Ex gf broke up with me [update]

[happykat]

And with the first bf, why did you split up again after getting back together due to the letter?

 

We just grew up & apart.. it was my first love, I was only 19.

Love is so difficult and it hurts bad when it's over.. obviously, most relationships don't work out in the end.and so you have to pick yourself up and move on. But it's so worth it if all the pain and experience leads you to that right person in the end.. that's what I keep telling myself anyway!

.

[realfriends]

Doing this NC thing is kind of killing me. For some crazy reason I still feel like there is hope which is what's keeping me from going anywhere. I feel like the only way to kill that hope is to go all or nothing, even if I screw it up then at least I will know there is no hope, and hopefully with that in mind I can finally move on..

 

As of now, I feel like breaking NC. Trying to be friendly, I expect short replies from her, ask for her to meet up, probably give her a letter, chances are nothing good is going to happen, might even attempt to be friends for a bit until I can't take it anymore before leaving completely. I feel like this is the only way to kill all hope, it might end up in a bang, and I'll probably go down fighting. I'm just tired of this.

 

Even right now with this NC and no connection to her whatsoever right now, the image of her keeps popping in my head and I can't get that out. Maybe it's because of the hope thoughts that always linger.

 

Even though she treated me like crap, didn't really show me care, took me for granted, and didn't really seem to appreciate the things I did. I should be mad or angry but I'm not. I feel like I need to get hate, and anger feelings towards her and I'll be able to finally let go.

 

At this point I shouldn't even care if I appear weak to her. I know I have the "upper hand and power" doing NC. But honestly that's not really getting me anywhere with her. If she think's I'm weak, or clingy or needy whatever then it just wasn't meant to be. I already gave her a few weeks of NC. and acted as if I had a life. If i were truly clingy or needy I would have kept bugging her everyday or most of the days after the breakup but I didn't. If she can't understand that, then I know what to do. Just not worth my time anymore.

 

At the end of the day, people on here and people you know can give you advice, but you will do what you think is best for you. It took me a while to realize how much pain I was causing myself before I finally got a grip on things. People can tell you not to send a letter, as my friends did, but I sent them anyways because I thought it was the best thing to do.

 

What happened? I realized it was stupid and caused more pain than anything.

 

The best advice I can give you is to listen to people on LS but if you don't, learn from what is to of come of it.

[SCJACK]

Well... I broke NC today.. only because I ran into her at school. This is how my day went...

 

I was driving to school, spun out, and got trapped in a ditch, I had to get the tow truck guy to take me out, nearly hurt myself if I hadn't tried to control the car... I posted a picture on facebook and went on with my day going to school. In between class I saw her.. she didn't see me but without thinking I just tapped on her shoulder and said hi. She was walkin with her cousin. Throughout that short chat, she asked me ab the picture on facebook but didn't even ask if I was okay. She saw my picture probably way before, and didn't bother asking if I was okay. That told me she probably didn't even care if I died.. I tried to make simple talk about class and it was a short conversation, she didn't seem to want to talk or see me.

 

I went into class and I just texted her just because. And said hi! and asked if she was busy after class. she always gives me responses like idk. and i said i'd like to see you if you have some time. and she saw it but didn't reply... after class i texted her saying I was around her building, and to let me know if she can come.. and she said uhh idk. and then at that point i already knew she was trying to avoid me. so i said alright and later on she said maybe next time.

 

Sighh I didn't really do anything wrong to her at all... so why is she trying to avoid me? what could she be thinking? I hate when your ex wants to be friends, but doesn't even make an effort when you try to be friendly...

 

Yes, breaking NC does make things a bit worse, but it wasn't much of a setback for me. I guess it just reinforced my decision that there is no hope to get back with her and to move on..

[SCJACK]

In my situation, my ex gf dumped me, she left me with unanswered questions and the breakup was sudden. I'm pretty sure i didn't do anything wrong or that wrong to her. Now she seems to just avoid meeting up and keeping LC... why is she doing this? If she's doing it to do me a favor and move on, as of now it hurts more when she doesn't talk to me and act as if i'm dead to her.

[d0nnivain]

Most dumpers are nice people. They understand that when they ended a relationship, they hurt the other person. Just because they no longer have romantic feelings they didn't turn into heartless cruel people.

 

 

Your EX is avoiding you because she doesn't want to see the pain she caused you.

 

 

You like lots of people want answers. She may not have them. If she does have them, you may not want to hear them & it would probably cause more harm if you did hear her reasons. Human nature will make you say things like "I can change."

