notthathard Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 You're going in the right direction mate. I felt similar at the start of my breakup where I got the same line from my girl. It didn't take long for me to realise that i no longer wanted someone in my life who wasn't willing to work through the relationship problems we had. Even if she had have worked through the problems at the time, there would have been future problems where again she was willing to give up. Some people have view on how a relationships should work out and when it doesn't they are just not willing to communicate their problems, but rather walk/run away from them. Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 You're going in the right direction mate. I felt similar at the start of my breakup where I got the same line from my girl. It didn't take long for me to realise that i no longer wanted someone in my life who wasn't willing to work through the relationship problems we had. Even if she had have worked through the problems at the time, there would have been future problems where again she was willing to give up. Some people have view on how a relationships should work out and when it doesn't they are just not willing to communicate their problems, but rather walk/run away from them. Yep, and I'm convinced these people are doomed for a life of one failed relationship after another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Drey4211 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) Yep, and I'm convinced these people are doomed for a life of one failed relationship after another. No. I don't want that to happen to her. We've never met each other's exes and I know that I'm speaking only from personal experience, but it would make me even more upset if she doesn't find happiness. I know she broke my heart and I know I let her go but come on. If we really care about them, why would we accept the possibility that they will fail? We're all here for one reason. We have a story. This is a stepping stone for people. If she found another stepping stone I accept it and I want her to use it. I am a second away from going back to meeting people again. There are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. I know I can be just as happy with someone else and now that I've thought it through, I know what to do to make it last because of her. I wish her the best. Edited January 31, 2014 by Drey4211 Link to post Share on other sites
d0cholliday Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 No. I don't want that to happen to her. We've never met each other's exes and I know that I'm speaking only from personal experience, but it would make me even more upset if she doesn't find happiness. I know she broke my heart and I know I let her go but come on. If we really care about them, why would we accept the possibility that they will fail? We're all here for one reason. We have a story. This is a stepping stone for people. If she found another stepping stone I accept it and I want her to use it. I am a second away from going back to meeting people again. There are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. I know I can be just as happy with someone else and now that I've thought it through, I know what to do to make it last because of her. I wish her the best. Its great you wish her the best, and you want her to be happy... that's ok.. But you need to put yourself on the first place, she can be on second, but better if she is lower on the list of priorities... Let her see how her life would be without you. You'll have time to be good to her, to make her happy, but first you need to make yourself happy, which you are doing, and that's great. Sometimes I think girls just sense when a man is happy and they sense it miles away, I don't know why I just think that's how it is. As soon I started to do something for myself she started contacting me... Take a break dude, for a month at least, give yourself time and space, have a good time, she will come back at some point, and if you still want her back then you can make her happy all the time if you want, but that's a thing which needs to be balanced trough RS. I understand that you are ok, that you accept things, and you want her to be happy, I also know what you mean when saying she made you a better man, been there, and you need to look this like she made a perfect guy and then left him, she has choosen her path, the best thing you can do is to enjoy the better man, and if she wants to be with this better man, she will come, it's her loss, not yours. I also understand the feeling thankful to her, it's ok, but you thanked her by not being a jerk to her, so that's enough, no more need to give her all that she want's, she lost the privelages of you being her boyfriend, she choose that, she made her bed, now she needs to find out by herself what she wants with you, and believe me she will come knocking, cause women always tend to get what they want. So let the time pass, and you'll see what will come. Most important is to live your life without her, and go active NC, for at least a month. You tried everything, gained nothing much, so try NC, what do you have to lose.... Link to post Share on other sites
