LSers who are happy in their relationships...does spending time on LS bring you down?

[VeronicaRoss]

I've used LS as a way to remind myself of how good I have it now. It was a long journey to get here. It also helps me understand other's point of view.

 

There's nothing more important than love in all its forms. It's what makes life worth living. Relationship skills and understand people is very tough work too, especially if you didn't have good role models. So I do learn a lot here too.

[Grumpybutfun]

Ever since I began planning our wedding several months ago, I haven't spent much time on LS. It's a combination of factors - the biggest one being that I'm too busy between school, work, and planning (plus holidays and all the other stuff) to spend any significant amount of time online. I'm also feeling very stable and happy in my relationship so I haven't felt the need to seek advice. But one of the other larger factors is that I find I'm generally feeling more positive and optimistic about my relationship when I don't spend a lot of time hanging around here.

 

So to other LSers who are in happy, committed relationships...do you find that spending time on here is a bit corrosive to your emotional (and relationship) well-being? Don't get me wrong...this site has been an enormous support and resource for me over the years, particularly during tough break-ups. But I'm wondering if it's best to ween oneself off after things stabilize a bit. All the negativity and gender wars can be really distracting from the good things in real life.

 

I thought this might be an interesting topic for discussion, and I'm curious to get some responses. So what are your thoughts?

 

I originally came to LS after looking up spirituality but I stayed because some of the threads make me think differently or makes me appreciate my lovely wife. I also feel like there is a lack of actual married happy people here and so the threads would be skewed if happily marrieds didn't post. Just hearing the negative would be depressing and hurt peoples spirit IMO.

If you are starting out your married life and you feel it is impacting your relationship, take a break. Having doubts or insecurities due to others experiences here is not going to be a a positive thing for a fledgling marriage. If you need support or help with some marital issues drop back in.

Congratulations,

Grumps

[Arieswoman]

I wish LS had been around when I was single and dating - there is a lot of sound common sense being voiced here !

[fujidabruin]

OP, thank you for posting this thread.

 

I believe that it is important to find a balance in my life. Whether it has been with a SO or single, I have tried to accept the bad with the good and good with bad. IMO, you take away from this site what is important to you in each particular time and place. I experience the whole range of emotions here but, it does not make me feel negative about my relationship.

 

Being on LS has given me different perspectives from people of all ages from many different life paths. I hope I will never take for granted my current relationship or the opportunity to share, learn, and empower each other on LS. I am very grateful that a community such as this exists.....

 

Congratulations & Good Luck to you kiss_andmakeup

[KathyM]

No, it doesn't bring me down. It's actually been educational.

[gaius]

I thought I saw you on the news the other day kiss. One of the pictures they were using of the girl at the mall skate shop shooting looked a lot like one of your old avs. But I remembered you were older than her.

 

To answer the question, I don't shy away from ls when things are going good. I don't understand how someone could allow the state of someone else's relationship who they don't even know to affect the mindset they have about their own. And most of the gender war nonsense is all about attention seeking. Say something negative about women here and you suddenly have a dozen women angrily replying to you. They fall for it everytime. I don't take it seriously.

[Els]

It depends on how much time I spend and how seriously I take things I read. I think I've developed a 'huge grain of salt' mentality with regards to LS - but during the earlier years, when I was more impressionable, sometimes things that I read here did stay with me and bug me a bit.

 

For now, I mostly just use this site to give advice and catch up with people I've known for a while, so it functions like any other online forum in that regard. On the rare occasion that I do venture into an emotionally-corrosive thread, I mostly feel grateful, like xxoo, for the man I have in my life.

 

OP, if you feel LS is hurting your emotional well-being, it was definitely a good idea to spend less time here.

[Leigh 87]

I come on here even though I have finally met the first guy who seems to be genuinely crazy about me.

 

I come on here because I enjoy giving back to a community, albeit an online one, that has helped me so much through my last toxic relationship.