 

 

It's hard but you have to just let her go. Make up your own reason for why she ended it. I usually convinced myself that the other person became "stupid." Yeah, that's a bit egotistical on my part. I certainly didn't go around saying stuff like that but it made me feel better to think it.

[jphcbpa]

it is for the best. do yourself a favor and go NC. heal up.

 

in your mind, break up with her. you will never get the answers you want and will just come up with more questions.

 

bottom line, IT DOES NOT MATTER the reason.

[Musing]

These are my experiences, but it depends on why they broke up with you and if they still have feelings for you during the BU.

 

It is either:

 

1. They care for you, but are not in love with you and don't want to see you hurt.

 

2. They care for you, and they don't want to tempt you further or give you false hope.

 

(1 and 2 could go hand in hand)

 

 

3. They are hurting, if they dumped you due to having to move, confusion of their own feelings, pain that dumpee caused or anything that warrants them to leave without full emotional withdraw, then they also want to get over you and don't want to bring up feelings (in themselves, or in you)

 

4. They just want to be free and feel relief by your lack of presence/are with someone else

[SCJACK]

These are my experiences, but it depends on why they broke up with you and if they still have feelings for you during the BU.

 

It is either:

 

1. They care for you, but are not in love with you and don't want to see you hurt.

 

2. They care for you, and they don't want to tempt you further or give you false hope.

 

(1 and 2 could go hand in hand)

 

 

3. They are hurting, if they dumped you due to having to move, confusion of their own feelings, pain that dumpee caused or anything that warrants them to leave without full emotional withdraw, then they also want to get over you and don't want to bring up feelings (in themselves, or in you)

 

4. They just want to be free and feel relief by your lack of presence/are with someone else

 

Well I swear I heard her say "I still like you okay?!" while i was in my emotional breakdown... I assume she still had feelings for me during/ maybe alittle bit after the breakup... some of the hints she said before the breakup and during were she felt trapped and she felt pressure. I was doing the best I could to keep her happy. She said she appreciated me trying to help but it was putting more pressure on her. That was when I was trying to be comforting. Then I decided to give her space by texting her 2 text a day on average which either includes goodmorning, goodnight, or hope you had a good day. We rarely saw eachother during the holidays.. I assumed she felt lonelier being with me due to the fact that she couldn't see me, than being alone and not in the relationship.. she also said she wasn't ready to be in a relationship. We dated for 2 months...

 

I did so much for her, more than any of her bf's would have done for her. I was never controlling, never argued, I honestly don't think I was that clingy, I even baked her cookies ,etc over christmas. I made efforts to wake up early or do whatever when she wanted me to be there. I went out and bought a thermos and made hot chocolate for her, there was a shirt she wanted but it was completely sold out and i went all over the city to find the last one. and much more.... sighh I just wish it didn't have to end this way.. She broke up with me on my birthday and I was worried the entire holiday break because she wasn't talking much. and due to the breakup my immune system dropped so I got sick.. all she said was text me happy bday! on my birthday and she didn't say anything else... ... I couldn't sleep for many of those nights just being worried... after all that happened I was trying not to be angry with what she did because it kind of ruined my whole christmas break and my birthday all together, and the few weeks after that I had to suffer trying to heal from sickness as well as constaintly thinking about her which was hell....

 

Oh yeah, this random question popped up in my head... it's probably stupid question, not saying I would do it but just wondering anyways. Would doing anything cute for your ex who just broke up with you (for me it's been exactly a month as of today) make her more annoyed? Because she knows you still like her, but she broke up with you because she didn't want the relationship. So would doing cute stuff make her more annoyed since she doesn't want you trying to get back? even though she does think it's cute and maybe appreciates the efforts?

Edited February 7, 2014 by SCJACK

[Musing]

Well I swear I heard her say "I still like you okay?!" while i was in my emotional breakdown... I assume she still had feelings for me during/ maybe alittle bit after the breakup... some of the hints she said before the breakup and during were she felt trapped and she felt pressure. I was doing the best I could to keep her happy. She said she appreciated me trying to help but it was putting more pressure on her. That was when I was trying to be comforting. Then I decided to give her space by texting her 2 text a day on average which either includes goodmorning, goodnight, or hope you had a good day. We rarely saw eachother during the holidays.. I assumed she felt lonelier being with me due to the fact that she couldn't see me, than being alone and not in the relationship.. she also said she wasn't ready to be in a relationship. We dated for 2 months...