organizedchaos Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 No. I don't want that to happen to her. We've never met each other's exes and I know that I'm speaking only from personal experience, but it would make me even more upset if she doesn't find happiness. I know she broke my heart and I know I let her go but come on. If we really care about them, why would we accept the possibility that they will fail? We're all here for one reason. We have a story. This is a stepping stone for people. If she found another stepping stone I accept it and I want her to use it. I am a second away from going back to meeting people again. There are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. I know I can be just as happy with someone else and now that I've thought it through, I know what to do to make it last because of her. I wish her the best. She dumped you. She chose to walk out of your life. Stop caring about her. She lost that privilege when she rejected you. Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I think you know when you are in the right head space when you can think nothing more than 'oh well'. I don't know if it is my ego or what, but from about 5 months since my bu I didn't really care what is going on with them. I mean sure I wish them well as I would any human being, but it means very little to me. I can remember near by breakup thinking that my ex was special, what we had was special, that they were really worth something, being hurt by all their actions etc. I no longer think those things. I mean what makes one person more important than any other person? In my opinion there are people that rate relationships as (one of)the most important things in life, and there are people that don't. Those who aren't so relationship focused find it pretty easy to walk away from relationships, where as others will go to any lengths to make things work. Even after 7 years my breakup was fairly easy for me to move past. My attitude had never been the be all and end all type of deal. Link to post Share on other sites
StyleOnEm Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 It sounds like she lost interest in you because she figured you out & got bored. You weren't letting her experience a roller coaster of emotions when she was with you. You probably gave her the world, anything she wanted, like the princess that she is, amiright? Girls respond amazing to someone who's a challenge -- or at least a nice guy with an edge. Someone who surprises her and does unpredictable **** once in awhile. Someone who isn't afraid to hurt her feelings and stands up for what he believes in, even if it's going against her opinion. I hope you really are becoming a better person, and finding your purpose in life. That should be priority 1, and the girl priority 2 or 3. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 It sounds like she lost interest in you because she figured you out & got bored. You weren't letting her experience a roller coaster of emotions when she was with you. You probably gave her the world, anything she wanted, like the princess that she is, amiright? Girls respond amazing to someone who's a challenge -- or at least a nice guy with an edge. Someone who surprises her and does unpredictable **** once in awhile. Someone who isn't afraid to hurt her feelings and stands up for what he believes in, even if it's going against her opinion. I hope you really are becoming a better person, and finding your purpose in life. That should be priority 1, and the girl priority 2 or 3. go on and preach it brother... Link to post Share on other sites
recklesslove Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 All I want right now is for the guy that I love to fight to get me back. He has given me my space for long enough and I want him to prove that he does in fact love me instead of standing by and seeing how things work out! If you want something, never give up! Go to her house if she is not answering your calls and tell her that you are not giving up! She will appreciate your effort, I PROMISE YOU THAT!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Drey4211 Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 All I want right now is for the guy that I love to fight to get me back. He has given me my space for long enough and I want him to prove that he does in fact love me instead of standing by and seeing how things work out! If you want something, never give up! Go to her house if she is not answering your calls and tell her that you are not giving up! She will appreciate your effort, I PROMISE YOU THAT!! Wouldn't that be another word for stalking? I'm not saying that's how she'll take it but it's not unlikely lol. She's starting a new job and she'll be busy and probably pretty stressed. I wish it was that simple! How sure were you that it won't work between you two when you broke it of? She sounded pretty convincing. Nice and polite but still convincing. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 All I want right now is for the guy that I love to fight to get me back. He has given me my space for long enough and I want him to prove that he does in fact love me instead of standing by and seeing how things work out! If you want something, never give up! Go to her house if she is not answering your calls and tell her that you are not giving up! She will appreciate your effort, I PROMISE YOU THAT!! Yeah, this isn't a Hollywood movie, this is real life. This is an awful, awful, awful idea. And if you are the one who broke up with him, it's up to you to make the first move. