Big B*stard??

[katie79]

I call my fiance at work at most 1-2 times a month, usually regarding a change in plans or something to that effect.

He always has an attitude when I call him---the few times I do.

Anyway, last weekend, I had changed my mind about going out to Happy Hour with some co-workers and decided it would be nice if we could go out to dinner and see each other earlier. When I called, the receiptionist said he was not in work. So I called his cell. DIdn't reach him. He called me back a half hour later and screamed at me to "NEVER CALL HIM AT WORK AGAIN UNLESS IT'S A SERIOUS EMERGENCY" !! I was mad.

I know that many other wives/gf's call their spouses a couple times a day! I don't even do that! I call him during the day once a month if even that, and this is regarding plans or something important. I never call to say hi. And he calls me at work more! I'm pissed that he gives me sh*t about calling him at work once in a blue moon. And it's not like I see him much either. I only see him once a week for a few hours due to him having 2 jobs! And NO, his job is not an upper mangaement job or a high-stress one where he's always busy.

Men, am I wrong to call him at work once in a while? Do your gf's/wives call you at work/during work? Am I wrong to be angry at his defensive behavior??

[Merin]

Don't know if this could be the case or not but.. when I'm at work unless it really is an emergency I can't be having phone calls coming in.. my boss frowns on it big time and then I'm sitting there trying to explain to him why my BF was calling me to ask about dinner things.. so yeah.. kind of gets me into trouble..

 

If he needs to get with me on something or vice versa.. then he will text and say "can you call me?" then I can return the call when it's a good time for me or he can when it's good for him..

 

Maybe your guy got questioned by his boss over personal calls during working hours?

[katie79]

It's entirely possible, but he would mention that if that happened.

He's nasty in general.

My nut doctor thinks we don't see each other enough or communicate enough.

We don't. I really didn't care for a while, but after that I did. We had a big fight and he said some things that were really stupid and made me think twice about marrying him.

He gets annoyed with everything. I think if I never spoke to him or saw him again, he wouldn't care...as long as we were still labeled "TOGETHER". But that's a whole other story. I have never really complained we never see each other either. And many other women who I speak with about this say they would be bitchin about it. He lives 10 min from my house.

Even when he calls me at night, our conversations are 4 min long.

Then he complains he's not a phone person. I never see him or talk to him. I feel I am with a ghost.

I would be better off single at this point b/c other guys like me and pay more attention and I would rather be with them sometimes. But since I'm with him, I can't do anything. It's like a ball and chain.

Just came here to vent.

[tiki]

Mine calls every once in a while, and it's really not a big deal at all. I have my own line here at the office though, so it's only me answering it, unless I'm taking a dump.

 

So anyway, I have gotten upset with him a couple times only when the boss or our business manager (bosses wife) was sitting here. And I can't help but to get upset, it puts me in an awkward position and she just stares at me and listens in on my convo - she's very nosey. So it's more me getting pissed at her for acting like a weirdo, than it is me getting pissed at him, I just take it out on him...he's an easier target. I know, sounds weird, but that's just my viewpoint on what could be going on.

[Merin]

Originally posted by katie79

It's entirely possible, but he would mention that if that happened.

He's nasty in general.

My nut doctor thinks we don't see each other enough or communicate enough.

We don't. I really didn't care for a while, but after that I did. We had a big fight and he said some things that were really stupid and made me think twice about marrying him.

He gets annoyed with everything. I think if I never spoke to him or saw him again, he wouldn't care...as long as we were still labeled "TOGETHER". But that's a whole other story. I have never really complained we never see each other either. And many other women who I speak with about this say they would be bitchin about it. He lives 10 min from my house.

Even when he calls me at night, our conversations are 4 min long.

Then he complains he's not a phone person. I never see him or talk to him. I feel I am with a ghost.

I would be better off single at this point b/c other guys like me and pay more attention and I would rather be with them sometimes. But since I'm with him, I can't do anything. It's like a ball and chain.

Just came here to vent.

 

Katie.. REGARDLESS at this point IF he's pissed about a phone call.. he sound's like a big a**h*** in general...

 

AND I hope you reconsider getting married to this guy UNLESS or UNTIL he changes...

 

Life is to short to be unhappy...

 

Good Luck...

 

AND IF you decide to dump him... CALL HIM AT WORK to do it! JK JK JK

 

I hope it all works out for you girl:)

[tiki]

Katie, sounds like you got bigger problems than that one silly phone call. Re-evaluate your relationship.

[katie79]

AND IF you decide to dump him... CALL HIM AT WORK to do it! JK JK JK

 

I hope it all works out for you girl:)

 

 

You're Funny! LOL! That was a good one!

[katie79]

Thxs for the advice guys.

I needed to vent!

[FolderWife]

You see him how often? He lives ten minutes away?

 

aw, that's terrible. If that were my relationship, I'd feel really rejected

 

My husband lived two hours away from me when we were dating. He is a delivery guy, and we met on his rout.