 

I did so much for her, more than any of her bf's would have done for her. I was never controlling, never argued, I honestly don't think I was that clingy, I even baked her cookies ,etc over christmas. I made efforts to wake up early or do whatever when she wanted me to be there. I went out and bought a thermos and made hot chocolate for her, there was a shirt she wanted but it was completely sold out and i went all over the city to find the last one. and much more.... sighh I just wish it didn't have to end this way.. She broke up with me on my birthday and I was worried the entire holiday break because she wasn't talking much. and due to the breakup my immune system dropped so I got sick.. all she said was text me happy bday! on my birthday and she didn't say anything else...

 

I am really sorry you're going through this SJ, you're certainly not alone.

From what you posted, I'd say your ex is pretty confused on what she wants, and the "trapped" and "pressured" feeling come from her simply not wanting to be tied down. Unfortunately, there is a no-win here because had you guys stayed together, she would have built up resentment. Or maybe not, again I'm only going by what I've experienced when I felt like she did.

Right now she is most likely enjoying being single or feeling some relief and guilt. That pressure she mentioned would've kept building, and when she broke up with you it's like someone hit the release valve.

 

You being so kind to her, believe it or not, probably freaked her out. She most likely was flattered and appreciated it, but because she herself was not ready or into a relationship, she felt morally obligated to uphold her part in the relationship. It gets exhausting sometimes.

 

You sound like a great guy and she probably knows that, but right now feelings are raw and awkward and need to cool down for both of you.

I'm sure one day...and I can't say when or if you'll even be aware of it...she will think of you fondly and realize what she walked away from. You deserve someone who will do the same for you and not feel pressured or trapped.

[flightplan]

So would doing cute stuff make her more annoyed since she doesn't want you trying to get back? even though she does think it's cute and maybe appreciates the efforts?

 

No, don't being doing anything cute like that. It's not attractive and makes you look weak. It serves no purpose. Cute stuff isn't going to bring her back. Let go... the sooner, the quicker you'll recover.

[SCJACK]

I am really sorry you're going through this SJ, you're certainly not alone.

From what you posted, I'd say your ex is pretty confused on what she wants, and the "trapped" and "pressured" feeling come from her simply not wanting to be tied down. Unfortunately, there is a no-win here because had you guys stayed together, she would have built up resentment. Or maybe not, again I'm only going by what I've experienced when I felt like she did.

Right now she is most likely enjoying being single or feeling some relief and guilt. That pressure she mentioned would've kept building, and when she broke up with you it's like someone hit the release valve.

 

You being so kind to her, believe it or not, probably freaked her out. She most likely was flattered and appreciated it, but because she herself was not ready or into a relationship, she felt morally obligated to uphold her part in the relationship. It gets exhausting sometimes.

 

You sound like a great guy and she probably knows that, but right now feelings are raw and awkward and need to cool down for both of you.

I'm sure one day...and I can't say when or if you'll even be aware of it...she will think of you fondly and realize what she walked away from. You deserve someone who will do the same for you and not feel pressured or trapped.

 

Yeah, the first thing she said was "I can't do this anymore" when we broke up. It took about 3 minutes of silence for her to say something. I wish she could have communicated with me about it before just breaking up. But I guess there was nothing I could have done. She never really liked telling her feelings or what she goes through so I feel in the dark most of the time and questioning her makes matters worse from what I learned.

 

I guess I understand that maybe she did feel obligated to hold her part.. but I did everything I did for her to be happy. I didn't expect much in return because of the circumstances she was in. I wish she had understood that.

 

After recollecting some memories during the breakup she said "why do you always think it's your fault" and she stated twice it was her, not me... I naturally think it's my fault since she's doing the breaking up, it makes me feel like I did something wrong. Again, I had so many questions and i made the mistake of asking why.. I did a small amount of pleading as well 2 days after and I could tell I annoyed her.. I couldnt' help it with the circumstances I was in... wish I hadn't done that.

 

Thanks, I really appreciate your responses, they actually make me feel better!

 

No, don't being doing anything cute like that. It's not attractive and makes you look weak. It serves no purpose. Cute stuff isn't going to bring her back. Let go... the sooner, the quicker you'll recover.

 

Yeah, I knew it was a stupid question lol.

[SCJACK]

This is getting hard, when I sleep at night, and wake up in the mornings, i tend to wake up multiple times and i feel like subconsciously she's the first person on my mind, and thats with me half a sleep. thoughts are flowing as i'm trying to sleep again and waking up again. I feel like it's out of my control while im trying to sleep. I even had a dream about her.. I wish these thoughts of her could stop but they aren't..

 

Part of me wishes I can text her and say do you not have anything to say to me?! sighh.. what do I do now...

