Has any OM found someone new and finally walked away from the AP?

[Rottentomatoes]

WOW! gives me hope:cool:

was it because you guys kept a torch for each other or was it because u met again? tru the kidslolololo

[carhill]

More me than her. I was convenient. Beware of such issues, as applicable.

[Rottentomatoes]

carhill im trying to find your story here on LS. will you please send the link if you shared it here?

Are you still in an A or is it over?

[carhill]

I don't have a 'story', but use life experience as examples when giving advice. I'm divorced and live alone with a cat. Done with women. All that is in the past. If you can read my LS journals, they might lend some insight, otherwise just work the issue with the various inputs you receive from LS members. Good luck.

[XenoMouse]

Dude what you are saying is what i fear the most, that i'll never get over MW. She has just implemented NC recently for what appears to really be the final time and even though we were in LC thru texting before it feels like I'll never get over her. Everybody says just go out and get some and from reading your post and knowing what i know in my heart i know that won't help.

 

I feel the same way that she was this amazing person and wonder that i will miss out on. But then i opened my ears to my friends, the wonderfully supportive posters on this forum, and my heart to myself, I started to think that maybe im minimizing myself while putting her on a pedestal.

 

You should try and look at it that she chose to have a relationship with you because theres something about you thats special. Theres something about you that attracted her to you and its that same thing that has your gf now talking to you about marriage. If MW doesnt want or cant handle you in her life right now then so be it...HER LOSS. Don't think of it as something you missed out on because you were not able to be with her but the other way around, she's lost you and this new amazing person who is free of all that baggage recognizes what a great person you are (even if MWs got you all jacked up mentally) and wants to be with YOU, not just when its convenient for her, or when she's not feeling guilty, but ALL the time.

 

Im not saying cut out all your love for her immediately but love YOURSELF enough to let go of this pain. Don't hold on to her memories of grace and beauty if they are causing you so much pain. Im in the same boat, the memories are so beautiful and felt so divine but the thing is that they will cause perpetual pain and confusion in your life rather than happiness so its best to try and let them go not because you don't love her, but because you love yourself more and therefore desire PEACE and happiness. Maybe thats why we OMs and maybe OWs get so torn up when we are left in the dust because the MW/MM shows us blatantly that they love themselves much more and to the point that they pull away from our undying love to seek out whats best for them and that is a character trait that although flawed in the way they use it, we lack, which is why we settle for being OM/OWs and just putting up with bs after bs. Forget about the connection with her and connect with yourself it'll be much more gratifying i promise you.

 

You say she has one child with a chronic medical condition and one with dyslexia...aaaand the way she handles this with so much grace is by banging you on the side for 5 years (as one poster told me; no offense but doesn't sound like such a great person to me). Can you even imagine what its like to be him, your unfortunate enough to have two kids that require constant medical attention and care and your one partner in all of this struggle is out banging someone else, which further compounds the misery ten fold. Its gotta SUCK to be that guy. As people have told me on my post, pleeeease for gods sake take a step back and look at her character. Would you want the kind of woman who sticks it out and stays true while you struggle with a tough family situation or one who goes out and hooks up with some other guy when things are rough.

 

Like ive said before im just as torn apart by my MW calling it quits and I would love to jump back into it for her voice, touch, mind blowing sex etc etc. But it seems (and im not judging) as though your not making any effort to move past her. I looove to dream and reminisce about MW coming back and what it would be like but at the same time its a good idea to take steps...even if they're baby steps towards life without her...it'll transform you so that if she does come back around you'll be in more control of the situation and if she doesnt like i said oh well...her loss.

[Rottentomatoes]

Thanks carhill and xenomouse . Awesome therapy here at Ls ?There are days when I feel so positive and feel like I'm moving in the right direction and then bam! Something happens and I'm back to square one . I've never been unfaithful , even during the A , I was totally faithful to her . Oxymoronic I know .

I have thought over the past few months that she cheated , she was unfaithful for 5 years . Granted she tried to finish it off a couple if times but did respond to my pleas to get back together ..

Ah how foolish we become when we are in love or presume ourselves to be.

My father had repeatedly pointed out one her infidelity and two the issues with the kids .tbh bith didn't bother me at all .

Ure right, since yesterday I'm back to where I don't want to move on . I can't give my heart to another woman . It would be unfair to her because my heart is still with MW. Even sharing my body with another woman feels unnatural and empty .

The good thing is somehow I've found te strength to not contact her but Ure right, if she wants me now she has to come and get me !

[zevahc]

Rotten...i don't think I'll ever completely heal...but i'm learning to cope. I still fall off the wagon emotionally from time to time, but NC has helped me dramatically. Some say you'll move on....and for some that may be the case. I don't think my feelings will change for her, but perhaps they will become healtiher and perspective will change how I can deal with them...it's still painful right now.

[RickFox]

I can tell you now, coming up on three years, you will not forget any of it, it will fade but the memories and feelings will be there. The only way is to completely cut yourself off from her, and even a glimpse will bring back feelings/memories.

 

I am doing so much better now, but I saw her the other day and I got the whole range of emotions from anger to relief to momentary sadness and then I remind myself, none of it matters, she is with her H and I with my W and that's where we need to be and where my focus is. I can't worry about what she thinks or doesn't and to dwell on any of it just hurts me in the end.

 

Not a day goes by I dont think of her at some point in some way, but I dont let it consume me and it hasn't been an easy time, if you loved someone it never is, but she is not yours, not like you think she is, if she was, she'd be in your bed night after night and you'd be coming home to her day after day.... As the rose color fades, you see things for what they really are....

[Gunthar]

I could, but I don't. I believe in 'it'/us. I keep the A special because she is, and I am. I know she thinks similarly, but won't resume out of fear, holding fast to the standard conventional wisdom about distance and NC now, to keep herself focused and her world secure.

 

I just believe she'll come around, when the time is right. I need her now, but it's not just about me...

 

I'd like to think I'm a different breed (I'm just plain nuts right? lol). I would guess most guys 'cut bait' very soon, get all fatalistic, esteeming their estimation of the situation and say 'it wasn't meant to be' or observe their hurt pride, or whatever, and then go find a new distraction. But who knows. I don't know any men personally who have had an A.

 

G