 

I didn't listen to people's wise advice at the time, but I came to realize that you were all right about my ex

 

The happier I am with my current boyfriend, the more compelled I am to come here and try to stop others from going through the same thing I did.

 

It also feels great to offer support to people who are heart broken. It's awful to read about it, but I know that simple messages from folks on here can really make a difference.

 

 

 

My boyfriend doesn't like me coming on here so I always tell him about the discussions I participate in so that he knows I'm not getting any funny ideas about him!

[Els]

 

My boyfriend doesn't like me coming on here

 

Why so, Leigh?

 

My guy mostly just finds it amusing.

[Leigh 87]

Why so, Leigh?

 

My guy mostly just finds it amusing.

 

 

 

Oh. Well my bf finds some threads highly entertaining ( the: " I gave a guy a blow job and then he didn't return the favor and I haven't heard from him since DOES HE LIKE ME? type threads...)

 

He says he is scared I will read something that will convinve me that he isn't crazy about about me. He knows after my ex and slew of jerks, that I now have a much higher standard that I require from men.

 

He doesn't want me to find fault with out relationship. So, I now tell him about the things a read about and he's mind is put more at ease, as he knows I mostly come here to support others.

[pickflicker]

Nah. This place is just a bit of fun for me.

[Els]

Ah, fair enough, Leigh. I'm happy for you that you've found a compatible guy!

 

Also - congrats on the wedding, OP! Silly me forgot to mention it earlier. May you two have many more happy years together.

[Emilia]

It was encountering a personality disorder in someone that brought me to LS as at that time it was a traumatic experience I couldn't make sense of since I had never heard of such a thing. I have been reading the threads here on/off since 2007 but spent years not posting. It doesn't bring me down regardless of my relationship status. It used to in the beginning because so many perspectives were alien to me but now I rationally understand most, where they come from, why people think, feel and behave in a certain way so their posts don't affect me. I also avoid certain forums.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Yeah, it used to for me, when I was in a happy relationship.

 

The entire community of course is focused on love and relationships, so everything seems way blown out of proportion. It encourages comparing your relationship to everybody else's, whether favourably or unfavourably. My ex dumped me after five months in the end but even by the fourth month I was drawn to the threads about moving in together and daydreaming about that and feeling sad we weren't the type of couple that moved in together a few weeks in, despite the fact that I did that once before!

 

As a general rule I think I will try and stay away mostly if/when I'm happy with somebody. Sometimes stuff isn't broke and too much introspection can damage it.

 

On the other hand, while single, well I've learnt a lot from this site. About the range of possible motivations behind people's actions. I wasn't a particularly naive person but just stupid little things like never realising that most guys who invite you to theirs for a first date just want to get laid, that never really occurred to me before. I actually have higher standards now thanks to reading about the kind of crap a lot of people will put up with.

[Els]

It encourages comparing your relationship to everybody else's, whether favourably or unfavourably.

 

As a general rule I think I will try and stay away mostly if/when I'm happy with somebody. Sometimes stuff isn't broke and too much introspection can damage it.

 

Please don't take this the wrong way, as I think everyone should do the best thing for themselves and LS really isn't a big thing to give up.

 

But... perhaps it might be possible to read and talk about Rs without comparing them to your own, or automatically connecting what you read here to what you know is real IRL?

 

There are times when introspection is useful IMO, and times when it is unnecessary or pointless. When I read good advice by posters whom I know to be generally impartial, kind, and sensible, I introspect accordingly. When I read misogynistic or misandrist drivel in yet another gender war thread, I don't connect it to real life, because it isn't.

 

The same goes to other sources outside LS - tabloids, articles, things people say, etc.

 

Do you think that might help?

[acrosstheuniverse]

Please don't take this the wrong way, as I think everyone should do the best thing for themselves and LS really isn't a big thing to give up.

 

But... perhaps it might be possible to read and talk about Rs without comparing them to your own, or automatically connecting what you read here to what you know is real IRL?