[Musing]

You're basically going through withdraw symptoms.

 

Areas of the brain that are responsible for addiction and pain control how you feel about your ex. Your ex is essentially your drug - a drug about as powerful as cocaine - and right now you're trying to kick the habit.

 

When you see photos of your x, or things that remind you of her, the reward center of your brain goes haywire. You feel satisfied - you finally got your "hit"

But it'll come crashing down when you realize it was superficial and temporary, and not you have to go back into withdrawl all over again.

 

She's always on your mind, because you are mentally or emotionally hooked. So of course you're going to dream about her. It is all still so fresh. And your brain is going to take that as "ahh, she's here!" You're going to get your fix in your dreams. But reality hits when you wake up and realize it was all an illusion.

 

This happens to every single person who ever lost someone, either in romantic departure, or death. But the good news it that soon you'll be healing and so you'll think less and less, the dreams won't really be there anymore and even if they are, you won't pay much mind to them.

 

As for your last line, there is nothing left to say. I've thought about texting my ex but what is there of substance to say to him? "Take me back", only so I could relive this pain again when the same issue comes up in the future? So I could feel terrible if he rejects me? Or ignores me? Or, is it to make small talk so he knows I'm still there? He damn well knows I'm here, if he needs me I'm sure he'll find his way to get in touch.

But if someone isn't even bothering, then there is really not much left to say.

[SCJACK]

sighh well... I haven't talked to her since last thursday... i stayed NC since then and i just got a viber from her she said "look, im not ignoring u or trying to ignore you. i know it seem like i am but im not. i'll still talk n wave if i see u in school. i just don't want to talk ab it"

 

This was probably a result of me sending a letter to her, it was for me to get things off my chest, not to win her back or anything. I sent the letter on wednesday night and thursday we ran into eachother. She made a weird face and waved at me. and I gave her and I gave a small weird face and just nodded and walked off.... now it's about sunday/almost monday and she texted me that.... I know you guys are going to tell me continue NC... but what should I do now...? Why did she text me now and not like a day after she read the letter? The funny thing is she says she knows it seems like she's ignoring me, and tells me but she's not.. sounds like she's trying to put the blame off of herself. And she also states she didn't want to talk about it, but I never once told her i wanted to talk about it not even in the letter..

 

why should i even be friends with someone who hurt me so much, If i see her in school and she "waves" at me, man its gonna hurt me just to be reminded of her....if she's just going to wave and talk in school. it's going to make me feel worthless.. sighh..

 

wish i could say "wave and talk to me? do you really think that's going to make me feel better when I want more than just that?"

Edited February 10, 2014 by SCJACK

[SCJACK]

I don't understand how someone talks about plans for our future, or birthdays, and then after a few weeks completely flips a switch and they are out of your life. Especially since I wasn't the reason for the breakup, before were they not confused, and now they suddenly are??!

[johnson_j]

I don't understand how someone talks about plans for our future, or birthdays, and then after a few weeks completely flips a switch and they are out of your life. Especially since I wasn't the reason for the breakup, before were they not confused, and now they suddenly are??!

 

 

 

 

 

Been there, done that. I'm always confused for the first couple of weeks afterwards. Plus (as a man), I was raised with the values of not saying things you don't mean, and I think some women (men too - but no experience with them in relationships!) just get caught up in the butterfly feelings and plan their whole lives, only to freak out once the first bumps appear in the relationship.

 

 

Anyways just move on and be strong - I'm sure there will be a silver lining in it, maybe only viewable after a while.

[SCJACK]

On valentines day I felt like crap.. I ended up posting on fb this thing I saw from the tv show how i met your mother. with the song that was playing in the show. The first paragraph is quoted from one of the characters and the second part is just my thoughts... i set it to where only she could see it. and it's been 5 days and she just commented on it today. asking who am i talking to (she already knows it was posted for her). I just don't know why I posted this.. I feel so stupid.

 

this is what i posted

 

I’m in love with her okay? If you’re looking for the word, that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love…and when you love someone, you don’t stop ever, even if people roll their eyes or call you crazy, even then, especially then…you don’t give up, because if I could give up, if I could just take the whole world’s advice and move on and find someone else, that wouldn’t be love…that would be some other disposable thing that’s not worth fighting for. Call me crazy...

 

Out of all the years, I thought this time would be different... but it's not. Even when you prepared, even when you are being the best you can be for everyone around you, especially for the one you love, you still stand alone in the end....

