LSers who are happy in their relationships...does spending time on LS bring you down?

[kiss_andmakeup]

Ever since I began planning our wedding several months ago, I haven't spent much time on LS. It's a combination of factors - the biggest one being that I'm too busy between school, work, and planning (plus holidays and all the other stuff) to spend any significant amount of time online. I'm also feeling very stable and happy in my relationship so I haven't felt the need to seek advice. But one of the other larger factors is that I find I'm generally feeling more positive and optimistic about my relationship when I don't spend a lot of time hanging around here.

 

So to other LSers who are in happy, committed relationships...do you find that spending time on here is a bit corrosive to your emotional (and relationship) well-being? Don't get me wrong...this site has been an enormous support and resource for me over the years, particularly during tough break-ups. But I'm wondering if it's best to ween oneself off after things stabilize a bit. All the negativity and gender wars can be really distracting from the good things in real life.

 

I thought this might be an interesting topic for discussion, and I'm curious to get some responses. So what are your thoughts?

[somedude81]

Though I'm not in a relationship now.

 

When I was, I had pretty much stopped going to LS.

 

LS is I place I come to when I need support or want to vent.

 

Also like you, I was feeling stable and happy in my relationship and didn't feel the need to seek advice.

 

And then she suddenly dumped me. So maybe I should have continued to see advice? Live and learn.

[carhill]

Not in a relationship and quite happy with that and, no, LS doesn't 'bring me down'. It's a discussion forum with a bunch of anonymous posters whom I'll never know. I could die tomorrow and would simply disappear and it wouldn't matter at all. That's how things are on the internet.

 

Your real life wedding plans and relationships and how you feel in them IMO are the barometer on the wall worth paying attention to. Congratulations and I hope your wedding is a wonderful day and memory. I know mine was for me, even though the M wasn't forever. Good luck!

[xxoo]

I've only ever used LS to give advice, which I enjoy doing. It doesn't bring me down to read of other's struggles. There will always be people who need help from time to time, and others who struggle on a perpetual basis, but that doesn't reflect negatively on relationships as a whole to me at all.

 

If anything, it makes me appreciate my relationship more. And appreciation makes me a better partner.

[Philosoraptor]

I feel like leaving for a year or so helped me gain better perspective of myself and where I wanted to go from there. When I came back to the site I was already engaged and I've seen no detriment to my relationship or emotional well being.

 

I've actually seen it as a more positive experience since returning as I can focus on helping others and giving back to a place that helped me through a hard time a few years back.

 

Personally I've seen it as an issue for people who talk about their budding relationships. As for as many positive people here; there are more negative who offer only bitterness and judgement, rather than true well wishes. But even coming back after a year and being engaged I was hassled by a couple bitter people saying that my relationship was doomed to fail, blah blah blah. If you can ignore the bitter this place can really offer a lot of logical and positive advice. But it's not exactly the safest place for those who are still in an emotionally unstable state.

[d0nnivain]

It makes me grateful that I was spared some of this & am in a good relationship.

 

 

It does make me remember certain painful break ups because drawing on those experiences I think helps me to better empathize with other people's current struggles.

 

 

It does make me want to reach through the computer a shake some common sense into some folks once in a while.

[mammasita]

I don't find it detrimental. I do a lot of online reading and this is one of my frequent stops.

[Shepp]

I don't find that myself...but I'm a pretty upbeat guy.

 

Also, you hear about problems all the time everywhere, you don't need to come online for that, you just have to trust in your own relationship.

[GoodOnPaper]

It's two-sided. I'm drawn to threads that I think will help me gain some understanding of why I was a complete loser in the attraction game. The information is invaluable but makes me feel bad at the same time because it's too late to do anything about it now -- I'm trying to forgive myself retroactively. If I was single, I could actually do something about it.

 

One thing that is apparent on LS -- and something I find very disheartening -- is the rapidly increasing disconnect between physical attraction and relationship suitability, at least as to how guys are being judged.

