Any success stories?

[Drey4211]

I haven't pushed on her but I want her. We dated for 1.5 years. She said she's not in love with me anymore. It's done I know it is but has anyone experienced getting back together. I want her to be happy most of all and it's killing me that I didn't show her love like she showed me. I never cheated and always respected her but I think my personality made everything dull for her. I'm working on it and I quit smoking so I'm more alive and open with myself. Let me know if you've known anyone to get back together after a complete separation. I love her but I know what it is already and I can only hope.

 

If I should fight for her id like to know how. Texting and calling won't help I know that.

Edited January 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xUnknown]

You don't fight for her. She has to realize these things on her own. You may think, well how will she know if I don't talk to her and let her know....as did I, and as do most people. But, if you do, it will come off as begging and that is a trait you do not want to be associated with. It's a huge turn off and will only push her further from you (my ex said she was pissed I didn't chase after her when she broke up with me, but, later said that if I did it would have pushed her further away and she had to realize it on her own).

 

Don't talk to her friends. It will get back to her, which is something you don't want. You have to move forward...there is no "fighting for her" when she broke up with you...it should be the other way around when she realizes what she passed up. If she wants to be with you, she has to be the one to come back.

 

Search for my thread. My ex and I aren't back together, but we started dating again (just had our "first date" on Saturday). Its a start. We'll see how things go. Right now its all on me, the ball is in my court. She broke up then cam back begging, I laid down the rules and how its going to be. I still don't know if I want to be back with her for good, that's what the dating is for.

Edited January 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[jphcbpa]

I'm working on it and I quit smoking so I'm more alive and open with myself.

If I should fight for her id like to know how. Texting and calling won't help I know that.

 

keep fighting for yourself

[xUnknown]

My success story thus far is this.

 

I was able to heal myself where I wasn't thinking about her all the time. I didn't want her back. I still don't - unless she's proven that she can change. You'll start to realize that the breakup happened for a reason, its never ALL one person or the other and you have to take responsibility for yourself. It takes time to heal. You'll get there.

[Never Again]

Both of my roommates had their girlfriends break up with them, and both got them back.

 

One was dumped because he flirted with other girls and often didn't tell his girlfriend where he was. She felt that he had secrets and that she couldn't trust him. That's a mood killer if there ever was one. She dumped him when she went overseas for school, and when she returned 6 months later they hashed it out and rekindled.

 

One was dumped for constantly criticizing his girlfriend. Pushed down her self-esteem. They share a birthday and she dumped him on it. A few weeks later, they got together to see if they could be civil...and she called him the next day to "restart".

 

I've had to let my situation go. Seeing their success just set me back.

[FortunateSon]

My ex broke up with me after 3.5 years. I tried everything to get her back and eventually did 8 months later. We were mostly LC, with about 1.5 months of actual NC during our time apart. We never really spent enough time a part to solve our issues and split up again a year and a half later, 6 months after we became engaged. I am not a huge believer in reconciliations anymore, something tells me for reconciliation to be successful it needs to be immediately after or conversely, much farther down the line when both people have taken the time to fully heal and grow. Just my 2 cents.

[jphcbpa]

My ex broke up with me after 3.5 years. I tried everything to get her back and eventually did 8 months later. We were mostly LC, with about 1.5 months of actual NC during our time apart. We never really spent enough time a part to solve our issues and split up again a year and a half later, 6 months after we became engaged. I am not a huge believer in reconciliations anymore, something tells me for reconciliation to be successful it needs to be immediately after or conversely, much farther down the line when both people have taken the time to fully heal and grow. Just my 2 cents.

 

if it happens too fast then no one has changed.

 

it probably works best if both parties go NC, grow on their own and then come back. either way you will be okay down the line because you did the work for yourself, not to get someone back.

[FortunateSon]

if it happens too fast then no one has changed.

 

it probably works best if both parties go NC, grow on their own and then come back. either way you will be okay down the line because you did the work for yourself, not to get someone back.

 

This is absolutely true in my experience!!