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Kizmet Fisher Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 All I want right now is for the guy that I love to fight to get me back. He has given me my space for long enough and I want him to prove that he does in fact love me instead of standing by and seeing how things work out! If you want something, never give up! Go to her house if she is not answering your calls and tell her that you are not giving up! She will appreciate your effort, I PROMISE YOU THAT!! Yeah, this isn't a Hollywood movie, this is real life. This is an awful, awful, awful idea. And if you are the one who broke up with him, it's up to you to make the first move. In complete agreement (as per usual) with Simon. Terrible advice. And the reason its terrible is that recklesslove is imagining "the guy she loves" doing the things she mentions whereas for most dumpers this is not the case. Its not a romantic gesture from the one they love, it's a stalkerish move from the nuissance they just dumped who won't leave them alone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Never Again Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 All I want right now is for the guy that I love to fight to get me back. He has given me my space for long enough and I want him to prove that he does in fact love me instead of standing by and seeing how things work out! If you want something, never give up! Go to her house if she is not answering your calls and tell her that you are not giving up! She will appreciate your effort, I PROMISE YOU THAT!! I don't think any dumpers really appreciate that kind of effort. It comes off as weird, needy and desperate. If that stuff worked, a lot more reconciliations would happen. Link to post Share on other sites
StGeorge22 Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Agree 100%, I tried all that stuff and it didn't work. She only came back when I was NC and moving on. Unfortunately there was still too much baggage to be able to start fresh, but yeah I agree showing up and constant messaging is basically shooting yourself in the foot, big time. No one is attracted to anyone who is that keen Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Ditch that idea. I sent a gift too, that crap doesn't work. Good thing now that ex-holes friend is hitting me, the jealous backstabbing bitch that I blame for that fight. I thought I'd say to her I'd play David Copperfield for her: We go to my place I **** her to death for playing me In the morning - she vanishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author Drey4211 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the help Edited February 1, 2014 by Drey4211 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Drey4211 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 I'm going to challenge every one that has given me advice. No disrespect, but this is not a relationship website. All of you will tell me the reasons to give up and move on but you will never tell me what happens after you do that which won't really motivate me . Probably because many people have found something good and they don't get on here. One person told me what's up. He's starting up again and it is with an ex and he's still sharing his experience. Everyone else gave me the same line. They're stuck just like I am. I don't need advice on how to move on. I'm not here for that. I'm a conversation away and $100 bucks away from joining a website where I can fall in love and build something. I'm here for advice on moving forward. Every one on here is working on finding someone that fits. Who found happiness?? Who found themselves happy? Or are you still stuck on your ex? Because I honestly appreciate your help but I will gracefully bow out if you can't tell me about an experience that finally made you forget them and move to where you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0cholliday Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 I'm going to challenge every one that has given me advice. No disrespect, but this is not a relationship website. All of you will tell me the reasons to give up and move on but you will never tell me what happens after you do that which won't really motivate me . Probably because many people have found something good and they don't get on here. One person told me what's up. He's starting up again and it is with an ex and he's still sharing his experience. Everyone else gave me the same line. They're stuck just like I am. I don't need advice on how to move on. I'm not here for that. I'm a conversation away and $100 bucks away from joining a website where I can fall in love and build something. I'm here for advice on moving forward. Every one on here is working on finding someone that fits. Who found happiness?? Who found themselves happy? Or are you still stuck on your ex? Because I honestly appreciate your help but I will gracefully bow out if you can't tell me about an experience that finally made you forget them and move to where you are now. In my case, I am indeed stuck, taking each day as it comes.... Okay, you know how to move on, that's good... I still didn't find happines, and its been only 3 months, but I'm doing a lot better, than before, so that's what is important... I'll probably never forget my ex, cause she done quite a lot of good to me, she will have a special place in my heart, but the point is that I realized I can be without her... How do I know that??? Cause a month ago I would jump right back in the broken relationship, but now I wouldn't, cause I got my mind straight.... You can find stories about people who moved on, and did just fine without their ex... We aren't all stuck, love is a tricky thing, and it is really hard to bump out someone from your mind, as I read on some study, people who try to push tought out of their mind, actually tought more about the thing, while others who conituned buisness as usual did fine.... Suppresing group also was anxious, depressed and low-selfesteem... There is another research Wenger "white bear", google it up, it's simple, and it will explain this to you... Result of these researches are telling that there is no easy way of forgeting, only thing that's proven to this day, to my knowledge is writing a diary, but not everyone is for writing a diary, like me for an example. So you can try that, write few minutes a day all your emotions on a paper, about anything, they say that helpes a lot, I didn't try it, cause I don't need it. Also you can find here stories where reconciliation happened, so look into that, plus if you are here for advice on moving on, I think you are on wrong subforum, it's called second chances, meaning