 

He'd see me on Mondays and Thursdays *when his rout was through my town* on Wednesdays *his day off* he'd pick me up and take me to lunch, then he'd meet me after I got off work, and hang out with me until ten, then drive the two hours home. On Sundays, he'd drive the two hours to where I lived, hang out with me all day, then drive two hours back home.

 

Oh, and did I mention that he called me at work as soon as he got back to his home town, and then again that night at nine, and we'd talk for at least an hour, sometimes two?

 

Sounds like he loved me, doesn't it.

[katie79]

you saw him a lot.

We used to see each other a lot more, but that was before he worked a second job. He has a M-F, 9 TO 5 Office job, and waits tables at night. He's depleted always. Which I do understand.

But he's been working a second job for a while, and it's bothering me now. You can be understanding of someone else's situation, but it gets to a point where you have think of yourself and if you can deal with this.

I finally informed him of this while I was in the process of dumping him last weekend. Too much has been occurring and the phone call thing was the straw that broke the camel's back.

But I only communicate with him briefly and infrequently in comparision to other relationships.

I'll put it to you this way...and don't think I'm bad person:

A few weeks ago, a guy at the office I work at, was hot on the trail for me, and actaully wanted to take me out to dinner, drinks, and a movie. I was awfully tempted, but I declined. The payed much more attention to me than my fiance does as of now. And may I add, this man is also engaged (and not too happy with his fiance either). It's pretty bad when the engaged man who is not your own engaged man, pays more attention to you.

That also made me put things into perspective: It was more so the situation that made me realize, "This is pretty bad". It was like a lightbulb went off in my head finally: I can do much better than this, and something is wrong here that an unavailable man pays more attention to me than my own fiance! I feel like a fool begging my fiance to see me more, I not that type of gal. I'd much rather find someone else! joking! LOL!

[Artifact]

Katie,

 

It does sound like there are other issues.

 

As far as calling at work goes- I've known some people who hate it and discourage it, but I think that mainly applies to calls that are just for chit chat. I would think a quick change of plans would be no big deal. Besides, where was he if not at work anyway?

 

Regardless... feeling like a ball and chain, feeling lonely while you are ENGAGED, and wondering where you stand at this point in the relationship all seem a little odd. Will your fiance ever be down to one job in the near future?

 

And Merin- your idea for the official "dumping" made me laugh!

[katie79]

He called in sick b/c he pulled a muscle and he was in pain. He saw a doc and he's fine.

I feel lonely always. Luckily, I have girlfriends to go out with. One of my gf's has a similar problem w/her bf.

 

I know this sux though. Guess there's a part of me that's afraid to walk and the other part feels this can get better.

[billybadass36]

You should've listened to Pocky when you were disregarding some SOLID advice back in August.

 

Originally posted by katie79

you saw him a lot.

We used to see each other a lot more, but that was before he worked a second job. He has a M-F, 9 TO 5 Office job, and waits tables at night. He's depleted always. Which I do understand.

 

This couldn't have anything to do with the fact that the guy bought you a one carat, platinum tension set engagement ring? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t46482/

 

You, apparently felt BEFORE he proposed to you that the "magic had died" in your relationship:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t45177/

 

Yet, you kept on obsessing about when, where, how, and if he was ever going to propose to you - even when you had four years to figure out what kind of guy he is:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t44683/

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t46155/

 

The fact that you want to bail on this guy when you knew full well the kind of guy he was when you accepted his proposal is b.s. Getting married (or engaged for that matter) doesn't make you "happy" in a relationship. That's akin to having kids for the sole purpose of "strengthening your relationship". It doesn't work. You were more interested in "getting engaged" regardless of the quality of the relationship you were in.

 

It never ceases to amaze me how people get engaged (and married even) and then they act all surprised when they figure out that they really don't like their SO. I mean, you'd think you'd figure out whether or not you like the sh*t someone does to you after FOUR years. But then again, the engaged guy you work with is giving you a little attention while your fiance is working TWO jobs, so that's as good an excuse as any to toss out a four and a half year relationship. Enjoy the sparkly on your finger, and sit around on your a** and whine about how your fiance isn't giving you enough attention when he's working his a** off trying to make a living. This is unbelievable.

[binturong]

Katie, I really think you need to re-evaluate your relationship. You mentioned in passing that you were breaking up with him. Did you do it? I know it'll be hard after waiting all that time to get engaged, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a man who doesn't have any consideration for your feelings? Remember when I said that a guy who loves you will do anything he can to make you happy? Asking to see him more than once a week and have a few conversations on the phone, especially when he lives so close to you, is NOT asking too much. You shouldn't feel lonely when you're engaged/married. And you shouldn't just go out with your girlfriends to make up for not seeing him so much either. Going out with your girlfriends is no substitute for a relationship with your fiance.

[katie79]

I really don't appreciate your "attitude" towards my situation.

First of all, I don't "sit on my a$$" all day, while he goes out and works. For you to "assume" this, shows a great deal of stupidity.

