Friends only

[SuperFantastico]

Well maybe you can find yourself someone you like then. Use those jedi mind

tricks that you used for your friend, and get some salsa romance going.

 

Just watch out for those naked dancing vikings.

[matt10020]

Its a hard one!! it usually does start with friendship but normally the guy will start to feel something for u and thats when it gets messy! the only sure way to have male mates who arn't going to want more is gay men. I would say men who are in relationships could just be friends but thats still not guarantee.

[savethedrama4allama]

Originally posted by georgeb

Wow, Moi. I'd like to be your friend.

 

 

George, STFU. :lmao:

[swedeace]

Originally posted by Stone

Guy pals are the best, the problem is sooner or later they hit on you. My solutionin find gay men to befriend

You're kidding, right? I hear ALL the time gay guys are a girl's best friend... I'm thrilled to read about it, but....

 

Well, if that were true, then why I am having a hard time hanging out and befriending this gay guy I knew since last summer?

[swedeace]

moimeme: You remind me SO much of myself! Although, my situation involves someone who is not quite a friend yet but I appreciate his good deeds. I also gave too many compliments to him. Read my story:

 

Well, I will go ahead and explain it as briefly and to the point as possible to those who haven't been keeping up with my threads:

 

Basically, I met this guy last summer at my job (he's a student while I am a computer lab technician), and I *thought* he offered friendship to me when he told me, "We could email as friends."

 

He works at a film developing center, so he was interested in my European vacation and even offered to develop my vacation photos. During that last week when we got together at my job while subbing for his computer classes, we would chit-chat. My sub lesson plans for both of his classes that week just called for "lab time" without any lecture just leaving students working on their homework. That's why we had a chance to just talk.

 

It was just wonderful to be able to sit and chat with whom I thought of as "my first male friend." We are both in agreement there is and will never been any other attraction other than friendship because he is gay. I did not know that beforehand. But anyway, it was just so lovely to talk with a guy who treats me like myself and not tries to hit on me or acts like a pig. He was just very sincere, and I totally respected that in him as a human being.

 

He has emailed me a couple of times from then until now. I have brought up if he wants to hang out, and he has said "sure" everytime I ask, but there has nothing been set in stone thereafter. He is a majorily busy person (works 55 hours a week, takes college classes, helps his elderly grandma, has a boyfriend, etc). He is quite studious and into working.

 

When his birthday came in mid-October, I bought a birthday card and wrote a message thanking him for his friendship offer. I was quite sincere and made it clear I think of him as a friend. On top of that, I invited him to a birthday lunch - I always invite friends out to lunch to celebrate. The next time I saw him in person, we talked a bit about his card and it seemed he felt quite embarrassed about it. Ooops.

 

During the Christmas break, I went to take in some more photos to develop so I can get a chance to chit-chat with him. We talked for a while, but we always seem to talk about academics and work-related situations. Once again, I brought up the hanging out, and he said he'd email me his schedule. Well, that's been the first days of January and still NOT one word from him! That same day I asked about the hanging out, I noticed he seemed quite unhappy when I'd ask how his Christmas/New Years was, so I called (yes, I asked for his cell number back in September) and left a message saying I have a feeling he didn't seem happy and offered if he wanted to talk, he can count on me. Haven't heard from him since.

 

I sent him an email a few days ago just checking up on him apologizing if I sounded pushy, and I mentioned we didn't have to hang out. If it wasn't too late, would it be all right if we can just email each other because I just enjoyed our convo flows last summer. No response yet.... It's like pulling teeth!

 

Anyway, this is what I mean about apologizing to an acquaintance about implying hanging out WAY too much. What do you think? If you were him, what would be your thoughts? I don't know how else to reach him personally (other than going to his job but will feel quite uncomfortable)? I would go to his job and let him know personally, but I don't want his co-workers listening to my convo. Do you think I should? It's much more personal than emailing/calling. For some reason, I really miss those old times and am impatient to see if we do become close friends. It would be a dream for me!!

[moimeme]

swedace

 

The 'old times' consist of one week's chatting between classes?

 

It doesn't sound to me as though he's nearly as invested in this friendship as you are. Friendship requires reciprocity - calls are returned, contact is kept up by both sides. He is not eagerly seeking you out, nor is he even reciprocating much. He's, to borrow a phrase used in other situations, just not that into you. Let it go and next time you make a new guy pal, don't be the only doer.

[swedeace]

Originally posted by moimeme

swedace

 

The 'old times' consist of one week's chatting between classes?

 

It doesn't sound to me as though he's nearly as invested in this friendship as you are. Friendship requires reciprocity - calls are returned, contact is kept up by both sides. He is not eagerly seeking you out, nor is he even reciprocating much. He's, to borrow a phrase used in other situations, just not that into you. Let it go and next time you make a new guy pal, don't be the only doer.

