Should I tell women I suck at bed on the first date?

[bostonterrier]

This may scare them away...but it is better to be honest.

[Grumpybutfun]

How do you know you do ? Opinions are subjective and practice makes perfect. Enthusiasm and a positive attitude does wonders too.

Grumps

[nescafe1982]

Why not work to improve? And +1 about enthusiasm.

[regine_phalange]

This may scare them away...but it is better to be honest.

 

Why are you so hard on yourself? Why would you talk about yourself in such a way?

 

If I remember correctly you have said you are asexual? Are you really asexual or just insecure?

[lollipopspot]

Don't say you're bad at it.

 

Say that you are learning how to be a better lover, and you would like her to help show you what she likes and doesn't like. Be attentive.

 

Seriously: most women appreciate effort! You can't believe how many guys really don't put in effort to please their woman.

 

Look at some books about pleasing a woman. Don't look to porn for guidance. Read some threads on here about oral sex etc.

[bostonterrier]

Why are you so hard on yourself? Why would you talk about yourself in such a way?

 

If I remember correctly you have said you are asexual? Are you really asexual or just insecure?

 

Well, I haven't had sex in years, and the last time I played alone was a couple years ago, when you don't think about sex you don't feel the need for it.

[GravityMan]

Do not tell them. That's just about the worst thing you can do. Being bad in bed is well...bad, but being insecure and hard on yourself about your sexual ability is worse...WAY worse.

 

I agree with lollipopspot's advice, despite the fact that some women strongly prefer men who know what they're doing and are turned off by having to guide or help them.

 

Also, there's a difference between these three things...

 

- being bad in bed

- being awkward in bed (which is common for people sleeping together for the first time)

- simply being sexually incompatible with the other person

 

People who are bad in bed are that way because they are selfish and not attentive to their partner's wants and needs. Those things are serious character flaws that extend well beyond the bedroom.

[deathandtaxes]

Well, I haven't had sex in years, and the last time I played alone was a couple years ago, when you don't think about sex you don't feel the need for it.

 

 

 

 

 

Sounds like you have a non-existent sex drive. Are you acceptable with this? Have you sought medical advice? Counseling?

[bostonterrier]

Sounds like you have a non-existent sex drive. Are you acceptable with this? Have you sought medical advice? Counseling?

 

I took effexor for 2 years, maybe it have killed my sex drive

[Elias33]

Fake it till you make it. Do NOT sell yourself short, and do NOT tell anyone about your "skills". You have to leave that to your prospecting spouse, and then a talk can clear a lot of things up. Especially when there is a connection.

[maiden of rohan]

Absolutely. Then she won't have to find out.

[pteromom]

No.

 

Firstly, you don't know how it will be with a woman until you get into the bedroom.

 

You may meet a girl who inspires you to be better than you ever thought possible.

 

Secondly, "bad" is subjective. You don't know what the woman will like.

 

Now, I do believe you should be honest about your low sex drive within the first.. oh... 5-6 dates. Whenever you start actually getting feelings for her.

 

But otherwise, nope.

[FitChick]

Say you like being dominated. Then she can do all the work.

[A3sthetics]

Don't say anything.

[Ronni_W]

bostonterrier,

Do you mean that you're lacking confidence as far as technique is concerned? One great book is 'She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman' by Ian Kerner. (You may be able to score it as a free download.)

 

If it is lack of getting or maintaining an erection, non-penetrative activities of both vanilla and kink varieties do offer much pleasure to the 'receiving partner'...and can do for the giving partner as well.

 

If it is low sex-drive and to the extent that you find it a problem or cause for concern, then possibly there is an underlying physical (hormonal/chemical) cause that can be corrected through proper medical attention.

 

I do also agree with those who say it is not a topic to be tabled during first number of dates.

[MaryJiltz]

Don't !

How can you say you aren't good?

If you are really not, then like others say, try to improve.

and don't think you'll scare a girl away because of that

[carl2012]

You're assuming that a woman is going to be interested in sex on the first date. You don't know what's going to happen on the first date until it actually happens. If a woman agrees to go on a date with you it may lead to sex during the first date or it may not. So your premise is kind of off. You don't know for a fact that a first date will lead to you even getting into the bedroom.

 

So first things first. When I go on first dates I try not to have any expectations of what's going to go down. Sure it could lead to sex during the first date but it may not. Chances are it will not lead to sex on the first date.

[burningashes]

Effexor is known to affect sex drive, and even the ability to get off. I was on this as well and no matter what I did, I couldn't orgasm at all. I talked to my Dr about this as well, and she said she would have to put me on another antidepressant on top of the Effexor to combat this. I said no thanks, and stopped taking antidepressants entirely.

 

Talk to your Dr! Definitely do this if you are on any medication of any kind, some can cause you to not have a sex drive at all.

[Radu]

This may scare them away...but it is better to be honest.

 

Not unless you desperately want to be single.

 

Read some books on the subject.