I have a full-time job and 2 college degrees, so I wouldn't consider that being lazy.

He's working the two jobs because he refused to get his "sh*t" together since we've been together. And not seeing each other is a big reason why people split up, married or not.

 

Maybe you do see many posts from me here. But you know what? This is somewhat annonymous and is helpful. All couples have problems and face "tests". I know plenty of couples with worse problems that they've battled and are still together.

 

You obviously have "love" problems on here too, or you wouldn't be wasting your time here. I've seen you name around on here for a long time. I really just came on here to vent about the situation is all. So I don't see what the big deal is. I see basically the same names on here with new threads all the time. I really don't think of it as a big deal, nor do I come down on people either. Many situations arise that are different, and people come here to get vent (or whatever) and maybe get a little feedback.

 

 

Also, maybe you should take the advice of others as well. Maybe you still wouldn't be floating around on here all the time either! If you are sick of reading my posts, no one here if forcing you to read them. Go to another post where your advice may be welcome.

[billybadass36]

I'm sorry if my post sounded harsh, but from reading your past posts, I thought it pertinent that you've had these same issues going back quite a while and now all of a sudden you make an issue of it after you accepted his proposal. Sorry if the way I posted it calmed down your cheering section. Maybe the problem isn't all "his" is all I'm saying.

[Lil Honey]

Although BillBadAss has a point, I think that the truth is hard to see then hafta swallow sometimes . . .

 

I found it interesting to read how you describe the man you plan to marry. It doesn't sound like a marrying relationship to me. You describe him as being nasty, complaining, you feel like a ball and chain (or does he feel that way to you? ), etc. Not a loving situation.

 

Onto the topic of calling him at work . . . occasionally calling shouldn't be a big deal unless there are specific rules that he can't take calls. You said that he isn't a corporate executive, so you think he isn't doing anything important, yet that might be the very reason why he can't take calls . . . because he's isn't an exec. He could actually be busier than the execs.

 

Now one of my pet peeves: I am an office manager. We used to have a sales person here who had a wife that called him at least three times a day. I don't know what she did to HIM, but she drove ME nuts by calling all the time. People are generally employed to work, not talk on the phone. My personal take on frequent callers is that they are trying to keep tabs on their spouse, but that's just my opinion.

 

Lil Honey

[krbshappy71]

I wouldn't call at work or expect calls at work unless it was a 911 emergency. Breaking a dinner date can wait until after hours. Come to think of it, I don't even know if my guy knows my work number, and we've been together over a year. I don't know his, but if there's an emergency during his work hours I have his cell. Haven't needed to call him yet.

[katie79]

I am much more open-minded on the net, especially on message boards.

Even vent or discuss little things, some having nothing to do with my fiance. I am not this "nagging" in life. Coming here gets things out of my system.

That phone call incident wasn't so much a big deal, it was more the fact that I don't see him often (no more than once a week), the call was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm over it now. Long over it. It was last week's episode.

Yes, as you can see, I've had doubts about our relationship. I broke up with him a few times in our relationship, but he didn't want to and promised to fix himself. He's generally a nice guy, warm, and affectionate. But he also has a tendancy to be very moody and flaky with achieving a career. This was a major problem for his parents when he lived back at home. Even to this day, his father is "very disappointed" in him and his mother is frustrated, and they both complain to me and ask me to "fix him". It's not just me seeing this. And I'm more than positive, I am a pain in the a$$ to him too. I'm no angel either. He has many good sides, but his bad ones are there too. Same for me.

 

I'm also aware all couples have problems. It mainly bothered me to see other couples interact so much, and for me to get yelled at by him for one phone call that happens very infrequently. That played part in this old situation too.

 

In response to "accepting his proposal", I accepted because I am in love with him, amongst these problems that we are working on. But whether I am engaged to him, or someone else, I refuse to be walked on. I have a history of not being assertive in all relationships, and for the most part, that is why they failed. I got walked on. Even today, my nut doctor, my boss (at work), my sister, parents, and friends, tell me to be more assertive in my relationship with my finace. In my prior topics I sent regarding "getting engaged", I never nagged that topic with him. Basically, my posts were more the feelings I had in the back of my mind. And if coming here to vent and get some positive feedback made me feel better at the time, then so what? Just because I come on here to discuss a problem, doesn't mean I'm am at his throat about it. To be truthful, I mentioned the "whole getting engaged thing" to him twice. THat's it. I didn't sit there everyday discussing it. I lived in the momment, and when I felt doubtful, I came on here for advice.

I do have serious self-esteem issues which I am seeking help for. Basically, I have a fear of rejection with everything, from relationships (of all kind) to not succeeding at work.

[Norah]

I call my boyfriend in the office all the time. I like to chat and he doesn't seem to mind!

 

There is times where he says: "can I call you right back?" because he's busy but he never gets upset.

 

He sometimes lets me know before he goes to work that he has an important meeting in the afternoon or something like that . Of course I don't call then, but assume he'd have his mobile turned off anyhow.