Ray Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 Hi. I need some objective advice. Yes, I know in advance that I have been a silly fool, but your help is needed nonetheless. The long story made short is that after 24 years of marital fidelity, I allowed a 27 year old attorney on the same floor of my office building to seduce me into having a 4 month affair. I ended it when I realized she was also screwing other guys. This freaked me out pretty seriously because I thought our relationship was some special thing that we both had just got caught up in. She insists that she is in love with me and that she's just 'having sex' with the other guys as a recreational thing and because I don't make myself available to her in that way all the time. I really do care about this girl, perhaps I even do love her, but realizing she was humping other guys, while I was having deep contemplative thoughts about leaving my wife of 24 years for her, has hurt me deeply and made me realize what a fool I have been. Anyway, I have been telling her for 2 weeks now that I just want to move on and try and salvage whatever kind of friendship is possible (say hello in the hall be cordial, etc.). However, she continues to want to have me as a part of her life. She offered to take me to dinner this week for my birthday, she wants to see me, talk to me over email and the phone, etc. Being around her in this way is just too painful for me. So I told her this week I did not want to spend any amount of time with her right now, and for the past few days, all contact from her has ceased. The lingering problem is that I find myself trying to make sure I avoid her in the hall, not looking in her office when I walk by, timing my arrival and departure from the office so as to miss her and at the same time, I miss her terribly and want to talk to her. I need some helpful, objective insight into what is going on here and how I should handle the whole thing. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 She insists that she is in love with me and that she's just 'having sex' with the other guys Is this the female version of the "yeah, I F*cked her, but I made love to you" line that guys use when they are caught cheating? Congratulations Ray, you are screwed. How bitter and vindictive do you think she can be? How likely is she to tell your boss, your wife, your co-workers about the affair when you end it for good? If she has been hopping around that many beds from the office, how many beds do you think she has visited outside the office. In other words what kind of nasty little presents has she given you that you could pass on to your wife? Read the messages on the affairs boards. You are addicted to this girl. She made you feel young and studly again. After a bit of no contact with her you will get past the addiction. I suggest you get tested for STDs and IMHO you should be honest with your wife about what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 I agree with DD....post this on the Infidelity board, and you'll get much more response there from people who have either been in your situation, or in your wife's, or in the secratary's position. Post there, and I'll give you my advice! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 5, 2005 Share Posted February 5, 2005 Ray, you're doing the right thing by trying to avoid her. You just have to tough this one out while you look for a new job. Out of respect to your wife, and for the protection of your own mental health and employability, you cannot stay at the same workplace. Your next job will be to rebuild your marriage, if possible. This 27 year old woman wouldn't have gotten more than a passing glance from you if you and your wife had had a marriage worthy of the name. You will probably need to tell your wife what happened, for her sake and yours. You both need to come to grips with the state your marriage was in. You also need to be aware that a woman is very unlikely to be able to have intercourse with you without your consent. You consented to this sexual involvement - look yourself in the mirror and admit that. Then go ask your wife if she will go to marriage counseling for you. Safety and happiness and even some sexual thrills can be found in marriage, with a much lower price tag. My condolences on your suffering - I know it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
fundamental Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Poor Ray! You should of thought about that before you did it. Think about how your wife would feel if she knew. You better leave those young ladies alone...they are the lions... and you are the gazelle. Link to post Share on other sites
TheJammer Posted February 6, 2005 Share Posted February 6, 2005 Do NOT tell your wife. DO try to find another job, and barring that, put your foot down with this 27-year old slut. Yeah... I am sure it felt good to be with her, but you've gotta realize that you and she are in two veeerrrry different places in life. I am being brief here, but you can fill in the blanks between what I am saying. Link to post Share on other sites
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