Self-Centered Bratty Sister- Apparently it's not a phase

[ThatOneCanadian]

Hi, so I'm actually kind of new to this site (this being my first post) and I'm looking for any sort of guidance, opinions, etc. since I can't seem to figure out how to deal with this on my own.

 

(Just a disclaimer, but be prepared for ranting, stupid arguments, a really long post, and general stupidity (by me mostly))

 

So to start off, what is 'this'? Well, it's my younger sister (by 18 months), and her growing negative attitude. By negative attitude I mean being very self-centered, rude, immature, hypocritical (extremely), very materialistic and being a prick in general. Not only has it become increasingly hard for me to deal with, but my parents are all but fed up with her attitude.

 

She takes for granted everything my parents (and sometimes my brother and I) do for her and is very ungrateful. For instance, instead of thanking my mom for driving her to school because she slept in and missed her bus, my sister completely ignores her existence. Now my mother isn't one to take that so she usually replies with a very snarky 'your welcome' or blackly mutters under her breath about what a bitch she's being (which is very uncomfortable to hear for me). My Dad is a lot more chill and laidback so he doesn't react with so much aggression/hostility but you can tell he doesn't approve.

 

She pretty much ignores my existence most of the time, unless I happen to be in her way or she needs something from me. She'd treat me like a servant, expecting me to do something for her because she 'can't' (she ordered me to make mac and cheese once. I mean seriously? you can't cook noodles?) which I refuse unless she asks nicely (she never does), or judge and make condescending comments towards me (whether it's about the way I dress or act, there's always something about me that's wrong).

 

One example of our daily problems, although it may seem childish and stupid, is that every night we have a set time to go to sleep (we share a room you see), which means turning off the lights, putting the phone away, and other electronic equipment. This is mostly because I get up early (5 o clock) so I can get a drive with my mother to school (I always miss my stop with the public bus and school buses don't come anywhere near my house). Although she knows this, whenever she believes it suits her she'll take out her phone, lighting up the whole room, and tap away at her phone till 2 in the morning. If I ask her to stop (seeing as I need to get up early) she basically throws a fit, complaining loudly, shouting almost, telling me that 'It's my room too! You can't do whatever you want, it's not fair to me!' (like I said, she's kind of a hypocrite), and anything I answer with is always rebutted with 'I don't care!'. Which in turn wakes my parents (who also need to wake up early), causing them to come into our room and shout at us.

 

Like I said, pretty silly argument right? It's just that that (among her other pleasantries), really ticks me off. I can't get into an argument with her without my parents getting mad, but if I don't then I'm just giving her what she wants. Whether it's playing piano loudly when I need to study, not eating her favourite foods (which she doesn't buy), or even being in the same space as her (I'm not joking, if I happen to be standing beside her she'll purposefully move as far away from me as possible and make rude faces/ and or tell me to go away. But when you happen to be in an elevator or a line it's kind of hard). I'm not perfect though, I do admit that sometimes I start an argument to, well, I guess to get back at her. I can't vent to my mom (it only makes her angry and rant about my sister more), I don't want to dump my issues on my brother, and my Dad never gives me a straight answer (I can't just 'fix it' or 'stop arguing', it's not that simple nor easy).

 

Alright, so I've been taking this for the past 5 something years, and although I still don't know what to do I've survived (somehow). I can deal with this (although I feel I'm at the end of my rope, It's getting too hard). But when she turns on my little brother (he's turning 14 this year ) I can't stand it. It's never when I'm around, only when me and my brother are alone will he tell me about how rude and mean my sister is towards him. He doesn't do anything. Seriously! He's my best friend/brother and is a gentlemen, helpful, grateful, and a very smart kid (he does have his moments, but nobody's perfect). There's is no reason what so ever for her to attack him, and even my brother now seems to be growing to resent her. He's still his general nice self, but he gets a very flat tone around her sometimes. Nothing too serious I suppose, but he still doesn't deserve that treatment.

 

The thing is, even though she treats me and my family horribly I still love her and it hurts that she seems to hate me so much. Even though I say I don't care what she thinks about me, I really do. I respect her opinion, and take it to heart (even though I know I shouldn't). I'm not even sure what I'm doing to make her dislike me so much, whenever I ask she always responds with 'You know what you're doing!', and when I say I don't she just rolls her eyes and stomps off.

 

I would love to help her if she was going through something, talk to her about her day, hang out, anything that isn't the cold shoulder and the piercing comments.

