever I am anymore. I am not a stable person. I have to admit I am a schizophrenic and it is not something I want to be. I want to stop from making people think I am crazy. The only reason I held so tight was because well he gave me sanity and put my feet on the ground.

 

I am crying right now because I cannot reach out to anybody about this. I am in my own jail and it sucks. I walk among the crowd like a zombie and at times snap at people but in reality I am one of the most kindest people you'll ever meet as Ive been told and I've seen it in myself also. I also walk with a smile well because deep inside I have faith in everybody now matter how ****in ****ty they appear to be. This smile is nothing cause what I really am is dying on the inside.

[BC1980]

I don;t want to be whatever I am anymore. I am not a stable person. I have to admit I am a schizophrenic and it is not something I want to be. I want to stop from making people think I am crazy. The only reason I held so tight was because well he gave me sanity and put my feet on the ground.

 

I am crying right now because I cannot reach out to anybody about this. I am in my own jail and it sucks. I walk among the crowd like a zombie and at times snap at people but in reality I am one of the most kindest people you'll ever meet as Ive been told and I've seen it in myself also. I also walk with a smile well because deep inside I have faith in everybody now matter how ****in ****ty they appear to be. This smile is nothing cause what I really am is dying on the inside.

 

Have you been diagnosed as schizophrenic? Are you on meds?

[clairedunham]

Yes. Why? ..

[TaraMaiden]

In that case, you really need to make an urgent appointment with your counsellor/therapist, because you're not coping honey, and you need help and jesus kerrist there's no shame in that!

 

And I had no idea you had a medically-diagnosed, controlled medical condition, so I unreservedly apologise, here and now, if anything I said hurt your feelings.

 

Gives me cause to pause and think before I blast off.

[clairedunham]

In that case, you really need to make an urgent appointment with your counsellor/therapist, because you're not coping honey, and you need help and jesus kerrist there's no shame in that!

 

And I had no idea you had a medically-diagnosed, controlled medical condition, so I unreservedly apologise, here and now, if anything I said hurt your feelings.

 

Gives me cause to pause and think before I blast off.

 

Its ok. You were just trying to help. Plus I like tough love. I never believed I had the condition but denial is just setting me back. My first psychiatrist said it was that but I'm still getting checked. I was really ****ty but I'm on the process of getting better. I went to my psychologist today.Just got home.

 

And I cant justify my actions with a condition or whatever I have. It is not fair for the other person

[TaraMaiden]

No, but it moves the goalposts....

 

I agree: relying on, or leaning against a condition (diagnosed or perceived) "I can't help it, it's because of....." is the wrong way to think or behave.

But you have a fragility that not everyone understands or perceives, and I think you should permit it to be a mitigating factor, at least.

Calling a spade a ruddy shovel, you have a greater problem than most, processing certain emotional factors, and that's perfectly ok.

 

OK?

 

How did your visit go, if you feel like discussing it?

 

[clairedunham]

It went great. She was helping me with ways to cope with my new experience with anxiety attacks. And ways to control emotions, breathing etc etc.

 

And there was a couple there waiting for counseling.

 

I think I'm getting this anxiety attacks cause I've been holding feelings and just lying on my ass that it exploded. And by holding feelings is by dumbing myself everday

[clairedunham]

It's been a week and well, my heart aches. The other day I passed where he lives cause his apt is the way to my house and I felt a sting in my heart. I haven't called and don't even want to call. What I am feeling right now is hoping that maybe in a few months we'll speak again and he'll take me back but I want to let go so bad that I don't even want to care if he wants me back. It is so difficult. This is my second love but I didn't even fight for my first one. I knew with my first one it wasn't meant to be.

[pickflicker]

It's been a week and well, my heart aches. The other day I passed where he lives cause his apt is the way to my house and I felt a sting in my heart. I haven't called and don't even want to call. What I am feeling right now is hoping that maybe in a few months we'll speak again and he'll take me back but I want to let go so bad that I don't even want to care if he wants me back. It is so difficult. This is my second love but I didn't even fight for my first one. I knew with my first one it wasn't meant to be.

 

Honey, neither is this. You're fighting out there on your own.

[clairedunham]

Honey, neither is this. You're fighting out there on your own.

 

The point IS that I can't let go and I want to let go!

[David87]

The point IS that I can't let go and I want to let go!

 

There's no such thing '' you can't let go'' . Give it more time and you'll be fine, I promise.

[clairedunham]

There's no such thing '' you can't let go'' . Give it more time and you'll be fine, I promise.

 

But what if I can't let go for a long time? I've heard stories of woman still in love with their ex boyfriends after years.

 

I'm just wishing I get accepted for my 2nd degree so I can start studying. There's no man that can compare to him and I will never find anybody because I just don't want to.