 

 

I just think it was stupid of me posting this. I never spent valentines with anybody before and I thought it would happen this time.. I just felt pretty crappy which lead me to post my thoughts on fb for her to see...I don't know why she commented on it just now 5 days after but it doesn't matter. I think I made things worse...she probably thinks i'm a loser now..

Edited February 20, 2014 by SCJACK

[Chi townD]

 

 

 

 

I just think it was stupid of me posting this.

 

Nah, What you posted wasn't stupid. You have the right to write what you want and tell the world how you're feeling. Nothing wrong with that....

 

What I find stupid is that you didn't BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK SO SHE COULD READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!

[SCJACK]

Nah, What you posted wasn't stupid. You have the right to write what you want and tell the world how you're feeling. Nothing wrong with that....

 

What I find stupid is that you didn't BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK SO SHE COULD READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ugh I know.. I should block her but I'm having a hard time thinking about doing it.. I don't want to do something I might regret in the future... even if there are little chances of that.

[Never Again]

Ugh I know.. I should block her but I'm having a hard time thinking about doing it.. I don't want to do something I might regret in the future... even if there are little chances of that.

 

Look, if she's got an ounce of maturity in her, she'll know why you've unfriended and/or blocked her.

 

You need space to get over her. She needs to know what life is REALLY like without you in it.

 

You spilled your guts, so just cut the chord. If there's ANY chance for you in the future, it'll be once you're healed...and by then you won't care either way. The only way to get there, is to get her out of your life.

 

I didn't unfriend my ex for 4 months due to mutual friends and such...but once I could, I did, and it did wonders for me.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

On valentines day I felt like crap.. I ended up posting on fb this thing I saw from the tv show how i met your mother. with the song that was playing in the show. The first paragraph is quoted from one of the characters and the second part is just my thoughts... i set it to where only she could see it. and it's been 5 days and she just commented on it today. asking who am i talking to (she already knows it was posted for her). I just don't know why I posted this.. I feel so stupid.

 

this is what i posted

 

I’m in love with her okay? If you’re looking for the word, that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love…and when you love someone, you don’t stop ever, even if people roll their eyes or call you crazy, even then, especially then…you don’t give up, because if I could give up, if I could just take the whole world’s advice and move on and find someone else, that wouldn’t be love…that would be some other disposable thing that’s not worth fighting for. Call me crazy...

 

Out of all the years, I thought this time would be different... but it's not. Even when you prepared, even when you are being the best you can be for everyone around you, especially for the one you love, you still stand alone in the end....

 

 

I just think it was stupid of me posting this. I never spent valentines with anybody before and I thought it would happen this time.. I just felt pretty crappy which lead me to post my thoughts on fb for her to see...I don't know why she commented on it just now 5 days after but it doesn't matter. I think I made things worse...she probably thinks i'm a loser now..

 

And guess what happens??? Ted DOESN'T end up with the girl he is talking about in that quote! He finds someone else.

 

You need to block her from Facebook. You are posting stuff that I promise she doesnt care about. She has moved on mate....as you should too. Dont be Ted and obsess over the same girl for 9 years.

[SCJACK]

I also made the stupid mistake of replying to her comments...FML

[picnicinthepark]

Block her or deactivate your account NOW! I deactivated my account over a month ago because I don't trust myself to not check up on her and I'm glad I did. I don't have a clue what she's been up to and its better this way TRUST ME.

[Chi townD]

I also made the stupid mistake of replying to her comments...FML

 

You responded!?!?! *facepalm*

[SCJACK]

It's been about 2 months since break up. Several times I made the mistake of breaking NC to be nice to her and just chat as "friends" in result she makes excuses to avoid me, kept texts short, and occasionally was being incredibly rude and mean to me while I was only trying to be nice. I know she wants to be friends, she complains that people leave her after. (With the way she broke up with me, no **** it hurts like hell) Well I get that dumpers do turn cold and mean to the dumpee even if the dumpee was nice and caring and not at fault for the breakup and has never done anything wrong. It hurt me a lot for her to say these mean things that really puts me at a new level of low.. Do I deserve this? Hell no. Do I want to stay to even be her friend? Nope. Do I still want to reconcile in the future? For some stupid reason yes. But right now I feel anger towards her as I can't figure out why anyone would be mean to someone who has not even treated them bad in any way. I feel like just giving her a piece of my mind...

 

Oh I just found out bad news from the doctor as well, my life is going to be cut short from the trends of health issues that I have. And all she can think about is herself. She doesn't know about this and I don't know if I plan on telling her as it might not change much. I know if I told her she might regret for the rest of her life when I'm gone.

Edited February 25, 2014 by SCJACK