[FortunateSon]

My ex broke up with me after 3.5 years. I tried everything to get her back and eventually did 8 months later. We were mostly LC, with about 1.5 months of actual NC during our time apart. We never really spent enough time a part to solve our issues and split up again a year and a half later, 6 months after we became engaged. I am not a huge believer in reconciliations anymore, something tells me for reconciliation to be successful it needs to be immediately after or conversely, much farther down the line when both people have taken the time to fully heal and grow. Just my 2 cents.

Just to clarify, we are not engaged, we split 6 months after becoming engaged. Sorry if there was any confusion!

[Drey4211]

I had a bad day today. I expect more but I say bring them on! I honestly feel better. I'm young and I have a lot to learn. I think everyone has a story. She was the best part of mine. The NC rule is bull**** in my opinion. The only reason I haven't contacted her is because it may make her sad and I can't have that.

[Drey4211]

Also, I don't plan on deleting her from my social networks and I don't plan on teaching myself to hate her or to forget about her. I'm going to use these things to make myself stronger. After all, she made me better. How can I hate her or forget her?

[notthathard]

The 'not in love with you anymore' line I personally think is the hardest line you can get from your SO. It really tells you nothing other than the feelings have gone.

There are usually reasons why they have fallen out of love, but they persist not to tell you. If you ask they will normally push you away more.

 

I know you don't like NC but I think after a breakup its the best thing to do for the first 3-8 weeks. This is when the dumper will miss you most. She needs to see what her life is like without you in it.

 

This is a good time to work on yourself, go hard!

[organizedchaos]

Also, I don't plan on deleting her from my social networks and I don't plan on teaching myself to hate her or to forget about her. I'm going to use these things to make myself stronger. After all, she made me better. How can I hate her or forget her?

 

Good luck with that.

[xUnknown]

Originally Posted by Drey4211 View Post

Also, I don't plan on deleting her from my social networks and I don't plan on teaching myself to hate her or to forget about her. I'm going to use these things to make myself stronger. After all, she made me better. How can I hate her or forget her?

Good luck with that.

 

I did this, to some extent. I hid her from showing up in my news feed. I also blocked her from what others would post on my timeline. I never unfriended, and never blocked her. I had the self control not to look at her page for about 4 months. I liked knowing that I could, but chose not to. It was that sort of, I know I could, but I choose not to, type of motivation that helped me.

 

It was tough in the beginning though. I had to quit facebook for about 3.5 weeks in order to break the habit of checking her page.

[Drey4211]

I don't know what everyone else's situation was or is, but I would like her to be with me. More importantly though, I love her. I care about her and I would rather have her be happy than try to convince her to come back and make me happy. At first, sure, I was a wreck and wanted her back. But how much of that desire was selfish and beneficial only to me? I never showed her what she meant to me. Not like I should have. It's a good time to start wouldn't you say?

 

No contact is not because I want to get over her. I'm a loyal guy I can't force myself to forget her. I don't want to contact her because she's not in love with me anymore and I don't want to bring up feelings that may make her uncomfortable. I'm in love with her I can't hurt her like that.

 

I was considering sending her a gift card to her favorite reataurant. This way if she doesn't have a valentine this year she can treat herself and a friend to a nice dinner, on me. If she does have a valentine she can use it with him I don't care.

I feel confident enough to say "I am a better person and I can go and start again" that's no problem. My problem is that Id rather start again with her. First date, second date, and the whole 9 yards. I'm just not sure how to tell her this without talking to her.

[Never Again]

I don't know what everyone else's situation was or is, but I would like her to be with me. More importantly though, I love her. I care about her and I would rather have her be happy than try to convince her to come back and make me happy.

 

I think most people, at least at first, fall into the bolded category.

 

After awhile, as long as we haven't grown to hate the dumper, we transition into the unbolded.

 

I never showed her what she meant to me. Not like I should have. It's a good time to start wouldn't you say?

 

No contact is not because I want to get over her. I'm a loyal guy I can't force myself to forget her. I don't want to contact her because she's not in love with me anymore and I don't want to bring up feelings that may make her uncomfortable. I'm in love with her I can't hurt her like that.