It was very deceiving for me. That one week when we first met, he would come to me, and we would talk and just laugh. It went on for those days until I went on vacation - after that it was the end of the semester. We just connected. It was so deceiving that it would be so easy to get together and hang out. I swear, we were like magnets. When he'd walk into the lab while I was at the instructor machine, he'd gravitate and come to me and just start talking. He wanted me to make him a mixed CD of music from Ace of Base because he also loves them too, and they are my favorite group. He'd just make the effort. When I come across him in the hallway last semester, we'd chat here and there (he had to leave to another class across the street), but he'd just be there.

 

I believe the major barrier is his busy schedule. He is just so studious and into his job. I wonder what he does for fun?

[moimeme]

Sometimes you just seem to click with someone for a while but it goes poof. I met a fellow like that some years ago. We had a few long walks and long talks and found a lot in common and I think he even said something about being friends forever. Then he rekindled with his old gf and that was that.

 

Really, let it go. If he really values your friendship, he'll turn up again when he has more time. But a week or so is not enough time to consider someone a friend. Friends stay.

[Kriz]

Hello moimeme, been a while, no?

 

 

You should consider it a compliment. Women with male friends that aren't gay should worry about their attractiveness if the male friend doesn't hit on them sooner or later.

[swedeace]

Originally posted by moimeme

Sometimes you just seem to click with someone for a while but it goes poof. I met a fellow like that some years ago. We had a few long walks and long talks and found a lot in common and I think he even said something about being friends forever. Then he rekindled with his old gf and that was that.

 

Really, let it go. If he really values your friendship, he'll turn up again when he has more time. But a week or so is not enough time to consider someone a friend. Friends stay.

Yeah, but I am a person who doesn't give up. So yeah, I do realize to leave the ball in his court and see what he will do or if he will contact me or what. He is super busy, and he may not feel like he has time to maintain another friendship. Who knows... I just hate to have that feeling of being led on to believe I could have this new friendship and then... bam... be cut off!

 

I don't know. I am just growing tired of always coming across people in my life who I really want to befriend yet they're always busy, they don't make time, etc. It ALWAYS feels like I am always doing all the initiating with people in my life. I understand totally people are busy, but on the other hand, I've also seen very busy make SOME time with hanging out with acquaintances/friends. I have come across this problem with friends (my age and much older), co-workers, etc. I have hung out with SOME people, but it is WAY far in between than my sister and her friends. Therefore, my sister just compares herself to me against everyone in the world as though there has to be something set in stone. For instance, she constantly rags on me why I do not go out. I explain to her about my friends/co-workers/acquaintance situation, but she seems to not realize how difficult it is for me. With her friends... they call each other and then...bam! They do something! With me, it's like pulling teeth. I'm just FREAKIN' sick of it already!!

 

So what is the problem with me then? Is there a sign on my forehead that says, "Don't bother hanging out with this girl?" It's quite depressing.... That's what it feels like, anyway...

[moimeme]

Hello moimeme, been a while, no?

 

Kriz!!! Wowser! Good ta see ya! (well your avatar anyway LOL)

 

So what is the problem with me then?

 

I suspect you are overeager with people often. That tends to be off-putting. There's a line between 'never quitting' and being obnoxious and you could be stepping over it. Next time, don't pursue the new friend quite so aggressively.

[swedeace]

Originally posted by swedeace

Yeah, but I am a person who doesn't give up. So yeah, I do realize to leave the ball in his court and see what he will do or if he will contact me or what. He is super busy, and he may not feel like he has time to maintain another friendship. Who knows... I just hate to have that feeling of being led on to believe I could have this new friendship and then... bam... be cut off!

 

I don't know. I am just growing tired of always coming across people in my life who I really want to befriend yet they're always busy, they don't make time, etc. It ALWAYS feels like I am always doing all the initiating with people in my life. I understand totally people are busy, but on the other hand, I've also seen very busy make SOME time with hanging out with acquaintances/friends. I have come across this problem with friends (my age and much older), co-workers, etc. I have hung out with SOME people, but it is WAY far in between than my sister and her friends. Therefore, my sister just compares herself to me against everyone in the world as though there has to be something set in stone. For instance, she constantly rags on me why I do not go out. I explain to her about my friends/co-workers/acquaintance situation, but she seems to not realize how difficult it is for me. With her friends... they call each other and then...bam! They do something! With me, it's like pulling teeth. I'm just FREAKIN' sick of it already!!

 

So what is the problem with me then? Is there a sign on my forehead that says, "Don't bother hanging out with this girl?" It's quite depressing.... That's what it feels like, anyway...

Wow.... I cannot believe I actually posted this!! What an embarrassment...

 

Well, I have long gone not put anymore effort into meeting/contacting this guy.... He's history. *washes hands from him*

 

Shortly after, I began crushing on this other guy who is VERY shy. I approached him, talked with him, and asked him out. I eventually heard from him. We didn't go out, but we HAVE become friends. And guess what? There is reciprocity in its own way happening here!! It feels nice! It actually feels sooo different that this guy actually felt hurt that I gave an impression not to trust him or his words of his friendship for me. I guess that saying "once bitten, twice shy" really hit me subconsciously. Now I know to NEVER doubt his words. He's geuninely true in every way. I admire him in many ways.