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Why do men shy away from commitment ?


bubblesbursted

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I cant find the answer to this, not just me but so many of the cases I read where the guy breaks up after engagement or when they feel there is a pressure to get married or propose. Why is it so guy? I cant seem to understand.

 

Well, if all that you're reading is this forum, then no wonder. I will be asking my gf by the summer. Married for 12+ years before my late-wife passed away. No problem making a commitment to the right lady. :)

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Well, if all that you're reading is this forum, then no wonder. I will be asking my gf by the summer. Married for 12+ years before my late-wife passed away. No problem making a commitment to the right lady. :)

 

Exactly. These forums tend to skew towards the heartbroken in a big way.

 

Congrats to you and the soon-to-be fiancée. :)

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Of all those marriages I wonder how many are actually happy and how many will end in divorce or have cheating.

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Of all those marriages I wonder how many are actually happy and how many will end in divorce or have cheating.

 

There's no way to know that. The point is, plenty of people are committing all the time. Whether it's unhappy or not in the future is life, and whether more marriages become unhappy or not, is still not stopping people from connecting.

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Don't throw all males into the same pit. A friend of mine is going to the US for a year in a few months and he hated the thought of breaking up with his current girlfriend just because of this. They're going to try a distance relationship now. :)

 

Admittedly, that's nothing compared to a life-lasting relationship such as the marriage was meant to. But many posts here are right in a lot of different aspects; yes, men do have more to loose when they divorce. And yeah, plenty of bitter wives make use of that.

 

I always wonder how many people would have saved their relationships if they hadn't married but instead just lived together "'till death do us part". Seems like there are many people who fear the consequenecs a pair of rings and some paperwork brings. :confused:

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It can be for all the reasons like money and making decisions for a lifetime, but the guys I knew well, they cited sex. Nearly ever man I've known well said they can't imagine only having sex with the same woman the rest of their life. Not as many women feel that way at all, though some do, so fidelity is a big issue for men. And of course, there's lots of men who get married and then cheat.

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In marriage, men have most of the liabilities and virtually no privileges; women on the other hand have virtually no liabilities and most of the privileges.

 

 

So I'll ask you: if you were a man, why would you get married?

 

 

My problem is not with marriage, itself. My problem is with AMERICAN marriage. Men become slaves who have zero authority over their houses. And if they ever try to stop being a slave or exert any authority over their house, the women files for divorce and takes half his money and the kids 66% of the days.

 

 

Biblical marriage is the only marriage I will ever again go for. Unfortunately it's non-existent in America.

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My boyfriend has been 100% on board with commitment. He's the one been leading the way too, no pressure from my side. He wants to marry me and have children with me. I have a ring on my finger. I never asked for it and was very surprised by it. He is thrilled that I now have a ring on everywhere I go.

 

I am the right one for him, and vice versa. It's easy and natural when it's right.

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I've noticed that nowadays it's the younger women who shy away from commitment and it's the men who want it. Everyone is different. It depends where you are in life. Anyone newly divorced only wants to play. Someone who has been single a long time wants the real intimacy and commitment you get from being married. Decide what you want and don't waste your time with someone who wants something different.

 

You can't blame marriage. Marriage is just a piece of paper. ;)

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Sounds like a a generalisation to me.

Not ALL men are the same, contrary to popular belief as well as the amount of male bashing that exists in today's society. :p

 

As another poster said above, the males who are genuinely looking for something more, or absolutely want to commit are usually stuck in the friend zone.

Though I have noticed a growing trend lately that the gender roles have been reversed. Meaning that women are the 'free and wild' type, while men are generally looking for something more.

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They don't. Most of the time if they feel they are with the right person they will be more than open to it. I have seen guys who said they would never marry/settle down meet the right person and completely change their ideas about it.

 

It is usually more about who they are with/how they feel about their partner than it is about committing.

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Disillusioned
They don't. Most of the time if they feel they are with the right person they will be more than open to it. I have seen guys who said they would never marry/settle down meet the right person and completely change their ideas about it.

 

It is usually more about who they are with/how they feel about their partner than it is about committing.

 

^That.^

 

Maybe some guys can feel attracted to just any woman, but I'm not one of those guys. If someone has some trait or does something that bugs you before committing, then it will drive you crazy after you commit. This is why I won't date any more rude or hyper women.

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It depends on what kind of guy you're trying to get a commitment from.

 

Pretty boy player? Good luck. Why would he want to commit to one girl?

 

Normal guy who doesn't sleep with a new woman every month? Much better chance of him wanting to be in an exclusive committed relationship.

 

Pretty much this

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In marriage, men have most of the liabilities and virtually no privileges; women on the other hand have virtually no liabilities and most of the privileges.