 

No, it's not a good time.

 

She's gone. Yes, leaving her alone because you care is great and all, but you need to be going NC to heal AND, yes, getting over her.

 

No one said you needed to forget her, but you need to let go of all attachments.

 

I was considering sending her a gift card to her favorite reataurant.

 

Don't do that.

 

It doesn't matter what you think your intentions are. She'll perceive that act as needy, pathetic, and doormatish.

 

It won't be seen as an "olive branch", it'll be seen as "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I'LL EVEN PAY FOR YOU TO GO ON A DATE WITH SOMEONE ELSE!"

 

My problem is that Id rather start again with her. First date, second date, and the whole 9 yards. I'm just not sure how to tell her this without talking to her.

 

I feel you there. I wanted the same thing with my ex who "fell out of love" with me.

 

Here's the thing, and notthathard mentioned it, there are reasons it happened...but she never told you. She chose not to communicate when she had the opportunity, and instead decided to sit on her problems until she lost interest. What does that mean? It means that, whether she wants to admit to it or not, she CHOSE to stop loving you.

 

She chose to fall out of love with you.

 

Had she said something, done something, she could've stopped it.

 

I wish I had something more uplifting to say, but it's been 7 months since my BU and I was very much like you at first. I got the chance to tell my ex I wanted to start fresh with her, and I got the "I WANT that, but I just don't feel it right now".

 

Hearing that hurt worse than the breakup.

 

I didn't cut her off entirely either. We had friendly text conversations for the first month (3 of them, all initiated by her), and they only made me feel like sh*t and made her feel weird.

 

Make this about YOU. You don't need to forget about her forever, but you need to forget about doing what's best for her right now. You need to get over this entirely before ANYTHING can happen.

[Afailure]

I don't know what everyone else's situation was or is, but I would like her to be with me. More importantly though, I love her. I care about her and I would rather have her be happy than try to convince her to come back and make me happy. At first, sure, I was a wreck and wanted her back. But how much of that desire was selfish and beneficial only to me? I never showed her what she meant to me. Not like I should have. It's a good time to start wouldn't you say?

 

No contact is not because I want to get over her. I'm a loyal guy I can't force myself to forget her. I don't want to contact her because she's not in love with me anymore and I don't want to bring up feelings that may make her uncomfortable. I'm in love with her I can't hurt her like that.

 

I was considering sending her a gift card to her favorite reataurant. This way if she doesn't have a valentine this year she can treat herself and a friend to a nice dinner, on me. If she does have a valentine she can use it with him I don't care.

I feel confident enough to say "I am a better person and I can go and start again" that's no problem. My problem is that Id rather start again with her. First date, second date, and the whole 9 yards. I'm just not sure how to tell her this without talking to her.

 

I too have lost the girl i wanted to spend the rest of my life with,the relationship only lasted 2 months and 2 weeks,she was my first girlfriend and it looks she will be the last.It ended 9 months ago.

 

I pushed her away because of my trust issues,didn't respect her words,arguments started by me,took her for granted and tried to rush things,but never insulted,hit or cheat on her.I was so afraid of her leaving me i ended up doing things to make her leave me.

 

I know how you feel,i tried 3 times to make her forgive me.I apologized,told her i still love her,that i realize what went wrong but to no success.

My last attempt was 2 page letter in which i poured my heart out but obviously it did not work.

 

The only thing i can tell you is what i have learned and what you will find on this site,if she wanted the break up,she has to be the one to want to reconcile.

 

It doesn't matter how many tears you shed,no matter how hard you hit the walls in anger and regret,she is the only who can start again.

 

I still love her,always will.But i will leave her alone,i did all i could to show her i truly cared so basically the ball was in her court and i got my final answer.

 

Everyone here says that if your girlfriend or boyfriend broke up with you to leave them alone.It's true but i also believe that if you didn't know how to behave during the relationship or did things to hurt them i believe an apology is in order,other than that there is nothing you can do.

[jphcbpa]

The only thing i can tell you is what i have learned and what you will find on this site,if she wanted the break up,she has to be the one to want to reconcile.