 

And it's extremely uncomfortable to hear my mom rant and say negative things about my sister, or even see her so upset because of what my sister has said (my mother is a very strong person and seeing her cry is, well, painful) I don't want her to be so upset but I don't know what to do.

 

So I guess what I'm asking is, what can I do? Is there a better way to deal with this? Should I act a certain way or start doing something to improve our relationship(that won't indulge her ego or feeling of self-entitlement)? What are some reasons as to why she doesn't like me?(I don't expect anyone to really know, but just based on your own experience with someone close to you)

 

Oh, just so you're all aware of my living conditions and my family life (since it can affect how these things come about), I just turned 16 and live in a small suburban house. My family is fairly comfortable economically, although my parents work late hours. My parents always try their best to allow us to do the things that we truly enjoy (soccer for my sister, fencing for me, nothing for my brother as of yet although he has a plethora of video games). Me and my sister go to different high school's, with my brother still in elementary (he's joining me next year).

 

Sorry that there's so much, this is the first time I've actually opened up and told anyone this. I'm really looking forward to any feedback, and if you need any extra information (that I'm comfortable giving) I will answer to the best of my ability.

 

And if you've read all this and haven't become bored with my problems I applaud you.

 

Patiently waiting,

ThatOneCanadian

[mrs rubble]

My son's have always fought like cat and dog (they're now 15 and 20)

Recently they are getting along really well, because they've found an army training exercise programme online that they're both following and doing together. They naturally push each others buttons...so why not put it to good use, egging each other on in pursuit of fitness! Maybe you and your sister could try something similar?

[ThatOneCanadian]

I actually tried that once, my sister does a lot of running/training since she's in competitive soccer (she happens to be an excellent goalie) and well, I assumed that doing that sort of thing with someone else would be fun and she'd enjoy the company, but she kind of left me in the dust. I know I'm not up to par, especially with her level of fitness, but she completely ignored me as usual. (I'm going to try again when summer rolls around though , maybe get my mom into it too )

 

But she really really doesn't seem to like me at all. I mean it was different when we were little and we argued (as most little siblings do) and I knew it was nothing really serious, but now there's seems to be a real dislike and apathy in her comments towards me. She truly seems to want nothing to do with my existence and I don't understand it.

 

That's great that your sons are getting along better though Hopefully me and my sister can get to that point too

 

And thanks for reading (and answering) my super long post, I really appreciate it

[GH3]

Slap her pleeeaaase! Just kidding, but depending on how early her attitude started you're parents should've put an end to it early on. You need to be stern with her trust me, speak out! Next time she pulls some of that childish B.S. by walking away, saying something mean, or rolling her eyes stop her and don't yell, but just sternly make your point that you don't appreciate that. Tell her what she's doing wrong and how that affects everyone in the family. Tough love! Sometimes it's the only way to get through the most stubborn of people.

 

 

Wish you well!

[HokeyReligions]

So shes around 14? Sounds like typical behavior for a lot of kids that age. Ignore her and lead by example. If you love her let her know. If you'll have her back let her know but be clear that you wont be her doormat.

 

If you really cant stand her ignore her. Don't include her in your life as much as you can and when you move out on your own cut her out of your life. I did that with my sister around 35 years ago and haven't looked back. She left me alone too until she sent me a card this past Christmas. I didn't respond to her. She's almost 70 now so hopefully she won't try to contact me again.

 

But if you want a relationship with your sister you'll just have to bear with her growing pains. Just like she has to bear with yours.

[ThatOneCanadian]

Ah sorry for the late post! Life's been a little...busy lately, I guess you could say. And I think I'll follow your advice GH3 and HockeyReligions, though it may be a little hard since my personality is not exactly 'assertive', but I'll try

 

And I don't think I could stand to cut her out of my life, even though she seems to hate my guts, she's still my sister and I love her. Pretty foolish with how she treats me I suppose, but I want to stay with her even if she doesn't want me. Mah, familial relationships can be so difficult sometimes ne? But thanks again you guys! Your responses have really helped me a lot

[Msrxchef]

I don't believe you have to mend things, but if you want to try and believe you can do it, do it. Especially relationships because sometimes you'll do you best mending things only to harm others or yourself in the end. Think if its worth it and know what you're getting yourself into. I commend you for trying to change for the better for both of you and your sister but remember relationships MUST work both ways. Or else it's not a relationship.