[Woggle]

This place is beyond depressing sometimes but then again the state of male/female relationships in many ways is these days.

[truthbetold]

Great question and I see both sides of this.

 

LS and support boards in general to seem to be more of a gathering place for many unsettled and dissatisfied people.

 

I came here believing through faith that I could pay it forward so to speak by helping others find happiness (which does not exist relying on another person) which starts from within.

 

I relate to the poster who is here to give advice as that is what brought me here. I used to focus trying to help OW even though I'm not on either side of the OW/BS, I understand how self esteem and destructive choices leads to their pain and unhappiness I dated my share of toxic guys before I really understood that. I care about people and wish everyone to experience joy. Once you have that it's hard to contain and not want to share.

 

Since I'm happily married though, I notice that some will try to challenge that or bring it down. Questioning why one would be on forums such as these etc...Basically though creating straw man in order to discount the advice that is given.

 

So while my faith is stronger than the naysayers and being here doesn't affect me personally to bring me down, it can be a sad place nonetheless. So I think it's best in moderation.

 

Lately I am feeling moved in a different direction though. I enjoy having face to face interactions and being inspired and humbled to be an inspiration by the example of my life. I think "too much" LS isn't good if it prevents those real life experiences.

 

I see myself frequenting here less and less and perhaps in the not so distant future not at all because as mentioned there are times it can be a battleground. I don't have the time or inclination to argue with those that are polar opposite, but some feed on drama. I live by the golden rule.

 

So OP I wish you peace and blessing for the next chapter in your life, wherever that may take you.

[Woggle]

I spend even a few days away from here and my issues with women seem to go away. I read a few threads on here and then I am back in gender wars mode.

[dreamingoftigers]

I spend even a few days away from here and my issues with women seem to go away. I read a few threads on here and then I am back in gender wars mode.

 

It brings me down when things are good.

It distracts me when things are bad.

I like it when people actually do some of the right things/changes and heal.

 

But that's maybe 10% of people.

Some threads actually do piss me off a little.

There was one where a guy who had cheated was going to report his AP breaking NC to his spouse.

Then at the last moment he welched and blamed everyone on LS.

 

I wasn't pissed that he welched. I thought he probably would. I was pissed that I had just finished a long, snarky post and the thread got locked.

[William]

I was pissed that I had just finished a long, snarky post and the thread got locked.

 

So, the act of moderation saved a snarky post from being published and a member from being sanctioned. We do our part here to help members stay 'up' as best we can and I'll use that to springboard into reminding members that you can indeed share your feelings regarding LoveShack relevant to your relationships but the discussing of specific threads and/or specific members or groups of members is disallowed. Thanks in advance for your cooperation!

[somedude81]

I've only ever used LS to give advice, which I enjoy doing. It doesn't bring me down to read of other's struggles. There will always be people who need help from time to time, and others who struggle on a perpetual basis, but that doesn't reflect negatively on relationships as a whole to me at all.

 

If anything, it makes me appreciate my relationship more. And appreciation makes me a better partner.

 

And thank you for that advice xxoo. You've always been a frequent poster in my threads and I appreciate that.

[Speakingofwhich]

If I begin to notice a specific thread or type of thread bringing me down (has happened a few times) I quit frequenting it for awhile.

 

There seem to be many talented writers on LS and it's fun reading their styles of expression and following their posts!

 

Don't like it when a favorite poster disappears.

[mutualove]

I'm not in a relationship but I've considered quitting LS multiple times.Too many sad stories.It helps significantly at first but as time passes it has the opposite effect.But I'm still here since it does help maybe not like the first time but still...

[todreaminblue]

when i am in th ecompany of soemone i dont log on to the computer i spend time with them....ls doesnt get me down......the issues make me sad........but the site is necessary....sadness doesnt last forever....deb

[kiss_andmakeup]

If anything, it makes me appreciate my relationship more. And appreciation makes me a better partner.