 

Yep...she broke it...she must be the one to fix it. You have not control and are completely powerless over what she does or does not do. You only have control over you and your actions.

[Drey4211]

I hear you guys. Thank you. She did choose to fall out of it with me. I was forced to undertand why on my own. I feel like i came to the wrong site to ask about success stories. That's ok. I'm not sure what will happen even if she reaches out to me. We both have to work on our communication skills. I think I'm a step a head of her and that's a good thing. I told her how I feel last week after 1.5 weeks of no talking. Haven't heard anything back but I wasn't expecting to. At least I finally quit smoking because of a girl. Crazy part was that I did it after we were over! I guess I won in that aspect.

[xUnknown]

I hear you guys. Thank you. She did choose to fall out of it with me. I was forced to undertand why on my own. I feel like i came to the wrong site to ask about success stories. That's ok. I'm not sure what will happen even if she reaches out to me. We both have to work on our communication skills. I think I'm a step a head of her and that's a good thing. I told her how I feel last week after 1.5 weeks of no talking. Haven't heard anything back but I wasn't expecting to. At least I finally quit smoking because of a girl. Crazy part was that I did it after we were over! I guess I won in that aspect.

 

pfenixfire is right on every point in the post above.

 

Glad you quit smoking, that in itself is a huge feat and something to be proud about!

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't know what everyone else's situation was or is, but I would like her to be with me. More importantly though, I love her. I care about her and I would rather have her be happy than try to convince her to come back and make me happy. At first, sure, I was a wreck and wanted her back. But how much of that desire was selfish and beneficial only to me? I never showed her what she meant to me. Not like I should have. It's a good time to start wouldn't you say?

 

No, I would not say this. I wouldn't say anything close to this. That's something you do during the relationship. After it's over it's too late. She checked out and anything you say right now to this effect will be looked at as disingenuous, a con, a hustle. You work on a relationship in a relationship, not after it's broken.

 

I was considering sending her a gift card to her favorite reataurant. This way if she doesn't have a valentine this year she can treat herself and a friend to a nice dinner, on me. If she does have a valentine she can use it with him I don't care.

 

Pfenixphire already covered why this is a crappy idea, so I won't expound except to say that I agree with him.

 

I feel confident enough to say "I am a better person and I can go and start again" that's no problem. My problem is that Id rather start again with her. First date, second date, and the whole 9 yards. I'm just not sure how to tell her this without talking to her.

 

You can't, certainly not any time within the next few months. Maybe after several months/a year you could initiate a conversation, but only after you've healed entirely and you are completely indifferent to what went down before. But even with that said, it's better left to her. It's up to her to open the door and reinitiate contact and let you know she's up for something like that. You have no control over her -- only thing you can control is yourself.

[erklat]

Drey you'll find yourself in a world of pain if you keep pursuing that mindset.

 

Take her off the damn pedestal, dude!

 

This is probably the unique case where every individual refuses to hear others and needs to experience this on his own skin.

[Drey4211]

To clarify, I what I meant by a good time to start was that now is a good time to make her happy. In my case that means respecting her decision. I'm aware that it needed to be done during the relationship. I treated her well but never went above and beyond. I got comfortable. I did that a lot with a lot of things.

 

This was a big kick in the face. I want her to be happy so I'm doing whatever I can to make sure history doesn't repeat itself. She was the best part of my story I will do anything to make her smile. That means letting go so that's what I'm doing. She made me a better man.

[Drey4211]

Drey you'll find yourself in a world of pain if you keep pursuing that mindset.

 

Take her off the damn pedestal, dude!

 

This is probably the unique case where every individual refuses to hear others and needs to experience this on his own skin.

 

I'm alright. Like I said it was communication that made us split. Or maybe another dude who knows! She's not on a pedestal she's just someone that made a big impact on how I look at things moving forward.

[Drey4211]

As much as Id like to go back to the way things were in the start, the past is the past. I guarantee we both need to clear our heads and if its ever going to work, we will both have to be free of the struggles we went through this time around. I hope we both find what were looking for.

Edited January 31, 2014 by Drey4211