 

There are times when introspection is useful IMO, and times when it is unnecessary or pointless. When I read good advice by posters whom I know to be generally impartial, kind, and sensible, I introspect accordingly. When I read misogynistic or misandrist drivel in yet another gender war thread, I don't connect it to real life, because it isn't.

 

The same goes to other sources outside LS - tabloids, articles, things people say, etc.

 

Do you think that might help?

 

I don't think so, I already know logically that everyone's circumstances are different, I think for me it's just natural when reading so much about other relationships to be thinking about my own at the same time. I'm sure others can separate, and I do to an extent, but as you say it's not such a huge thing to give up, so when I'm happy with somebody I will probably not check back as much, and just focus on enjoying what I have.

[Emilia]

I don't think so, I already know logically that everyone's circumstances are different, I think for me it's just natural when reading so much about other relationships to be thinking about my own at the same time. I'm sure others can separate, and I do to an extent, but as you say it's not such a huge thing to give up, so when I'm happy with somebody I will probably not check back as much, and just focus on enjoying what I have.

Agree! One disadvantage I've noticed over the years is over-analysing relationships expecting the other person to communicate and behave like a seasoned LS poster would do. Understanding my perspective without much explanation. Figure out how hormones affect behaviour, etc. Most people aren't conscious enough and self-aware enough, you forget that ordinary folk don't analyse stuff like we do. It's not because they don't care, they just don't know how to.

[Pyro]

Agree! One disadvantage I've noticed over the years is over-analysing relationships expecting the other person to communicate and behave like a seasoned LS poster would do. Understanding my perspective without much explanation. Figure out how hormones affect behaviour, etc. Most people aren't conscious enough and self-aware enough, you forget that ordinary folk don't analyse stuff like we do. It's not because they don't care, they just don't know how to.

 

Solution: marry a seasoned LS poster

 

Arguments are at a bare minimum and I'd say that things are smooth sailing.

[Els]

Solution: marry a seasoned LS poster

 

Now if only we all knew someone who's done that....

[Emilia]

Solution: marry a seasoned LS poster

 

Arguments are at a bare minimum and I'd say that things are smooth sailing.

hahahaha if it was that simple!!!!!!!!!!!

[Pyro]

Now if only we all knew someone who's done that....

 

Soon to be another couple

 

hahahaha if it was that simple!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I could make some calls

[OpheliaSong]

Ah, so there has been love matches on the love shack? Cool.

[William]

Any established member can discuss 'love matches' on LoveShack via private messaging and we encourage that. Again, and for the last time, discussions regarding other members are not topical to this thread. Thanks!

[cocorico]

Ever since I began planning our wedding several months ago, I haven't spent much time on LS. It's a combination of factors - the biggest one being that I'm too busy between school, work, and planning (plus holidays and all the other stuff) to spend any significant amount of time online. I'm also feeling very stable and happy in my relationship so I haven't felt the need to seek advice. But one of the other larger factors is that I find I'm generally feeling more positive and optimistic about my relationship when I don't spend a lot of time hanging around here.

 

So to other LSers who are in happy, committed relationships...do you find that spending time on here is a bit corrosive to your emotional (and relationship) well-being? Don't get me wrong...this site has been an enormous support and resource for me over the years, particularly during tough break-ups. But I'm wondering if it's best to ween oneself off after things stabilize a bit. All the negativity and gender wars can be really distracting from the good things in real life.

 

I thought this might be an interesting topic for discussion, and I'm curious to get some responses. So what are your thoughts?

 

It does make me feel a little sad, sometimes. So many unhappy people, so much resentment toward others who are happy. But it assorted Edmonds me how lucky I am, to be with someone who is not like that, who does not always seek the negative side of everything, who enjoys life and lives it to the full.

[TheGuard13]

Honestly, all the overreactions and drama on here helps me put things in perspective sometimes.