 

 

So I'll ask you: if you were a man, why would you get married?

 

 

My problem is not with marriage, itself. My problem is with AMERICAN marriage. Men become slaves who have zero authority over their houses. And if they ever try to stop being a slave or exert any authority over their house, the women files for divorce and takes half his money and the kids 66% of the days.

 

 

Biblical marriage is the only marriage I will ever again go for. Unfortunately it's non-existent in America.

 

But all these things, house, money, kids, can be talked about. Unless either one of them cheated and now both are rivals over their stuff, in that case it's just a revival of kindergarden. ;)

Admittedly, should I ever have to live through a divorce and had a child by that point, I'd do all it takes to have my child with me without the man at all, especially if he or she was a baby or toddler. The pain a divorce brings is hard enough, the least thing I'd need is my ex hanging around all day, maybe someday even bringing some other women in. Hell no.

 

And don't blame American marriages too much. I'm from Europe and that one case where a father won against his ex-wife and gained all rights for his child caused quite a commotion. It's also the only case of a father "winning" over the wife I've heard of so far. :confused:

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But all these things, house, money, kids, can be talked about. Unless either one of them cheated and now both are rivals over their stuff, in that case it's just a revival of kindergarden. ;)

Admittedly, should I ever have to live through a divorce and had a child by that point, I'd do all it takes to have my child with me without the man at all, especially if he or she was a baby or toddler. The pain a divorce brings is hard enough, the least thing I'd need is my ex hanging around all day, maybe someday even bringing some other women in. Hell no.

 

And don't blame American marriages too much. I'm from Europe and that one case where a father won against his ex-wife and gained all rights for his child caused quite a commotion. It's also the only case of a father "winning" over the wife I've heard of so far. :confused:

 

You'd rip a child away from his father ? What exactly is your reasoning behind this ?

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Actually it was seeing such adversarial situations in my 20's which caused me to re-examine the health of my steadfast commitment to wanting to marry a woman.

 

I recall coming across one friend who was sitting out in his pasture with his horse, a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and his handgun in the other, taking a drink and unloading and reloading the clip, this after coming home from work to find his house empty and his children gone (true, there was one place setting and one chair left and that was it) and him wondering where it had all gone wrong.

 

Stable guy, worked for the local power company, good father. He ultimately sued for custody and got 50% joint custody back in a time when women could routinely rip the kids away and get away with it.

 

That (ripping the kids away) happened to my dad back in the 40's. It happens. Men don't like to talk about it, at least those of my generation and older, but in happens. One more reason to be gun-shy, no pun intended.

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Commitment no problem. Marriage, well, uhm...gotta go!

 

As men may have no commitment issues at all, they may have issues with the institution of marriage. We as a society have maimed marriage into a government issued paper you need to sign as a man, that if the relationship ends no matter what reason, you may have to pay up.

 

Would women sign such a paper? That you automatically get to see your kids every other weekend no matter why the relationship ended? I also think that we as a society have grown beyond this thing called marriage. Mostly women hold on to the idea of marriage since they always sign the good side of the paper.

 

Bottom line is that men have much more to lose than just money. Commitment is fine, but marriage means something different for a man, then it does for a woman. And by no means do I mean to bash women for this, it is just what we as a society have decided on what marriage really stands for these days.

 

I was divorced and we both decided it was for the best. No fault on either side. While she wanted me to see my son half of the time, the system decided that I did not have custody, but she did. I hold no bad feelings towards the ex, in fact we did not battle, we were just sad. But the system that implements the measures needed post divorce, forced us in difficult situations. It almost worked against our efforts of working together as co-parents. As if we were pit against each other.

 

But then again, if the marriage is successful, it is really awesome. It was the best time of my life for sure. But if you look at the numbers, I think men and women need to get together on this thing called marriage so we can make it better for all. So we as men, can have the same view on marriage as you ladies do.

 

As for commitment, Myself, I have no issues with that. Commitment doesn't mean marriage to me.

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I wouldn't say that men shy away from commitment. I think that some people are just happy to cruise along in a relationship and not think about the bigger picture. Either they have their head in the sand or they are just happy to take things slowly and casually. So when they meet the family or the topic of marriage comes up, it's a wake up call and they panic and get out.

 

I'm appalled by some posts in this thread. If western cultures or feminism means that modern women are able to seek love and happiness then that is hardly a bad thing. Everyone deserves to find their 'perfect' partner and certainly I will never settle for someone sexist and bitter.

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Simple. When courting men focus on the process and looking good then getting to know the woman. That, plus the fact that women don't open up as fast as men or don't feel that it's their job to share who they are, thinking that it's the mans job to find out. This leads to the sad fact that alot of guys realize that they dipped into crazy way to late.

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