 

You're right here - it certainly makes me realize how lucky I am to be in a happy and harmonious relationship! That's a good perspective to take.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Not in a relationship and quite happy with that and, no, LS doesn't 'bring me down'. It's a discussion forum with a bunch of anonymous posters whom I'll never know. I could die tomorrow and would simply disappear and it wouldn't matter at all. That's how things are on the internet.

 

Your real life wedding plans and relationships and how you feel in them IMO are the barometer on the wall worth paying attention to. Congratulations and I hope your wedding is a wonderful day and memory. I know mine was for me, even though the M wasn't forever. Good luck!

 

Carhill - I've always really valued your advice and wisdom. Thanks for the well wishes!

[kiss_andmakeup]

Though I'm not in a relationship now.

 

When I was, I had pretty much stopped going to LS.

 

LS is I place I come to when I need support or want to vent.

 

Also like you, I was feeling stable and happy in my relationship and didn't feel the need to seek advice.

 

And then she suddenly dumped me. So maybe I should have continued to see advice? Live and learn.

 

I went through a really rough break-up, too. You probably don't believe me that it could have been so bad, but it was. The man who is my fiancé now, broke up with me and broke my heart about a year ago. It was without a doubt the worst time I can remember in my life.

 

So I feel you. I hope that when you come out on the other side, you can recognize the progress you've made (and continue on that path). But I know the feeling well enough to know that nothing helps right now. It's just going to suck for a while.

 

You have my empathy, that's for sure. Keep your head up!

[OpheliaSong]

I find that I use my ignore button a lot for certain posters who show a pattern of being bitter, mean and judgmental of people here. I have an ignore list because of what you are talking about.

Congrats on your upcoming marriage. Just keep your eyes on that and don't let the pessimists bring you down. I am so happy for you. Finding someone special for you is a huge deal.

[Pyro]

Ever since I began planning our wedding several months ago, I haven't spent much time on LS. It's a combination of factors - the biggest one being that I'm too busy between school, work, and planning (plus holidays and all the other stuff) to spend any significant amount of time online. I'm also feeling very stable and happy in my relationship so I haven't felt the need to seek advice. But one of the other larger factors is that I find I'm generally feeling more positive and optimistic about my relationship when I don't spend a lot of time hanging around here.

 

So to other LSers who are in happy, committed relationships...do you find that spending time on here is a bit corrosive to your emotional (and relationship) well-being? Don't get me wrong...this site has been an enormous support and resource for me over the years, particularly during tough break-ups. But I'm wondering if it's best to ween oneself off after things stabilize a bit. All the negativity and gender wars can be really distracting from the good things in real life.

 

I thought this might be an interesting topic for discussion, and I'm curious to get some responses. So what are your thoughts?

 

This place has taught me that there really is a lot of misery out there but if you push past the negativity on here you see plenty of success stories. Helps me appreciate how lucky I am to be in my situation.

 

Congrats BTW on the engagement.

[Silly_Girl]

Agree with Pyro.

 

I'm in a good place relationship-wise, best I've ever been in. Some of the posts make me feel even more appreciative of that. Other times I read/see things that open my mind and make me aware of issues I might encounter, and I find it interesting and useful.

 

Nothing I read is really a trigger for me, so it can't have any negative connotations. If that were not the case then yes, I'd probably limit my time here/anywhere else that left me feeling negative.

[Pyro]

Agree with Pyro.

 

I'm in a good place relationship-wise, best I've ever been in. Some of the posts make me feel even more appreciative of that. Other times I read/see things that open my mind and make me aware of issues I might encounter, and I find it interesting and useful.

 

Nothing I read is really a trigger for me, so it can't have any negative connotations. If that were not the case then yes, I'd probably limit my time here/anywhere else that left me feeling negative.

 

I had that thought in mind but wasn't sure how to word it, so I left it alone. Good job.