people want their ex back... The best advice you can get for moving on, is NC, heal your self, man up, take your life in control and go day by day, fullfil your dreams etc... Start working on yourself, rest will come along, when you are confident, happy, and have high self-esteem, you are on right track, at least that's what they say, try that and see what happens... Good luck, hope this helps a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Drey4211 Posted February 1, 2014 Author Share Posted February 1, 2014 Let me know you found someone. I bet I will get a bunch of "I've been where you are" lines. I am sorry I'm there now. Tell me something I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 Start reading thora-tiki thread. She is in the process of getting together with her ex-hole. Her thread is full of optimism too. You might even grasp what ppl are trying to tell you. Link to post Share on other sites
AllTooWell Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 My exboyfriend broke up with me almost a year ago. I was miserable - cried every day.. could barely keep it together to make it through one of my work shifts.. would cry the whole drive home. I was heartbroken and I had never felt that kind of pain before. I started posting here. He wasn't a good dumper - what I mean by this is I honestly think people whose dumpers disappear are in a better position than what I went through. The constant push/pull, him constantly calling and contacting me (people said it was like he was acting as if he was the dumpee) but not wanting me back. After 3 months I finally cut the cord, giving up on contact being how to win him back, and didn't reply anymore. I was done being a doormat. By September he had contacted me with the thing everyone dreams of hearing "I made a mistake and want you back" - I didn't want to rush into things, but needless to say I was hurt again when I found out that days after his spiel about wanting me back and showing up here uninvited, he went out with another girl. We weren't officially together but it made me feel like I could never trust him again. We ended on good terms this time, with him saying I was right, he wasn't ready for a relationship, he didn't want to get into one with me and risk screwing it up and permanently ruining the only 2nd chance he was ever going to get from me. We parted. And again I went no contact. I blocked his number and unblocked it 2 months later, when I was feeling stronger. He was still trying to contact me every now and then but I never replied. Again, 2 more months reply when once more I get the text. This time he claims he's ready, but I've moved on. It's been almost a year of this. I have loved the me time.. getting to do what I want, when I want it, without having to consider someone else's feelings. I was happy to talk to him, sure, and maybe we'll try to be friends, but for now I feel like a success in 2 ways - he came back, and I am happy on my own. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Drey4211 Posted February 2, 2014 Author Share Posted February 2, 2014 Im done. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I took more away from this than any experience I have ever been in. Ill be alright and I wish her the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Drey4211 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 (edited) Damn. I finally figured out what went wrong. After analyzing what she said to me after the split, I realized that I was closed off most of the time unless I wanted something from her. I was more concerned about the present rather than the future. She was stuck in the past, hoping for the future until she couldn't do it anymore. I don't think there is a way to change that. I think that the best thing I can do to prove to her that, Im not closed unless I want something, is to do just as she wishes. Theres a pretty deep lesson here that I could definitely learn from. She told me that people can't change. I disagree. People can change but they have to realize what they need to change, think about whether its good for them, and step out of their comfort zone and get through it. Id say this is a good thing to work on! Im gonna keep it going. I want her more than anything but I want her to be happy and I understand it won't be with me anymore. Im just sharing this because it may shed a light on some people that are in my situation. I don't think she's coming back but thats ok. Edited February 5, 2014 by Drey4211 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StGeorge22 Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 Mate I agree 100% that people can change, but it's not until they really find out what their own issues are. I would never ever tell anyone to give up on what they want and won't spiel the same stuff about going to the gym, hanging out with friends to help move on. The truth is every situation is different. Some people have a chance of getting back together, some people don't. I think the key is accepting that some things are out of your control. And it sounds like your last post indicates that you have accepted that. Have I fully moved on? Nah I haven't. But am I much better than I was months ago and have I accepted that f she is to come back it will be because she wants to rather than me doing something to prove we should be together? Absolutely. Good luck mate, sounds like you are on the right path. I know how hard it is, you will have your ups and downs but again I think the key is accepting some things are out of your control. Link to post Share on other sites
hea Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 my ex came back after a year, but it lasted only 10 months after that. He hadn't changed and I had. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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